I Can't, You Can't, He Can't, She Won't
by Kate2008
Summary: COMPLETE: 1.10 Blair reached up to touch her necklace, she looked down at her fingers. Chuck's necklace was a reminder that she had only gone to Nate to get back at Chuck. She looked back at Nate, at both of them naked this was wrong, "I can't do this"
1. Who Really Belongs With Whom?

**So this little plot bunny has been bouncing around in my head for a while now and it has finally managed to make it onto the screen. This fanfic begins from the point when Blair leaves Chuck on the dance floor in Hi, Society. Anything after that point is subject to change. Not sure how far I'm going to go with this though, it will probably depend on the response it receives. I hope you enjoy.**

**xoxo ~ kate**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL**

**Rated: T mostly for language.**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold - **_narration in italics._

* * *

**Chapter 1**  
**Who Really Belongs With Whom?**

"Don't talk to me." Blair cried as she fled the ballroom. At this point she didn't care that Chuck was calling her name. How dare he do this to her! Chuck could manipulate the lives of other people as much as he wanted to, in fact she would usually participate in his schemes whole heartedly; but that he thought he could control her, infuriated Blair to no end. That she had actually considered letting people find out about them was laughable to her now. Some part of her, the wild one of course, thought that maybe, just maybe, Chuck was different with her. She knew that he had feelings for her, he had admitted it on her 17th Birthday and the past month with him had been great. She felt like she could be herself around Chuck, no judgment, no pain. But as much as she would like to keep that, he had a lesson to learn.

Blair was so lost in thought that she ran straight into Nate and the perfect plan began forming in her head to remind Chuck exactly who he was dealing with. She knew Chuck would be following her and she needed a little bit of time to set things up so that he would catch them at just the right point.

"Hey there." Nate said as he caught Blair by her shoulders to keep her from falling backwards as she ran into him. God she looked beautiful. He thought as he flashed his patented Archibald smile, guaranteed to make any girl weak in the knees but formulated especially for Blair.

Blair gave Nate a seductive smile in return. "Hey yourself, Archibald." She said laying a palm on his chest. She placed one of her hands on the crook of his arm, which was still lying on her shoulder and gently tugged it downwards. She lightly took his hand and started leading him towards the grand staircase. She had suspected that Nate was trying to win her back the moment that he showed up at her house wearing the sweater she had sewn the pin into. However, the fact that Chuck had gone to such lengths to keep her away from Nate proved her suspicions to be correct because if anyone ever knew what Nate was thinking, it was Chuck. In fact she was a little surprised that Chuck had had to go to such great lengths to get his way this time; it was a fairly well known that Chuck had influence over Nate. But she knew it was even more than that; Chuck practically controlled Nate, he always had. That he had wanted Nate to do something and he hadn't spoke volumes to Blair about the strength of Nate's feelings for her. Those were the very feelings that she now intended to use against Chuck. "I thought you left." She said softly, still leading him by his hand. This was going to be almost too easy. Of course she loved Nate and now it seemed he felt the same. In teaching Chuck a lesson, she might just get her perfect life back.

Nate couldn't believe that this was happening. Over the past few days he had begun to really believe that Blair had moved on for good. She was glowing constantly and more relaxed than he had ever seen her. In short, she was the girl that he remembered originally getting together with and not the stiff Ice Queen that her mother had shaped her into. Something or more likely someone had to have been the cause of that. However, he couldn't blame her for moving on, he hadn't exactly treated her well near the end; but this felt like a complete 180 from moved on. So he answered her question in a way that he thought would cause this behavior to continue. "No, I was simply waiting on my date." He said with a knowing look. "I couldn't very well abandon the most beautiful girl in the room when so many guys would die to get a chance with her."

Blair smiled sweetly and blushed at his compliment. Nate of course had no clue how close to the truth he actually was. As they reached the top of the stairs, Blair spotted the door that she was looking for and led Nate toward it. She glanced back towards the ballroom only to spot Chuck nearing the staircase. As soon as she noticed this she pulled Nate to her, placing the hand she had been holding on her own waist and leaning in to kiss him. The memory of every kiss that they had ever shared rushed back with just the one and Blair felt at home. The kiss felt safe, familiar, and easy; but the heat that existed when she kissed Chuck wasn't there. She pushed that thought from her mind as soon as it entered. She was doing what was necessary to make her life normal again. These past few months, she had strayed so far from the plan that she and her father had created when she was just a little girl: Step 1: Date Nate Archibald, Step 2: Graduate Valedictorian, Step 3: Go to Yale, Step 4: Marry Nate, Step 5: Go to Law School, Step 6: Become a Partner in a Successful Firm Before Turning Thirty. The thought that Chuck had made her lose sight of all of that made her absolutely nauseous. That boy was poison whereas Nate was an integral part of her life plan.

Nate couldn't help but think that Blair's kisses seemed somewhat different. Definitely hotter, that was for sure, almost as though she was a woman now instead of just a girl. Whatever the change was, it had to be part of this new Blair and he liked it. He reached over to the right door and opened it as Blair pushed him against the left. He let her take over and left his hands on her waist and back.

She pushed Nate against the door and kissed him roughly. She pulled back slightly and spoke loudly enough that anyone nearby would hear; hopefully by now that included Chuck. "It was so hot how you punched Carter out. I've never seen you do anything like that before." She said before kissing him once more, all the while hoping that that statement didn't sound as fake aloud as it had in her head.

Nate started backing through the doorway. This was it, Blair wanted him as much as he wanted her and finally they were going to make love. He was going to make her first time perfect since he had screwed up all of her previous attempts at it being special. He spotted Chuck over Blair's shoulder on the staircase and as Blair's kisses moved to his neck he gave his best friend a wink. Really he owed this to Chuck, if Chuck hadn't tipped him off about Carter, he and Blair wouldn't be here right now doing what they were doing.

Blair felt Nate shift and knew that he had seen someone. She continued kissing him, moving her kisses to his neck, determined not to look and check that it was indeed Chuck because she didn't know that she would be able to go through with this if she actually saw him, even though he deserved it for the way he'd treated her tonight. She could sense Nate wink at the guy, which was confirmation enough for her that it was definitely Chuck and as he backed into the bedroom, she followed, pulling the door closed behind them.

* * *

Chuck had practically been gloating. Perhaps if he hadn't been, Blair never would have realized what his role had been in the disaster of the evening. But she had of course figured it out, being that she knew him better than just about anyone he could think of. It had been stupid to try to kiss her just then. He should have known better but he thought perhaps he could remind her how much passion they had together. "Blair, wait I didn't mean to . . ." He called, grabbing her arm. She had to stay, had to let him explain that he had only done it because he didn't want to lose her to Nate. He couldn't.

"Don't talk to me." She yelled as she walked away from him. He wanted to stop her but he didn't know how to make her stay.

"Blair." He called across the ballroom, knowing that everyone could hear him, including Blair, but she didn't even flinch. She just kept on walking. He had to follow her, make her understand why he had done what he did. He had taken only two steps forward when he felt a hand trail along his shoulder. Damn it, he didn't have time for this right now.

Madison smiled sweetly as she turned to Chuck, "As far as date's go you are awfully hard to keep track of. Whatever is the matter Chuck?" She swept her long blonde hair over her shoulder and fluttered her lashes. Madison had always been amazed at how innocent she looked, with her baby blue eyes and soft features; something she continually used to her advantage. It kept her out of trouble even when she was the cause of the drama because no one could ever believe that Madison Albright would do something to cause trouble. Sometimes she so longed to have who she was be portrayed through how she looked and one time she had actually done it; changed the exterior to match what lay beneath the surface. Still very few people knew the real her. Chuck however was one of them.

"Cut the innocent bullshit with me Madison, you know I don't buy it for a second." Chuck said, narrowing his eyes at the girl now standing between him and the door. She looked so different from the girl that he had met, what seemed like years ago; back then her appearance had matched the devilish girl within, as opposed to the baby doll exterior that seemed to be her natural shell. The circumstances of their meeting were odd to say the least but since she was now living in the city and attending Spence, they had formed a pseudo friendship. The girl was a lot like him. That didn't matter though because she was nothing compared to Blair. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go." Madison was his date but she had known from the start that he wanted to be here with Blair not her.

She sidestepped him as he tried to walk around her. "Why don't you just give up on the Waldorf girl already Chuck? You're not even in her league, or maybe she's not in yours." Madison said with a shrug. Unfortunately, she was well aware of Chuck's obsession with Blair Waldorf. It was the one thing standing between them now that hadn't been there before; or at least she hadn't known about it before.

Chuck glared at Madison full force. "Blair is none of your business, _Maddie_." He said emphasizing the abbreviated version of her name, knowing that it was going to infuriate her. "Now get out of my way. I have to get to Blair before she finds . . ." Chuck trailed off.

Madison felt her eyes narrow into slits; Chuck knew her plenty well enough to know that she didn't tolerate abbreviations on her name when she looked like this, not even by him. It didn't match the perfectly coiffed, traditional, conservative persona that she presented to the world. Using it meant that he was just trying to get to her. "Nate?" She finished with spite. "Blair and Nate belong together, Chuck; just like we do. Like two connecting puzzle pieces or a matching pair of shoes. The Waldorf girl is a whole different rank, she has something that neither of us will ever possess . . . class and she will never be with someone like you, not in public at least." She refused to call Blair by her first name in front of Chuck. As the Native Americans used to say, there is power in a name. By refusing to refer to her as Blair, she was also refusing to give Blair any sort of power. She was Madison Albright and no one had power over her, with the one possible exception to the rule standing right in front of her.

Chuck shook his head, and got close to pushing the girl out of the way. "_You _don't know anything about me or Blair and while we may have had a certain connection I assure you, it was nothing compared to what I share with Blair. Don't you get it Madison? Blair's it for me."

She couldn't stop the blush of embarrassment from rising to her face. Blair was it for Chuck, but Chuck was it for her. Why couldn't he see that? As Chuck tried to move around her she reached out and grabbed his arm. "We don't need another scene tonight. Chuck, don't forget whose date you are."

Chuck's eyes flashed and he got right in her face. "Don't forget, I. Don't. Care." With that he jerked away from a stunned Madison. He had to get out of here. He had to find Blair before she found who she was looking for because if she did, he had lost her for good.

As Chuck rushed out of the room, Madison rolled her eyes. She didn't play well with others, she never had. So having serious competition for the only guy she had ever been truly interested in was driving her crazy. So she did something completely out of character and chased after him.

"Have you seen Blair Waldorf?" Chuck asked Dimitra Hamilton as he passed her on the staircase. Luckily, Dimitra was able to point him in the right direction; unluckily, he was too late. Nate's hands were all over Blair as she rammed her tongue down his throat. He could hear her speaking to him, could hear her tell him how hot it was that he had punched Carter. Chuck knew that was complete bullshit. There was nothing Blair hated more than a scene, she was just saying what she knew would stroke Nate's ego; as if his best friend's ego needed stroking.

Madison walked slowly up the stairs to come to stand behind Chuck. She had already seen why he had stopped moving. Blair and Nate were getting hot and heavy at the top of the staircase. She tried not to smile simply because she didn't want to anger Chuck at the moment and she came to a stop a step behind him.

He felt his stomach knot tightly as Nate saw him. Nate's wink felt made Chuck feel like he had been shot in the gut. The knot that had been there before was so painful that he felt as though he would have to bend over at the waist. As he watched Nate pull Blair inside, Chuck realized that the tightness wasn't in his gut at all, it was in his heart; something he wasn't even aware that he possessed. Yet it seemed that as soon as he was aware that he had one, it snapped in two because Blair had just pulled the door shut to the hotel room.

Later, Madison would swear that she had heard Chuck's heart break. It seemed to have occurred so strongly that it was audible, startling her to react in a way that she didn't expect. She placed a hand lightly on Chuck's arm and moved to stand beside him. "It's better this way Chuck. This is the way that things are meant to be." When Chuck looked at her at that moment, she had to force herself not to flinch. His eyes looked dead and he looked broken.

Chuck felt like he had lost everything in that one moment. Why did he have to try to play Blair? Why couldn't he just leave things alone? If he had maybe she wouldn't have run back to Nate. He had done this himself and right now he wanted to be as far away from New York City as possible. He wasn't going to stay around the city for the last week of school and watch while Nate and Blair got back together. Without a word to Madison, Chuck walked down the stairs. He caught a look of himself in a mirror and felt as though for a minute he looked like his father, worn, tired, and permanently destroyed over the loss of the one woman he could ever love. He simply shrugged his shoulders, thinking like father like son, and headed out to the curb where his driver was waiting.

Madison wanted to follow him again, but she couldn't make herself. She didn't degrade herself for any guy; but she didn't fall for them either. They were pawns to her, to be used and thrown away. Chuck was different. He was like her in almost every aspect, the new money, the mother who died in childbirth, the father who didn't care, and the overall attitude about people. When her father told her that they were moving to New York she had been ecstatic, New York was the home of Chuck Bass. But when she arrived and texted him, she was soon to find out that things were very different from how they had been before. Chuck, the guy without a heart, had gone and fallen in love, whether he wanted to admit it or not. And now that left Madison all alone.

So no she didn't chase after him this time. She would give him a little bit of space, but when the time came, she was going to get him back. No matter what she had to do. So she picked up her phone and hit speed dial number four, this was a job for her PI. "Hey, I need you to find out everything you can on Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf. Oh what the hell go ahead and throw in Nate Archibald as well."

As the door shut Blair continued kissing Nate, she felt a knot taking up residence in her stomach. This wasn't right. This didn't feel right. But she pushed her thoughts aside and continued kissing her perfect prince. As Nate unzipped her dress she felt nervous and uneasy, something that she had never felt during sex with Chuck. What would Nate think of her naked? It had been a few months since he had seen her without clothes on. Had she put on any weight? Her dress fell to the ground along with Nate's jacket and Nate continued undressing by unbuttoned his own shirt. He looked amazing as always, his chest so sculpted and as she looked down at herself she felt so self-conscious. Nate tilted her head up to him and kissed her. "I love you Blair." He said softly.

Her eyes went wide. Nate had said 'I love you' and meant it. That had never happened before, not really at least. They had of course said the words but more out of habit than anything. Those words pushed her insecurities away and she kissed him once more, wrapping her arms around his neck. Nate broke away and led her to the bed. As they both kneeled there kissing, the way Nate was looking at her sent shivers all up and down her spine. This was it, whatever she had been thinking earlier was wrong, this was where she was supposed to be. So as Nate lowered her to the bed, she stayed right where she was kissing him as passionately as she could.

Nate traced the line of her jaw. He had wanted this with Blair for so long, he just didn't know it. Now that he had it, he wanted to savor every second. He bent down to kiss her again and slowly reached around back to her bra, unsnapping it and pulling it off. He slowly moved his hands down to her lacy underwear and slid them off, all the while, kissing down her body, between her breasts, over her stomach, until he reached his destination. Once he had successfully removed her panties, he returned to kissing her. He knew that she had to be nervous because everyone knows that a girl's first time hurts. He removed his own briefs before whispering in her ear. "Do you want to take off your necklace?"

Blair reached up to touch her necklace and looked down at her fingers. Her necklace, the necklace Chuck had given her. She looked back up at Nate, at both of them naked and closed her eyes tightly. She hadn't realized that she was still wearing the necklace to begin with but now that she had, it was serving as a reminder that she had only gone to Nate to get back at Chuck. The feeling that this was wrong came back full force. She spoke quietly but assuredly. "I can't do this."

* * *

**A/N: I know we all hate girls who try to take Chuck from Blair but the focus of the story is still going to be N/B/C, M is just there to stir up some drama, more of which will occur in the next chapter.**

**Reviews are always appreciated, especially with this being new. I don't want to write something that no one cares about reading so let me know what you guys think.**

**xoxo ~ kate**


	2. Truth, Lies, and Monaco

**A/N: So I was hoping for a little better response from you guys on this fic but I figured I would go ahead and post a second chapter to see if it gets a better reception. I hope those of you who are reading this enjoy.**

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

"I'm sorry Nate, I can't do this." Blair repeated, still in the same exact position that she had been in the first time she said the words. She looked up at Nate, expecting him to do something any second as opposed to just hover over her gaping. For goodness sakes his hardness was still pressed against her thigh.

Nate didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to think. The first time Blair spoke, he was sure that he had heard her incorrectly, this time though he knew that she had actually said, it; said that she couldn't do this. Wasn't that normally his line in the script? Since he wasn't sure what to do, he instead did nothing and just held still.

After a minute of this strange empty silence Blair reached up her hand and brushed Nate's cheek. "This just isn't the right time okay?"

Nate looked at her quizzically. Then it was though he achieved a certain level of understanding because a look of comprehension dawned on his features. He moved slightly to the side, so that he wasn't simply hovering over her, before he spoke. "If you're scared I promise I'll be gentle. I know it hurts the first time but it's not supposed to be too bad." He said brushing a strand of her off of her face and tucking it behind her ear.

Blair hadn't been quite sure exactly what it was that he had understood but when he spoke she had to work to keep a straight face. Of course, Nate still thought that she was a virgin. He still was under the impression that it was going to hurt her when they slept together. She wished later that she had simply let him believe it but at the time, she wasn't thinking about it enough, plus she wasn't sure that she would be able to keep that particular lie going if and when they did sleep together. So she shook her head. "That isn't the problem Nate. You know I was never reluctant to lose my virginity to you." The statement was true, she never had been opposed to giving him her virginity but apparently she hadn't been opposed to giving it to Chuck either. Blair couldn't help but think that Nate looked like a little puppy dog as he cocked his head curiously.

"Then what is it?" Nate asked, confused once more. There was nothing stopping them from being together now, no Serena, not his family's expectations, and not Carter. "Wait, you're not still hung up on Carter are you?"

"Carter?!?!" Blair asked almost in alarm. She had of course been thinking about Chuck when Nate mentioned Carter and it took her a minute to remember that Carter was the one that Nate thought that she had been seeing. When she realized the mix-up she simply shook her head and said softly. "No, it's not about Carter or at least not directly. It's about us Nate."

Nate, who had been holding himself up in several positions for some time now, finally got tired and sat up, pulling a pillow to cover his lap. "Us?" He asked still perplexed. "What's wrong with us?"

Blair gave him a small smile. She knew what she was saying was right. She and Chuck had unfinished business and above that she couldn't just run to Nate's bed now when they hadn't even properly gotten together. "The problem is that there isn't an us. There hasn't been for a while now. We can't just do this, pretending the breakup never happened."

Nate was dumbfounded. People made love when they had a certain bond, when they felt a certain way, he knew that he and Blair felt that way about each other so he didn't see the problem. "Blair, we wouldn't be pretending it didn't happen. The breakup didn't change the way we felt about each other. I mean this is how we feel so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Nate I'm not like that and you know it." Blair said pulling up a sheet to cover herself. "And whether you like it or not our breakup did change things. You didn't treat me well the last few months we were together and I get it that your family was going through a lot; but I deserve better." Blair couldn't help but think of Chuck was she said that; Chuck had given her better at ever opportunity. "

Nate exhaled knowing that Blair was right. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he hadn't treated her well and they had a lot of things that needed sorting out between them. "I know you do." He finally said softly looking away. He couldn't keep the guilt from his eyes. "So what do you say we start out with trying to date again?" Nate asked, a smile forming on his face at all the good memories he had with Blair. She was the one he was meant to be with and he knew that now.

Blair tired to smile for Nate, but against her will she found her mouth forming a frown instead. "I need to think about this Nate." She said, clutching the sheet in her hands. "I was rash running strait to you tonight. We ended our relationship for reasons that meant something. You couldn't even tell me that you love me. You didn't want to be with me then and I have no way of knowing that this isn't just another phase that you are going through now."

For once, Nate was quick in understanding her meaning and where she was heading with all of this. "You want me to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere, that I can be the guy that I always promised you I was."

Blair nodded, slightly surprised that Nate had caught on so quickly. "Then we will see where that leaves us. Clearly we don't have a problem with Chemistry." She said giggling, to lighten the mood.

Nate's face broke into a smile, Blair looked so beautiful just then. He leaned in and kissed her before pulling only an inch away. "I'll prove it to you, I promise. Now what do you say we get the town car and I take you home."

"I say, definitely." Blair said not failing to notice that Nate turned around so that she could get dressed. His tombstone could read, Nate Archibald, forever a gentleman.

* * *

Madison had been sitting in the alcove, since Chuck left about twenty minutes ago. She needed to wait just a little longer before heading home, or else her stepmom would be suspicious as to why she was back so early and her stepmom was all about propriety. Madison couldn't help rolling her eyes at the thought. Her stepmother didn't even know the meaning of the word, although she certainly acted like it was the most important thing in the world to her. Candace, was all of twenty two years old and preferred being called Candy. She was some model that her father had met at one of his magazine's photo shoots. In Madison's opinion she was nothing but a gold-digging tramp but she knew her father didn't see it like that. So instead of going home, Madison sat and waited.

At that moment she wished that she was the girl that Chuck had met again; the wild girl with auburn hair that reached her waist and stunning emerald eyes. The one with a perpetual tan obtained only by spending the majority of one's time on a beach; the girl who went by Maddie simply because she could. She missed letting the girl that she kept locked inside, come out to play. Every summer for the past several years she had lived at their family's beach house in Southern France while her father worked on photo shoots. And every summer she got to let her hair down and be the girl that she always wished she could be. Days at the beach drinking piña coladas followed by nights downtown dancing on table tops until dawn; never staying with a guy longer than a couple of days until Chuck Bass.

Madison was slipping away into her dream world of the day she met Chuck Bass when she saw the door that Nate and Blair had disappeared into open up. She was immediately alarmed. It hadn't been nearly long enough for them to have actually done anything substantial. This was bad news for her, very bad news. She had to think fast, think of a way to work this in her favor, or at least in a way that it didn't act against her. Surly, Chuck was almost to the airport by now. He hadn't actually said he was going somewhere but Madison had a good feeling that he was heading strait for his favorite escape, Monaco. All he had to do was believe that Nate and Blair had been together tonight long enough so that Madison could actually get them together. Matchmaking wasn't normally her thing, but in this case she would make an exception. So she took at her phone and did what she needed to do with the picture that she had snapped earlier.

* * *

Chuck wanted to be anywhere but here so he had booked a flight commercial. It was the only way her knew to ensure that he got out of the city tonight. He wasn't supposed to head to Monaco for another week but he didn't exactly have a reason to stay. To think he had been planning on asking Blair to join him in Monaco for the week before Christmas, tonight. That certainly wasn't happening anytime soon. He wanted to be angry with her, he really did but he couldn't seem to be anything other than hurt. He couldn't believe that she had run back to Nate without a single thought about what it would do to him. She knew how he felt about her, knew that he would do anything for her, yet still she ran back to Nate.

Suddenly, a hopeful thought popped into his head, something that he wasn't used to. Maybe it wasn't too late, he got out his phone and typed a message.

**I'm so sry. Let me make it up 2 u. Come w me 2 Monaco?**

**C**

Chuck waited anxiously for her reply, hoping that she wasn't so otherwise occupied that she didn't reply. When his phone buzzed his heart leaped. He opened his phone only to find something completely contrary to what he was hoping for.

**Look what we've got here upper east siders! Seems like our favorite couple is back together once more. Sources say they haven't come out of that bedroom since they were spotted disappearing inside. Long live Queen B and King N.**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

Chuck's heart plummeted and suddenly the anger that he had been searching for earlier was there. How could she sleep with him. Chuck felt somewhat like his territory was being broached. Almost an 'I had it first' sort of mentality began to take over. Once she slept with Nate, she wouldn't be his Blair anymore, she will have been touched by someone else; a someone else who happened to be his best friend. With that thought he realized that he desperately needed to get Blair out of his head before it was too late and she was stuck there for good. So he sent two more texts before turning off his phone. If that didn't exercise Blair from his system, nothing would. Chuck thought as he began to pack for his little vacation.

* * *

Blair felt her phone buzz as she sat in the town car and when she saw Chuck's message she gasped. She couldn't just leave with him and go to Monaco, especially not after the stunt he had pulled tonight; could she? Blair couldn't deny that she was tempted. A week or so in Monaco with Chuck would be sexual heaven. Plus, she had a feeling he had already learned his lesson and she had made it clear with Nate that he had a lot of work to do before they were anything more than friends. So she got out her phone to send a text that she probably shouldn't.

**I'll come but dnt tnk ur off the hook yet 4 the stunt u pulled 2nite. **

**B**

Blair was just about to click send when her phone buzzed again. As she saw the Gossip Girl message she cursed out loud. "Damn it."

Nate looked over at her. "What's wrong?" Blair wasn't a huge fan of cursing so when she did, Nate always knew that she meant it.

"Gossip Girl has decided that we are her business again." Blair said holding her phone to Nate.

Nate wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder. "Don't worry about it Blair. I mean we know nothing happened and I honestly don't think that anyone else will care."

Blair tried not to groan in frustration. There was only one person who's opinion she was really worried about at that moment and she couldn't very well tell that to Nate.

Nate could tell that Blair was still upset about the blast so he made a suggestion. "How about we make a picture of us right here in the town car and send it to Gossip Girl? Then she'll have to correct her last statement; because regardless of what it is, she isn't a fan of posting lies."

Blair smiled, for once Nate had had a halfway decent idea. So they did as he suggested and Nate sent the pic to gossip girl along with the message:

**I thought u might lk 2no whr we realy r.**

**N**

It was only about twenty seconds before Nate got a reply.

**Sry, I fnd the lie mor appealing. **

**gossipgirl**

Nate looked at Blair eyes wide. "Dude, I think Gossip Girl just dissed me."

Blair frowned. She didn't know what kind of game the girl was playing but it seemed like she had some sort of agenda. Blair shook the thought away; Gossip Girl didn't have an agenda, she just liked to cause and spread drama and this was a prime opportunity. Just as she was getting ready once more to send Chuck her message, her phone buzzed.

**nvr mind slut.**

Chuck's message made her wish she wasn't in a car so that she could go to a bathroom and empty the contents of her stomach. How could one post from Gossip Girl cause that kind of reaction from him. So she instead sent him a different text knowing the likelihood of him reading it was slim to none.

**u dnt kno what ur talking about nd since u dnt seem to want 2 let me explain I guess u nvr will. **

**B**

Nate heard his phone beep and flipped it open, surprised to see a text from Chuck.

**nce 2 c u fnly tapped dat. cum 2 monaco w me?**

**C**

Nate grinned, Monaco with Chuck was always a good time and he was sure Blair would like a little bit of time here to figure some things out for herself without him always around. She clearly wanted to sort some things out. As he texted Chuck, he left off the part about not actually tapping that. Knowing Chuck that would just earn him a lecture on the techniques of seduction.

**sounds gr8**

**N**

As they came to a stop in front of Blair's penthouse Nate jumped out and opened the door for her, taking her hand and helping her from the town car. Blair smiled. "Nate Archibald, always the perfect gentleman."

"And don't you forget it." Nate said smiling himself as he placed a kiss on her hand.

Blair couldn't keep the smile from her face. What had she been thinking earlier, considering running off to Monaco with Chuck when her perfect prince was right here. "I won't if you keep doing things like this to remind me." With that she took a step backwards. "I should go inside but I'll see you at school tomorrow, alright?"

Nate held up a hand. "Wait, I probably won't be there. Chuck just asked me to go to Monaco with him and I feel like I've been neglecting our little bromance lately so I told him I would go."

Blair tried her best to keep the shocked look from appearing on her face. So when Chuck had seen the Gossip Girl blast, he had invited Nate to Monaco instead. This was preposterous and suddenly there was a churning in her gut, what if he told Nate about what they had done? He could ruin everything. She made her face into a mask of sadness, turning on the puppy dog eyes and the pouting lip. "Natie, don't go." She whined.

Surprise hit Nate like an eighteen wheeler. That wasn't the response he had expected from Blair tonight and it was too late to change his mind really. "Blair, I already told him I would. I promise though, I won't stay gone long and as soon as I get back we'll figure things out." He said as he stepped up and hugged her.

Blair hugged him back tightly but for a very different reason. She knew that if Chuck spilled their little secret to Nate, this was the last time she would ever hug him again.

**

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A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed the update. It's only going to get more dramatic as it goes along. **

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo**

**kate**


	3. Phones: An Essential Yet Dangerous Item

**A/N: So I was hoping for a little better response from you guys on this fic but I think I'll keep updating it for at least a little longer; I have an awesome plot in mind. I hope those of you who are reading this enjoy.**

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

Madison sat grumpily staring at her telephone. She was waiting on a call from her other PI. The first had done her no good at all. She hadn't learned anything worth knowing about Blair or Chuck. They had given her some juicy tidbits on Nate's family but she wanted Blair to stay with Nate and bad info on him would only dissuade the girl. She needed to know Chuck and Blair's secrets, their weaknesses, and then she needed to exploit them in order to get what she wanted. This waiting around act was getting old; almost as old as her blonde hair. She picked up the phone and called her regular stylist. "Hey, yes this is Madison Albright; I need to make an appointment for this afternoon. Yes, the usual. It has to be today, I've got a flight out to Monaco in three days and I'm busy until then."

As soon as she hung up the phone she looked at the PI's folder, apparently Blair Waldorf was attending some sort of charity gala tonight at the Palace. The saying was of course, if you can't beat 'em join 'em and that was just what she planned to do; however, she hadn't given up on the beating part just yet.

* * *

Blair looked down at her phone angrily. Damn it, why hadn't Chuck texted her back. She had sent him dozens of texts this morning and left him several messages. Sure the generally tone of the messages had been begging him not to tell Nate about them but that was mostly just because she was scared. How had she ended up in the position? Her whole life was based on a plan that she had made when she was five years old and just over a month ago that plan had gone up in flames. Now she had the opportunity to fix it, the crazy thing was that she didn't know if she wanted to. Fixing the plan meant cutting Chuck out of her life and finding a way to convince him not to tell Nate what they had done. But she didn't know if she could do that. As much as she hated to admit it, Chuck wasn't just one of her best friends anymore. Now he was something else, but that something didn't fit into the plan.

"I need to talk to you." Eleanor said as she walked into the room.

"What is it mother?" Blair asked from her spot on the chaise lounge. She had enough to think about already without her mother adding more worries to her plate.

Eleanor glared. "Don't take that tone with me Blair."

Blair breathed deeply before sighing and placing a smile on her face. "I'm sorry mother; it just hasn't been a great morning. Nate ran off to Monaco with Chuck."

Eleanor's eyes narrowed. "That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about." She said as she perched herself on one of the nearby chairs. "Dorota told me that Chuck Bass was over her quite frequently while I was away and that is simply not acceptable."

Blair gritted her teeth; she was going to kill Dorota later. "Mom, Chuck and I are friends. You've never had a problem with us hanging out before."

"Yes, but you're a young lady now and we wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong impression, especially not Nate." Eleanor said narrowing her eyes. "Regardless of whatever trouble Nate's father may be in right now, he is still one of the heirs to the Vanderbilt fortune and the two of you are a perfect match."

Blair snapped up. Her mother did not get to make this decision for her. "Mom, you've got to be kidding me. Nate and Chuck are best friends."

Eleanor shook her head. "I was so proud when Nate presented you at the ball but now you are refusing to quit associating with that awful young man. I'm disappointed in you Blair. "

Blair frowned as her mother stood and left the room. What did she have against Chuck in the first place? Probably just that he wasn't Nate, Blair thought as she picked up her cell phone to try to call Chuck once more.

_Come on Chuck just answer me. _She thought as she gripped her phone tightly in her hand, calling him. She really wanted him to answer but as she thought about it, she had no clue what she wanted him to say. Did she want him to answer so that she could beg him not to tell Nate or did she want him to answer so that she could tell him that she and Nate hadn't slept together? Damn it, why didn't she know what she wanted. She wasn't really concentrating and was surprised when someone actually answered the phone.

"Hello?" An out of breath voice asked on the other end of the line.

Blair was shaking, she had no clue what she was going to say; but at the same time she was relieved that he had finally answered. "God Chuck, you're having sex already?" She spat. That was the only explanation for Chuck being out of breath.

Nate looked down at the phone in confusion. When he had answered Chuck's phone, he hadn't even bothered to check to see who was calling. It surprised him to hear Blair's voice. He decided he'd have a little bit of fun with her. "Is that so surprising Waldorf?" Nate asked still huffing, trying to keep his voice distorted.

"You disgust me." She said shaking her head. It was difficult to keep the hurt from her voice. How could he already be sleeping with another girl? They had slept together like two days ago. But of course he was under the impression that she and Nate had gotten together two days ago as well, unless Nate had told him otherwise, which she greatly doubted.

"Come on, you know you like it." Nate said, doing the best impersonation of Chuck that he could manage. This was fun getting Blair so riled up.

"I most certainly do not!" Blair asserted angrily, knowing that it was a lie. Chuck for some reason was still on the phone so she asked him the question that she had been wondering for two days. "So why haven't you answered any of my messages?"

Nate was confused once more; Blair had been sending Chuck messages, what was that all about. "I just haven't gotten around to it yet." Nate said, not realizing that his impersonation was slipping.

Just then Chuck walked out of the bathroom, still dripping wet, with only a towel around his waist. "Who's that?" He mouthed, noticing that Nate was talking on his phone.

"Blair." Nate mouthed back, before turning his attention back to the phone call.

It was a good thing that Nate looked away or he would have seen the thousands of emotions that rushed through Chuck, including everything from surprise and fury to happiness and fear. Why was Nate talking to Blair on his phone? The only possible explanation was that Blair had called and Nate had answered.

Blair noticed the change in pitch of the voice on the other hand and realized that she wasn't talking to Chuck, she never had been. "Nate, is that you?"

Nate burst out laughing. "Yeah Blair it's me. Chuck was in the shower and I came in from jogging and answered without thinking about it. When you thought it was Chuck I decided to play along." Blair still hadn't said anything so he continued talking. "So what's up baby?"

Chuck cringed at hearing Nate call Blair baby. There were so many things that could go wrong right now, all of them ending in Nate hating both him and Blair. As the thought hit he couldn't help but think that maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. If Nate hated Blair, then Chuck would have her all to himself. Then he shook himself out of it; Blair wasn't worth losing his best friend. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.

Blair didn't say a word at first on the other side of the line. She was too busy running everything she had said through her head, making sure that she hadn't said anything incriminating. Upon deciding that she hadn't she concentrated on the conversation; cringing when Nate called her baby. "Eww don't call me that Nate. That's like something that rap guys call their girlfriends. Other than that, I'm good. I just miss you."

Nate laughed again. "Okay no more baby. So what were you calling Chuck for anyway?"

Blair inhaled sharply; she was hoping that Nate wouldn't ask. She really hadn't thought of a good response yet, so she covered the best way she knew how. "It's a surprise." She said, forcing a smile into her voice.

"A surprise, huh?" Nate asked raising his eyebrows at Chuck. "Well, he's out of the shower, here you go." Nate said, handing the phone to Chuck.

Chuck was reluctant to take the phone, but he knew that Nate would get suspicious if he didn't. "Hello Waldorf." He said, smirking at Nate before walking out of the beach house and onto the balcony, sliding the glass door shut behind him.

Blair breathed out; he was on the phone with her. "Chuck . . ." She started tenderly.

Chuck interrupted. "You do realize that the only reason that I'm talking to you is because otherwise Nate is going to suspect something, right?"

Blair didn't want him to hear how much his words pained her, but she wasn't sure that she could help it. "I know. Will you at least tell me why you haven't answered my messages?" She asked, not realizing until after she said it, that she should have just asked about what the messages had been asking.

"Do you really want me to answer that question Blair? Because I will." Chuck said icily as he paced the balcony. He looked back inside and realized that Nate had gotten into the shower, meaning that he could hang up; but he didn't want to. "We were together two days ago Blair, two days and you've already gone back to Nate. All he had to do was snap his fingers and you were his again."

She didn't know what to say, she wanted to tell Chuck that she wasn't back with Nate but she didn't think she could. Part of her wanted Nate and her perfect world back. The other part wanted Chuck and the alternate universe that being with him seemed to create. "Chuck you don't understand." She said softly.

"You bet I don't understand." Chuck snapped. "I have absolutely no idea what's so perfect about Nathaniel Freaking Archibald. He doesn't get you Blair, not like I get you." Chuck said his voice dropping.

"I know." Blair replied, tears forming behind her eyes. She had to do this, if only because in doing it she would finally please her mother. "Chuck, Nate's the one I need right now, so please don't tell him."

Fury rushed through his veins. Of course she wasn't going to pick you over Nathaniel you idiot, Chuck thought to himself. So instead of saying what he really wanted to say, instead of begging her to change her mind he scoffed. "That would definitely qualify as a surprise now wouldn't it?" He said snarkily. "We'll have to see Blair, maybe I'll tell, maybe I won't."

"Chuck . . ." She started.

"Have a good Christmas Waldorf." He said before snapping his phone shut.

When Nate appeared a few minutes later from the shower, water dripping off of him and onto the carpet, he asked, "So what's with this surprise stuff?"

Chuck just chuckled, he knew the perfect cover. "Blair just wanted to know where your head was again; just like after the break up."

Nate smiled. "Sounds like my girl." He said as he toweled off his hair.

This time Chuck tried not to wince as Nate called her 'my girl' she was his girl until two days ago. "That must have been some nice ass tapping if she's this desperate." Chuck said lewdly.

"Did she say that?" Nate asked suddenly a little confused. Perhaps Chuck just assumed that she had been referring to the sex that hadn't actually happened.

Chuck smirked at his friend before slapping his back. "Not in so many words man but she did say that it was just as special as she had always imagined." Chuck said it even though Nate's ego definitely didn't need boosting.

Nate's eyes widened. There was something fishy going on here. He knew as well as anyone that he wasn't usually the quickest to catch onto things but Chuck had definitely just referenced Blair saying that their night had been special. Either Blair was lying to Chuck or Chuck was lying to him. Neither of which was particularly good news. If Blair was lying to Chuck then Nate was worried as to why; if Chuck was lying to him, then Chuck was trying to cover something up. "She actually mentioned me taking her virginity?" Nate asked trying to play along as best he could.

"Yeah man." Chuck said looking at Nate confused. "What do you say we hit the beach?" He asked ready to change the subject.

Nate had been right, one of them was lying. The question was who.

* * *

Madison smiled at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She loved this look, the auburn hair with the green eyes. It was so much more her. With that thought she walked out into the Palace ballroom, her eyes immediately falling on the dark mane of hair that she was looking for. She walked towards Blair Waldorf and set it up perfectly so that Blair would end up bumping into her.

As Blair finished her conversation she turned around running strait into another girl. "I'm so sorry!" Blair exclaimed, helping right the girl. She couldn't help but stare into the other girls startling green eyes. "Do I know you from somewhere?" Blair asked looking at her.

Madison and Blair had had minimal interaction and had never spoken so she assumed that with the other hair and eyes she could easily maneuver out of this particular question. "I don't think so since I just moved to New York, but I get told that I look like my mother all the time, not that I would know." She added softly. "My mom was Patricia Sinclair." Madison said dropping the name of her mother who had been a part of Upper East Side royalty and the sole reason that her father had stayed away from New York for so long.

Blair smiled sweetly, knowing that being Patricia Sinclair's daughter meant that this girl was definitely going to be a big deal on the Upper East Side. "Blair Waldorf." She said still smiling. "I believe our mother's knew each other quite well."

"It's nice to meet you Blair; I'm Maddie, Maddie Sinclair." She said keeping her mother's maiden name just in case Blair recognized Albright.

Blair didn't think anything of the use of the mother's maiden name. It wasn't that uncommon on the Upper East Side. Generally, whichever name was more advantageous was the one used. "It's a pleasure to meet you as well. Are you going to be attending Constance?" She asked, masking her worry that Queen B might be in jeopardy with this new girl.

"No, I'm enrolled at Spence." Madison said sweetly. "It's where my mother went to school."

Blair was intrigued by this girl, which was unusual for her. She wasn't intrigued by people, they were intrigued by her. "Of course, it's where my mother went as well but my father was a St. Jude's man and in the end he won out."

Madison laughed and they continued conversing. It was painful for her to have to play Blair Waldorf's little game, but with all of the PI's info she had a pretty good idea of what made this girl tick so it wasn't difficult to win her over.

After quite awhile of engaging conversation, Blair realized that she had to swipe this girl up before someone else did. She was too valuable an asset to have. "Here give me your number," Blair said pulling her phone out of her purse. "We simply must get together soon."

"But of course." Madison said, trying her best to hide a smirk. Later that night the two girls parted ways with a plan for a Barney's drive-by tomorrow after they were each out of school. This had been almost too easy.

**Spotted: B making friends with an auburn haired beauty. Who's your friend B? You know I can't wait to meet her. **

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed guys :) **

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo  
kate**


	4. Dancing Coyotes

**A/N: So I was hoping for a little better response from you guys on this fic but I think I'll keep updating it for at least a little longer; I have an awesome plot in mind. I hope those of you who are reading this enjoy. Sorry it took so long. **

Shoutout to all of you who take the time to review:** LC-LOVES-CB**, **LitPrincess2787, chelle2911, annablake, CarolinaGirl21, **and **lc meester.**

You guys keep me inspired so thanks so much :)

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

Blair wasn't quite sure how she had ended up wearing what she was; it definitely wasn't her style. She was actually positive that she had never worn a denim skirt before in her life, especially not one this short. At least it was by Citizens of Humanity. As if the skirt wasn't bad enough, she had on a tight red halter and a pair of "gasp" cowboy boots. These purchases had all been part of the numerous dares of the afternoon and evening. As she looked over at her companion, Blair couldn't help but feel as though she had definitely gotten the better end of the deal over Maddie.

Maddie was donning a tight leather skirt, just as short as Blair's and a green top that was only strings in back. One thing that Blair was envious of was the black boots she had selected for Maddie; they were absolutely to die for.

Blair had had fun, hanging out with Maddie Sinclair all day. Serena had been caught up with familial obligations lately and it was nice to have a friend to hang out with that wasn't male and didn't want to have sex with her. However, in all of their dressing up and silly stunts of the afternoon, Blair hadn't even considered the possibility that they would end up in the position that they currently were in. Both of them a little more than tipsy, standing outside of the most infamous bar in the country; the original Coyote Ugly.

Madison looked over at Blair and had to withhold the glint from shinning in her eyes. Blair's chocolate curls hung loose around her face; a face which could only be described as horrified. Madison laughed internally at the entire situation. They had quite the interesting game of truth or dare going. She would be lying if she said that she hadn't been having fun; there was something about Blair Waldorf that made you want to be around her, be liked by her. However, Madison couldn't forget her objective, befriend the bitch and use the friendship to get what she wants; Chuck. Some of the things that she had seen Blair Waldorf do today had been completely hilarious but she was about to issue the most heinous challenge of all; something that a girl with Blair's upbringing would never in a million years consent to. So as Blair looked over at her, she delivered what would likely be the final dare of the evening. "Blair Waldorf, I dare you to go inside and dance on the bar for an entire song."

There wasn't more than a flicker of shock or consideration in Blair's eyes before her face broke out into a smile. "You think you've got me on this one, don't you?" She asked, a slight smirk appearing. They had been trying all day to one up one another. Testing each other's limits; finding out just what the other was made of. It was clear to Blair that Maddie thought that she had finally found something that Blair wouldn't do.

Madison shook her head. "An Upper East Side Princess like you, no way in hell."

Blair let the smirk expand. Her new friend had absolutely no idea what she was capable of. "Watch and learn Sinclair. Watch and learn." Blair said before walking past the line of waiting patrons and strait up to the bouncer who took one look at the girls before opening the door and allowing them in, as Blair knew they would.

Madison honestly couldn't believe what Blair was doing. She would have never in a million years guessed that a snobby WASP would be caught dead in this place; but then again, Blair had been surprising her all day.

Blair wove in and out of the crowd of people, most if not all of their eyes fixating on the two girls who had just entered the bar. Several gave appreciative smiles and glances and a couple Blair even returned. If she was going to come out on top in this little game that she and Maddie were playing, she couldn't be the perfectly coiffed ice princess that everyone thought she was. Instead she would almost effortlessly achieve a level of sought after perfection that appeared untouchable to the naked eye but was simply calling out for everyone to try and touch it; touch her.

Madison saw something in Blair as she reached the bar, motioning over one of the girls. She saw the girl nod and grab a microphone as Blair walked over to the jukebox and persuaded the guy next in line to buy her a song, with only a light touch on the shoulder. Madison was undoubtedly impressed by all of it. Some of the attributes that Blair was utilizing were the very ones that Madison prided about herself.

_**Where's all my soul sistas  
Lemme hear ya'll flow sistas**_

As the opening cords began of the song she had chosen, Blair smiled to herself. When she had asked the girl if she could play this song and get up on the bar with them, the girl had responded with a "Hell yeah, now get your ass up here." Then flirting with the guy had been all too easy, so much so that she wouldn't have bothered if she had had change. Now as she approached the bar once more and had a couple of guys lift her up, she smiled again. She could have picked any song in the world to dance to; by picking this one, she was calling "check mate."

**Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista  
Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista **

Once Blair was on the bar, the blonde girl that she had spoken to originally slid over and said, "Take point on Pink's part." To which Blair nodded.

Madison looked up, disbelievingly. She had been surprised when Blair had walked into the bar, flabbergasted as Blair had talked to one of the bar tenders, and now, with Blair on the bar and Lady Marmalade blasting through the speakers, she was awestruck.

**He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge  
Struttin' her stuff on the street  
She said, "Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?" Oh! uh huh **

The blonde bartender had stepped further forward on the bar, dancing the most noticeably, but Blair, the other brunette, and the girl with the caramel colored skin were still dancing, if slightly in the background.

The girl did her thing but even as Blair watched she couldn't help but think that she could do better.

**Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (Hey hey hey)  
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (here)  
Mocha Chocalata ya ya (Oh yeah)  
Creole lady Marmalade **

As the blonde stepped back the girls all continued their dancing through the chorus. Blair watched the other girls somewhat but for the most part she focused on herself. She had told Chuck not that long ago, that she had moves and she of course hadn't been lying.

Near the end of the chorus, Blair let herself start to really feel the music, let it move within her. If she was up here, you damn well better believe that she was going to be having fun. She dipped her hips low, running her hand from her leg all the way up her body and moved to the music, waiting for the words that would signal that it was her turn to move front and center on the bar.

**Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?**** ce soir  
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi  
Yea yea yea yea **

As she heard the French words that she knew meant "Will you come to bed with me tonight?" and began to move towards the front, seductively rolling her body.

Madison was sure that she was so drunk that she was seeing things that weren't really there because the Blair Waldorf that she had been hearing about for so long was simply not the type of girl who would do this. Now she watched on as Blair began to really let loose.

**He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up  
Boy drank all that Magnolia wine  
Oh, her black satin sheets is where they start to freak  
Yeah **

Blair started by increasing the swing of her hips, rolling her body to the fast tempo of the song. As the line about Magnolia wine played, she quickly dropped until her rear was almost touching the bar before slowly straightening back up, trialing both hands over her body as she did so; all the while keeping her hips slightly gyrating.

**Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (Da-da-da)  
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (Here ohooh yea yeah)  
Mocha Choca lata ya ya (Yeah)  
Creole lady Marmalade **

Blair didn't hesitate to run her hands over her body, as she danced. She shimmed all the way down to the floor until her knees were on the bar. In this position she continued her gyrations until the last line of her section where, she tucked her toes under and slowly yet seductively rose back to her feet, taking her place amongst the line.

As the song began to come to a close, Blair couldn't help but look to Maddie with a smirk on her face and was somehow unsurprised when Maddie in turn lifted her drink in a toast of Blair's victory. Blair continued dancing with the other girls until the song was over, at which point Blair slid off the bar. All the Coyote's told her that she had done well; the blonde even suggesting that she could hack it as a Coyote herself, something that flattered her greatly.

As soon as Maddie reached her, they took off out of the club because if they had had the attention of most of the patrons earlier, now they surely held that of everyone in the bar; which was too much, even for Blair and Maddy who both loved the limelight.

Blair almost doubled over with laugher as she and Maddie finally managed to hail a cab. Once inside, they dissolved into fits of giggles; neither one quite believing what had just happened.

Madison looked over at Blair and once more burst out laughing; she honestly couldn't believe what she had just seen.

This time Blair just shrugged. Yes it had been a very intense game of truth or dare but she was Blair Waldorf, she didn't back down from a challenge.

Madison simply shook her head. "I still can't believe that you did that. You realize that that was epic, right?"

"That's one thing you'll learn about me quickly Maddie, if I do something, I do it all the way." Blair said as she relaxed for the long ride of more than 50 blocks back to the Upper East Side.

"Come to Monaco with me." Madison said suddenly, surprising both Blair and herself. She had intended to get Blair to go with her all along but she was surprised to find that she actually _wanted_ Blair to go with her. She had never had a friend that was a girl before and today had been really nice. But Madison wasn't stupid; she knew that she was playing with fire by allowing herself to get close to Blair.

It took Blair a moment to absorb exactly what Madison had just asked her to do. Monaco, as in the place where Nate and Chuck were currently hiding away. She couldn't deny that she had considered turning up over there anyway but it would have seemed like she was a needy girlfriend crashing a boys vacation if she had done that and that was certainly the last thing that she wanted at this point. But if she came as the guest of a friend, then there wasn't any cause for suspicion at all. Plus, Maddie was a lot of fun and Blair didn't have anything to do for the two weeks before her father and Roman arrived. So after a moment of quiet consideration, Blair nodded. "Okay."

Madison couldn't withhold a genuine smile. "You'll come, really?" She asked almost skeptical that it had been so easy to convince Blair to join her.

"Why not? It'll be fun." Blair said, returning the smile of her new friend.

* * *

Nate and Chuck were lounging on the beach, drinking beer and soaking up the early afternoon sun. It had been a true guy's vacation so far. Their days were filled with outdoor sports, lying back on the beach, drinking beer and hitting the Monaco clubs at night. Normally, his vacations with Nate were his favorite; but this one had been lackluster at best. He felt broken hearted. He couldn't make the butterflies stop and as if he didn't have enough trouble getting her out of his head, Nate was a constant reminder; especially now that he had gotten on this kick about analyzing what Blair had said on the phone.

"So she when you talked to Blair, did she seem like she was leaning towards us getting back together?" Nate asked for what felt like the one hundredth time, in an attempt to trip Chuck up. He was testing the waters to see if it was Chuck who was lying in this mess, rather than Blair. But Chuck must really be thinking that Nate was dense since he had been asking the same questions over and over for the past two days.

Chuck glared, he didn't know how much longer he could be certain that he didn't switch up his story of what Blair had said on the phone. Luckily, this was one of the few questions that he didn't actually have to lie to answer; he knew Blair's position on this particular question. "For the last time Nathaniel, yes she definitely wants to be your girlfriend again."

"And the sex was good for her?" Nate asked, stupidly.

Chuck audibly exhaled before rolling his eyes. "Yes Nathaniel, you are a regular sex god."

Nate caught the eye roll and knew that Chuck was starting to crack. For a moment, Nate thought about calling him out on it. He thought about saying that he and Blair hadn't actually slept together just to see what Chuck's reaction might be. Before he could further consider it, he saw a pair of girls walking down the beach from a distance, one of whom was looking increasingly familiar.

Chuck had been looking away from Nate to dissuade further questioning but now as something, or better someone caught his eye from on down the beach, he turned back to Nate. "Is that . . . ?" He asked skeptically.

"Blair?" Nate finished perplexed. "I think so, but who's she with?" What was Blair doing in Monaco?

"Well it's not Serena." Chuck said scoffing as he noticed that Blair's companion had reddish-brown hair. The only girl he knew with auburn hair was . . . Madison Albright, _shit._ "Bitch." Chuck cursed under his breath.

Nate heard Chuck add something at the end of his statement but he couldn't tell what it was. The girls had spotted them and were now approaching. "No, that's definitely not Serena." Nate said with a shake of his head. He stood as they were now only about ten feet away.

Chuck looked from Nate to the girls and back. What exactly had Madison told Blair about him? This couldn't possibly end well for anyone. As the girls were now immediately in front of them, Chuck reluctantly stood.

"Hello boys." Blair said with a coquettish smile. The surprise on their faces was priceless, as was the fact that she could tell that they were both glad to see her. She turned to Maddie. "Maddie, meet Nate and Chuck." She said gesturing to each in turn. "Boys meet Maddie Sinclair."

Chuck withheld the shock at hearing that surname again even though he shouldn't have had to. After all, this girl was really two people, Maddie Sinclair, the auburn haired free-spirit he had met in Southern France last summer, and Madison Albright, the innocent blonde piece of societal perfection. That she had managed to make friends with Blair shouldn't have surprised him, since he and the girl were so similar. "It's nice to meet you _Maddie_." Chuck said with a raised eyebrow.

Nate responded similarly to Chuck; but he was distracted, he couldn't take his eyes off Blair. "So I'm gone for three days and you already have a new friend?" Nate asked jokingly.

Blair and Madison looked at each other and laughed. It was Madison who spoke. "Yes, she does. We met at a society gala the other night and have been inseparable ever since."

"So when, Maddie invited me to join her in Monaco until Christmas, I accepted." Blair finished.

Nate, Blair, and Maddie had all noticed that since his initial greeting Chuck had been strangely quiet. He was simply standing there, not making eye contact and not speaking. They all shrugged it off and Madison started talking again.

"Well that's not the whole story, is it?" She prompted with a smirk in Blair's direction.

Blair couldn't help the slight flush that appeared on her cheeks at the memory of what she had done just a couple of nights ago. It had been fun though and she didn't regret it in the slightest so she took it upon herself to tell the story. "We had quite the eventful game of truth or dare the other night that ended up with me dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly to Lady Marmalade." She said almost nonchalantly.

Madison was impressed with the way that Blair had managed to tell the story to two of her oldest friends without even appearing ashamed. This girl wasn't who Madison had anticipated in the slightest.

Nate's mouth fell open and Chuck's eyes lit up.

It was Nate who recovered first. "Do you realize how sexy that is?" Nate asked his voice low as he walked over and put an arm around her.

Blair smiled up at him but all she really wanted to do was to remove his arm from her shoulders, she didn't want to flaunt things with Nate in front of Chuck. She knew that just the knowledge that she was with Nate was going to be hard enough for Chuck.

When Chuck spoke, Blair felt tingles run up and down her spine. "I'm just sorry I wasn't there to catch the show . . . this time."

Nate looked between Chuck and Blair, slightly confused. He was missing something again; but before he could bring it up Maddie spoke.

"I for one am famished anyone up for a late lunch?" She knew it wasn't her best cover up but the last thing that Madison wanted right now was for Nate to figure out that there was something going on between Blair and Chuck or for Chuck to figure out that Nate and Blair hadn't actually slept together and the best way to do that was to change the topic of conversation.

"I'm starved." Nate said as he ran his fingers up and down Blair's shoulder.

Blair looked at her friends before adding. "I could go for some food."

Now everyone was looking at Chuck who simply shrugged; the brooding look on his face was one that caused each of them a little bit of worry. "Okay let's get some food." He said almost gruffly.

As they all began to walk, Nate and Blair took point, his arm still around her shoulders and Chuck let himself fall further behind. Once he felt there was enough of a distance he reached out and grabbed Madison's arm.

"If you wanted me alone, all you had to do was ask." Madison said dirtily, reminding Chuck of something that he would say.

Chuck however just glared at her and spoke his voice low. "How much does she know that you know?"

"Nothing yet; but that could change." Madison said in an almost fakely sweet voice.

"What do you want?" Chuck asked his voice still low. He didn't want to play one of Madison's games; not when so much was at stake.

Madison didn't hesitate to snap out a quick retort. "Other than you, you mean?" She asked, before playfully contemplating her options. "Let's see . . . what do I want?" Seeing that Chuck really didn't want to play today, she toned down the silliness and stated in her normal voice. "You don't tell who I am and I don't tell anybody anything; got it?"

Chuck nodded. "Fine." What other choice did he have? This meant Maddie Sinclair was going to be sticking around for awhile and as much fun as that girl was, in this case, he knew that it only meant trouble.

**N and C joined in Monaco by B and new friend Maddie Sinclair, or so my sources say. Calling all Upper East Siders, find out what you can on our new addition to this little group because I'm awfully curious.**

**xoxo  
gossipgirl **

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**A/N: Hope you guys all enjoyed. The song is Lady Marmalade by Christina, Maya, Pink, and Lil Kim**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo  
kate **


	5. Memories of Monaco's Past

**A/N: Sorry guys, I know an update is long overdue, it's totally my bad. I had finals, had to go visit family, and then they drug me to South Carolina. IT's been annoying never getting to type but hopefully I'll have a little bit of time now. Enjoy :)**

Thanks for all of you who reviewed:** 89, Krazy4Spike, , Stella296, annablake, LC-LOVES-CB, moccamary, SweetBlackAngel16, LitPrincess2787, CarolinaGirl21, BimboBoop,** and **Kuku Mademoiselle**

You guys keep me inspired and totally make my day so thanks so much :)

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

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Nate had kept a close eye on Chuck and Blair all day to see if there was any change in the way they were interacting with one another. He had expected secretive smiles or coded messages and had been surprised to receive what appeared to be cold indifference on both sides. It was as though they weren't even friends, much less more. Now as they sat at dinner, he and Chuck had been discussing the lack of waves in the sea while Blair and Maddie chatted about some new scandal back home. As he looked at Blair, Nate couldn't help but think about the other thing he had been unable to do today, get Blair alone. Every time that they were alone for even thirty seconds, Chuck popped up and Nate really didn't want to talk to Blair about the status of their relationship around Chuck or Blair would call out to Maddie. It was almost as though the fates were against him.

Blair had been careful all day not to look at Chuck. She didn't want to give Nate or Maddie any ideas about something going on with Chuck. If Nate knew what had happened between the two of them, he would never want a relationship with her again, whereas Maddie, although fun, was not necessarily to be trusted as of yet. After all, the only one who knew about her and Chuck was Serena and no one knew that she and Nate had almost slept together except apparently Chuck. However, in her attempt not to look at Chuck she seemed to have motivated Nate to pursue her more rapidly than she would have liked. She had told him that they needed time and she still didn't want to suddenly be with him again if only because it would really hurt Chuck and that wasn't what she wanted. But it appeared to her as though Nate was continually trying to get her alone and it was becoming more and more difficult to dissuade him.

Chuck looked between the various dinner guests sullenly. This was becoming more and more twisted. He was doing his best not to shoot bedroom eyes at Blair, but all the while Maddie was shooting them at him and he knew it. He was still angry at Blair for sleeping with Nate but at the same time he didn't want her back with him and he was starting to think it was worth risking his relationship with Nate to have her. Until he decided for sure, he was doing his best to stall any overtures by Nate to secure the unbreakable relationship once more. A task that was becoming more difficult by the minute, something Chuck suspected that had something to do with Maddie.

Madison had to make a serious effort not to laugh at the situation that the other three had managed to put themselves in. She had a sneaking suspicion that it was only the effort that she was exerting to keep who knew what strait that kept her occupied. Nate, didn't know about Blair and Chuck's affair, much less the fact that his best friend was in love with the girl who's hand he was currently stroking. Blair had no idea that Madison knew about her affair with Chuck or her up and down relationship with Nate. And neither Blair or Nate knew that Maddie Sinclair was actually Madison Albright, Chuck's date for Cotillion and neither of them knew anything about her or the fact that she and Chuck knew each other at all, much less that they knew each other intimately. And Chuck of course had absolutely no clue that Nate and Blair hadn't really slept together; if he knew that than nothing would be able to keep him from Blair. So it was Maddie's job to make sure that that didn't happen. "Okay, I'm so tired of just sitting around, let's hit downtown, go salsa dancing, get drunk, etcetera." Maddie said jumping up.

Blair laughed at her spontaneity but nodded in agreement. "I'm so in. You guys are coming right?" She asked turning towards the boys. Half hoping they would say no. She didn't quite want to deal with them tonight and she knew that she would have no trouble finding guys to dance with.

"Of course." Nate said smiling. This was perfect. He wasn't the best dancer but any opportunity to spend quality time with Blair and he was down.

Chuck had glared at Maddie, the moment she mentioned salsa dancing. He wasn't an idiot, he understood the reference. He had taken her salsa dancing on their third date. He winced at the thought of the word. But he saw Blair's eyes as she asked them if they were going and right now, he wanted nothing more than to get under her skin, both literally and figuratively speaking. "Salsa dancing," He gave Maddie a pointed look, "let's do it."

Blair tried to hide her look of frustration as she turned around. This was going to be a long night. She locked arms with Maddie. "Let's go get ready."

Madison turned her head back to the boys. "We'll meet outside your place in half an hour." This should be really interesting. All she needed to do was get Nate jealous enough that he fought for Blair if it were to come to that. However, as long as she made sure neither Blair nor Nate decided to tell Chuck that they hadn't slept together before they did actually sleep together, there shouldn't be an issue.

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As they walked downtown Chuck couldn't help but think that it was much more difficult to keep his eyes off Blair know than it had been earlier. One would think that bikinis would be more alluring than the red sundress she now wore but something about it highlighted her erogenous zones in a way that Chuck had rarely seen before. He was of course getting a good view of her backside as she and Nate once more walked in front, leaving him with Madison.

Chuck couldn't help but laugh at Nate's attempts to talk to Blair or hold her hand while Blair was acting completely indifferent. There was his girl; but she wasn't really his girl, not anymore, although, it seemed as though she wasn't Nate's girl either. Which meant that he still had a chance, if he even wanted one that is. Who was he kidding? Of course he wanted another chance with Blair. The question was did he want her badly enough to risk getting hurt?

Madison could tell where Chuck's head was wondering as he watched Blair walk in front of him so she leaned over and whispered. "Do you remember the last time we went salsa dancing?" She had dressed to impress this time, wearing the same dress that she had worn six months before.

Chuck glared at her. "Don't try that kind of thing with me Madison. I'm not in the mood for a walk down memory lane, this night or ever."

This wasn't supposed to be so hard. They were back in the same place where everything had happened before. They had had a wonderful summer, she had fallen in love for the first time and she thought that maybe he had too. Blair Waldorf's name had never crossed his lips, not one time, now Blair was all he saw; he was plain fickle. "Come on Chuck it was our first date." She said with a coquettish smile.

Her words caused him to flip his head so fast that he almost got whiplash. "No, it wasn't."

This caught Madison's attention. He wasn't seriously trying to pretend it hadn't happened, was he? "You have got to be kidding me Chuck; you can't honestly not remember going salsa dancing in Monaco."

"Oh I remember all right. It just wasn't our first date, it was our third." Chuck said, only interested in the conversation as a point of fact rather than because he was concerning himself with what was once their romantic relationship.

Maddie just shook her head; but she was pleasantly surprised that he was actually adding more to their relationship rather than less. "Well then Mr. I'm-Never-Wrong, what were our first two?"

Chuck knew what she was doing; she wanted him thinking about their relationship this past summer, if that was even what it was. "Our first date was on the beach. We had drinks together and then danced at the cabana before heading to my suite."

"Chuck Bass, that was not a date. We met that day on the beach and just happened to hang out together before partaking in casual sex." Madison said with a slight shrug.

Chuck couldn't deny that Maddie was the only girl he knew that thought of sex as casual as he did. She was a complete exhibitionist in bed and he had had a difficult time keeping up, it was something that he had admired about her. He remembered waking up that morning and her being gone. It hadn't bothered him since he would have kicked her out anyway; she just saved him the trouble.

Madison could tell that Chuck was thinking about their first night together, it hadn't been the route she had been trying to get him to take but it might have been better. He was the first guy to ever come close to keeping up with her in the bed. She was a hellcat in bed and she knew it, it was something that she prided herself in. But Chuck had been amazing that night. He was the first guy in so long to surprise her, the first thing to give her anything that she hadn't had a hundred times before. When she had awakened the next morning in his bed, she had completely freaked out.

_Where the hell am I? Madison thought as she looked around the cabana. This wasn't her room. Her eyes landed on a handsome angular face, whose cheek was pressed into the pillow that her head hadn't been occupying moments earlier and she remembered. She had spent the entirety of yesterday afternoon and night, with the Chuck Bass, devilish playboy of New York City. Looking at him now you wouldn't know it but he had been an animal in bed, so much so that she thought she might be a little sore today. _

_But still none of this explained why she was still here. She didn't do this, she didn't spend the night. As soon as the sex was over, she gave the guy one last kiss and stroke to remember her by before standing up, pulling on her clothes and walking out; it was her signature. Yet here she was, waking up in a boy's bed for the first time. The more she thought about it, she began to realize that there was a perfectly good reason for why she was still here, last night, Chuck's sexual appetite had rivaled hers, it had been insatiable but they had each done their best to satisfy one another, a task that had lasted until at least five in the morning. _

_She lifted the covers and stood up from the bed. Madison didn't have to be careful since they weren't cuddling. She was Maddie Sinclair and she did not partake in such weak actions, no matter how great in bed the guy might be. Cuddling meant that there were feelings and it allowed the boy to stake some sort of claim and Madison was not up for sell. No, use once and throw away, that was her motto. She took one last look at the sleeping boy before exiting the cabana and for the first time she thought that she might like to do this again sometime; but the thought wasn't significant enough to cause her to leave a note with her number so she turned and slid the glass door shut behind her, whispering into the room. "Goodbye Chuck Bass."_

Chuck's voice snapped Madison out of her reverie. "Then that night at Club Monaco was our first date." He knew what Madison had been thinking about because he had been thinking about it too. Their first night together had been something for the record books but this was an argument that he was determined to win.

Madison rolled her eyes. "Once more, I hate to inform you that that was not a date. Well actually I don't because I looooove being right." She said dragging out the word.

Chuck was a little annoyed. He never liked loosing an argument, especially not to Maddie. "Why the hell not?" He questioned beginning to think that she was going to continue this until she convince him that she was right.

"It's not a date if it's not planned ahead of time. We just happened to be at the same bar on the same night; which just happened to lead to more drinks, dancing, and no sex." Madison said with a triumphant smile. Of course, Chuck didn't know that their little encounter had been planned. Before she had made her move on him on the beach that day she had noticed him around for a couple of weeks. She knew that he always spent Monday nights at Club Monaco and it hadn't been coincidence that she had chosen that bar, on that night. Maddie had been unable to stop thinking about him for the whole day. She had felt sick to her stomach and consequently hadn't even eaten. All she could think about was Chuck freaking Bass and it was driving her crazy; so she had gone to the bar that night, to see just what her body was in a tizzy about.

Chuck laughed to himself at the mention of the fact that they hadn't slept together that night. It was of course mastery on her part, something he was more aware of now than he was then.

_"Well, well, well, if it isn't Chuck Bass." Maddie said with a smirk as she walked up and stood near him at the bar. Thoughts of him had been driving her mad all day; perhaps she had finally met her match. _

_Chuck looked over and smirked in return. Last night's entertainment had come back after all. "Sinclair." He said, acknowledging her with a slight tilt of his head. Something he wouldn't acknowledge was the fact that they had spent the previous night with each other, even though the girl had been incredible in bed. He generally didn't do repeats. _

_She noticed that he didn't ask where she was this morning, nor did he ask her to sit down. That was fine; she never minded taking charge of the situation. "Aren't you going to buy me a drink?" _

_At that Chuck couldn't help but laugh. Girls were rarely so forward with him. He motioned for the bartender. "What would you like?" _

_"Martini, dirty." She said to the bartender before turning to Chuck. "So I'm thinking you buy me a couple drinks, we dance a little, and if you're good we go back to my place."_

_Chuck looked down at his glass smirking, there it was, the invitation. "But I'm never good." He said with a devilish glance at his companion. _

_A challenge, finally, this was turning into the most interesting game she had ever played. She leaned close to Chuck and said in a low, seductive voice. "Me neither, a fact I think you are very aware of." _

_Intrigued Chuck leaned in next to her ear. "In that case, drink your Martini and we'll see where things go." _

_Several beverages and dances later, Chuck was tracing circles on Maddie's shoulder. "What do you say we get out of here?" _

_Madison couldn't help but smile, her plan had gone perfectly and she had Chuck Bass 'up' and ready for a night with her. "I say, definitely." _

_Chuck wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they walked through town towards her beach house. This was unprecedented for him, sleeping with the same girl, two nights in a row no less. But she had intrigued and aroused him and he was willing to give it another ago, she seemed to be full of surprises. _

_As they approached her beach house, she opened the door before turning and pulling him to her; kissing him deeply._

_Chuck pulled back slowly and spoke with a husky voice. "Was that a preview of what's to come?" _

_Madison smiled. "Yes. A preview of the next time you take me out." She waited for Chuck to understand just what she meant and watched as comprehension dawned._

_Chuck just shook his head. "Well played Sinclair. I suppose I will have to find alternate means of entertainment this evening." _

_Madison leaned against the door frame, a smirk still gracing her features. "Yes you will. So when are you taking me out? I was thinking salsa dancing on Friday but it's really up to you." _

_Chuck couldn't resist a small smile. "I'll see you Friday." He leaned close to her ear and whispered his voice low. "Now are you sure you don't want to spend the night with me." _

_She couldn't resist the chills that ran down her spine at his low rumble but she knew that to really catch herself a Bass she had to be strong, which in this case meant abstinence. "Just think how much better Friday will be if you have to wait for it." She said before placing one last kiss on his mouth. "Now go home Bass, I'll see you in two days." _

_"As you wish." He said before turning and walking down the pathway. He didn't even turn as he called out. "I'll pick you up at eight thirty." He still coupled quite believe it. He had just been outplayed and she would be rewarded of course. Oh well, there was always one of the maids back at the cabana. _

_Madison smiled to herself as she closed the door. Her plan had succeeded. The girl who never spent more than one night with a guy, just managed to get the one boy who never spent more than one night with the same girl to commit to a date. Unfortunately her plan had left her in heat Oh well; there was always the pool boy. _

"Fine. Salsa dancing was our first date." Chuck admitted grudgingly as they approached the salsa club.

Madison smirked. "Come on Chuck, you know I never argue if I'm not right; which isn't a problem since I'm always right." They walked into the club and winked at the bartender. She had spent the night with him once early this past summer and ever since she always drank free here.

Chuck followed her gaze. "Oh great. Horny Ablerto's here. Now I'm going to get dirty looks all night and I'm not even here for the same girl he is."

At first Madison smiled at Chuck's nickname for the bartender but she had to fight not to show that the rest of what Chuck said hurt. "Oh shut up; let's dance." She added gesturing to the dance floor, where Nate and Blair were already dancing. She could tell that Chuck didn't want to dance with her but she knew that she could convince him. "I bet it would make her jealous."

His eyes narrowed. "What the hell, standing here isn't doing me any good." He extended his hand. "Let's dance."

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A/N: Sorry guys, I know it's a little short and heavy on the Chuck/Madison, I promise more N/B/C in the next chapter. **

**Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo**

**kate **


	6. Confrontations and Revelations

A/N: I know I know I'm horrible for keeping you guys waiting for an update for so long. *Get's down on knees and begs forgiveness by presenting some serious CB interaction.* Enjoy :)

Thanks for all of you who reviewed: **LitPrincess2787, annablake, smartin555, moccamary, Kuku Mademoiselle, SweetBlackAngel16, Stella296, LC-LOVES-CB, VelvetVolcano,** and **CarolinaGirl21**

You guys keep me inspired and totally make my day so thanks so much :)

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

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Nate led Blair onto the dance floor, nervous for a couple of reasons. First off, he wasn't the best dancer, especially salsa. Thankfully, Blair had been his girlfriend for close to ten years so she was well aware of this fact. However, he was also nervous because he had reached the point that he was so curious about that mysterious phone call between Chuck and Blair that he knew that he had to ask one of them what was going on. Since he was fairly certain that it was Chuck that was lying instead of Blair, he decided that she would be the safest bet on who to talk to.

Blair was well aware of Nate's insecurities when it came to dancing so she was careful to keep it simple; but she could tell there was more than that on his mind tonight. "What's bothering you, Nate?" She finally asked as he spun her to him. "You aren't acting like yourself."

He knew he had to play this on the cool side. He didn't want Blair to think that he was calling her a liar and he didn't want to alarm her in case Chuck had some crazy obsession with her or something. "It's nothing big, just something that Chuck said after he got off the phone with you has been bothering me the past couple of days." Nate finally said as the song ended and he led her off the dance floor and back to the group's booth. Maddie and Chuck were still dancing so he figured it was safe to talk here.

Blair's stomach dropped immediately. Shit, what had Chuck said? Had he hinted about their relationship or something? He might have said something thinking that Nate wouldn't pick up on it and been wrong. She knew better than to jump out and apologize, not that she really had anything to apologize for in the first place, she and Nate hadn't been together at the time. Either way though, she wasn't going to start out this conversation with an admission of guilt, she needed to know what exactly it was that Nate knew first. She needed to go fishing for answers. "Really? What did Chuck say?"

The innocent look on Blair's face was almost enough for Nate to drop the whole thing altogether, but he wanted to be sure first. He needed to know if he needed to watch out for his best friend or if this was all some sort of misunderstanding. "He said that you told him we slept together."

"What?!?" Blair asked surprised. That had not been what she was expecting in the slightest. With everything that Chuck had on her, why would he lie to Nate about that? That's when she remembered that Chuck thought that she and Nate had slept together. He must have been trying to cover for what they were really talking about and thought that it was a safe topic. "Maybe Chuck's confused or something." She said trying to be rational for Nate's sake.

Nate shook his head. "This wasn't confusion Blair. He outright said that you said things like 'It was just as special as you always imagined it to be' and he said you wanted us to be official again." Nate watched Blair's eyes grow wider as he continued. "He indicated that you said it was good for you and stuff like that. When we both know that nothing happened."

"But Chuck doesn't." Blair whispered, looking at Chuck and Maddie on the dance floor._ Oh Chuck, what have you done?_

Nate looked at her confused. There was a faraway look in her eyes and as he turned around trying to follow her gaze, his eyes landed on Chuck and Maddie and he felt like everyone knew something that he didn't. "What do you mean by that?"

Blair looked back at Nate, alarmed that she had spoken aloud. She was going to have to take some of the heat from this one or Nate was going to find out everything. "On the phone when Chuck said something about you and me sleeping together, I didn't correct him. But I didn't say any of those things either."

"So you're saying Chuck just exaggerated?" Nate asked. This of course was possible. He was still a little miffed at Chuck for this but at least it wasn't some big. Chuck was just trying to bolster his ego. So the only problem he had left was why Blair hadn't corrected Chuck herself. "So Chuck was being dramatic, but what about you? Why didn't you just tell him we hadn't slept together? You guys are close friends right? It's not like he doesn't know as much about our sex life as we do."

Blair absolutely loathed what she was about to do, but she knew that it had to be done, she was going to have to sweet talk her way out of this. She leaned close to Nate, close enough to brush her body against his, "I thought it was close enough to the truth that it didn't matter if he thought we slept together at the Cotillion or a few weeks later."

Nate was immediately aroused. God Blair was hot. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He asked softly as he brushed his hand along her cheek.

She hated this, hated herself for doing this. It felt like she was whoring herself out to protect her plan. "That depends, what do you think I'm saying?" She asked flirtatiously.

"That we are an us again; or will be in the near future. And that you are going to be ready for us to finally be together." Nate said, almost breathless. This hadn't been where he thought this conversation was going to go, but it was a welcome change. He wanted Blair so badly, he knew how much he had screwed up when it came to her yet now it looked like they were about to get their second chance.

Blair had moved so that her mouth was inches from Nate's. "Bingo." She whispered as she placed a soft kiss on Nate's lips.

Nate returned her kiss. Running a hand over her jaw and into her hair. She felt so familiar, so right. Things were finally back to the way they were supposed to be.

Madison had kept an eye on Nate and Blair all night but when they left the dance floor, she watched even closer. When Blair began to seduce Nate Madison knew she had to get Chuck looking at them. So as he spun her in she grabbed onto his chest. "Look at Blair now. Not so pure and innocent anymore is she?"

Chuck looked up as Blair rubbed her body against Nate's before leaning in to kiss him. He felt his blood boil as he watched her press her lips to his. He was jealous. He wanted her lips on his and his alone; she was his, he had her first. The next time Madison shimmed against him, he took a step back.

She flipped around as she felt Chuck's warmth disappear from behind her. "What now Chuck? Blair's moved on and it's time you did the same. She's not going to leave Nate for you." Madison added furiously. She could see it in his eyes; he was going to fight for her. That wasn't the reaction he was supposed to have. He was supposed to give up.

"I'll let her tell me that." Chuck said stepping around Maddie and walking towards Blair who was now by herself at the booth. "Where's Nate?" He asked as he stood in front of her.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Off getting me something to drink if you must know."

Chuck smirked. "In that case dance with me." He said, extending his hand.

"I'm not dancing with you Chuck." Blair spoke crossing her arms. She was pissed at him right now. He had to go and make up things and now she had gone and promised Nate things that she wasn't sure she was ready to promise. Sure she had decided that that was the direction she chose but she didn't need Nate breathing down her neck, pressuring her as to when.

"Why not? One dance, it would be perfectly innocent." He saw that Blair wasn't budging so he went for her weakness. "I know you love to salsa dance Blair and with a partner like Nate, you probably are only getting sore feet from the numerous times he's stepped on your toes."

Blair bit her lip. Of course Chuck was right. She loved salsa dancing and Chuck was the best dancer she knew. "One dance Chuck, that's it." She said, extending a hand.

Chuck had to work hard not to look pleased or smug. "One dance." _Is all I need,_ he completed to himself. He led her out on the dance floor just as another song began and immediately they began to dance.

Blair couldn't deny it. When it came to movement, Chuck was amazing. He had the ability to spin her around on the floor as though he was a trained professional. As they were dancing he lifted her arms into the air and ran his hands all the way down them, allowing his fingers to brush her hair, slide down her sides, feeling her breasts, her waist, her hips, and coming to rest on her ass. He moved his hips against hers and he could hear her breath quickening. His lips were inches from hers and she thought perhaps he might kiss her. At that moment she wouldn't have stopped him, in fact, she tilted her lips up in anticipation. She wanted his hungry lips on her own; but suddenly she was twirling again before he dipped her low at the waist.

Madison watched them dance from the shadows of the room. There was so much heat and passion in every movement. She and Chuck had that too, she knew they did. It took effort but she managed to pry her eyes away from the couple to sneak a peek at Nate. He was still at the bar. He hadn't even noticed that Blair and Chuck were dancing, or if he did, he didn't suspect a thing.

Chuck had just spun Blair once more, moving her to where her back was against his chest. He took both of her hands in his own, placing them over her head and around his neck while his own hands ran back down her body and rested on her hips where he moved them both. He leaned his head forward slightly and whispered in her ear. "So first you show up in Monaco; then you silently beg me to kiss you. You have an interesting way of getting me to leave you alone Waldorf."

As he finished speaking she shimmed down his body and back up before taking his hand and spinning until she was facing him once more; moving her hips against his as they continued dancing. "I never said I wasn't attracted to you Chuck, just that I can't be with you."

Chuck would address that point later, for now he had another bone to pick with Blair. "I assumed as much when you didn't come to Monaco with me. That's why it was a little bit of a shock when you showed up here with Maddie." He said before twirling her around.

After a few dance steps, Blair came close to Chuck once more. Dancing her way around his body and talking all the while. She was tired of all of these misunderstandings; she wanted the truth on the table and was willing to put herself out there to do it, especially if it meant showing Chuck Bass that he was wrong about her. "For your information Bass, I was going to say yes to you until you sent me the text calling me a slut. So later when I met Maddie and she invited me, I agreed to join her."

Chuck grabbed her arms and held her in front of him. Neither of them was dancing anymore. "You were going to say yes?"

Blair's gaze was locked on his. His eyes seemed to see straight through her into her soul. It took all she had to muster an answer. "Yes, the text is still in the drafts box on my phone."

Chuck tried to stop the pure elation that flooded him on hearing that Blair had been planning on joining him in Monaco but he was unable to. His mind was flooded with images of what this trip would have been like, just the two of them. Then he remembered why it wasn't. "You think that I would have still wanted to be here, just the two of us, with you straight out of Nate's bed?"

Blair's eyes darkened and she had to fight the urge to smack Chuck. "Shoot first and ask questions later, right Chuck?" When he didn't say anything she continued. "Protect yourself at all cost because heaven forbid someone might get close enough to hurt you." She wasn't entirely sure when they had started but suddenly they were moving to the music once more. To Blair it felt almost like they were doing salsa with a splash of the tango.

Chuck couldn't believe the audacity of what Blair was saying. Insinuating that he had acted in the wrong and worse than that, insinuating that he wasn't hurt by her return to Nate. "You think you didn't hurt me?" He asked pulling her close.

"Please, no one hurts the great Chuck Bass." Blair spat before spinning under his arm and returning close.

He lowered his hand, running it up her thigh and continuing up her body. "You're wrong."

Blair couldn't quite believe it, Chuck Bass was admitting to the fact that she had really and truly hurt him. But he still didn't get it. If he had simply allowed her to explain instead of jumping to conclusions, he wouldn't have been hurt in the first place. "You're wrong too you know."

"Pray tell Blair, what am I wrong about?" Chuck asked as he griped her hands together above their heads as they danced.

As Chuck spun her using her wrists she moved herself until there was hardly a space on her body not touching him. She wanted to come right out and say what she was thinking but at the same time she knew she shouldn't. But finally she practically hissed in his ear. "You don't know anything about what happened with me and Nate after Cotillion."

Chuck's eyes bore into hers as he released her hands and ground his hips into hers as they danced. "I know all I need to know. I would rather not know the intimate details of your first time together."

This time Blair moved in until her lips were millimeters from his. "Keep protecting your heart Chuck. You guard it so well already that I am absolutely amazed that I could hurt you. You do it so well that you can't even see the truth that's right in front of you." She placed her hands on his shoulders as they continued to breathe in and out, sharing every breath. "You're wrong about what happened between me and Nate." At that she pushed him away and walked straight out of the club.

Nate turned around from the bar to see Chuck alone on the dance floor and Maddie at the bar. Blair was nowhere in sight. He turned to the bartender. "Hey man, you see that guy over there?" He asked gesturing towards Chuck.

The bartender nodded. "Yeah, that's Chuck Bass." The boy was a constant thorn in his side when it came to wooing Maddie this past summer.

"You know him?" Nate asked, once more interested.

"He's been here before." The bartender said as he shook a drink in a mixer.

Nate nodded. "Well the girl he was dancing with, did you see where she went?"

Alberto looked at Nate like he was blind. "Maddie's sitting two people down from you."

"That's not the girl I'm talking about." Nate said looking back at Chuck who was walking towards their booth. "Wait, you know Maddie too?"

Alberto nodded. This guy in front of him was a little slow on the uptake. "Yeah, those two are T-R-O-U-B-L-E."

"Chuck and Maddie know each other?" Nate asked, completely taken aback.

"Of course they know each other Einstein. They spent all of last summer sleeping together." The bartender said pouring the drink and handing it to a customer.

At that moment Blair was the farthest thing from Nate's mind as he unceremoniously got up from the bar and started towards Chuck. His best friend was keeping a lot of things secret and Nate was tired of it. It was time he figured out just what was going on.

Madison had watched as Blair left, watched as Nate talked to Alberto, and now she was watching as Nate was about to confront Chuck about something. She wanted to stop this but she knew she was too late; she was going to have to let this play out before going back and trying to piece things back together.

Chuck picked up Blair's forgotten purse and searched through her drafts. Sure enough he saw the text that she had been planning on sending to him. As he was in her phone he couldn't resist a little snooping. There were several messages with Maddie, a few with Serena, some to her other minions, the sent ones to him, and a few to Nate. It was one particular sent message to Nate that that really caught Chuck's eye.

**I realy am sry bout earlier 2nite. Have fun n Monaco w C. **

**B**

Chuck couldn't believe it. Was it possible that she hadn't actually slept with Nate? He couldn't prevent the soaring of his heart but he saw Nate approaching from the corner of his eye and slid the phone back into her purse. Shit, if they hadn't slept together then Nate knew that Blair hadn't been telling him all of those things. Shit, shit, shit. "Nathaniel man, your girlfriend forgot her purse."

"Chuck, outside now. We need to have a serious conversation." Nate said taking Chuck's elbow.

Chuck shook Nate's arm. "Fine. Here grab the girls' bags." As they began to walk out, Chuck leaned over to Maddie and handed her both purses. "We're out. Go home."

She glared at him but took the bag. This was not the way things were supposed to play out but maybe, maybe she would be able to fix it.

As Chuck and Nate walked through the streets, it was Chuck who halted their progress, turning to face Nate. "So what's this about Nathaniel?"

Nate ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know man, a lot of things. You've been keeping secrets from all of us."

Chuck raised his eyebrows and threw out his arms. "I've been keeping secrets. We are actually having a talk because I'm keeping secrets. That's what I do Nate." He was about done with all of these accusations tonight.

"Sure, but not when they involve me." Nate said as he tried to figure out just how to ask your best friend why he was lying about knowing random strangers and if he had a thing for your girlfriend.

Chuck had to resist an eye roll. Nate really had no idea, everything that Chuck kept from him. "So I'm keeping secrets. Big deal. What is it that has you so mad that you are getting confrontational.

This time Nate said one word; starting with the easiest point. "Maddie. You knew her before today."

"Yeah." Chuck said with a shrug. "Both of us spend good portions of the summer here. This year we spent most of it together. She didn't want Blair to know that we knew each other so I agreed to keep our past relationship quiet."

Surprising even himself as all the pieces clicked together; Chuck wasn't the only one who knew Maddie, all of them had met her. That's why she seemed so familiar. Of course, Maddie Sinclair was Madison Albright. Nate had let the hair and the eyes fool him but so did Blair so he didn't feel like too much of an idiot. "It's more than that. Maddie was your date to Cotillion." Nate said, taking a step forward.

Chuck just nodded. "Madison, Maddie, it's all the same to me. She's a total exhibitionist in the bedroom so if you're not a monogamist, you should give her a go."

Nate was mildly disgusted by Chuck's suggestion. "That's low even for you Chuck. I would never cheat on Blair again, not when it finally seems like she's about to give me another chance."

There it was again, another hint that Nate and Blair hadn't slept together. If she hadn't gone back to Nate, did that mean that there was still a chance that she wanted to be with him. His heart began to beat furiously at the thought. "About?"

Nate was the one who threw his arms out this time. "That's right, you still don't know. I didn't sleep with Blair. So I know that you've been lying to me about what you guys talked about on the phone that day."

"Shit." Chuck couldn't help but spit the word under his breath.

"Yeah, shit's right Chuck. Now tell me what's going on with you and Blair." Nate said taking another step towards Chuck.

Chuck knew he had to do something. He had to cover or Blair was going to be pissed off at both of them. "Nothing Nathaniel. There's nothing going on between me and Blair. We're just friends. I wouldn't do that to you." He knew that he was digging his own grave as he spoke. One day he was going to have to make a choice between Nate and Blair and the day he did it was going to be a bloodbath.

Nate looked at Chuck, looked at the sincerity in his eyes and couldn't help but back down. Chuck was his best friend; of course he wouldn't go behind his back with Blair. "I'm sorry man, I shouldn't have been accusing you of anything. It just seemed to fit you know." Nate was about to walk on when he saw it, Chuck exhaled as though in relief and that's when he turned back around. Chuck was lying; again. Once more this evening, pieces started falling together in his head. Chuck and Blair were close; perhaps closer than ever. Chuck's the one who set him up to punch out Carter at Cotillion. Add that to all the weird behavior that Chuck and Blair had been exhibiting and suddenly Nate knew. How could he have been so blind. This time he shoved Chuck hard. "You were the other guy weren't you, you're the guy that Blair was seeing while we were broken up!" He said shoving Chuck against the nearby building. When Chuck didn't say a word Nate shook him. "You son of a bitch, I should beat the shit out of you right now."

"Now, now, boys. Let's not get hasty." Madison said stepping from the shadows. "I'm sure whatever the problem here is can be sorted out."

**

* * *

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed. More action in the next chapter :)**

**Reviews are always appreciated**

**Xoxo**

**Kate **


	7. We're All Scared

A/N: Hope you all enjoy this part. I know that part of the fight scene is from the actual episode but they did such a good job with that part that I had to use it. Enjoy :)

Thanks for all of you who reviewed: **CarolinaGirl21, Stella296, Lisa, moccamary, LC-LOVES-CB, poptart:), zazou2, Kuku Mademoiselle, Velvet Volcano, SweetBlackAngel16, **and** annablake. **

You guys keep me inspired and totally make my day so thanks so much :)

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

"Madison, stay out of this." Nate spat, still holding Chuck against the wall. "This is between me and him." He said facing Chuck once more.

Maddie didn't heed Nate's warning in the slightest and sauntered over. "Really Nate I think that I probably have a lot of information that you could serve to gain." She had already discerned that Nate knew who she was when he called her Madison so if Chuck wanted to play dirty, that's the way that she would play it.

Chuck glared. "Maddie you heard Nate, stay the fuck out of this." Chuck grunted. He hadn't been fighting Nate back at all. He thought it best to let his friend think that he was winning right now. After all, Nate just thought that he was pissed now. Should anything else come out, Nate would kill him.

Nate noticed Chuck's agreement immediately, causing him to want to know whatever it was that Maddie was hiding. So after a hard look at Chuck, he faced Maddie. "Spill."

Maddie clucked her tongue. "Let's see, what should I tell Nate?" She questioned herself smirking the entire time. She focused her eyes on Chuck as she spoke again. "How about that you're best friend isn't just infatuated with your girlfriend. He's been sleeping with her." Madison's eyes flashed as Chuck's widened in horror; not quite believing that Maddie had so abruptly told his secret. He didn't understand how this was beneficial to her.

Nate was so shocked that he released his hold on Chuck and faced Maddie, a joking tone to his voice. "You have got to be kidding. Blair wouldn't touch Chuck, she's a virgin."

This time it was Maddie who laughed. "Not anymore Natie. She lost her virginity to Chuck in the back of a limo the night the two of you broke up."

"That's enough Maddie." Chuck said sternly.

Upon hearing Chuck's voice once more, Nate realized that it was true. Chuck sounded . . . guilty. The realization caused Nate to take a step backwards.

Madison wasn't even paying attention to Nate for the time being. Chuck was her priority right now. "Then of course they slept together again on Blair's 17th Birthday. He bought her the most beautiful necklace . . ."

"I said that's enough!" Chuck roared, causing Madison to jump

Madison rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'm out of here. Have a good time beating the crap out of each other." Then as she walked away she spoke as though it were the most ordinary evening in existence. "Hmmm, it looks like rain."

The two were silent as Madison walked away. Chuck couldn't help but wonder about the girl's sanity even as he wanted to throttle whatever sanity might be left right out of her. Even after she was gone, the silence hung in the air like an unwelcome visitor. Finally Chuck broke it. "Nate . . ."

Nate hadn't been looking at Chuck. He had been looking everywhere else, trying to figure out how this could have been possible. How could Chuck have done this to him? Chuck had had almost every girl in Manhattan and half the rest of the girls on the planet, did he have to take to only one Nate gave a damn about too. He felt his heart began to race as he slung Chuck against the wall once more. "Did you sleep with her, huh?" Nate asked shaking him. When Chuck didn't answer he continued. "You son of a bitch, I oughta kill you."

Chuck didn't know what to do, what to say to make this better. "Look, could we talk about this without your hands around my neck?" He asked, trying to remain calm

Nate shook his head, loosening his hold before slamming Chuck against the wall again. "Did you get what you wanted like you did with all those other girls?" He asked before shoving Chuck into the wall and stepping back.

Nate's last jab enraged Chuck and all of a sudden he was on fire. How dare Nate say that? How dare Nate insinuate that that was all that Blair had meant to him. So he responded forcefully. "Yes Nathaniel, I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back.

"Oh so somehow you screwing Blair for sport is my fault?" Nate asked jabbing at his chest. Chuck couldn't blame this on him. He wasn't the one who had cheated, not this time.

There it was again, the inference that Blair didn't mean anything to him. "It wasn't for sport. She needed someone and I was there." He said trying to make Nate understand.

Nate practically rolled his eyes as he sarcastically responded. "Oh, so you cared about her?" Chuck Bass didn't care about girls, they were nothing more than entertainment for him and there was no way that Chuck was going to convince him that Blair was an exception

"Yes, I cared about her Nathaniel. I still fucking care about her." Chuck said taking a step forward. "Besides, you guys were broken up; I would never if you had been . . ."

"Don't even go there Chuck. You knew that Blair had just broken up with me; you knew. And that's how you knew the next morning, wasn't it? Wasn't it?" He said shoving Chuck once more. It was like someone had blessed him with greater powers of intuition and reasoning tonight because everything seemed so clear. "And that's why you talked me out of giving her the ring. You manipulated me you bastard."

Chuck shoved Nate back. "Yes, that's how I knew and yes I manipulated you but look, I'm sorry, I thought you were over and onto Serena or Jenny or the next flavor of the week. If I had had any idea that you still cared about her I wouldn't have. Look, I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay?"

Nate was enraged. Nothing that Chuck could say would stop that. "No, it's not okay Chuck. I don't just care about her I love her."

"So do I." Chuck said without thinking. Both he and Nate looked astounded the second they heard the words. Chuck hadn't expected that to come out, he really hadn't. Did he even feel that way about Blair? He knew that he cared about her, a lot; but was it love? Was Chuck Bass capable of love? It sure as hell seemed like it right now.

"You did not just say that." Nate said glaring at his supposed best friend. "I don't even believe that you care about Blair, much less love her. She was simply the one girl you couldn't have. That's lust or obsession Chuck, not love."

As soon as his feelings were called into question, Chuck became more certain of them. A realization that surprised him more than it did Nate. He honestly couldn't believe it. "I'm in love with Blair." He said testing the words.

As Chuck actually said the words, Nate grew worried. Could Chuck really have feelings for Blair and more importantly, did Blair have feelings of her own for Chuck? These thoughts hit him with a tidal wave. "I need time to think."

"So do I." Chuck responded, glad that Nate seemed to have calmed down. Either way he was glad they were in separate bedrooms of the cabana. As they started to walk, several feet separating them Chuck ventured a question. "Are we going to be okay?"

Nate looked at Chuck. "That depends, are you going after Blair?" If Chuck promised him right now that he would give up Blair for good, then maybe they could work things out. "Or are you going to stay away from her?"

Chuck breathed deeply; unable to believe what he was about to say. "I can't Nathaniel. I'm sorry."

"Then no Chuck, we aren't going to be alright." Nate said before jogging back to the cabana. He really didn't want to spend any more time near Chuck and tomorrow, tomorrow he was going to have to confront Blair.

Chuck watched as Nate ran off and at the last minute changed his mind about where he was going and turned towards Madison's beach house. He needed to see Blair. Their house was a little closer to downtown than his and Nate's cabana so it wasn't long before he was there.

As he was walking up to the house he saw a figure on the beach. His first guess was that it was Maddie. Good, that would make it easier if he didn't have to deal with her when he knocked on the door. Just as he was about to knock, the girl on the beach ran a hand through her ear and he realized that the girl he thought was Maddie, was actually Blair. As though the heavens were providing him with confirmation, there was a large clap of thunder. He smiled to himself; she was so beautiful. He immediately began walking towards her.

When he reached the sand of the beach he kicked his shoes off before continuing towards her. As he got close enough that she would hear him, he spoke. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

He asked calmly. All remnants of his fight with Nate were long gone; right now all he cared about was Blair

Blair turned her head around on hearing him and smiled a soft smile in his direction. "I thought it would be easier for both of us if you were mad at me." As she finished talking she faced the beach once more. Watching the lightning as it seemed to strike the waves. She promised herself that she was going to be honest with Chuck right now. Keeping things from him had almost caused everything to blow up in their faces.

"Probably." Chuck said as he came to a stop beside Blair. "Mind if I?" He asked pointing at the ground.

Blair shrugged, still slightly smiling because she was near him. It just felt so good and so comfortable. Nothing was forced with Chuck; it never had to be. "Might as well. But I feel I should warn you, its probably about to start pouring any minute."

Chuck knew that that was as much of a yes from Blair as he was going to get so he sat down beside her in the sand. "Why didn't you, sleep with him I mean?" He asked tentatively.

Blair sighed. She knew that he was going to ask and it was a difficult answer, at least for her. "I couldn't. It felt wrong." It was the best answer that she could manage.

Chuck nodded slightly. "I would have never given up so easily if I had known that you hadn't slept with Nate." He said with another clash of thunder, looking at her so as to make sure that she knew he was serious. Even as he spoke he noticed the clouds drawing ever closer, covering up the moonlight that Blair had been basking in only moments before.

Blair was about to say I know but at the last second realized that if she did she would have been dishonest. "I didn't know." She whispered. "I thought we were just a game to you."

Chuck almost couldn't believe what Blair was saying. It's not that he thought that she loved him like he loved her but he definitely thought she felt something from him. "Never." Was all he said, his eyes searching hers for some sign of what she was thinking. He used to be able to read her like an open book; but now that his feelings were involved the lines were blurred.

"Do you know why I went to Nate that night?" Blair asked, a slight smile on her face at the irony.

Chuck shook his head. "No. I assumed it was because he wanted you and you wanted your perfect plan back on track."

This time it was Blair who shook her head. "I wanted to teach you a lesson." She watched as Chuck's eyes widened and continued speaking. "I wanted to show you that you couldn't manipulate me like you do everyone else. I was hurt because I thought that I was different." As she spoke the first drops began to fall but by this time she was too entranced with their conversation to move a muscle; they both were.

"You are different." Chuck replied immediately, paying no attention to the increasing rainfall. He could get soaked for all he cared.

"It didn't feel that way that night." Blair said looking away. Later she would blame the rain for the mascara that was beginning to streak down her face.

Chuck reached over and turned her chin to face him. "I was so scared of losing you that I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that that didn't happen."

Blair was breathless and speechless as the same time. That wasn't what she had been expecting Chuck to say. She knew that he wanted her but she had no clue that it had been his primary motivation for what he did.

Chuck's mouth was inches from hers and he closed the distance between them, kissing her softly; their mouths meeting, mingling with the rain water running down their faces. Blair's mouth responded immediately, her tongue instantly began probing for entrance, which he of course granted. He wrapped his arms around her as she moved onto his lap; their wet bodies moving against each other.

He ran her hands down her back until he grasped her ass in his hands causing her to moan into his mouth. Chuck flipped her onto her back as he continued to kiss her. They were both soaked and Chuck couldn't remember a time in which she looked more beautiful.

Only when his hand ran up her thigh and under the skirt of her soaked dress did Blair break the kiss. "Chuck." She moaned. "We shouldn't do this here. Outside. In the pouring rain."

"Why not?" He asked reaching forward and nibbling on her lip. Before moving his kisses to her neck.

Blair hissed under her breath. "Because anyone could walk up and see us and we are completely soaked."

He broke away from her neck for a moment. "I don't care if we get caught." As soon as he said the words the magic of the moment, the rain, the kiss, was gone and he remembered that they already had been caught, if indirectly.

Blair saw the change come over him the second that it happened. "What is it?" She asked worriedly as she sat up. The rain only increasing in volume.

Chuck shut his eyes tightly and reopened them. Blair was still there in front of him, her lips red from kissing him, sand in her dark hair, her mascara smeared from the rain, her clothing soaked to her body. "Nate knows." He said quietly almost hoping that she wouldn't hear him over the storm.

"By Nate knows I know you can't mean that Nate knows about us because that's impossible." Blair stated assuredly.

Chuck nodded his head, oh she had heard him all right. "That's exactly what I mean."

"How could you tell him Chuck? I trusted you." Blair asked the rain roaring in her ears, all thoughts of kissing him completely gone from her mind.

Chuck shook his head. He had to make Blair understand quickly before there were more misunderstandings. "I didn't. Madison Albright did."

Blair was momentarily confused. "The blonde from Spence that you took to Cotillion? How does she even know Nate and what the hell were you doing talking to her about our sex life?" Blair asked indignantly.

Chuck knew that this was going to be difficult to explain so he decided that the easiest method would be to explain to Blair who her new friend really was. After all he had kept her identity secret on the premise that she wouldn't reveal his and Blair's affair. "Madison Albright is . . ."

"Maddie Sinclair." Blair completed as things began to click. She had been played and the girl had done a damn good job of it. "And you knew her before she moved to New York didn't you?" Blair asked knowing that she was right. Chuck was always interested in new comers but to have taken the girl to Cotillion he had to know her better than that. Even though he had ruined her own Cotillion, Chuck did respect the tradition. He was a man of high standards.

"She comes to Monaco every summer. This past summer we had a fling. She's a little attached. I agreed not to tell you guys who she was as long as she kept yours and my affair to herself." Chuck explained, the tone of his voice pleading for her to understand as he wiped the rain from his eyes. It was coming down so hard he could barely see Blair standing right in front of him.

Blair ran a hand through her soaked hair. "You should have told me anyway damn it. Now Nate knows and I won't be able to fix things with him."

Chuck felt the furry race through his veins and opened his mouth although he knew that he would probably regret it. "You still want to be with Nate after everything that's been said tonight."

Ugh, she had bigger things right now to worry about than Chuck's emotions. Nate was never going to forgive her. "Of course I do. I told you on the phone Chuck; Nate's the one I need right now. That hasn't changed."

"You make me sick." Chuck spat stepping closer to her. "Can you honestly say that he makes you feel the way that I make you feel?" When Blair looked down instead of answering he had his answer. "Of course not. You couldn't even bring yourself to sleep with him because you knew that it was wrong. You aren't meant to be with Nate. He can never begin to match your fire and passion, much less enhance it."

Blair listened to what he was saying before replying. "Come on Chuck, you know we aren't right together. It's not natural."

Chuck growled, taking her face in his hands. "You just don't get it do you. Do you think they question a day of sunshine in Northern Siberia in the dead of winter because it isn't natural, or do they appreciate the phenomenon that they've received?"

Once more Blair didn't answer but Chuck had nothing more to say until she did so they both waited. Finally Blair spoke. "I'm scared. I've been following that plan since I was a kid."

"And you think I'm not scared Blair?" Chuck asked before continuing. "I'm fucking terrified. I've never felt this way before; nowhere close." He was still holding her face in his hands, the rain coming down harder than ever.

Blair pulled away. "I need time to think Chuck."

Just as she was about to walk away Chuck grabbed her arm and pulled her back pressing his mouth against hers until she was once more breathless. "Just a little something to think about because there's no way in hell I'm giving up now." He said quietly before walking away. The rain covering her view of him after only a few feet.

* * *

Nate took a deep breath as he surveyed the beach in front of him; the rain was coming down in torrents. He was standing out on the cabana balcony beginning to worry about Chuck's location. What if he had gone to Blair's? What if he won her over tonight? As he pondered his thoughts he saw a figure approaching in the darkness. He immediately knew that it wasn't Chuck; the form was distinctly female. But it wasn't Blair either. The walk was all wrong. "What are you doing here Madison?"

Madison finally stepped into the light holding a towel in her hand. It was clear she had just finished towel drying her hair. "It's really coming down out there." She spoke nonchalantly but a glare from Nate changed her attitude. If that's the way he wanted to play it that was fine; she didn't need to be conversational. She was surprised that Nate had known who she was; he wasn't the most perceptive guy that she had ever met. "First of all, I prefer Maddie while I have my auburn hair. Secondly, I came here to let you know where Chuck is right now. I know you must be wondering."

Nate wanted to tell her to go to hell, he really did but his curiosity got the better of him. "Where is he?"

"With her." Madison answered immediately and waited with a smirk on her face for Nate's reaction.

"Damn it." Nate said slamming his hand down on the porch railing. "I'm done. I can't take this anymore. They can have each other."

Madison was still smirking. That after all was the reaction that she had been expecting, now she just had to change his mind. "So easily? And I thought I heard you tell Chuck that you loved her."

"I did. I do." Nate said flustered. "But she slept with Chuck, he's my best friend."

Madison shrugged. "So what, you slept with Serena, that's her best friend."

Nate shook his head. "It's different."

"Yeah, you were dating her when you slept with Serena. She wasn't dating you while she was sleeping with Chuck." Madison said as she laughed and placed her hand in the rain, letting it run over her fingers before bringing her hand back under the cover.

Nate hadn't thought about it that way before. He had only been thinking in terms of quantity, but Maddie had a point. "But if she's with him now than it's too late."

She knew that this was where her real work was to be done. Nate needed to be convinced to fight for Blair. "So you are just going to stand by and let Chuck use her and throw her away."

Nate shook his head. "He says he loves her."

Maddie scoffed knowing that Chuck was completely infatuated with Blair, something that probably derived from love; but for her purposes tonight she couldn't tell Nate that. "Chuck Bass in love, yeah right."

She was right. Chuck Bass didn't love girls. He wasn't going to let Blair get hurt by him. He would show her just how right they were for each other. "You're right." Nate finally said and

Maddie shot him a look that asserted that she was always right. As though considering just why Madison was being helpful to him he spoke with a cocked eyebrow. "Why are you so interested in whether or not I'm with Blair?"

Once more Maddie smirked; she was beginning to think that he would never ask. "Let's just say that we have a mutual goal. You want Blair and I want Chuck."

Nate was unsurprised. He knew that Maddie and Chuck had a history. "Aren't you forgetting your own warning concerning Chuck?"

Maddie laughed. "No. I'm a big girl; I can handle the heat.

Her statement caused Nate to laugh as well; but it was Maddie who spoke again. "You know, I think that this is the beginning of a beautiful partnership."

"I couldn't agree more." Nate said with a smile as a crash of thunder rang out over the beach.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed :) Sorry it took so long, I've been having mechanical difficulties.  
**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo  
kate **


	8. What We Find When We Clear Our Head

**A/N: So I know it's been a while. You guys are wonderful for being so patient with me. I've been super busy since school started back. I hope you enjoy this newest update. **

Thanks for all of you who reviewed: **Stella296, thegoodgossipgirl, lalai, CarolinaGirl21, LC-LOVES-CB, cavanaugh-girl, zazou2, LitPrincess2787, and SweetBlackAngel16 **I try to update quickly for you guys.

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

Blair was surprised to walk into the kitchen and find that no one was home. Madison was always up first; usually sitting at the table drinking coffee hours before Blair managed to pull herself from her own bed. Deciding to be thorough, Blair checked Maddie's room finding it empty with the bed still made. Madison had never even been here last night.

Immediately, Blair found herself getting pissed off. She had so many things that she needed to talk to Maddie about; which probably explained why Maddie was nowhere to be seen. By not being here Maddie proved once and for all that the one and only reason that they were friends was because of some sick and twisted agenda that Maddie was working. Blair couldn't help but think that it was all like something Chuck would do.

Blair tried to shake Chuck from her thoughts. It would do her no good right now to start contemplating what she was going to do where he and Nate were concerned; however, she couldn't seem to help it. Chuck had been so serious last night when he told her that he wasn't giving up; that he really had feelings for her; that she wasn't just a game to him. She couldn't deny that this left countless emotions pouring through her. Could she give up on everything she had spent her life working towards with Nate, could she disappoint her mother? All only to explore whatever was going on between her and Chuck. And more importantly, did she want to?

Nate had been part of her life for so long, she didn't know if she could let him go; but she couldn't deny that things with him hadn't felt right in so long. Plus there was a small part of her that would always fear that he was only with her because he couldn't have Serena.

What she had told Chuck last night was right, she needed time to think, time to sort out everything that she was feeling. On that thought she decided that it would be best if she spent the day alone. So she put on her new bikini, grabbed her beach things and headed out. Perhaps a day soaking in the sun would clear her head.

* * *

Madison groaned as she rolled over. Sleeping on a couch was not exactly the best way to keep from getting aches and pains. She looked around the room confused at first before remembering where she was. Chuck and Nate's cabana; or most likely, now simply Nate's cabana. She realized immediately that she must have been woken by the sun shining through the balcony doors. She walked over to find Nate sitting outside looking down at the beach.

"Good morning." She said lightly as she stepped on to the balcony.

"Morning." Nate replied without turning his head.

Madison was instantly intrigued; what could Nate be looking at that would cause him to hold such focus. "What are you looking at?" She asked bluntly.

Nate gestured with his head and Madison followed his gaze as she noticed a brunette laid out her towel a little past them on the beach. Blair could be so oblivious sometimes. Sure they had never visited the guy's cabana but she apparently hadn't even noticed Nate's relatively close presence.

Finally, Nate broke his gaze off Blair. "Chuck didn't come home last night."

"Are you surprised?" Maddie asked as she was now the one who couldn't stop looking at Blair. The fact that Blair was alone made her feel a twinge of guilt because she knew that she would have been the one there with Blair if she hadn't lied and manipulated her. Guilt was a strange feeling for her, she wasn't used to it; but Blair was the first friend that she had ever had . . . wait, when had she begun to think of Blair as a friend instead of an enemy. Maybe that's why she felt so bad when she woke up this morning. Her thoughts were interrupted as Nate spoke again.

"No . . .well yes." Nate said, somehow managing to confuse even himself. When Maddie looked at him with raised eyebrows he explicated. "It's just I thought that maybe Chuck thought that this wasn't a big deal, that it was just a rough patch and we would move past it. That he didn't come home means that he was serious. He really chose Blair over me."

Madison couldn't prevent the sharp intake of breath. Nate seemed to have hit the proverbial nail on its head. Chuck not coming home did mean something; which was something that she herself had overlooked. "Well at least you know he wasn't with her." She said, gesturing towards Blair.

Nate nodded as he faced Blair once more. "True. At least he wasn't with her."

Maddie leaned up against the railing, facing Nate and blocking his vision of Blair. "Go prove to her that you're the guy for her."

"What about Chuck?" Nate asked looking up at Maddie's face.

Madison already knew the answer to his question since she had long awaited the time when Nate would ask it. "Chuck will come around. Some hot girl will catch his eye and he'll realize that he only wanted Blair because he couldn't have her."

Nate nodded, Maddie was right. It was high time he had a conversation with the girl he loved before Chuck unwittingly hurt her.

* * *

Blair was doing her best to relax as she lay in the mid day sun. She attempted to clear her mind, let everything go and hopefully be left with an answer to her problems. She thought perhaps if she completely cleared everything out of her head she would be able to listen to her heart and here it's opinion on everything that was going on.

Just as she began to think that this whole process might actually work she felt herself get a chill. The warmth of the sun had left her body meaning that someone must be blocking her light. Slowly she opened her eyes and stared at the currently glowing figure of Nathaniel Archibald. It was strange, he almost looked as though he was wearing a halo; how fitting. "Nate." Blair said as she raised a hand to shield her eyes. She wasn't sure whether she should be annoyed with his presence or glad that he sought her out.

"Hey B." He said softly as though he was nervous. He noticed immediately that she had to shield her eyes because of where he was standing so he sat down in the sand next to her.

Blair responded by propping herself up on her elbow and facing Nate. She was braced for the inevitable verbal lashing that was about to come. After all, Nate knew what she had been keeping from him. "So, I already know that you know about me and Chuck if that's what you're here to tell me.

Nate shook his head slightly. "I'm actually here to tell you that it doesn't matter." He had rehearsed exactly what he was going to say to win her back and he had every intention of succeeding.

Blair was shocked. Had Nate just said what she thought he just said? "What do you mean it doesn't matter?"

"I mean, that I don't care about you and Chuck. I still want to be with you; I still want you to be my girlfriend." Nate paused for a moment to let it sink in what he was saying to her before continuing with his one stipulation. "As long as it's over between the two of you. I won't share you with him."

She honestly didn't know what to say. Nate was basically sitting in front of her, telling her that nothing had changed, that he wanted to pick up right where they left off. Something about it made her inexplicably angry. "How can you just do that Nate? We can't just pretend that it didn't happen, that's what we did when you slept with Serena and look where that left us. We have to deal with this and its repercussions."

Nate had known Blair a long time and that's why he saw something that he didn't think that even she realized was there. There was hesitation lingering in her eyes. She was hesitant about being with him even though he had said that this mess with Chuck didn't change things for him. Of course she would be hesitant; she was already iffy about the whole subject before he had found out about her affair, she must simply still be scared that he had feelings for Serena. "I'm not just forgetting about this Blair. I believe that now we could really start over. Neither of us will have to make up for something that we've done wrong. Everything will be equal, so maybe we could really make it work."

Blair was still speechless. Nate was saying all the right things but for some reason she was still holding back. She needed more time to think, to sort out her feelings. This was supposed to be what she wanted yet now that she was getting it all she could think about would be what she would be giving up; Chuck. "I don't know Nate. I need time to think about all of this and sort out how I feel."

Nate couldn't help but be hurt by Blair's response. He felt like he had put himself out there and she had completely rebuffed him. He didn't know what else he could say; this wasn't supposed to be so hard. They had been in love since they were kids, that hadn't changed so why couldn't they just forget about all the other crap and be together? "Okay." He said softly. "Just think about it alright."

Blair nodded as Nate lifted her hand and placed a kiss on it; like the perfect gentleman. She couldn't help but smile. He would always be her knight in shining armor, of that she was certain.

* * *

"I cannot believe that you just walked away." Madison said as she berated Nate for his insolence. She hadn't spent so much time and energy pep talking him for him to give up so quickly. She needed him to occupy Blair so that she would be able to mend the pieces of Chuck's broken heart.

Nate just shook his head. "I said everything I knew to say. It just wasn't enough. She's still mad at me about Serena, I know it."

This time it was Madison who shook her head. Nate could be so dense sometimes. Blair didn't give a damn about the Serena thing anymore; if she was hesitant to get involved with Nate then it was because she had feelings for Chuck. Madison had only known Blair for a week and already she knew how important Nate was to Blair's grand plan. She wouldn't let Serena get in the way of that but it sounded like her heart was getting involved. "Damn it." She hissed upon this realization.

"What?" Nate said immediately. "What is it?" Madison seemed to be the type that didn't let much get to her. If she was this upset about something then it was big.

Madison looked away to keep Nate from seeing the fearful tears in her eyes. "Nothing, I broke a nail." Once she had forced the tears not to fall she flipped back towards him. "Now go back to Blair and convince her that you're it for her."

* * *

Blair was lying on her stomach the second time someone walked near her blocking her sunlight. "Go away Chuck." She said without looking up.

"How'd you know it was me?" Chuck asked a smirked appearing on his face as he was genuinely impressed. He hadn't made a single sound to alert her in anyway. He thought that she might know that someone had walked up since he had come in the direction of the sun and likely blocked her light.

Blair wasn't sure that she knew_ how_ she knew. Perhaps it was a combination of the sound of his footsteps in the sand and the scent of his personalized cologne that lightly wafted to her nose; or possibly it was just his presence. Whichever was the correct answer, none of these suspicions were things that she would share with Chuck. So instead she continued talking without looking at him. "Nate's already been by so I assumed that it was your turn; even though I told you to give me time."

_**Know all about, yeah 'bout your reputation  
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation  
But I can't help it if I'm helpless  
Every time that I'm where you are.**_

Chuck sighed. He had hoped that Blair had just been saying that she needed time to keep him in suspense. It scared him that he had put himself out there so much yet she hadn't given up Nate. "What did Nate have to say?" He asked defensively.

Blair rolled her eyes from where she was laying, still not looking at him. "That's really none of your business Chuck." She wished he would go away because when he was around it was much too difficult to think clearly. She couldn't quite collect her thoughts because her emotions always took over.

"Blair . . ." He began sounding exhausted. He didn't want to fight with her. He just wanted her to know how much he wanted her; needed her.

_**You walk in and my strength walks out the door  
Say my name and I can't fight it any more  
Oh I know, I should go  
But I need your touch just too damn much**_

Immediately Blair pushed herself to a sitting position, curling her legs up and crossing them. "Blair what Chuck? Because seriously this is not my idea of giving me space." She wasn't going to simply collapse into his arms like she had the night before. She couldn't do that again without giving in.

Chuck was calm as he spoke. "I want to make sure that you know that I'm serious about everything that I said last night." He sat down in the sand as he finished. His eyes never leaving hers. "I want to be with you Blair. You are the only girl who really knows me, the only girl I didn't kick out the morning after. You mean more to mean than any girl ever has or ever will."

Blair was sure what to say. In fact, she wasn't entirely sure that she was even capable of speech at the moment. Even though they had had a similar conversation the night before, there was more intensity now; she was breathless. So she didn't say anything, she just let Chuck talk.

_**Loving you, yeah, isn't really something I should do  
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah  
I should try to be strong  
But baby you're the right kind of wrong  
yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong**_

The fact that Blair didn't have a snappy retort strengthened his conviction and he moved closer as he spoke once more. "I feel alive when I'm with you and I know you feel the same. You can't honestly tell me that you feel that way with Nate."

Blair pulled back slightly. "We had this discussion last night Chuck. It's the same ideas just different words and it doesn't change the fact that I need more time." She had been falling back into his hold once more until he mentioned Nate. Somehow that had awakened her from the hypnotic state he put her in.

Chuck tried not to groan. "This isn't the same as last night Waldorf. Last night I was angry and emotional; today I'm just telling you what I need you to hear."

_**Might be a mistake, A mistake I'm making  
But what you're giving I am happy to be taking  
'Cause no one's ever made me feel  
The way I feel when I'm in your arms**_

Blair was captured once more by his words and she felt herself leaning closer once more. "What do you need me to hear?" She asked, her breath becoming husky almost immediately. It amazed her how much her emotions varied based on the words Chuck said to her.

Chuck smiled slightly leaning closer. "I need you to hear that I'm the right guy for you. That Nathaniel will never be able to make you feel the same way I do; no guy will. What we have, that level of passion, isn't something you find with every person. That's a once and a lifetime occurrence. You only get one shot to keep the fire ignited."

Blair felt the words pulling her back in. She knew it was wrong, knew that no one would ever understand them together. They would never be accepted as a couple, the perfect princess and the playboy just weren't supposed to combine so she tried her best to explain away their connection. "I won't deny the passion, the fire; but that kind of relationship is one that burns and consumes until nothing is left in its wake. We'll self destruct. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not two months from now; but that kind of passion can't last."

_**They say you're something I should do without  
They don't know what goes on when the lights go out  
There's no way to explain  
All the pleasure is worth all the pain**_

"I believe it can." Chuck said with bedroom eyes. "And I am okay with the destruction occurring tomorrow for even a little taste of that fire."

Blair shook her head slightly. "That's the problem, you are okay with temporary. I'm not." It seemed as though they had finally come to the real crux of the issue; Chuck didn't mind short term. "I won't risk everything with Nate for something that won't last."

Chuck practically growled. "We could make it last Blair. If we both try I know we can." He realized he had talked himself into a corner and he needed a way out. The uncertainty was their issue. "I don't want you for a few weeks; I never pictured a future with any girl until you. I'm not going to change my mind; I'm not going to run away."

_**Loving you, yeah isn't really something I should do  
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you yeah  
I should try to be strong  
But baby you're the right kind of wrong  
yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong**_

"How do I know that for sure?" Blair asked immediately. She wanted to believe Chuck, she really did but his track record was working against him.

Chuck moved closer. "You don't. You have to trust me. As frightening as that is, it's what has to happen. For us to work I have to trust that you won't run back to Nate and you have to trust that I won't get bored and move on. From what I hear, it's what relationships are all about."

Blair rested her forehead against his. The second their skin touched, she felt a spark of heat that seemed to steam from that one spot and move throughout her body. "I don't know that I can Chuck." She practically whispered.

_**I should try to run but I just can't seem to  
'Cause every time I run you're the one I've run to  
Can't do without what you do to me,  
I don't care if I'm in too deep yeah hey-yeah**_

"Try." Chuck pleaded before moving ever closer.

Automatically Blair wanted to say yes. It felt so incredibly right in that moment, so perfect. Everything was crystal clear. Nate was her past, Chuck was her future. A thrill of excitement ran through her as she closed the distance between their mouths.

A sense of elation flooded Chuck's system as he felt her lips on his. He had hoped that this would be the outcome but he had still expected otherwise. Who was he to think that Blair would choose him over Nate? It felt so good in that moment, so right.

_**Loving you, yeah, isn't really something I should do  
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you yeah  
I should try to be strong (should try to be strong)  
But baby you're the right kind of wrong (right kind of wrong)  
Baby you're the right kind of wrong  
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong**_

Neither Chuck nor Blair heard the approaching footsteps until Nate spoke with a tone full of pain and anger. "I should have known."

**Spotted: C and B seen necking on the beach by none other than N! Someone get to Monaco and figure out what's going on before I have to hop a plane myself. **

**xoxo  
gossip girl **

**

* * *

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed *hugs* The song is Right Kind of Wrong by Leanne Rhymes. **

**Reviews are always appreciated. **

**xoxo  
kate**


	9. Choose Me

**A/N: SO SO Sorry guys! I know I totally just quit on you guys, school was just a lot to deal with. So hopefully you'll all forgive me and enjoy this update. Another soon! I promise **

**xoxo  
kate**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rated: T mostly for language. **

To my wonderful reviewers: **Kuku Mademoiselle, Stella296, LC-LOVES-CB, SweetBlackAngel16, bridj26, CarolinaGirl21, tvrox12, Cavanaugh-girl, VelvetVolcano, LitPrincess2787, Jennaxox, annablake, **and **juicygirlxo4** you guys are amazing!

**

* * *

Last Time on I Can't, You Can't, He Can't, She Won't**

_"Try." Chuck pleaded before moving ever closer. _

_Automatically Blair wanted to say yes. It felt so incredibly right in that moment, so perfect. Everything was crystal clear. Nate was her past, Chuck was her future. A thrill of excitement ran through her as she closed the distance between their mouths. _

_A sense of elation flooded Chuck's system as he felt her lips on his. He had hoped that this would be the outcome but he had still expected otherwise. Who was he to think that Blair would choose him over Nate? It felt so good in that moment, so right. _

_Neither Chuck nor Blair heard the approaching footsteps until Nate spoke with a tone full of pain and anger. "I should have known." _

* * *

"Nate." Blair gasped as she immediately pulled away from Chuck. Seeing Nate, his eyes so full of pain and fury brought back every emotion she had ever felt for him. What was she doing, making this decision to be with Chuck? She was hardly in the position to do that right now. She had allowed Chuck's words and that undeniable heat they shared drag her back in.

Nate simply shook his head. "I give up Blair. I poured my heart out to you earlier. I forgave everything; I gave our relationship a clean slate. I told you all I wanted out of the deal was you. And that's it Blair, there's nothing more I can do. Yet every time I walk away, the two of you seem to attach yourself by the lips."

Chuck didn't know what to say, what to do. He was afraid to say anything to get Nate to understand for fear that he would stick around and decide not to give up but if he took Nate's side and claimed that he and Blair were supposed to be together, that he would push Blair away. So for at least the moment he remained silent.

Blair didn't know what to do. This is why she had wanted time. She had needed to be away from both boys to sort this all out. Now she might not actually have the chance. This was like committing to one designer immediately after they made the sales pitch; how stupid could she be. She had to explain what had happened, she had to let Nate know that she hadn't made her decision, not really. "Nate, you have to listen to me, he caught me off guard with all of this." She had stood up to follow Nate in case he tried to leave.

Nate ran a hand through his hair, sandy from the beach. He wanted Blair, but he didn't know how much more of this yoyo he could take. He had thought that her hesitation was because of Serena but maybe, maybe she had been hesitating earlier because she actually had feelings for Chuck. He knew that there was only one way to find out, one way to know for sure and that was to ask. "Do you have feelings for him?" He asked as calmly as he could manage. He was looking Blair strait in the eye even though he knew that Chuck was sitting on the ground by her feet, leaning back as though he were watching a show.

Blair looked at Nate. Did she have feelings for Chuck? Yes there was an incredible heat between them every time that they were together; but were there feelings behind the heat? Were she and Chuck more than just sex, more than friends with benefits? She broke eye contact with Nate and glanced down to where Chuck was still sitting. His hair was ruffled from their kissing and the light breeze off the water but his face still held a slight trace of a smirk. She couldn't help but think of the past month, how good he had been to her, how wonderful the month had been. Blair asked herself again, did she have feelings for Chuck and found her answer.

When Blair's eyes met his again, Nate had to inhale. He was going to wait for her to say it, but he could see Blair's answer in her eyes. So he repeated the question, "Go ahead Blair, do you have feelings for Chuck?" He was still ignoring the fact that Chuck was even present.

Blair knew she had to answer honestly so she took a deep breath. "Yes, I have feelings for Chuck but I have feelings for you too Nate." Her answer was almost a plea for understanding. She didn't know how this had happened. She hadn't even been aware that it had until Cotillion. It had taken almost having sex with Nate to realize that she had made the worst mistake a girl could make and developed feelings for two boys. It was just karma's idea of a sick joke that the boys happened to be best friends.

Nate shook his head slightly. It wasn't the answer he had hoped for; he had been hoping that for Blair it was just sex because that was something that their history and their feelings beat any day but that she cared for Chuck made this an entirely different ball game. "I told you Blair, I'm not going to share you."

"What does that mean Nate, what do you want from me?" Blair asked, taking a step toward Nate. She of course understood the words, but she needed clarification on what he needed from her.

Nate looked into her deep chocolate eyes and almost smiled. It was rare that he was the one in this position in their relationship, the one who made the ultimatum. "It means, you have to make a choice. And for the record, I am hoping you choose me." Then as he was about to walk away he acknowledged Chuck for the first time. "And as for you, you can just stay the hell away from me." And with those words Nate pulled Blair to him and gave her the kind of kiss that every princess is owed by her white knight before turning and leaving her on the beach with Chuck. He was going to give her the time she wanted, even if Chuck wasn't.

After Nate walked away Blair stood there for a moment shell shocked; however as soon as she regained her senses she turned on Chuck. "This is all your fault." She snapped accusingly.

Chuck immediately stood up from his seat in the sand. For once he was unsure whether or not Blair was even really angry; so he decided to do all he could to bring them back to where they were a few minutes ago, before Nate arrived. "You had made your decision, remember. Blair you want this, you want us." He said moving closer towards her.

Blair shook her head slightly. "I don't even know what I want Chuck." This time Blair knew that what she was saying was the truth, it wasn't simply because Chuck was standing so close, or because she had just talked to Nate; she honestly didn't know what she wanted.

This isn't how this was supposed to go, thought Chuck as he leaned in tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He could feel Blair react to his touch, her cheeks flushed and her body moved slightly towards him. "You already know how I feel Blair, I want to be with you and I heard you tell Nate that you have feelings for me." Chuck said speaking slowly and leaning in slightly towards her. "Now there's nothing stopping us."

Right before Chuck's lips would have touched her own, Blair took a step backward. There were so many thoughts, so many feelings racing through her brain and, if she was being honest with herself, her heart. And it was overwhelming. Even she was surprised when the first tear fell. "I just don't know." She said before turning and starting to walk up the beach towards Madison's beach house.

Chuck immediately started after Blair, had he done something wrong because it sure looked like she was crying.

Blair turned around the second that she realized Chuck was following her and held up a hand. "Please, this time, just don't." She spoke before turning and fleeing up the beach. Leaving Chuck standing dumbfounded in the sand.

Chuck didn't know what to do as he started walking towards the cabana that he had rented last night. He wanted Blair but he wanted to give her space. He respected her, more than he had ever respected any woman so he knew that he couldn't interfere with her decision, he had learned his lesson at Cotillion; he wouldn't try to manipulate her into choosing him. But the thought terrified him. What if she chose Nate, even now after she knew how he felt, after he knew how he felt?

* * *

Blair was surprised when she walked in the door of the cabana to find Madison sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup off coffee. She couldn't help but shake herself internally at the sight of Maddie, how could she have been so stupid, been so blind. Blair Waldorf did not get manipulated by other people and she could already tell that that was exactly what Madison had been doing to her. "What are you doing here Madison?" Blair finally asked, coming to a stop in front of the kitchen table.

Madison couldn't help but smirk. "This is my house, remember Blair. And for future reference I prefer Maddie, when I have the auburn hair."

Blair scoffed. "What do you have multiple personalities or something?"

"Not really" Maddie said with a shrug. "I just only have the opportunity to be who I really am as Maddie. Madison is the prim perfect girl that society wants her to be." Madison surprised even herself by revealing one of her darkest secrets to Blair.

In turn, Blair surprised herself by nodding. Something in what Madison had just said, struck a cord with her. She knew what it was like to have to be perfect, it took a toll and sometimes it felt good to just let loose and be herself. Blair couldn't help but think that Madison being Maddie was like how she was when she was with Chuck. But none of that changed the fact that Madison was not her friend. "I was surprised to find you here, I figured you were whoring yourself out to someone new, or is Chuck still your main goal?" Blair asked, getting some of her normal attitude back.

Madison was slightly taken off guard at the statement but she played it off well, placing one perfectly manicured hand against her chest as though Blair had injured her. "Aww that hurts Blair. You don't really think that of me do you?"

"I don't know what to think of you." Blair said waking around Madison to the refrigerator and getting out a yogurt cup.

Madison smiled. "Of course you do Blair, we're friends." If Blair was going to play the bitch this morning Madison would simply do the opposite.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Now that's not entirely true is it? We were never really friends were we?" Blair said pointedly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Madison said sweetly. "Did you not think that my friendship was sincere?" Unable to resist the dig at Blair that she had had her fooled.

"Cut the bullshit Madison. We both know that you were manipulating me, using me to get what you want with Chuck. I don't know how you pulled some of it off, like the photo to gossip girl, I get that you sent it, you were at Cotillion when we left, I remember seeing you; but how on earth did you make sure that gossip girl wouldn't correct herself?"

Madison laughed slightly to herself; that was one secret she wasn't so inclined to share. "I got lucky." She said with a smirk. Then she continued speaking without quite knowing why. "You know I actually had fun with you though."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Yeah I get it, you had fun manipulating me. It's one of my favorite past times too but don't talk about how much you enjoyed it in front of me." Blair said, taking a bite of her yogurt.

"No I meant that I had fun being your friend. As a rule I don't actually have friends, at least not ones that don't have penises." Madison said speaking seriously.

Blair just shook her head, feeling suddenly inspired. "I can see why." She said before walking towards Madison and dumping her yogurt out on her head before continuing out of the room.

Madison's mouth fell open. Had Blair really just done that? The sticky evidence on her forehead said that the answer was yes. And even though she had decided that she would stay out of it now, suddenly she was back in the game. Madison started speaking, causing Blair to turn around a smirk present now on her face. "Girl to girl, you're better off picking Nate. You may have a wild side too but you were born and bred an Upper East Side Princess, Chuck will never be the kind of guy you really need." Madison spoke knowing that even though Blair didn't trust her, she wouldn't forget what she said. "He'll never change, even for you."

Blair rolled her eyes again. Not really caring what Madison had to say, she was poised once more to leave the room.

"But Blair," Madison called, stopping Blair once more. "If I were you, I'd watch your back. You just started a war and I'm going to win."

This time Blair couldn't quite roll her eyes. This wasn't like when Serena tried to fight her, or one of her minions. This was bigger than that, Madison was better at the game than they were. So Blair couldn't help but take her threat seriously. "We'll see about that."

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**A/N: I know it was a little short but it was a good stopping place. I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo  
kate  
**


	10. Bye, Bye, Monaco

A/N: Yay an update finally!!!!

Thanks for all of you who reviewed: **Krazy4Spike, Stella296, Kuku Mademoiselle, ronan03, cakebakery, annablake, CarolinaGirl21, thegoodgossipgirl, **and **LitPrincess2787**

You guys keep me inspired and totally make my day so thanks so much :)

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

Blair had spent the entire day packing her bags. It wasn't that she was scared of staying with Madison, but she didn't like being where she wasn't welcome and right now, she knew she wasn't welcome here. Either way that was of little consequence, she would have left anyway. She wasn't going to stay in Monaco anymore. Being here with both guys just made her more confused. So she had made the only decision that she would be making in the near future, she was leaving.

She would go somewhere that she could really clear her head; she would have personal space for the first time in maybe forever. And that's when she would make her decision. She hoped that she would be ready by New Years. She firmly believed that the way you spent New Year's Eve was a sign for the way the rest of your year would go. However if that didn't happen, it didn't happen. She wasn't in a rush, if one of the boys got bored and moved on then that certainly wasn't the right guy for her. Now she just had to tell the guys.

Blair had been thinking about the best way to do this all day. Did she tell them individually or together? In public or in private? Should she tell them where she was going to go or would that be too much of a temptation for them? The questions and possibilities had been swimming in her mind for days and she had finally picked a method and gone with it. Blair had called Chuck about fifteen minutes ago telling him to meet her at the cabana that he had previously been sharing with Nate; she had done the same with Nate. Both were under the impression that she had made her decision because even though she hadn't said so on the phone, she could hear it in their voices.

Now standing on the front porch of the cabana, Blair was about to knock when she sensed someone else's presence nearby. She turned only to find Chuck standing behind her looking nervous.

"So what's this about?" He asked, carefully keeping his distance. Blair had told him nothing more over the phone than to meet her here and though he tried to stay cool; his anxiety had gotten the better of him and now he stood before her nervously running his hand through his hair.

Blair shook her head slightly, surprised at how difficult this was. She had thought that this decision would make things easier, but right now, the act of actually telling didn't feel that way. "You'll know in a few moments, I'm not telling the same story twice." She said before turning and knocking on the cabana door.

Chuck's eyes widened in shock. "Nate's meeting us?" As he said the words the door opened and Nate appeared, his expression immediately mirroring Chuck's at the sight of the other boy.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Seriously guys?" She looked between them realizing that they had both been under the impression that she was going to be speaking to each of them privately. "Go inside I have something to tell both of you."

Nate stepped back and allowed both of them through the doorway before shutting the door. He thought that this was just going to be him and Blair; Chuck's presence had surprised him enough to render him speechless. He went on his first instincts and sat down in the living room as did Chuck.

Chuck noticed something was off with Blair the moment they stepped inside. He hadn't noticed outside in the dark but inside he could tell. She was going somewhere. Her clothes were what Blair would call traveling clothes, white slacks and a nice yet comfortable top; her hair was back in a ponytail. Plus instead of a normal bag, she was carrying a larger bag, the size of a carryon. As soon as she came to rest in front of the TV of the living room he spoke. "You're leaving."

Nate looked at Chuck curiously but Blair shook her head. "Always have to beat me to the punch don't you Bass?" She couldn't help the slight smirk on her face. Of course Chuck would be the one to realize that she was going somewhere, he was observant and Nate well wasn't. "Yes you are correct. I'm leaving Monaco on a plane tonight."

Nate cocked his head slightly. "Are you saying that you are going to take one of us with you or something?" He was confused and unafraid to admit it even though he was cognizant of the fact that Chuck had probably already figured all of this out. That was the norm for them. Chuck and Blair were generally always two steps ahead of him, he told him he didn't get it and they filled him in.

Chuck looked at Nate and answered his question. He had seen the look in Blair's eyes. Sure she had made a decision but for right now that decision was that she didn't want either of them. "No Nathaniel, Blair's saying that she is leaving to get away from us." As he spoke without correction from Blair, he knew that he was right. So he turned away from Nate as he tried to comprehend just how Chuck had ascertained this and turned back to Blair. "And you're not going to tell us where you're going either."

Blair simply shook her head. "No I'm not. I need some time to myself, to figure things out and I'm not going to get that here." She said giving each of them a look. "So I want the two of you to stay in Monaco, have fun, enjoy the Holidays and I'm going to go somewhere to clear my head."

Chuck nodded solemnly. They had of course pushed her to this with their inability to leave her alone for more than a few hours; now both of them would have to wait. He couldn't deny the fear that filled his body; away from him who knew what might influence Blair's choice, society would always lead her to Nate as would her mother; Chuck's influence over her was all he had in his favor. But he knew that he had to abide by what he said on the beach, he had to learn to trust her. "Okay."

Nate was still rather flabbergasted; but at least now he understood the situation. It was never quite fair to be in a conversation with Chuck and Blair, their thought process moved so much more quickly than that of any normal person; it was difficult to keep up on days when had hadn't had a single blunt and today he had smoked two. "Okay." He said quietly accepting what Blair was saying. So she wanted them to leave her be and let her decide, fine he would let her pick. Something in his gut told him that without Chuck there constantly reminding her of their so called passion, it wouldn't be a problem in the first place; Blair would make the right choice, she would choose him.

With that Blair simply echoed both the boys. "Okay." Before turning and walking out of the cabin and out of Monaco.

After what could have been hours but was likely only a few minutes of both boys sitting there silently post Blair's departure, Nate looked at Chuck and spoke. "Want a blunt?"

Chuck couldn't even bring himself to be surprised at that moment. Even at their worst, he and Nate would always come back to this. "Sure." Chuck said, holding out a hand and accepting what Nate was offering. Chuck had already taken a long drag on his before Nate spoke.

"You know I told you to stay away from me." He was relaxed and open in his pot induced haze, besides there was no need for pretenses with Chuck, even now.

Chuck couldn't help but laugh. "According to Blair I have a problem with that particular order." He couldn't help but think of all of the times that Blair had told him to stay away from her even in just the last two months: the morning after their first time, later that night at her party, at Cotillion, and here in Monaco. But no matter how much she had said it, he had always come back refusing to listen.

Nate shook his head slightly. "Why did you go after Blair of all girls?" He had wanted to ask the question since the moment he had found out about their affair but had been too guarded, too afraid of what the truth might be.

"I didn't." Chuck said softly. He had carried a torch for Blair for a long time, longer than he could remember. She challenged him, she was fascinating, she was his equal, but she was Nate's girl. When Nate had started treating her badly it had nearly torn him to shreds to sit around and watch; but he hadn't known why. He hadn't understood the depth of his feelings for Blair until after their first time together. "I had felt something for her for a long time; but I wouldn't do that to you, I couldn't. When she came to me that night it just happened." He responded honestly.

Nate couldn't help the slight bit of anger that infiltrated his haze, "So what you jumped at the chance to bang Blair the second she wasn't my girlfriend anymore?"

Chuck shook his head. "No. It wasn't like that. She needed someone and we were drunk and I cared about her so much. When she kissed me, when it was clear where things were going I asked her if she was sure. I thought that you were done with her Nate, from everything you had told me you didn't want Blair in your life, she was an obligation, but to me she was so much more." Chuck said speaking as much from the heart as he knew how.

"Wow." Nate said softly. "So I was that bad of boyfriend to her?"

This time Chuck laughed a little, not holding back. "Yes Nathaniel, if there was an award for worst boyfriend of the year it would have gone to you."

"So why didn't you call me out on any of it before?" Nate asked curious about everything that had gone down the past year. "And you had known about Serena, why didn't you say anything?"

Chuck shrugged. "You're my best friend and that wasn't what you wanted to hear. You didn't come to me to tell you what you were doing wrong; you came to me for encouragement. So I did try to make you a better boyfriend for her. I reminded you to do things like buy her birthday present, I kept you away from Serena as best I could, I even tried to arrange for you to meet up to have sex; but none of it mattered in the end."

"I didn't know how much she meant to me back then. It wasn't until I had lost her that I understood that she was my anchor and she still has my heart. God I sound like a Hallmark card." Nate sighed exasperated with himself. "So you really care about her huh?"

Chuck couldn't do anything other than answer. "Yeah I do."

Nate nodded understanding for the first time just how complex his best friend actually was. Chuck wasn't just about booze and women, there was more and part of the reason that Nate had never seen it was because Chuck was trying to be a good friend to him."So what do we do now?"

Chuck sighed. "We stay here in Monaco and let Blair make her decision." As much as the reality of the situation pained him Chuck knew it was necessary; he had chastised Blair for not trusting him, now he had to man up and follow his own mandates.

Nate couldn't help but sit up surprised. Chuck was suggesting that neither of them go after Blair, even after their little heart to heart. "So let me get this straight, neither of us is going to follow Blair back to New York and try to influence her decision?"

"Well since Blair isn't in the City, I don't think going back there would make a difference." Chuck said unsurprised by Nate's cluelessness.

Nate arched his eyebrows confused. "But if Blair's not in New York, where is she?" He hadn't even thought of the possibility that Blair would have gone somewhere other than home but now that he was thinking about it, it of course made since. At home she would still be surrounded with people, Eleanor, Dorota, Serena, and right now she just wanted to be alone.

Chuck didn't hesitate to answer, what was the point in keeping this from Nate, neither of them was going to go to Blair, she had made it clear that that was not what she wanted. "If I were placing a bet, I would make the assumption that she has gone to France to stay with her father. I think he just bought a vineyard there."

Nate knew immediately that Chuck was right. Blair had always been most at home where ever her father was. She was a daddy's girl through and through. "But neither of us is going to follow her. We are going to let her make her own decision." Nate said tentatively.

"Yes." Chuck replied, relaxing back into the sofa. "That is exactly what we are going to do."

Nate nodded; he had only one more question for Chuck. "So where does that leave us?"

Chuck looked over at Nate through glazed eyes. "That leaves us right here in Monaco Archibald, right where we started."

To that Nate nodded and took another hit. Sometimes pot was the best release.

* * *

Madison waited until she saw Chuck leave the cabana to enter. She could tell what had gone down inside simply from her place on the beach; they really should learn to close the blinds. Blair of course had packed up and left both boys here and the boys being the idiots that they were, simply let her before getting high. It was ridiculous and it appeared as though she was going to have to do everything herself. Since the boys had apparently made up or formed some sort of truce, Chuck had probably just gone back to his cabana for the night. That just meant that she had to work fast.

She entered the cabana through the sliding glass door, not even bothering to knock. The smell of hash hit her like a ton of bricks as soon as she was inside; it was enough for her to leave the door open. Nate was draped over one of the chairs looking damn close to comatose. It was the one thing about pot that she didn't particularly like, it almost always left the user incapacitated and she liked to have her senses going strong at all times. "Get up." She said walking over and shaking Nate.

Nate's vision was blurred when he opened his eyes and his first thought was that Blair had come back, but his vision cleared and he realized that it was Madison standing in front of him before he was able to say anything too embarrassing. "What do you want Maddie?" He asked, shrugging her off. He didn't know what she was doing here or even how she got in.

"Come on Archibald, we have work to do." She said pulling him upright. "You are going after Blair."

Nate looked at her dumbstruck, how did she have so much energy? Finally he managed words. "No, I'm doing what Blair asked, I'm staying in Monaco. Plus, Chuck and I have a deal, neither of us goes after Blair, we let her decide."

Madison rolled her eyes. "Please you think Chuck is going to follow through with that little arrangement?" Even though she had a feeling that Chuck wouldn't risk pushing Blair too far and ruining his friendship with Nate to go after Blair; that was something Nate didn't need to know.

"Chuck won't break our deal." Nate said, sounding fairly confidant. "It wouldn't be fair."

"You have got to be kidding me." Maddie said placing a hand on her hip. "Chuck is like me, he'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he doesn't lose the object of his affection. Playing fair is for losers, winners go after what they want and let me tell you, Chuck is a habitual winner. " She spoke with a pointed look. "Pray tell, where is Chuck right now?"

Suddenly Nate was uncertain. He looked around the room and sure enough Chuck wasn't there. Maybe Madison was right, maybe Chuck was planning on going after Blair, he had just made the deal to ensure that Nate wouldn't. As soon as the thought crossed Nate's mind he became more certain of its truth. It sounded exactly like something that Chuck would do, that bastard. But Nate wasn't going to let Chuck play him or Blair; he would get to Blair first.

Madison watched as the pot induced haze cleared from Nate's eyes and he became alert once more, he was going to go fight for Blair. "Okay, now we just need to get you on a plane to New York."

Nate shook his head standing up. "Blair's not in New York, she's at her father's house in France."

Madison smirked. Nate probably hadn't figured that out on his own, he wasn't the brightest cookie, she assumed that Chuck had told him this little tidbit of information; all the better, it would seem that more malicious when Nate ended up with the girl. "Great, that's a lot easier than flying back to New York, now let's get going, I'll coach you on what to say on the way to the airport."

Nate walked over to his bedroom and grabbed a few articles of clothing and his wallet, before stuffing them in a bag and turning towards Madison. "Let's do this."

**

* * *

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed :) **

**Reviews are always appreciated**

**xoxo**

**kate**


	11. What We Owe Ourselves

A/N: So I had some mixed reviews for the last chapter, I mean that quite literally on a couple of them. I find it interesting that some of you out there are still pro-Nair. I thought that was a dead ship. (Note to readers - I have the capacity to ship anyone depending on the characters actions/the storyline even though my primary ship on the show is Chair who I believe is completely endgame). I hope you all enjoy this chapter and if it isn't what you want to happen, don't give up yet there's many many more chapters to go in this fanfic and secrets and lies always get revealed in the end.

To my reviewers: **tvrox12**, **thegoodgossipgirl, Guardian Izz, luvs2shop721, CarolinaGirl21, UnwrittenGirl, ronan03, LitPrincess2787, SweetBlackAngel16, annablake, lcmeester, **and **Sw33tHeart21, **knowing what you really think is important to me so keep it up.

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

Blair lay in bed watching out her wide bay windows as the sun rose over the vineyard. She still wasn't certain how she felt about her dad taking up permanent residence in France with his lover but right now she was definitely thankful for the refuge that the chateau had become. In fact when her father had called her a couple of days ago to tell her about the chateau that he and Roman had purchased she would have probably had a meltdown if she hadn't been in the midst of her own personal crisis with Nate and Chuck.

One thing was for certain; her father had certainly been surprised when she had shown up on his doorstep late last night. Harold had been under the impression that he wouldn't be seeing his daughter for another week, when he and Roman would be visiting for Christmas but instead she appeared in France with plans to accompany them back to New York for the Holidays.

The look on Harold's face when he had seen her made her smile even now when she was deep in thought about the decision that she needed to be making in the semi-near future. Now that she was completely away from everything and everyone she actually felt as though her head were clear. The internal battle over which guy to choose had settled down to more of a pro-con-pro situation. She stretched her arms over her head as she wiggled on the bed allowing her mind to begin the consideration.

Nate, sweet lost Nate, who claimed that he wasn't lost anymore. The pros? It was Nate, he was the same boy that she had fallen in love with back in kindergarten when she had tripped and he had helped her up. He had told her that he liked her about five minutes later and when she had asked the quiet bronze haired boy why his response had been perfect, 'Because you look like a Princess.' He had promised that day to be her Prince Charming and he had been ever since; until he had rebelled against everything that they had ever planned together and slept with Serena. She shook the thought from her head, she was supposed to be thinking of the pros right now, not the cons. Nate knew her. There was a level of comfort there that was unparalleled. And now, he claimed he loved her and she truly believed that he meant it. Being with Nate would make both their parents so happy. It was what they had always wanted from their children. The last pro, being with Nate was easy; there was no extra work, no explanations, no raised eyebrows or unmet expectations. Both of them knew exactly what being together was like.

But then there were the cons. Nate had slept with Serena. That was the big one, the possible deal breaker. Nate had slept with her best friend while they were still dating and he had lied to her about for months. Once he had finally come clean, he had proceeded to sneak around talking to her behind her back. He kissed Jenny and told her he loved her at the Masquerade Ball thinking that it was Serena. All the while, Nate had been unable to tell her that he loved her as she stood before him about to cry on the night they had broken up. Then he had made false promises to her for the sake of his family only to break them on her birthday. And that awful scene that he had caused at the Cotillion had embarrassed her regardless of the fact that Chuck had orchestrated it and she had insisted that it was hot.

At the mention of Chuck she couldn't help but let her mind wander to his pros. They had a sexual chemistry that was unparalleled. A kiss from Nate was nothing compared to the electricity she felt at a simple touch of Chuck's hand. He had never denied his feelings for her always showering her with compliments and assertions of his affections. Chuck had always been a good friend to her, always respectful even when he was a womanizer and treated every other woman like they meant nothing. He considered her his second greatest critic after only his father and came to her with any idea or scheme, valuing her opinion above all others. The night she and Nate had broken up he had been there for her in every way; even asking her the one question he had never asked any girl before her; "Are you sure?" On her birthday he had been there for her once more even when she had pushed him away. He never gave up on winning her over, even resorting to manipulating his best friend so that he didn't lose her (ironically she considered that a pro now). He was willing to lose Nate for her and in Monaco he had put everything on the table knowing that there was a chance that he was going to get hurt.

However, just like with Nate, there were cons and these cons were big too. She didn't trust him. She wanted to, she really did but there was something holding her back. Chuck had never been in a relationship before, he didn't know how. What if he got bored after a couple weeks and moved on to some other girl? Chuck had slept with most of the city before tossing them out on their well dressed rears but she knew he wasn't that guy with her. Even so, Chuck was still capable of manipulating her. And even though she thought of his scheming to keep her as a pro it showed her that she wasn't exempt from that side of him and that scared her. What happened when she became just another girl to him? Chuck was unpredictable and could hurt her in ways Nate couldn't. Things with Chuck wouldn't be easy, they would be hard every step of the way. Everyone would be against them; no one would understand. Her mom had already made it perfectly clear that dating Chuck would not be acceptable and the girls at school would give her hell for it . . . unless she became the first girl to tame the ultimate playboy.

The pros and the cons stacked up for both boys both were so safe yet so dangerous. For Nate to be unable to say to her something that her heart so completely believed was true had broken her and Chuck had been the one to put her back together. Chuck who was so dangerous in so many ways could also seem so safe. He protected her, but so did Nate. She was supposed to be with Nate, according to every plan, every dream, Nate was the guy for her. But if that was true then why did she even have to make this decision. If she had been right all along, if she and Nate were supposed to be together, Chuck shouldn't even be a factor in the equation . . . but he was.

Blair was about to rise from her bed when she heard a knock at the door. "Yes?" She asked curiously. She had gotten in late so she had assumed that her father would wait at least another hour before waking her up.

Harold opened the door slowly and looked at his daughter stretched out on her bed. "I'm sorry for waking you Blair Bear but you have a visitor downstairs." With that he smiled and closed the door.

Immediately Blair's senses went into overdrive. Who had found her? She hadn't told a sole where she was going. Not even Serena knew. As she rose from the bed and reached for her silk robe her heart leapt to her throat and suddenly she knew who was downstairs. It had to be Chuck. Chuck was the one who knew her well enough to know that if she wanted to get away she would come here. Chuck knew everything about her; he knew her better than she knew herself most days and she knew him. And suddenly her heart was screaming at her, telling her that she had made her choice.

Chuck had come for her again; even though she had told him not to. He was that persistent, that sure that they were supposed to be together and he had found her in a place where she thought she was unfindable. Nate had never wanted her the way that Chuck wanted her and this was how he was proving that. But her heart's reaction was how she knew that her choice had been made. Of course her brain thought that it was Chuck but her heart wanted it to be him.

As she hurried down the stairs she couldn't help but start planning their future. They would work things out, who cared what anyone else thought? She was Blair Waldorf others didn't dictate her life, she dictated theirs. This was Chuck and he had come for her just as he had so many times before. He would sweep her off her feet, carry her up the stairs, and they would disappear under the covers of her bed for hours. She almost slipped running into the living room but still she was so happy that she couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Yet as she saw the person sitting on the couch she felt as though she had been hit by a truck; a really big dirty truck with a disgusting driver. "Nate?" She breathed as all of her sureness and certainty fled and she stood in front of the person she had never expected to see.

* * *

Chuck wandered down to Nate's cabana around twelve o'clock. He could hardly believe that he was still here in Monaco, that he had yet to break his promise to Nate and his promise to Blair and follow her to France. France wasn't that far away, he could be there in less than two hours. He would sweep her off her feet; he would show her that they were right for each other. But his promise stopped him. He wouldn't do that to Nate after giving his word that he wouldn't and Blair had asked for space. He had to prove to her that he trusted her to choose him all on her own.

That's why he was still here in Monaco. Even though he had almost gotten on a plane ten times this morning (he had even checked the flight schedule from Monaco to the airport nearest Blair's father's new vineyard), he always remembered that she had to know that she could trust him. So as hard as it was, he didn't get on a plane; he simply walked down to Nate's cabana. Maybe now they would have the vacation that they had planned and it would get both of their minds off Blair.

As he entered the cabana he immediately knew that something was off. The smell of pot was completely gone from the room other than the slight lingering in the carpet. Instead it had been replaced by a sweet scent that was distinctly female. If Nate had hooked up with someone, Chuck would kill him and be on the next plane to France.

Chuck's eyes began to dart around the room looking for any sign that a girl had been here or simply a sign of Nate. That's when he saw it; the note. He knew before he touched the paper what it was going to say. The second he had seen it his gut and told him. But he had to read it anyway; he had to know for sure.

_Chuck, _

_I'm sorry man, I really am but I couldn't risk losing Blair and honestly I know you don't plan on keeping your word. So I've got to get to Blair before you do. She and I are meant to be together and I can't let you just use her and throw her away like you do with all of those other girls. I know you think you have feelings for her but I love her man. I hope we are still friends after this. _

_Nate_

Chuck was seeing red as he shakily crumbled Nate's note in his palm. So Nathaniel Archibald had finally grown some and gone after Blair. How was it possible that Chuck had been duped by Nate? It wasn't, Nate wouldn't have done this by himself. "Madison!" Chuck shouted as he realized just who had planted this idea in Nate's head and just what that sickly sweet smell was. When there was no response Chuck kicked the side table over before slinging the lamp that had once been setting on it against the wall. "God damn it Madison I know you are still here. I can fucking smell your perfume."

At that Madison stepped out of the bathroom dressed to kill in lingerie that barely left anything to the imagination and heels that accentuated her shapely legs. "You didn't have to scream so loudly . . . yet." She added with a smirk.

Chuck's eyes flashed and he had her pinned against the wall in a second.

Madison took Chuck's force as defeat and arched her back to get closer to him. "So you want to play rough huh?"

Immediately Chuck's hold on her shoulders tightened. "Shut up you stupid manipulative bitch!" He spat not caring that she looked utterly shocked by his outburst. "Did you honestly think that sending Nate after Blair would cause me to want to sleep with you? Blair or no Blair, there is nothing between us and after what you've done we aren't even friends. So I am going to say this once and you are going to remember it." Chuck spoke lowering his voice. "You stay the hell away from me and maybe I won't ruin your life. But if you cross me again or so much as go near Blair, Madison Albright I will destroy you." With that Chuck pushed off the wall and walked out of the cabana. He was going back to New York to wait for Blair. He would figure out a plan there for how to get her back.

Madison was shaking as Chuck left her there. She had thought that Blair was the problem that if only Chuck realized that Blair was going to leave him for Nate he would know that she was the only one that was always going to be there for him. His last words resounded in her head _'Madison Albright I will destroy you' _and all she could think was that he already had.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Blair asked as she regained her strength. She would have never guessed that of the two boys Nate would be the one to track her down and so quickly at that. This made things so much more complicated. She had made her decision, she knew who she was choosing but now things were all messed up and it was Nate standing in front of her, not Chuck. "I told you that I needed space." She said hoping that he would turn and walk out the door.

_**Wha- wha- what did you say**_

Nate's stomach dropped at the expression on Blair's face. The voice inside his head told him something that he never wanted to hear. Blair had been expecting someone else. His first instinct was to turn and run. She didn't want him anymore. But there was another voice, that of a stubborn red head that was pushing him to stay. Maybe it wasn't too late to change Blair's mind about him. So he stood from his place on the couch bringing with him a dozen roses; half red for love and half white for forgiveness. "Blair, please just hear me out."

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?**_

_**Well of course you did**_

Blair simply shook her head as she crossed her arms. "How did you even know where to find me? I didn't tell you or Chuck where I was going. My only instructions were not to follow me." It was ironic though, as she stood there saying that she didn't want to be followed she realized that she had very much wanted to be followed but not by Nate; she had wanted Chuck to follow her.

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmmm that it's all for the best?  
Of course it is**_

At this point Nate knew that he either had to go for it or back down. He wouldn't be here if he didn't want her so he did the only thing he could and lied. "Do you think that I know you so little that I wouldn't know you would be here?" Blair blushed, he could see that he had gotten to her so he continued down the same road. "Blair your father is your rock, he always has been and I know you; I know you in ways that no one knows you. I have seen Breakfast at Tiffany's enough that I can quote every line right here. I know that the reason that you like to watch movies over and over again is because you like to know how things end. So of course I knew where you would go."

_**I was so wrong for so long  
Only tryin' to please myself **_

_**Girl, I was caught up in her lust  
When I don't really want no one else**_

Blair could feel her breathing speed up as Nate spoke. When he finished she spoke softly. "I never realized that you cared enough to know." After the way he had treated her over the past year Blair didn't think that Nate could name her favorite food much less know that she would come here of all places in order to make her decision.

Nate took a step closer, laying down the flowers on the glass table. "Blair, I care. I care so much. I was I an idiot. I was such an idiot. I don't even know how I was so blind to how important you are to me for so long. You are the only one I want."

_**So, know, I know I should of treated you better  
But me and you were meant to last forever  
So let me in give me another chance to really be your man**_

At Nate's reference to his indiscretion Blair's system began to go haywire. Just as she was thinking that she could trust Nate, that if he knew her well enough to know where she was then they were really meant to be together, what he had done with Serena came crashing back into her psyche. She raised a hand to her hair. "You cheated Nate. I thought that I dealt with that back in September but I never really did. You had me; you had my heart but it wasn't good enough for you."

At Blair's anguished face Nate simply wanted to take her into his arms. "I'm sorry." He whispered taking another step closer to her; but this time Blair took a step back.

_**Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out, I just didn't know what to do  
But when I become a star we'll be living so large, I'll do anything for you  
So tell me girl**_

"Sorry isn't good enough Nate." Blair said as she shook her head. She could feel the tears brimming at her eyes and she knew that there was something that she had to say. "Do you know what that feels like? Do you know what it feels like for the person who has all of you to need more? Don't you realize that I blame myself for you sleeping with Serena? Or at least I blamed myself all semester. I was convinced that I wasn't good enough, that it was my fault and that's why I stayed with you even after you slept with her. Contrary to popular belief I am not delusional, I simply thought that if I was better then you wouldn't need her."

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did**_

Nate shook his head slightly. "I never meant to make you feel that way Blair, I was so stupid. I took you for granted and I am so sorry." He never knew. He thought that she had stayed with him because she loved him or maybe because her mom wanted them together; not because she blamed herself. He took another step towards her, reaching out a hand to brush away her tears.

As soon as she realized that Nate was reaching for her, Blair knocked his hand away. "You just don't get it Nate. I can't go back to that." It was strange how as she spoke Blair understood the truth of her words. "I can't trust that you aren't going to just decide that you're in love with Serena again."

_**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say)  
Mmmm that it's all for the best?  
Of course it is**_

Nate felt a small fire rush through his veins at the mention of being unable to trust him and couldn't stop the next words that left his mouth. "You slept with Chuck." He said lowly as he withdrew his hand. "How do you think that makes me feel? It happened what two hours after we had broken up?"

Blair's mouth almost fell open. "How dare you compare what Chuck and I did to what you did with Serena." She spoke before turning and walking from the room. Nate couldn't be that delusional could he? He couldn't really think that what she did with Chuck was anything like what he did with Serena.

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did**_

Nate followed Blair out of the room, still angry. He knew he was treading on dangerous ground, Madison had warned him about this more than once; but he couldn't seem to stop himself. "You slept with my best friend and I've been trying to compete with him for your affections over the past week, yet you won't even give me a second chance." He had to move quickly to keep pace with her as she moved out of the dining room. Maybe it was different, him sleeping with Serena and her sleeping with Chuck but it was Chuck Bass, Blair was better than that. "I'm sick of it. I'm mean God Blair you gave your virginity to that perverted asshole."

_**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say)  
Wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say**_

Suddenly Blair stopped walking and snapped to face Nate. "You're sick of it? I've been competing with Serena for your affections for close to two years maybe longer and we were actually together Nate." She could feel her voice cracking. "You were my boyfriend but you only ever saw Serena. I was throwing myself at you while you were sleeping with Serena, not to mention that you were telling her that you loved her when that's all I really needed from you. We were broken up when I slept with Chuck so don't even try to compare what I did to what you did."

_**How, could I live with myself  
Knowing that I let our love go **_

_**And ooh, what I'd do with one chance  
I just gotta let you know**_

Nate was still standing there shocked as Blair turned on her heels and walked up the stairs to her bedroom. He heard the door slam and the reverberations throughout the house. What had he done? He had let his anger and emotions at Chuck and Blair's 'relationship' get to him and now he had said things that weren't true, things that he could never take back. Shit, he had to fix this. With that he took off up the stairs and went straight to Blair's door where he began knocking furiously. "Blair, let me in please." When there was no response he knocked several more times allowing emotion to color his voice; there was no point in holding back now. "I was out of line Blair."

Blair approached the door. She wasn't going to open it because Nate certainly didn't deserve that after what he had said to her downstairs; but she could hear the sincerity in his voice. He really was sorry for what he said.

_**I know what I did wasn't clever  
But me and you we're meant to be together  
So let me in give me another chance **_

_**To really be your man**_

Nate could hear Blair breathing on the other side of the door and sighed slightly. That she had approached the door meant that she still gave a damn; she hadn't given up yet. "You're right, what I did with Serena wasn't anything like what you did with Chuck. You were the perfect girlfriend and I took that for granted. I got so caught up in Serena and wanting things that I was told I couldn't have that I lost sight of what was really important, you." Nate knew he sounded corny but for once he was speaking from the heart.

After a moment of silence Blair replied quietly. "Keep going." She couldn't help it; she could feel Nate's words and knew the truth of them. If he really meant them then maybe, maybe they could talk about this.

Nate could feel his heartbeat quicken as he laid his forehead against the door. "I broke your heart that night. I didn't realize that then, I was so self involved. I had just broken you and Chuck . . ." This was harder for him to admit than he had thought it would be. "I guess Chuck helped you pick up the pieces. And I think that's my fault."

_**  
Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out, I just didn't know what to do  
But when I become a star we'll be living so large, I'll do anything for you  
So tell me girl**_

"It's not completely your fault." She spoke softly as she sat down on the ground with her back against the door. "Yeah as a boyfriend you kind of sucked but I could have been there for you more considering what you were going through with your dad." It was difficult to make even the smallest concessions to Nate about their break up but she knew that as honest as he was being, she had to admit her faults as well or they wouldn't even have a friendship when this was all over and after everything that she and Nate had been through together she at least wanted that. "How is the Captain?" She asked after another pause.

Nate almost smiled at the thought. Sure his father was in a lot of trouble but right now he was exactly where he should be, getting help. "He's in rehab." As he said it, Nate had a thought, perhaps the closest he had ever come to a stroke of genius. "Do you think that maybe you could go with me to see him some time?" He asked with hope filling his voice; this was something that Blair would relish and truly he would love her company. "I mean only if you want to, the Captain always loved you."

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did**_

Blair smiled slightly. The Captain adored her and she knew it; all parents adored her. She was the kind of girl that every boy wanted to take home to meet mom and dad because she was every parent's dream daughter in-law; she had made sure of that over the years because heaven forbid she be less than perfect. "Of course I'll go with you to see the Captain."

Nate grinned slightly. Visiting his father would be so much easier with Blair by his side, everything always was so much easier with her by his side. Suddenly, he felt his body go numb, what if she didn't take him back? What if it was too late? And then he had to know the answer to the question that he had been avoiding. So Nate opened up his heart for Blair to completely rip it to shreds as his fingers pressed so hard on the door they were almost white. When he finally spoke his voice sounded chocked. "Blair . . ." He had to pause for a moment to prepare himself for the possible answer and as he did he could hear her breathe on the other side of the door quicken. "Why did you sleep with Chuck?"

_**Mmmm whatcha say (whatcha say)**_

_**Mmmm that it's all for the best?  
Of course it is**_

Blair sighed as she pressed her back against the door. Nate sounded so hurt and she couldn't deny knowing what he was feeling like. Even though she and Nate had been broken up, the fact that she had been with someone so close to him had to be devastating. "There were a couple of reasons." She started, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Chuck was there for me when I was completely destroyed after our break up. He treated me like I was the most special person in the world and the way he looked at me . . . I've never been looked at like that before. It was as though I was the only girl in the entire world to him and there was such desire in it. When I kissed him, I don't know what I was thinking; maybe I just wanted to escape. But when he stopped me and asked me if I was sure I felt wanted in a good way for the first time in so long. I didn't sleep with him to hurt you, even though that's what I told Serena afterwards."

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did**_

"Okay." Nate said softly before repeating. "Okay." It hurt more than he thought it would. He half wished that she had slept for Chuck for revenge for his affair with Serena. That would have been so much easier to handle but this, this was deep and it was twisted and there was going to be bitterness left in the wake. To say that if he had treated Blair better, she wouldn't have slept with Chuck wouldn't have been a false statement and that didn't sit well with him at all. He had to make this right; he had to win Blair back. "I'm sorry, for treating you like I didn't want you for so long because you deserve so much better. You deserve to be wanted and desired and loved . . . And Blair I do want you. I want you so much."

_**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say, whatcha say)  
Wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say**_

And then everything was silent. Nate waited with bated breath for any word from Blair but he didn't hear anything; he knew she must have been holding her breath as well. He was scared.

Blair couldn't stop the thoughts that were rushing through her mind and it began to feel like they were crashing in on her. So much had happened with Nate and with Chuck and now she sat here hearing words that she had dreamed of hearing for such a long time yet now she wasn't certain that that's what she wanted anymore. "Maybe it's too late for that." She responded softly.

_**Girl, tell me whatcha said **_

_**I don't want you to leave me  
Though you caught me cheatin'**_

Nate felt his heart plummet. He had just laid everything out there and it still might not be enough. He couldn't give up; he had come too far for that. "Maybe it's not. Maybe we can still fix this."

Blair shook her head slightly even though she knew Nate couldn't see her. She had made her decision earlier that morning. Just because Nate came here making grand gestures and even grander proclamations didn't change things, did it? "Nate I don't think that what we've been through is something that can be fixed. We can't just brush everything aside and go back to the way things were. I would never want to just go back to that; I wasn't happy Nate and neither were you."

Nate immediately jumped on what she said. This wasn't over, he wouldn't accept that. "So maybe we don't go back; maybe we start over." There was excitement in his voice at the possibility. "I'm not saying that we forget everything that we've done to each other. I'm saying we learn from it."

_**Tell me, tell me whatcha said  
I really need you in my life  
Cuz things ain't right, girl**_

"Like a clean slate?" Blair asked almost involuntarily. She didn't know what she was doing. This wasn't right. How had she been so positive that she was supposed to be with Chuck just half an hour ago then Nate came and had her thinking that maybe they could make things work after all. What was wrong with her?

"Like a clean slate." Nate said with a smile in his voice, he felt as though he was finally winning her over. "Except better because we do have history, we aren't trying to change any of that or erase it but we don't have to let it haunt us either." He was pleading with his voice, urging her to give it a shot.

Blair didn't know what to say. She still wasn't sure that this is what she really wanted. Nate was supposed to be a part of her past. "I just don't know Nate."

_**Tell me, tell me whatcha said **_

_**I don't want you to leave me  
Though you caught me cheatin'**_

Nate was determined as he continued forging onward. "It wasn't always bad Blair. Remember the day we met. You fell down on the play ground and I helped you up. I was a goner the moment I sat eyes on you; you looked like a princess and I wanted to be your knight in shining armor."

Blair smiled as Nate remembered one of the memories she had recalled herself earlier that morning. "Actually you told me you wanted to be my Prince Charming."

"I still do." Nate said softly before continuing. "I remember the first time I brought you to the Vanderbilt house further upstate. We were like ten or eleven and you swore that it was a castle and one day you were going to be the Queen of it."

"I did not." Blair said laughing slightly.

_**Tell me, tell me whatcha said**_

_**I really need you in my life  
Cuz things ain't right**_

Nate laughed as well. "Yes you did. You said it to my grandfather and I think he was ready to have us married then and there."

"Oh my God, I did." Suddenly Blair burst out laughing as the forgotten memory resurfaced. "Remember the day your mother walked in on one of our wedding ceremonies and gave you her ring to put on my finger."

Nate smiled. "You were in that white dress that you had worn as a flower girl for the Carlson Wedding and you put lilacs in your hair." He was so wistful at the memory. Over the years he had Blair had had several wedding ceremonies but that one memory seemed to sparkle the same way that that diamond had on her finger. Yet somehow the same diamond tainted the memory. "Our parents were always so serious about us being together, they put so much pressure on us to be the perfect couple." The realization made Nate indignant. "But it doesn't have to be like that anymore Blair. We could do this without them as long as it's what we both want."

_**Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out, I just didn't know what to do  
But when I become a star we'll be living so large, I'll do anything for you  
So baby watcha say?**_

Blair was still smiling at the fact that Nate remembered everything down to the flower she had worn in her hair when he mentioned their parents' role in their relationship. Things were so much better before their parents had so much say in what went on between the two of them. There was a time when it was easy and comfortable, when they were happy. "Do you remember our first kiss? Not our first peck but our first real kiss." She asked thinking back to one of her absolute favorite memories.

Nate's grin widened. "We were behind schedule on that too weren't we?" He asked rhetorically. He and Blair had been a couple since kindergarten but their first real kiss didn't happen until they were in eighth grade. "We snuck into the Masquerade Ball just the two of us. Looking back I can't believe we didn't bring Chuck or Serena with us; we were always such a packaged deal. We were the youngest there by two years but with you in the dress you had donned no one would have ever guessed. Right at midnight I looked at you and I knew it was right, you were perfect and we were perfect and I kissed you. Plus you were damn hot." Nate said with a laugh.

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did**_

Blair smiled fondly at the memory. "Chloe Whitney pitched a fit when she saw us after we took off our masks. Much like I would have done if I had known an eighth grader managed to weasel their way into the masquerade. But I didn't care because it felt like it was just the two of us, you were my world. I'd always known that I loved you but that was when I realized that I was completely in love with you."

"We have to give our relationship another chance Blair. We owe it to ourselves to try." Nate said assuredly. As many memories as they had together, it couldn't be over. Nate had placed his forehead on the door once more and was surprised when he felt movement.

_**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say, whatcha say)  
Mmmm that it's all for the best?  
Of course it is**_

Blair wasn't sure what she was doing but she thought she must be following her heart because it was pounding in her chest, reverberating throughout her body as she stood off the floor and opened the door to let Nate in. As they came face to face she could see the hope in Nate's eyes; she raised a hand slowly and placed it on his chest. "I need you to know that I have real feelings for Chuck that aren't just going to disappear."

Nate nodded slightly as he looked into Blair's eyes. God he loved her and if she loved him back then that was enough. "Okay."

Blair shook her head, she didn't think that Nate quite understood the gravity of what she was saying. She bit her lip, unsure of her next words."I was going to pick him Nate. I never thought that you would be the one to show up here like the knight in shining armor that you always promised to be. I quite honestly didn't think that you knew me that well. I thought Chuck did and I thought that what you and I had was too tainted to keep going. You changed my mind."

_**Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did**_

Nate couldn't ignore the stab of guilt at her statement and the unexpected pain in his heart to hear her words but the fact that she had changed her mind made the rest unimportant. "We can deal with that. I never said that this was going to be easy. We can't go back, only forward." Blair nodded and he brushed her hair behind her hair.

"Only my boyfriend gets to touch my hair." She said with a slight smile tugging at her lips.

"Good." Nate replied softly as he leaned in and pressed his lips to her own. Relishing the feeling of rightness as their tongues mingled and his fingers intertwined in her hair. Nate pulled away slightly, placing his forehead against hers. "I love you Blair Waldorf."

_**Mmmm whatcha say, (whatcha say, whatcha say)  
Wha- wha- wha- wha- what did she say**_

Blair smiled seeing something in Nate's eyes that she thought she might have never seen before. The desire and the longing that she had mentioned was missing was there and it was so wonderful. "And I love you Nate Archibald." She found herself tingling all over with a sense of perfection and a feeling that this was where she was supposed to be, that she and Nate had finally found a way to the place that they belonged. With that thought in mind she reached behind Nate and shut the door before bringing her mouth to his once more and pulling him towards the bed so that they could finally be together.

**Gossip girl here. So from what I can tell all roads lead out of Monaco as all of our favorite Upper East Siders departed within a 24 hour window to parts unknown, or not so unknown since I have confirmation of sightings of both B and N at Charles De Gaulle and C making a connection at Heathrow to JFK. The only missing piece is our new friend M. Something went down to cause the UES Royalty to scatter and you can bet I have every intention of finding out just what it was. **

**xoxo  
gossip girl**

**

* * *

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**A/N: So most of you are probably a little angry right now. But regardless of which couple you ship have faith in them because nothing is 100% certain right now. The song I used was of course Whatcha Say by Jason Derulo (the version I was listening to was the acoustic version if anyone cares).**

**Reviews are always appreciated :)**

**xoxo  
kate **


	12. Who Really Knows You

A/N: One way to know I have a paper to write and am in the library with my computer: I update more than one fanfic in the same day. So anyways, I had some mixed reviews for the last chapter, I mean that quite literally on a couple of them. I find it interesting that some of you out there are still pro-Nair. I thought that was a dead ship. (Note to readers - I have the capacity to ship anyone depending on the characters actions/the storyline even though my primary ship on the show is Chair who I believe is completely endgame). I hope you all enjoy this chapter and if it isn't what you want to happen, don't give up yet there's many many more chapters to go in this fanfic and secrets and lies always get revealed in the end.

To my reviewers: **Maggie Hu, thegoodgossipgirl, Lalai, ronan03, Juicyxoxocharm16, CarolinaGirl21, Sw33tHeart21, UnwrittenGirl, LitPrincess2787, luvs2shop721, batgirl2992, lcmeester, tvrox12, annablake, mrschuckbassx3, **and **addisonkarev **knowing what you really think is important to me so keep it up.

**Set: post episode 1.10 Hi, Society**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL **

**Rating: T for mild language and sexual content**

**Gossip Girl: posts in bold -- **_narration in italics._

* * *

Blair opened her eyes, a strange feeling coming over her. Where was she? She asked herself momentarily disoriented. She tried to stretch realizing that she was tangled up in the naked body of her . . . Boyfriend. It was strange. The only man she had ever woken up with naked before was Chuck and it amazed her just how different their two bodies felt. Waking up in Chuck's arms always felt like they simply collapsed post sex intertwined with one another. With Nate it was obvious that post sex they had rearranged, they were cuddling.

For a moment Blair began to freak out inside. She wasn't sure what this meant and for the first time in her entire life she felt nervous about having a relationship. Somehow Blair Waldorf who was supposed to be an expert when it came to keeping a steady boyfriend yet here she was more scared after making a decision than she had been in her uncertainty. What if she had made the wrong choice?

Just as the thought entered her mind she felt Nate begin to stir. "Good afternoon." He whispered close to her ear.

Blair felt the tingles run up her spine as his whisper tickled her ear and her mind suddenly felt at ease. This was Nate, her Nate. She snuggled against him. "Good afternoon."

Nate's arms tightened around her. He could hardly believe that this was real. After so long, he had worried that when he and Blair were finally together, everything wouldn't be what they had always imagined. He had been worried that their present wouldn't live up to their past but for him it had exceeded the past two fold. Almost as though he had cursed himself, his mind began to open to the possibility that it hadn't been as good for her. After all, he wasn't Chuck; this was only his second time having sex. And Chuck was a sex god. He knew everything there was to know and more and Blair had slept with him more than once; no wonder he had thought it was so good. He was certain that in a comparison chart he would lose and without thinking he spoke. "Was I okay?" He asked softly.

Blair rolled over, assuming that she had misheard him. That was the strangest question she had ever been asked. The most startling part was that it was the second time she had been asked that after sleeping with a guy for the first time and she had only slept with two guys. Chuck had asked the same thing when they had finished in the limo and she had been so surprised that he of all people was insecure. Were all guys this insecure after sex or was it simply another characteristic of the guys she liked? "What?" She questioned as her brown eyes met Nate's own piercing blue.

Nate looked down embarrassed that he had asked but now exceedingly curious. "I mean, did I do okay."

Blair was shocked as she realized just what Nate was asking her and until that point she hadn't actually considered the fact that she was more experienced than Nate, much more experienced. She and Chuck had been together several times while he had only slept with Serena once and that was over a year ago. Nate Archibald was nervous just as Chuck had been but for different reasons. Recovering from the shock, she propped herself up on an elbow facing him and told him the truth. "You were perfect."

Nate couldn't fight the fear that she was placating him, trying to boost his ego. "Even after you've been with . . ." He trailed off, not wanting to actually speak Chuck's name. "I just don't want to be compared." Nate finally clarified.

Blair leaned forward and placed a kiss on Nate's lips. "Even after, you are still perfect. It was everything I ever imagined it would be. It's different with you and the first time I made any comparison was when you suggested it." Blair said truthfully. When they were together last night, she hadn't once compared him to Chuck which all things considered was surprising.

"Really?" Nate asked, still feeling unsure of himself. Where had this come from? He had never had problems measuring up to Chuck before, he shouldn't let it become an issue now when he most needed to withstand any comparison. Perhaps it was because he had always won in any comparison prior to now and this was Blair, she was more important than everything else. He was the more social, the better gentleman, the better boyfriend, the golden boy but now he was lying with the one person that might see things differently. He was lying with the girl he loved who last night had told him that she was going to pick his best friend until he changed her mind.

"Really." Blair replied with a smile. "I mean honestly, you weren't comparing me to Serena were you?"

Nate felt a warmth wash over him at her smile and then thought about what she said. He had once compared her to Serena, but it hadn't been a bad thing in the slightest. "Once." He said softly.

Blair's eyebrows shot up. "What?" She asked, suddenly a little worried. Nate's other sexual encounter had been with one of the most experienced girls in all of Manhattan and Serena had the best body of anyone she knew. Immediately she felt her stomach begin to churn.

Nate saw the panic in her eyes and regretted saying anything. "It's not what you think Blair. I only meant that one time while we were making love, you surprised me. Your amount of confidence in your actions reminded me of Serena but only because I remembered thinking how sloppy Serena and I had been, after all we were trashed. It's just your confidence and certainty of movement did things to me and I remember thinking that what Serena and I had done hadn't even been that good, just messy. I was thinking that you were better than her by a mile."

Blair spoke more out of surprise than anything. "You thought I was better than Serena?"

"Yeah." Nate replied almost sheepishly. He hadn't meant to say that but it was true. Blair had been doing everything passionately and deliberately. With Serena it was literally a messy train wreck on a barstool. After a moment she didn't say anything else so he spoke. "So we're really going to do this?"

Blair almost laughed at how child like Nate seemed. It had been years since he had been so open and vulnerable with her and she couldn't help but think that they were getting a chance at being a real couple for the first time and she could quite wrap her mind around the fact that he had said that she was better than Serena at sex. Of all things to finally beat Serena at she supposed that was a damn good one. "We're going to try." She spoke before leaning in and giving him another kiss.

Nate began to deepen the kiss, sliding his hands up her sides under the sheets, running his fingertips along her soft skin.

Blair felt her body responding, edging closer to Nate's when the clock chimed jerking her out of their dream world. "Nate, it's five. If we don't go downstairs soon, daddy is going to get suspicious."

Nate couldn't help but laugh, she was most likely right. "Okay, we'll go downstairs and make our appearance at dinner." He spoke disentangling himself and climbing out of bed.

Blair smiled, she always loved being right. Wrapping a robe around her lithe form she walked to the door and checked the hallway, where sure enough Nate's bags had been brought up outside her room. The sight made her laugh knowing that it must be Roman's doing; ever the romantic. Once both were ready Nate reached over and took her hand allowing her to lead him down the staircase and into the foyer all the way into the dining room where Roman and Harold were both waiting.

"Ah Blair Bear you've finally joined us." Harold spoke, sitting up and putting aside the paper. "Good afternoon Nathaniel." He spoke fixing Nate with a stern look.

"Afternoon." Nate muttered taking a seat at the table as Blair hugged her father.

Blair smiled. "Sorry Daddy, we fell asleep talking. Both of us had late nights." In the most awkward situation she would always remain poised. With that she moved to Roman whom she hugged, kissing on each cheek.

"Good afternoon my bella." Roman spoke with a smile. "How did you sleep?"

Blair smiled again in Roman's direction, he was doing his best to make this slightly less uncomfortable and she was grateful. It was simply strange the first time one's father was made aware that his daughter was a grown woman. "Very well Roman, thank you."

Harold tired of acting disapproving, smiled. "Good." Instantly Blair knew that all had been forgiven and he wouldn't say anymore about the fact that she and Nate had slept together under his roof; instead he moved on to a more pressing issue. "Now I know you planned to stay here until we flew to New York for Christmas but I spoke to your mother this morning." He saw the tense look on Blair's face and spoke reassuringly. "Don't worry Eleanor was quite ecstatic to find that Nate had joined you here."

"Then what?" Blair asked, confused at her mother's interference. She had come here thinking that her father wouldn't even notify her mother, which he probably wouldn't have if Nate hadn't followed.

Harold nodded towards Nathaniel. "She would like both of you, to fly home tomorrow in time to have brunch with her before she leaves for Milan in the afternoon."

"No." Blair immediately responded without a look a Nate who almost jumped in surprise at her quick decision.

Nate placed a hand on hers. "Blair, should we talk about this?"

Blair simply shook her head. "We said no parental involvement Nate. Brunch with my mother would be a disastrous start."

"You're right." Nate said sweetly and truthfully, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her neck.

Blair looked back towards Harold and Roman. "So no, I don't think that's going to happen. I'll call mother and tell her after dinner."

Harold turned his head slightly to look at Roman who gave him a slight shake of the head, yet Harold carried on anyway. "I had a feeling you might not want to return to New York but if Nathaniel is staying as well I'm afraid I am going to have to insist on separate rooms."

Nate who had been looking at his hands looked up suddenly. He and Blair had just gotten back together and Harold was laying down the law that there was to be no more 'getting together' in this house. To a seventeen year old a week of abstinence while living in the same house as his undeniably sexy girlfriend the day after they had slept together was a death sentence.

Blair's eyes went wide with surprise. She hadn't expected any further comment on the fact that she and Nate were well sharing a bed. Her shock caused her to speak without really thinking. "Mom wouldn't."

Harold was in turn was shocked at Blair's response. She rarely if ever contradicted him directly and he found himself replying in a similar tone. "Well I'm not your mother. And unlike your mother I don't want you married and pregnant with an Archibald heir straight out of high school." Even Harold was surprised by his words; Roman, Blair, and especially Nate were completely stunned.

"Daddy!" Blair responded awestruck by his last comment. In all her years she had never heard her father speak ill of her mom and something so tawdry at that. He had made it sound like her mother's one mission in life was to get her married and settled with Nate; which while it could be true for her mother was certainly not true for her.

Nate on the other hand didn't dare to say anything. He knew Blair's parents well and by Harold's words he could easily assume that Harold and Eleanor had shared words this morning concerning his and Blair's reunion. He also knew Eleanor well enough to know that she would like nothing more than them married while Harold wanted Blair to go to Yale and become a lawyer like he had. Nate on the other hand wanted whatever Blair wanted.

Roman saw trouble ahead. It was rare for Harold to have an uneasy temperament at all, only when it came to matters involving his Blair. So Roman turned to face Harold appealing to his ordinary romantic idealism. "But Harold, they are in love."

Harold looked to Roman, a sense of steel still lingering in his eyes but as they settled on Roman they softened and he realized his folly. He was being too harsh on the children. They weren't really children anymore and he needed to stop treating them as such; just as he needed to stop projecting his arguments with Eleanor onto others. He looked to Blair. "Just give me the illusion that you are sleeping in separate rooms. Please, Blair Bear, even though you're a young woman now, you're still my little girl."

Blair shot a thankful smile at Roman before running over and hugging her father; perhaps she and Roman could be friends after all. "Thank you Daddy."

For Blair and Nate, the rest of the week went by in blissful happiness. Any worries either of them felt at the beginning of the week were either silenced or eliminated all together as they spent time getting their footing in their relationship. Driving back into the city, they had never been more confident that their relationship was strong and could handle anything, even Chuck.

"Nate, you don't have to get my bags, one of the doorman can get it." Blair said crossing her arms playfully.

Nate turned and smiled. "I've got it." He spoke before leaning forward and placing a quick kiss on her lips. He was happy to be able to do something for Blair, even if it was as small as taking her bags upstairs.

Blair shook her head slightly, still smiling. "If you're sure . . ." With that she led the way inside, surprised but pleased with Nate. As they walked in the doors she hear her cell phone beep and looked down with her first feeling of anxiety about the fact that she and Nate had likely just gone public.

**Looks like the Queen and King are back and better than ever this Holiday season. N and B seen exchanging a smooch outside of her building only moments ago as snow was just beginning to fall. C on the other hand has been quite absent from the social scene since his return, avoiding me C? Aw I'm hurt. But you can't avoid me forever; sources say C is currently camped out at B's apartment. Hope you like surprises B.  
**

**xoxo**

**gossip girl**

Blair sighed and stepped in the elevator before flashing Nate the post. "At least we had some warning."

Nate nodded, nervously running a hand through his hair. He knew that if Chuck had the opportunity he could tell Blair about the deal that he and Chuck had made not to mention the fact that Nate's entire plea for getting her back was based around the fact that he knew where to find her. "Yeah, I guess."

Blair could tell that Nate was nervous and instantly felt a little guilty. He was worried what would happen when she saw Chuck. She reached over and took his hand. "Nate, it's fine. We are fine. Chuck's not going to change that."

Nate was able to warily return Blair's smile as she tried to reassure him, just as the door to her penthouse opened. Blair squeezed Nate's hand and stepped outside. "Just leave my stuff in the entry way." She spoke before turning into the foyer. "Chuck, what are you doing here?" She asked her voice not exasperated or angry, only sad. She knew that by making her choice she had to have hurt Chuck in the process.

At that Dorota appeared to get Blair's bags. "Welcome home Miss Blair. I let Mister Chuck in. Mister Chuck always treat Miss Blair well." As she spoke she glanced at Nate, her eyes scolding. "Better than Mister Nate did. Miss Blair not sick with Mister Chuck." Dorota said as she flitted about collecting the luggage and heading up stairs.

Blair sighed running a hand through her hair. Perhaps this was going to be more difficult than she had imagined, especially since she had always assumed that everyone in her life would have been against them if she had chosen Chuck. She looked to Nate who was slightly red with embarrassment. Blair placed a hand on his chest. "I need to talk to Chuck."

Nate opened his mouth looking as though he wanted to protest but Blair shook her head slightly. "I need you to trust me Nate." Once more Nate looked like he wanted to say more but with a glance at Chuck, then a glance back at Blair he nodded.

"Okay." He spoke, still nervous about what Chuck could say. But he had to trust Blair or he would lose her anyway. He saw Blair's eyes drift towards the elevator and he got the point. "Okay." He repeated before leaning down and placing a kiss on her forehead reminding her that he was the one who really knew her. "I'll see you later?" He asked.

Blair nodded. "I'll call you."

With one more nod and a last nervous glance at Chuck, Nate turned and walked to the elevator, leaving quietly.

Chuck had watched and listened to the entire exchange curiously. He could see that Nate was nervous; he should be. Chuck could ruin this. He knew that Blair had feelings for him and he knew that he knew her better than anyone. Ironically he also knew Nate better than anyone, so he knew that Nate had tried and was seemingly successful in convincing Blair that _Nate_ was the one who knew her. Which Chuck knew was bullshit and best of all he could prove it.

Blair turned to face Chuck. She couldn't help it, she was nervous. Chuck was intimidating, especially when he isn't getting what he wants. "I'm sorry." She spoke with a slight shrug.

"So you picked Nate?" Chuck asked making sure he knew the facts before launching a plan of attack; no reason to go in blind if it wasn't necessary.

Blair exhaled. "Yeah I picked Nate." She wasn't sure what else to say. She could tell him why, she could say that she had chosen him but Nate changed her mind; but wouldn't that just make things more difficult? Chuck just needed to be able to move on and letting him know that he had stood a chance would just make him hold on.

When Blair didn't say more Chuck took a step closer. "Why? Why did you pick Nate after saying you just wanted to be alone to figure things out? Why didn't Nate showing up just piss you off?"

Blair could see it in Chuck's eyes, the hurt, the pain, and the confusion. He just wanted to understand why she hadn't chosen him. "It did . . . At first. But then I remembered everything that Nate and I had shared and I couldn't not give all of that another chance." Chuck looked put out, he looked like he was about to protest so she continued. "I know that you don't understand and you don't have to." Blair paused. "But you do have to accept it."

Chuck was still ready to end this faux-mance between Blair and Nate, regardless of her words. He had followed her wishes and done as she asked, Nate hadn't and the fact that the onetime Chuck had followed the rules, he had lost, pissed him the hell off. "Blair we share something too. I know you."

"So does Nate." Blair responded quickly, not noticing the way Chuck's eyes rolled; but it was what she said next that changed things. "I'm happy Chuck. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy. So please just let me have let. Let me have the chance to be happy."

Something about Blair's words, maybe it was the way she said them, hit Chuck in the gut and as he was about to proclaim that Nate knew her about as well as Nate knew the back of his head, his heart clinched. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do anything to hurt her. Damn it when had her happiness become so important that he was willing to negate any chance of his own. So he looked away, trying to hide the pain in his eyes before looking back. "Okay."

"Okay?" Blair couldn't help but respond, surprised that Chuck was giving in quite so easily. Maybe she had been wrong about just how attached to her he was, she couldn't help the slight sting she felt at that thought.

Chuck took a step backwards. "If that's what you want, then I'll leave the two of you alone in your blissful happiness."

"It's what I want." Blair said, speaking almost too quickly.

Chuck just nodded his head. "I'll see you at the Gala in a couple days."

Blair watched, still surprised as Chuck said nothing more and left her apartment. It was strange. He had done exactly what she wanted and yet she felt so sad at witnessing it firsthand. She walked up the stairs to her room slowly; all the way reassuring herself that she had done the right thing, made the right choice. It was best to let Chuck go and move on with Nate. Holding on would just make everything more difficult.

When she reached her room she found an arrangement of star gazer lilies. She knew that the lilies were from her mother before she touched the card, they were what her mother called, the aristocratic flower of innocence. Blair couldn't help but roll her eyes as she scanned the tiny words. Her mother was sorry she couldn't be home to see her and Nate but she was so proud of her. At reading those words, Blair couldn't help the clinch in her stomach that said that she and Nate might be together for the wrong reasons again.

That's when she spotted the other arrangement placed on her vanity; a colorful array of peonies. She walked over, lightly fingering the petals as she lifted the card from the holder. Her breath caught in her throat as she read and she couldn't help but wonder if Chuck was as over it as he really seemed down stairs or if he had simply been putting up a strong front for her sake. She read the card a second time to see if she had simply over-exaggerated Chuck's need for her.

_**Blair,**_

_**I've never felt the way I feel about you for anyone else. For me you're it. Please forget whatever nonsense you've been told and come back to me. I don't think I can bear to lose you, not now, not ever.**_

_**Yours,  
Chuck**_

The way Chuck had signed the card made her heart thump in ways it wasn't allowed because she had made promises to Nate; promises that meant other boys shouldn't have this kind of physiological power over her. Chuck was proclaiming himself to be hers when she had promised Nate that she was really going to be his. Regardless, she had made her decision and she needed to follow it so Blair resolved to have the flowers tossed out . . . tomorrow. She wanted to enjoy at least one day of their loveliness. Almost as an afterthought, Blair read over the card once more.

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**A/N: Review please my darlings. **

**xoxo  
kate**


	13. What's In A Happy Ending?

Hello loves! Sorry it's been so long since my last update, I experienced major computer failure and all of the stuff on my fanfics was lost (Fully completed chapters and all my outlines too!) The sad thing was I backed everything up but then my hard drive crashed it was like my worst technological day ever. That being said, I made significant changes to Chapter 7 if you want to go back and reread (specifically the Chuck/Blair scene) to make it in the rain. I personally think it's hotter now and it adds a little more perfection to this chapter which is my personal favorite for this fanfic.

To my reviewers: **RF, annablake, ronan03, Butterflies In My Stomach, tvrox12, luvs2shop721, Krazy4Spike, batgirl2992, Sw33tHeart21, LitPrincess2787, ChristinaGGfan, addisonkarev, Stella296, CarolinaGirl21, UnwrittenGirl, The Truth in Fiction, and lcmeester. **You are pretty much my favorite people in the whole entire world so thanks for being so wonderful and for sticking with me through my absence during finals. Love you guys.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or the characters.

Rated: T for language and smexy scenes.

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**Gossip Girl here. Today I am pondering the existence of happy endings. Do they really exist or are they simply a convenient way to end fairy tales. I mean what comes after the words "And they all lived happily ever after." That's not really THE END. But they don't ever take the time to mention just what happily ever after might entail do they? I thought we'd check in with N and B our resident fairy tale couple and see just how happily ever after was working for them. **

Complacent. That would be the best word to describe Blair Waldorf over the past few days. Not outright upset but not exactly happy either. It wasn't that she wasn't happy with Nate. Nate was being the perfect boyfriend; everything that she had ever wanted him to be. Things with Nate were good, no more than that, they were great. Yet complacent was the only word she could think to describe her mood. She had pushed Chuck's note that accompanied his flowers from her mind the moment she had disposed of them. And the past few days she had spent with her boyfriend had been everything that she had ever wanted.

Nate had been perfect, the kind of perfect she had been dreaming that he would be her entire life. It was as though all of the pieces had fallen into place and they were finally experiencing the fairy tale romance that they had always promised each other. They had spent every day together doing things that couples were supposed to do. He had planned romantic dates always thinking of her and what she would want to do. He had taken her to the ballet, which she knew he hated but he had done it for her and she had bought courtside tickets to the Nicks game the next night as repayment. On Sunday, he had come bearing croissants and willingly submitted to a viewing of Breakfast at Tiffany's and an afternoon of shopping. He even watched as she tried on formal gowns as Gala season was approaching.

_**He is sensible and so incredible**_  
_**And all my single friends are jealous**_

Their evenings were caped of by candle light dinners or strolls through Central Park. And if for some reason he wasn't with her when she went to sleep he called because he wanted her voice to be the last he heard at night. She never had to wait and see if he would call, she knew he would because it was Nate and Nate loved her. Everything about the past week had been dreamlike in nature because nothing could have been more like what it was supposed to be. And Blair had spent the whole time feeling perfectly content. Until this morning. This morning she had woken up feeling distinctly confused.

Upon waking, she couldn't identify why exactly she had chosen today to do this. She couldn't say why she had chosen today to think of him, to examine these particular feelings that she had tossed to the side, only that her feelings concerning a certain dark headed boy were at the forefront of her mind. The words they had exchanged the last time that she had seen him were nothing compared to the look in his eyes when he had promised her that he would stay away and even less in comparison to the note he had left her. That note meant everything; yet at the same time it was supposed to mean nothing. She sat up in her bed and reached into the drawer of her side table, removing the note that she had sworn to toss out with the flowers. She had been unable to resist reading it again; much the same as she had been unable to resist keeping it in the first place. Now it burned her fingers and she remembered Chuck's parting words. _I'll see you at the Gala in a couple of days._ That's why she was thinking about him today. Today was the day of the annual Christmas Eve Gala.

_**He says everything I need to hear and it's like**_  
_**I couldn't ask for anything better**_

This realization left anxiety as her constant companion for the day. Like she was only in the eye of the storm, waiting for the rest of it to pass. So much could happen tonight. Regardless of what he might have said to her about letting her be happy if there was one person that Blair Waldorf knew, it was Chuck Bass and Chuck Bass did not give up quite so easily. She knew this from years of experience. Just as she knew that neither Chuck Bass nor Nate Archibald were opposed to making a scene: not when it came to her.

As she stood before the mirror in her dress for the evening she noticed the low neckline and unzipped it furiously. When she had selected this dress she had imagined that Chuck would be her date for the event. Granted the only person she had admitted it to was herself but Blair had thought that they would use the Christmas Gala as an announcement of their courtship. Now that she was going with Nate and avoiding Chuck, the dress selection didn't seem appropriate. It had been chosen to entice Chuck and now she needed the opposite effect. So instead she chose an emerald and gold dress of her mothers and opted to wear her hair down, hiding the neck. No need to attract Chuck's attention with a blatant display of his weakness.

_**He opens up my door and I get into his car**_  
_**And he says you look beautiful tonight**_

Now she was at her place by Nate's side, talking animatedly with a group of their classmates and the anxiety was growing by the minute. She had yet to see Chuck but she knew he would be here because that was another thing she knew about Chuck Bass; if he said he would be somewhere, he was there. Chuck Bass always made good on his word. Blair wasn't really concentrating on the conversation at hand as she continued making a list of things she knew about Chuck Bass while Nate became engrossed in a conversation about his impending selection as captain of the soccer team now that lacrosse was coming to a close.

It was strange; Nate excelled at lacrosse and soccer but never played a winter sport. Nate had never said anything himself but she thought it went back to a game of basketball between Chuck and Nate in the seventh grade in which Chuck wiped the floor with him. That was another thing Blair Waldorf knew about Chuck Bass: He might not be fast and he might not be agile (at least out from under the covers) but he could shoot the lights out from behind the three point line. After Nate was embarrassed by his best friend on the court, she had forever assumed that he would never go back and she had been correct. Nate placed a hand on her back as they kept talking and she felt the worry and anxiety melt away, that was always how it was with Nate.

_**And I feel perfectly fine**_

Lost in her thoughts and the calmness Nate provided, Blair felt him before she saw him. There was a tingling in her spine that told her that he was closer than he had been in the past few days. She felt her back arch at the thought and noticed as her fingers tightened on the champagne flute in her hand. Her face grew warm, as a flush shot up her neck. Blair mentally put out feelers trying her best to find his exact location in the room without actually turning around but she couldn't quite seem to pinpoint it.

Blair glanced to her right and then to her left. Yet still she was unable to spot him. She was going to have to turn her head if she actually intended to see Chuck before he got any closer. Blair looked up to Nate thinking there was no way he hadn't noticed her violent reaction; but Nate was still absorbed in meaningless conversation about the start of the soccer season. Knowing that it was safe to turn away without attracting suspicion, Blair turned her head, her chocolate eyes moving rapidly through the crowd until they met a pair of dark ones staring back at her own.

_**But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain**_  
_**And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name**_

Later Blair would swear it was a fluke but in that moment she felt as though her heart stopped completely before it began to pound madly in her ears. It was only for a second, yet memories, feelings, emotions, all of started rushing back to her as the blood rushed back to her system with the resumed pounding of her heart. Thoughts that she had pushed from her mind assaulted her and she felt faint, as though she was about to lose her bearings. There was so much present in that one glance, that she couldn't handle it. She stood transfixed, unable to look away. If Chuck made a single step in her direction she knew that she would lose control and rush to meet him. She was ready for it, her heart was begging for it but what he did next was even more surprising.

Chuck barely lifted the flute of champagne he held and tilted his head in acknowledgement before turning away from Blair towards his companions for the evening. Blair's jaw felt as though it might fall open in shock, not a very attractive sight. So instead she touched Nate's arm gently, whispering that she was going to the powder room and she slipped away.

_**You're so in love that you act insane**_  
_**And that's the way I loved you**_

She moved rapidly through the crowds needing to get away, somewhere alone. She spotted the bathroom door and thought she might as well go where she had said she was going and slipped inside, locking the door behind her. Walking up to the sink she ran cold water over her hands, before flicking it on her face. She needed to snap out of this. But standing before the bathroom mirror, she had never felt like such a fraud, nor had she ever been more confused.

This wasn't right; this wasn't how things were supposed to work out. The prince was supposed to rescue her from this meaningless charade of a life. He was supposed to rush across the ballroom and sweep her off her feet; carrying her away to someplace that no one could find her. He was supposed to save her from her complacency and fill her life with fire and passion. There was just one problem with her fairy tale; it had already happened. Nate was her prince not Chuck. Nate had come and rescued her from her confusion when she had been hiding away in France. He had wiped her mind free of all of her worries and contemplations. This was the happily ever after part.

_**Breakin' down and coming undone**_  
_**It's a roller coaster kinda rush**_

She shook the strange thoughts from her mind, silencing them as nothing more than childish fantasies. She blamed the fairy tales for never actually describing what happy endings actually looked like so that she didn't even recognize happily ever after when she had it. As she heard a knock on the door and Nate's voice on the other side she was even more certain that her reaction was nothing more or less than the lingering of her decision.

"Blair, are you okay?" Nate asked, allowing concern to color his voice as he knocked on the bathroom door.

Blair couldn't help but smile. So Nate wasn't as clueless as she thought he was to her absence from the group. She was going to have to get used to the fact that Nate knew her better than she thought he did. It was just a foreign concept to her at the moment. She stepped from the bathroom and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm fine, thanks for checking on me."

Truthfully Nate hadn't even notice Blair excuse herself to the bathroom. It simply hadn't registered in his head, until Anthony St. Claire suggested that Nate might want to go check on her, that she hadn't looked quite well. But Nate smiled and brushed a piece of hair away from her cheek. "Anytime." He leaned down and kissed her again, unaware of the eyes watching them from across the room.

_**And I never knew I could feel that much**_  
_**And that's the way I loved you**_

The hardest part of the evening had come when Chuck had to watch the brief but torturous make out session that had occurred following Blair's rush to the bathroom. However, it was something that he needed to get used to. Otherwise he would have just gone to the bathroom himself instead of sending St. Claire a text asking where Blair had gone looking so out of sorts.

He had contemplated not coming to the Christmas Eve Gala at all and he probably wouldn't have if his father hadn't chosen this year of all years to attend. Chuck was obviously not ready to be around Blair yet. Simply raising his glass to her across the room had been one of the most difficult things he had ever done. When what he had really wanted to do was to rush across the room and smash his lips against hers, before sweeping her off her feet and carrying her up to the penthouse suite of whatever hotel they had chosen for tonight's Gala. There he would have ravished her over and over as Nate banged on the door screaming for Blair to be released. Eventually, Blair would have walked outside and told Nate to leave because while he might be the knight in shining armor, Chuck Bass was her prince.

Chuck shook his head, in attempt to shake away the daydreams that were eerily similar to an X-rated version of Blair's fairy tales or Audrey movies. She had rubbed off on him. Chuck Bass did not believe in fairy tales, he did not believe in happy endings. These things weren't a reality in his world, so what was the point? So instead of doing what he had wanted, he had raised his glass and acknowledged her presence before turning back to his father's business partners. But even as he had done it, he had been very aware of Blair's reaction. He had watched in a reflection on his side of the ballroom as Blair had rushed to the bathroom. When she was gone for more than ten minutes, he texted St. Claire so that Nate would run to the rescue because for Blair, happy endings were very much a reality and more than that, they were in her expectations.

_**He respects my space**_  
_**And never makes me wait**_

Blair smiled as Nate opened the door for her and they stepped out into the city. "Thank you." She said sweetly as she took his hand and stepped out of the car. They were to her building and everyone was likely waiting for them to get there for Christmas lunch.

"I think it's me who should be thanking you." Nate said as he placed a kiss on her check. They had just left the rehabilitation facility where the Captain was staying to cope with his drug problem. Blair had made good on her promise in France and accompanied Nate on his visit and Nate had been right, the whole thing had worked like a charm. His father had been delighted to see Blair and the entire visit had gone off perfectly. "So thank you, for coming with me today. It meant a lot to him and to me."

Blair's smile brightened. She and Nate had been together for years but they had never been to this kind of place; the kind of place where they actually leaned on each other in times of need. Their relationship had never really been a healthy one but it was now. As they walked into the her building and into the elevator hand in hand, Blair looked up at Nate confused as he pressed the emergency stop button on the elevator. "Nate what are you . . . Oh" A look of surprise came over her features as Nate pulled out a box, a small box perfect for a ring.

Nate shot her his most dazzling smile as he removed the box from his coat pocket and held it in his hands. "I just wanted to give you part of your present now, the part that matters, away from those we are trying to keep out of our relationship." And with those words he handed Blair the box. "This came a few weeks ago and I wanted you to have it."

_**And he calls exactly when he says he will**_

Blair lifted one perfectly plucked eyebrow and took the ring box. As she opened it she smiled; the St. Jude's senior class pin. Other high schools did class rings but on the Upper East Side they took it one step further; sure kids still bought class rings but if you could afford it, in your junior year you bought the class pin featuring the school's crest along with the graduation date and student's name. Boys did not give these to their girlfriends unless things were serious; they were much too pricey for that, even for the spoiled Upper East Siders. "Nate . . ." Blair said in awe looking up at him, even she had never expected this from him. "I can't accept this."

"Yes you can." Nate said as he reached under his sleeve and turned it to show her pin dangling from his sweater. "We'll match." He watched as Blair took the delicate object and pinned it on the same location of her coat as hers was on Nate's. As she did Nate pressed the emergency stop button again so that the elevator would resume.

Before the doors opened, Blair reached down and took his hand. "Thank you." She couldn't even begin to put into words how much the gesture meant to her so instead she did it with her eyes.

Walking into the din of lions they formed a solid front, standing side by side as the parents assaulted them with hugs and kisses. Exclamations of "Nathaniel, it's so good to see you again" and "Blairbear, I've missed you the past few days rang out." First to lead the gauntlet was no other than Eleanor Waldorf. "Nate darling, I'm so happy you're here." She spoke as she accepted the cake they'd picked up on the way over.

_**He's close to my mother**_  
_**Talks business with my father**_

"It's good to see you too Eleanor." He charmed with his million watt smile before turning towards Blair's father who who had just finished exchanging kisses with Blair. "Harold, it's good to see you again. How's the McGowan account looking?" He asked cordially, thankfully remembering the large account that Harold had been working on while he had been staying at the chateau in France.

Blair smiled at Nate's natural ease with her parents and turned towards her mother herself. "Mom, Merry Christmas."

"You too darling." She said with a smile, which quickly changed into a grimace. "Now why don't you go change into something a little more appropriate for the occasion; a nice dress that's a little more flattering maybe?" She spoke, her eye critical.

Blair tensed up immediately and squeezed Nate's hand who had heard the whole thing but as she looked to him, all he did was give a slight shrug. Blair didn't even flinch as she turned back towards her mother. "Of course, I'll go right upstairs as soon as I finish greeting out guests."

_**He's charming and endearing**_  
_**And I'm comfortable**_

Eleanor nodded at her daughter. "Make sure that you do. I had Dorota lay out a lovely black dress for you. Very slimming."

"Thank you mother." Blair said meekly as she turned to the rest of her guests, letting go of Nate's hand in disappointment. Chuck would have never stood for her mother speaking to her like that. She had thought it before she even realized what she was thinking and suddenly there he was back in her mind again as she shook hands and exchanged short hugs.

When Anne Archibald approached she embraced Blair, squeezing her tightly and thanking her for accompanying Nate to visit his father. Even Bart and Lily came to speak to her. Blair could spot Serena and Eric in the background but as she looked around she noticed someone missing; the same someone she had just been thinking about. She tilted her head slightly as she spoke to Bart. "Where's Chuck?"

Bart's face didn't change although something about him gave off the air that the question made him slightly uncomfortable, that it was noticed that he didn't know where his son was on Christmas. "Oh you know Charles, there's no telling what he's up to."

_**But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain**_  
_**And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name**_

Blair nodded and excused herself from the couple avoiding Serena's eye as she climbed the stairs to her room. She knew that if she looked at Serena right now she might crack and now was not the time to crack. She couldn't confess these thoughts that she had been having lately, that she might have made the wrong choice, she couldn't have made the wrong choice. Nate was her future. She promised herself as she climbed the stairs that she wouldn't forget that again even as thoughts she had had sitting on a beach with Chuck returned to her. _In that moment everything was crystal clear. Nate was her past, Chuck was her future._ She remembered it as though it were yesterday, just like she remembered the electricity of his mouth crashing down on hers moments later.

And suddenly she was rushing to the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl as she had so many times before when thoughts were crashing down upon her. Today, the thoughts of Chuck might have triggered it but she knew the source, she knew the reason she was sick wasn't Chuck, it was everyone else. It was her mother for suggesting she needed a dress that made her look thinner, it was her father for not noticing, and it was Nate for not realizing that it mattered. And just as suddenly all she wanted was Chuck to comfort her as he had so many times before.

_**You're so in love that you act insane**_  
_**And that's the way I loved you**_

After brushing her teeth and reapplying her lipstick Blair changed clothes into the dress her mother wanted and tried once more to stop thinking of Chuck. It wasn't fair to Nate to keep doing that. Nate was her boyfriend and he was being perfect in every way he possibly could but thoughts of Chuck kept coming back and she couldn't seem to stop them. She couldn't not think of the night on the beach in Monaco when it poured the rain and they screamed their feelings until they should have been empty inside. But even when she told Chuck to go he was there, kissing her, professing that he wasn't going anywhere. The next day she had chosen him hadn't she, but then she had gone back to Nate then to neither then Nate and now she was so fickle that she couldn't stop thinking of Chuck.

What kind of person was she that she couldn't be with one guy without wanting the other? And it didn't seem to matter which one she was with, the other was always somewhere in her mind. Well that wasn't entirely true. When she was with Chuck all she could think of was Chuck, he was overpowering; but the moment he left her side or Nate appeared it was always Nate she knew she needed. What was wrong with her? Normal people weren't like this. Normal people were happy when they got what they wanted, not haunted by thoughts of their ex if Chuck could even be considered an ex. She couldn't stop the tears that were falling down her cheeks at her inability to stop the unwelcome memories that had been assaulting her since the night before. So she simply sat down on her bed to rid herself of the tears before returning downstairs.

_**Breakin' down and coming undone**_  
_**It's a roller coaster kinda rush**_

Blair almost jumped back up as she realized she had sat down on something, something that had been sitting on her pillow. She reached down picking up a card and a small familiar looking box. She opened the card carefully and almost hyperventilated as she read the words.

_For you. I didn't know what else to do with this. I promised that I would stay away but after seeing you last night I can't pretend that my feelings don't exist. I won't act on it but my heart belongs to you, I know it and now so do you. Keep it safe for me._

_Merry Christmas,_  
_Chuck_

His outward admission of affection was so nonchalant that Blair could hardly believe it. She opened the box, already knowing what lay inside and stared at the second St. Jude's pin she had been given in only an hour. If she had any sense of self preservation at all she would send it back but something in her stopped her. Knowing she shouldn't, she placed the pin along with the note in her drawer along with Chuck's note from the flowers. In doing so she promised herself that she had to stop thinking about him, had to stop feeling what she was feeling, but until she did she was keeping the pin safe, just as he had asked.

_**And I never knew I could feel that much**_  
_**And that's the way I loved you**_

The following week she had succeed in staying focused on Nate, most of the time but Chuck was still there lingering in her mind the same way his pin was lingering in her desk drawer. And she couldn't begin to pretend that she wasn't thinking about him as she dressed for the New Year's Eve ball that Nate had purchased them tickets for. As soon as she knew it was to be a masquerade she couldn't help but indulging in a custom made dress. This one was fit for a queen; blood red, with a corseted top encrusted with red jewels that ended at a billowing skirt. She donned a pair of red silk gloves and completed the effect with a pair of red heels and a sophisticated up-do. Her last article was the simple yet elegant mask she placed, covering her eyes. She knew she looked amazing, just like she knew that if Chuck had been attending this particular ball he wouldn't have been able to stay away. But she knew he wasn't going to be there, she had called ahead and checked who had purchased tickets to this particular function. She didn't want to be blind sided tonight.

She smiled up at Nate as he opened the limousine door as they arrived at the ballroom. Walking in hand in hand she couldn't help but be impressed by the decorations. The committee behind this event had gone above and beyond any expectations she could have had. The entire ballroom was a scene of mystery and intrigue with sheer fabric spanning various parts of the room and corners of pillows. It looked like a labyrinth of dancing and debauchery; someone could get lost in here and no one would ever find them. Blair turned towards Nate and smiled pulling him to what seemed like the central dance floor and smiling seductively. "Dance with me Mr. Archibald."

"Your wish is my command Miss. Waldorf." Nate said formally as he led her onto the floor and spun her around the floor. They could have been dancing for hours and he would have never noticed, he was so entranced. There was a strange magical haze that seemed to shroud the entire ballroom and he was infected by it. After what seemed like an eternity he led Blair to chairs by the wall with glasses of champagne. "You look so beautiful tonight."

_**He can't see the smile I'm faking**_  
_**And my heart's not breaking**_

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." She spoke, noticing a strange hazy look to Nate's eyes. If she didn't know better she would think he was blazed. She downed her champagne and leaned towards him. "So I was thinking that before we start back to school we should take a trip upstate to the Vanderbilt cabin, just the two of us, maybe next weekend." She had thought that Nate would be delighted, since returning back to New York they had had very little time to be intimate together. His reaction shocked her, Nate looked uncomfortable and the haze was disappearing from his eyes. "What is it?" She asked surprised.

Nate glanced away uncomfortably before meeting Blair's eyes. "My mom mentioned that she wanted to take me, you, and Eleanor out to the Vanderbilt manor that weekend. She said now that I've given you my pin, you and your mother should come with us to see grandfather. Your mom already agreed."

"When?" Blair asked, only one word as she tried to muck her way through this unwelcome news.

Nate looked down at his fingers holding the champagne glass, he couldn't look at Blair right now, not after he had lied to her about no one knowing about the pin. "At your house on Christmas. I know I said my mom didn't know but I didn't want you to think that she had told me to give it to you or anything. It was my idea." Nate could feel her pulling away and grabbed her hand. "Blair I'm sorry I know you didn't want them involved and this is the ultimate involvement but it's important to my mom."

_**Cause I'm not feeling anything at all**_

Blair stood and began to back away. "I need some air Nate. If you don't hear from me before one you can take the limo home, I'll take a cab." With that she walked away not paying any attention to what Nate might be saying or doing behind her. She tried to examine her feelings, tried to figure out how she felt about this news but shockingly she wasn't sad; disappointed maybe but not sad. There was no explanation for it. She should have been heartbroken. Nate had gone behind her back; he was practically plotting with his mother to get her committed to him and if he wasn't, if he was just an innocent pawn of his mother's he was still allowing her to be intricately involved in the goings on of their relationship. She should have been furious but she wasn't that either. She couldn't even seem to find an emotion that fit the situation as she wandered through the ball room and up a set of stairs to what appeared to be a passageway into another section of the ballroom.

As she pushed aside a sheer curtain it was as though the magic of the ballroom finally hit her as her eyes locked on a a set of dark brown ones surrounded by an even darker mask, exactly a week after the last time she had seen those deep brown eyes. There's no reason that her eyes should have connected with his, he was all the way across the ballroom, standing in one of the almost hidden corners she had seen earlier, almost completely hidden by a not so sheer curtain; yet still she saw him and she knew he saw her. She was lost in his eyes, drowning in them. The expression 'the only two people in the room' had never meant anything to her before that moment, but in that instance everything else was a blur, the music, the decorations, the countless people and it was just them. It didn't register that he wasn't supposed to be there, he wasn't on the list; he was Chuck Bass, he could be anywhere especially if that somewhere happened to be the same location as Blair Waldorf.

_**And you were wild and crazy**_  
_**Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated  
Got away, my sole mistake in love **_

Entranced she found herself walking towards him, through the people that seemed to blur together as if they were ghosts and all the while her eyes never left his. It was as though he was beckoning her to him, calling out to her though his mouth had not moved. Yet still she felt an unmistakable magnetism pulling her to him through every obstacle in the room. As she walked the clock began to chime midnight, each ring bringing her closer. To her it was mystical and magical; it seemed that what she did here didn't matter, tomorrow it wouldn't be real, only a dream. She could act on her innermost desires if only for this one night. So this time as the memories began to assault her she did nothing to stop them. Memories from when they were children, days when Chuck was her solace because Nate liked Serena better. Memories from middle school, where she realized that she knew Chuck better than anyone else did. Memories from high school, because Chuck was the one that she leaned on when everything fell apart. All culminating in memories from the last few months.

The last masquerade ball, when she had been supposedly difficult to find Chuck had known her immediately. Had walked right up to her as though she wasn't disguised at all. _Well you look ravishing. If I was your man I wouldn't need clues to find you. _His words had seemed disgusting then but now, now she knew that he had always been subtly hinting that he was the right guy for her; that he wanted to be her man. The memories moved through her mind as though they were on a movie reel; changing with every chime of the clock. _And you are my toughest critic, well second toughest. _Because for him she held honors no other girl ever would. And that night at Victorla, all of it rushed into the forefront of her brain as if she was there right now. _Come on, you're ten times hotter than any of those girls. _And the limo. _You were amazing up there. _All the way to the moment he asked her _You sure._

_**I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain**_  
_**It's 2am and I'm cursing your name**_

Her eyes were still locked with his, she was still moving towards him, and the clock was still chiming as her mind conjured memories of her birthday._ Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast? _Each time it was his words that stuck out in the forefront of her memories; his words that she had forbidden herself from thinking of. _Define like. _Words that didn't mean something. _How do you think I feel? I haven't slept. I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach. Fluttering. _Words that meant everything. _Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of it's beauty._ Words that should have had her running to him a long time ago. _Next to him, yes. On me you'd be so much more. _Words that said she should have never left him.

Then there were those words hat told her everything that he felt for her._You think you didn't get close enough to hurt me? You're wrong._ Words that surprised her._ I thought we were just a game to you. Never. _Words that assured her._ You are different. _Words that explained away her worries. _I was so scared of losing you that I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that didn't happen. _Words that were shouted between passionate kisses in the middle of an epic rainstorm. _Can you honestly say that he makes you feel the way that I make you feel? Of course not. You couldn't even bring yourself to sleep with him because you knew that it was wrong. You aren't meant to be with Nate. He can never begin to match your fire and passion, much less enhance it._ Words that promised her the future that she'd been dreaming of; that promised her that what they had was real. _I need you to hear that I'm the right guy for you. That Nathaniel will never be able to make you feel the same way I do; no guy will. What we have, that level of passion, isn't something you find with every person. That's a once and a lifetime occurrence. You only get one shot to keep the fire ignited._ And the words that should have made her choose him. _I want to be with you Blair. You are the only girl who really knows me, the only girl I didn't kick out the morning after. You mean more to mean than any girl ever has or ever will._

_**I'm so in love that I acted insane**_  
_**And that's the way I loved you**_

Only steps away and Chuck didn't even seem surprised. His eyes simply bore into hers as though this was the most normal thing in the world for her to be doing. She came to a stop in front of her summoner just as the clock chimed it's 12th and curtsied low, yet still she did not break eye contact. He did the same as he bowed before her before reaching out and taking her gloved hand, placing on it a single kiss. Slowly, fluidly, he rose and backed into the dark corner, leading Blair.

She took two steps towards him and placed a hand on his chest, her pulse quickening at the nearness. It had been weeks since they had been this close. She tilted her face up towards his and spoke softly. "I'm sorry. For everything. I wanted you to know that."

Chuck inhaled deeply, placing his forhead against hers. It felt good, it felt right. He said the only words he could seem to formulate."You are beautiful."

"No more talking." Blair said as she turned slowly and drew the curtain shut behind her, running her hand along it. She felt Chuck approach behind her, placing his hands on her bare shoulders. She had been about to speak, to tell him that this wasn't real, that it was only for tonight, but her breath caught in her throat as tingles shot down her spine. Softly, his lips touched her neck and her eyes fluttered closed; a thrill of anticipation rushing through her. There was so much wrong with this that it made her want to be there in his arms even more.

Chuck tugged slightly on her shoulder, turning her around to face him. He knew there wasn't anything more that he needed to say; there weren't words for what they were experiencing. So instead, he bent his head down and placed his lips against hers; as gently as he had on the night of her seventeenth birthday. As gentle as the kiss was, it was deep, probing, filled with the barely restrained desire he felt the moment their lips had touched because in that moment everything that she meant to him, all of the passion and intensity he had felt with her came flooding back

_**Breaking down and coming undone**_  
_**It's a roller coaster kinda rush**_

As his lips touched her own, the usual heat filled Blair, her body instantly responding to the sensations rolling through her that caused her to tremble and grasp at the back of his shirt, holding on for dear life. The second their lips had touched, she was a goner. The simple taste had sent her entire body into a frenzy, igniting a fire inside of her that she had almost forgotten existed. She began kissing him with a fervor that she couldn't begin to comprehend. Every part of her wanted to touch him, to taste him. Damn the consequences she never wanted to stop touching him.

Desire crackled in the air around them and their kisses became urgent, almost violent. His arm snaking around her waist, pulling her into him and she complied, snuggling closer to him as his hands began to roam over her body, taking liberty to explore what had been kept from him for so long. Chuck ran his hands down her sides, brushing her breasts, feeling the curve of her waist, her hip. He pulled back slightly, only to move his mouth down from hers to her neck, his kryptonite.

As he moved back to her neck, Blair reached up with one hand and pulled a pin out of her hair, causing it to fall down in waves around her shoulders. Chuck looked back up, mesmerized as she made movement to remove her glove. Chuck met her gaze and took her arm. Without words he spoke to her _Allow me, _as he began to slowly remove her glove, kissing ever inch of skin he uncovered. Blair could hardly breathe; every kiss of his lips, every newly exposed piece of skin burned with his kisses. Who knew that the removal of a single glove could be so electrifying, so tantalizing. Chuck smirked at her as he heard her began to moan; yet he did not rush. He removed the other glove in the same agonizingly slow manor, dropping both of them to the ground before leading her to pillows piled on the cushions.

_**And I never knew I could feel that much**_  
_**And that's the way I loved you oh, oh**_

This time when their mouths met, it was hard and furious. She wrapped her fingers in his hair trying to pull him even closer to her. Meanwhile, his fingers were finding their way up her skirts, running up her stocking covered thigh and pushing her dress up almost to her hip. Anticipation and eagerness lit every part of Blair's body. She had been dreaming about this for so long, remembering each taste and each sensation with so much longing. Never expecting that a night like tonight was possible, that they would ever have this again, but now it was and she was astonished at how badly she wanted it. Her hands pushed off his jacked and moved down to his shirt, undoing all of the buttons so that she could touch his chest. In turn, Chuck moved his lips from hers, down to her neck and shoulder, undoing the lacing with his fingers on the back of her dress as he covered her flesh with hungry kisses. Blair felt her dress fall away as he tugged it over her head, leaving her in her red lingerie. She pulled him back to her and attempted to rip his shirt off all together, something that brought back the return of Chuck's smirk. "You don't know how much I've wanted this, wanted you." Chuck spoke his voice almost unidentifiable it was so ragged.

"Me too." Blair replied breathlessly as she tried to undo his pants. "Now I said no more talking."

Chuck groaned in frustration, wanting her as much as he ever had but at the same time he felt something was off, something was strange. He reached a hand into her hair to untie her mask, wanting to really be with just her; no masks, no disguises.

_**And that's the way I loved you oh, oh**_  
_**Never knew I could feel that much**_

Blair pulled back as if she had been stung; while at the same time, reaching up to still his hand.

He looked at her, looked into her eyes, immediately discovering what felt so off. He knew Blair, knew her better than anyone. More than anything he knew how her mind worked. Anyone else might have been fooled but he saw it there in her eyes, in her words. He saw something that made his heart break clean in two. "You think this is all some kind of game; some kind of fairy tale dream world where your actions don't have consequences. This isn't real to you at all is it?"

"Chuck, don't do this, don't ruin tonight." Blair pleaded, placing her hand on his face. She moved in close, bringing her lips close to his, close enough that they touched.

This time it was Chuck who pulled back, wrenching his lips away from hers with every ounce of self control he could muster. "No. This isn't what I want, some quickie in the corner of a ballroom? I want you, all of you." He stood as he spoke, picking his shirt up from the ground and buttoning it before pulling back on his coat and straightening his bow tie. "I'm not giving up Blair, I'm going to continue to pursue you and when I do catch you, you better believe it's going to be real and it's going to be for keeps."

_**And that's the way I loved you**_

Finished talking, Chuck turned and slipped out of the curtain, leaving behind an astonished Blair Waldorf.

Blair sat there, shell shocked for a moment before slowly standing and putting back on her clothes. She pulled a compact out of her clutch and touched up her lipstick but knew that there was no help for her hair, she would have to leave it down. She shook herself, trying to shake the feeling of guilt that Chuck's words had left her with but as she stepped outside the feeling intinsified ten fold: on one side of the ballroom stood a distressed Nate, who appeared to be furitively searching for her, on the other stood Chuck who was smirking at her. She lifted her hand motioning to Nate as he spotted her and started her way; Nate deserved better than how she'd treated him tonight. Then she turned her head back to Chuck who raised one eyebrow and mouthed. "Game on."

**Seems like THE END doesn't really apply now does it? So here's what Hans Christian Anderson, The Brothers Grimm, and Walt Disney didn't want you to know: the reason they never told the story of happily ever after, is because it's boring and more than that it doesn't exist. Sorry to burst your bubble B, but your fairy tale just decided to take a walk on the dark side. So hears to you B, lets hope you enjoy the ride.**

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**A/N: Tada! I hope you all enjoyed. I drew inspiration from several Gossip Girl plot lines, a smexy scene in a Vampire Academy novel, early episodes of One Tree Hill and even a touch of Grey's Anatomy for this chapter. AND especially the song The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift (such a perfect fit right?). All of Blair's outfits from this chapter are on my profile if you're interested.  
**

**I adore reviews :) **

**xoxo  
kate  
**


	14. The Art of Losing Control: Part I

This is part one of a two part chapter set. I plan to post the second chapter within the week! For those of you who have been asking, there is now a photograph of Maddie under the extra's section for this fanfic. Enjoy!

To my reviewers: **CarolinaGirl21, Krazy4Spike, LitPrincess2787, ronan03, Gennyxoxo, UnwrittenGirl, tvrox12, annablake, miss-Tami-bass, mrschuckbassx3, ladychrysanthemum, and Sw33tHeart21. **I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or the characters.

Rated: T for language and smexy scenes.

Thanks so much to **ggff-fan** for being my ever-awesome beta!

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**Chapter 14**  
**The Art of Losing Control Part I**

"Thank you for giving me another chance." Nate spoke softly as he brushed a piece of hair behind Blair's ear. He'd been so grateful when she'd forgiven him after that disaster at the Masquerade Ball; he didn't know what he'd been thinking those few days, letting his mom get inside his head again. Blair could so easily have walked away for good and right now he could only be thankful she hadn't.

Blair smiled softly as she leaned against her locker. "I overreacted." She'd already planned out what she was going to say to Nate at school when he apologized. The ball had been three weeks ago - three long weeks, most of which she'd spent in Milan with her mother. The rest she'd spent trying to avoid both Chuck and Nate. Chuck because every time she saw him there was a strange heat that rushed through her, a heat that she was finding she liked a little too much. Not to mention every time Chuck was around he made an impassioned speech about how they were meant to be together or made some sort of pass. She'd been able to hold him off . . . most of the time. But she didn't know how much longer she'd be successful at doing so. Then there was Nate who she'd been trying to decide what to say to the entire time she'd been gone. Truthfully she wasn't sure she had overreacted at all but if that was what it took to get things back to normal she would say it. "Not to mention I didn't even let you explain your actions before I reacted."

Nate nodded. As soon as he'd found her at the party they'd gone home where she'd given him the chance to explain that he hadn't actually been a part of his mother's plans, that she made them without him. "Thank you for understanding."

"Nate, I'm your girlfriend. If we're going to make this work we have to be honest with each other. Our biggest problem before was that we never really let each other in." Blair spoke, letting her voice get serious. "That means the next time your mother starts planning something we need to be straight about it from the start."

Nate nodded again, his own face growing serious. "I love you Blair."

Blair couldn't help the smile that rose to her features. It was so great to finally hear Nate tell her he loved her and actually mean it that it seemed to wash everything else away. "I love you too." She said before rising on her tip toes to give Nate a quick kiss. "Now go before you're late for Chemistry."

Nate smiled roguishly at her before placing one last kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you in History."

Blair nodded, watching him turn the corner before she stepped away from her locker. She felt like such a hypocrite right now. She'd just stood there lecturing Nate on honesty in their relationship when in all actuality she wasn't being honest with him at all. She'd kept Chuck's notes and his pin; and she had absolutely no intention of telling Nate what had really happened at the New Year's Eve Ball. No intention of telling him that she'd almost willingly given herself to Chuck Bass. She had feelings for Chuck, but she knew that she and Nate could make things work if they just had the chance.

As she turned to walk down the hallway, she pulled out her phone to distract herself from thoughts of a boy she shouldn't be thinking of. Surely there had to have been something interesting on Gossip Girl this morning. When she spotted a post referencing Bart Bass and Lily van der Woodsen's impending nuptials, she couldn't have been more shocked. How had she not known about this? She thought just as she slammed into someone in front of her, knocking her phone out of her hands.

Despite her melancholy mood, Blair Waldorf was Queen of Constance and could not be seen as anything other than such, so her immediate response was perfunctory as she had yet to see which of her peons had had the poor sense to run into her this morning. "Why don't you watch where you're walking, or is that menial task too difficult for you?" Her voice trailed off as the person in front of her, steadied her, handed her said phone which he seemed to have caught, and caught her chin.

"Waldorf I do believe it's you who ran into me." Chuck said with a smirk removing his hand from her face, placing it on her shoulder with his other hand. Granted this wasn't a bad turn of events but he had intended for her to see him and stop before slamming into him in the hallway. After all, he had been seeking her out. Chuck looked her up and down.

Blair was momentarily frozen. The covetousness in his eyes both flattered and unnerved her. It was as if he believed that in some way she belonged to him; which of course she didn't. But why could she not think of a comeback now of all times? It couldn't possibly be the fact that his touch was sending shivers up and down her spine and his scent was invading her senses. No, that had nothing to do with it. "Get your filthy hands off me Bass." She spat, attempting to jerk herself away.

Chuck spoke, still smirking. "As you wish my Queen." But as he removed his hands from her shoulders, he allowed them to graze her arms ending at her hands where he proceeded to play with her fingertips. "Now I believe I gave you my word that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, I'm simply keeping my promise."

Blair heard herself whimper slightly as her pulse raced and her body responded to him and she wanted nothing more than to slap herself. "Just give up, I'm not leaving him."

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Not happening Waldorf. Why don't you just give me a chance to show you I'm the one you should be with? I assure you one chance is all I'll need." He spoke, his voice growing low and husky. It was the same mantra he'd been repeating since she'd come home from Italy after her impromptu trip with her mother and he could tell it was finally starting to sink in.

She wanted to look away, she wanted to do anything but stare into the depths of Chuck's eyes; but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She'd been trying to force him from her thoughts ever since New Year's Eve and now with him right in front of her, she simply couldn't do it. She bit her lip slightly. "Go away Chuck." She spoke but even she could tell there was no resistance in her voice, no command.

Chuck ceased his play with her fingers, simply holding them in his own instead as he leaned forward into her neck. "Me thinks thou doth protest too much."

"Chuck" She whispered, finally breaking his gaze to look around. "Someone could see." She knew her protests were weak. She didn't know what it was that made it so hard to resist him but right now it seemed impossible.

Taking a step backwards, Chuck tugged her fingers with his, opening the door to a classroom he knew was empty having checked to make sure before running into Blair. Slowly, he pulled her inside, shutting the door with his foot. "Now that's better isn't it." He spoke as he pulled her to him.

"No it's not." Blair said struggling slightly. "You just don't get it do you? I didn't pick you." She finished definitively as she moved backwards until her back was flush against the door.

Chuck's eyes darkened and she couldn't tell if it was due to anger or desire, maybe a little of both. "So change your mind. It's not like you haven't done it before. You can't tell me he makes you feel the same way I do." Chuck added as he brushed a hand along her cheek, relishing the way that Blair leaned into his touch.

This time she found it in her to resist. "Don't tell me what I'm feeling." She practically spat. But even as she spoke, she reached behind her and twisted the lock on the door; Blair Waldorf was nothing if not precautious.

Chuck laughed darkly. "I've figured you out Waldorf." As he spoke he backed her further against the door. "You are always so calm, so in-control, even in the midst of one of our arguments or a complete meltdown with your mother. You pride yourself on your ability to stay in control. But you're always on the verge of something more, something dangerous; it's there just beneath the surface." He paused letting her absorbed his words before delivering his point. "I bring it out of you."

Blair stood there frozen, pretending as though Chuck's words weren't true, as though they didn't affect her. "You're delusional."

"You're always fighting to maintain your control and I make you lose that control. I don't know how I didn't see it before." Chuck said with a smirk. "Face it Waldorf you're the same as me."

Blair shook her head. "No." She was obviously getting worked up and in this situation it wasn't doing her any good. "I've learned to control myself. Especially around you."

Chuck's smirk broadened. "No." He spoke, something about this new realization had emboldened him. "You put up a good front and most of the time you do stay in control. But sometimes you can't and sometimes. . ." He leaned forward lowering his voice. "Sometimes you don't want to."

"Chuck. . ." Blair started. Her heart beating furiously. She didn't know what to say, she didn't have a response for how precisely he'd pegged her.

He could see her labored breathing and knew her heart was beating as quickly as his own. And she wasn't pulling away. So before she realized what was happening, he kissed her. He pressed himself closer, trapping her between his body and the door. His hands snaked up behind her head, sliding into her hair. The kiss was filled with so much intensity. It held anger, passion, release.

Blair jerked her head away, pushing him from her and taking several steps to the side until she was standing near the classroom desk. "Chuck we have to stop this, it isn't fair to Nate."

At the mention of Nate's name, a guttural sound came from Chuck's throat. The words fair and Nate didn't belong in the same sentence, not after what Nate had done. Without another word Chuck crossed the room to where she was now standing, pulling her body flush to his and capturing her lips with his own.

Blair tried to fight him for all of 1 second before she found herself giving in. She couldn't help it. There was an inexplicable need in her to have Chuck, to taste him, to be with him and fighting it was so hard.

Hands were everywhere, roaming over each other, unbuttoning every button, untying every bow, and unzipping every zipper that stood in the way of their bodies touching one another. Unwittingly, Blair's hands found Chuck's head, her fingers twisting in his hair as she kept his mouth on hers.

Chuck ran his hands up her body and into her hair where he divested of that pesky headband holding back her curls. Even he knew they shouldn't be doing this here, on school property, but at this point, he wouldn't have been able to stop if he'd wanted to. When he was with Blair, he wasn't Chuck Bass anymore; he was some primitive animal that knew nothing other than his carnal lust for her. Maybe that meant that he was more Chuck Bass with her than with anyone; it didn't really matter so long as he was with her, inside her.

Blair rubbed herself against him. Nibbling on his bottom lip teasingly, she struggled to maintain her breathing in the animalistic quality of their reunion. She was losing control of the situation. Hell when it came to Chuck Bass she'd never really had any control; no, with him she'd never had a chance.

As Blair moaned into his mouth, Chuck hoisted her onto the desk, his hands running up her stocking clad legs and under her skirt. Fingering the band of her La Perla's he began to unhook her garters so that he would have better access as his mouth continued ravaging her neck.

Blair gasped as Chuck hooked his fingers in the band of her panties and began to tug. She felt, more than told her body to respond as she lifted herself off the desk, allowing him to do as he wished. She was reaching for his zipper when she heard the knocking.

"Hey is someone in here? I thought this room was open for Free Study second period?"

Blair was forced into awareness as she shoved Chuck away with both hands. Scrambling off the desk she yanked up her underwear and fixed her articles of clothing that had been disturbed. "One second." She called out trying to steady her breath as she tossed Chuck his jacket, shooting him a warning look as she did.

Chuck on the other hand simply smirked as he did best. He had no problem getting caught with Blair Waldorf in a compromising position - which was why he made sure his hair remained rumpled and his tie undone as she opened the door.

"Oh it's you." Blair spoke, disgust entering her voice.

Jenny Humphrey jumped at least a few inches off the ground as Blair flung the door open. _Shit, _If she'd know it was Blair she never would have bothered. But as she took in the situation, she couldn't help but be confused. What was Blair doing alone in an empty classroom with Chuck Bass? And why on earth did he look so disheveled. Not to mention Blair's headband from earlier was completely missing. Sneaking a peek around Blair and into the room, Jenny spotted it on the desk.

Blair could see Jenny putting the pieces together in her head and momentarily freaked out before remembering that she held the keys to Jenny's future in her hands. The thought relaxed her as she forced herself to take a breath. "Eavesdropping much Little J?" Blair asked, a sneer appearing on her features. "Don't you have something better to do, like I don't know…finishing the invitations for the party on Friday?"

"Of course, I was just looking for an empty room to work on those." Jenny spoke, actually truthful. "Don't worry I won't say a word about finding you guys." She continued quickly trying to cover.

Blair's eyes narrowed. "All you saw was me reprimanding this Basshole for dallying with an unmentionable. Now move, I need to get to class."

Jenny quickly scurried out of the way as Blair walked around her, followed by a lazily sauntering Chuck. She wasn't certain what the pair had been doing but she knew that whatever it was wasn't good. For Nate's sake she really really hoped that they were simply plotting or doing whatever it was Blair had said they were, but that didn't explain all of the disheveled accessories. Entering the room, Jenny pushed it out of her mind; she couldn't afford to get on Blair's bad side, not again. So regardless of her suspicions, she was keeping her mouth firmly shut.

* * *

Blair shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She hadn't been able to get Chuck out of her head since the morning's incident, nor could she deny the strange yearning she felt for him. She'd had to excuse herself to the bathroom several times during the day to splash cold water on her face and try to get ahold of herself. She'd isolated herself in the library for study period thinking that it was the last place Chuck would be when given the option to be elsewhere. Unfortunately, it seemed that she was wrong as Chuck Bass was currently sitting less than ten feet away from her, his eyes boring into her as though he was picturing her naked; which he probably was.

She forced herself to look at her books, hating the effect that he was having on her and hating herself more for liking it. He was studying her like he should have been studying the book in front of him. It felt so strange to her. Part of her responded with excitement to the intensity of his gaze, loving the way he surveyed her body from head to toe. The other part felt dirty, like slime or mud was oozing over her skin as he studied her.

Chuck smirked as Blair glanced up at him once more. He knew he was distracting her from her paper. He also knew he'd like to distract her even more thoroughly, just as he'd done this morning. She probably thought that he'd followed her to the library today. In all honesty he hadn't, he'd actually come with the intention of doing work as he had a paper due the next day in Carlton's class. Apparently the name Chuck Bass meant nothing to the ancient English professor. However, observing Blair was proving to be a much more interesting pastime.

Blair sighed in frustration as she read the same sentence for the fifth time, comprehension finally dawning on her. Slamming the book in anger she realized that this wasn't even the right text. She'd been too busy avoiding Chuck's penetrating gaze to notice, which meant she'd wasted the last twenty minutes of study time. Pushing her chair back she stood purposefully, forcing herself not to look at Chuck as she stalked past his table into the stacks of the library.

Searching for her book, Blair made a mental note to check and see who'd donated this new library to the school. She had to admit it was handy not to have to venture to the New York public library every time she had to do serious research. Running her hands along the spines of the books on the very back shelf she groaned in frustration as she realized that the title she was looking for was missing. "Damn it." She cursed quietly as she spun on her heel ready to head back, only to be confronted by none other than Chuck Bass.

"Looking for this?" He asked as he held out a large brown volume.

Blair snatched it from his hand, noticing immediately that it was precisely the text she'd been looking for. "Stalk me much Bass?"

Chuck rolled his eyes. "We're in the same class Waldorf, writing the same paper. I simply already finished with that particular text and thought you might find it useful."

"Whatever." Blair said flippantly, trying to walk past him. She should have known that was a task easier said than done as Chuck immediately sidestepped to prevent her. Blair rolled her eyes and tried once more to step around him, this time venturing too close to the stacks. Immediately Chuck's other hand shot out, pinning her against the stacks.

Chuck smirked, noticing he had her trapped between the stacks and his body. "Not so fast Waldorf."

Blair sighed in frustration. "What do you want Bass?"

Chuck cocked his head slightly. "Would 'you' be an adequate answer or is that too direct?"

Once more Blair rolled her eyes, this time trying to duck under his arm. But of course Chuck knew what she was going to do before she did and blocked her. "Chuck give me a break, I need to get back to studying."

The smirk grew as Chuck leaned closer to her, close enough that his breath was warm on her face. "I don't think we finished our conversation earlier." Chuck spoke, his voice growing husky.

"That was not a conversation." Blair snapped, this time remaining still, though she did cross her arms in front of her.

Chuck raised his eyebrows slightly. "True, it was much better than a conversation."

Blair narrowed her eyes. "Either way I've said everything I need to say. This thing between the two of us is over."

"It's not over, until I say it's over." Chuck said moving even closer, his body was pressing against hers in every way possible. His arms closing in on her head, he inhaled her, breathing in every scent.

She was uncomfortable, more so than she would ever admit. His proximity was too much to handle. His body so close to her own that she could feel his hardness pressing against her thigh. Even as she detested it she was loathe to push him away as she reveled in the power she had over him, the passion she seemed to inspire. "Then have fun playing with yourself." She forced herself to say as she pressed both hands against his chest, pushing him away.

Chuck laughed darkly as he held his ground, not allowing her to escape. He knew she wanted this, if there'd been any uncertainty she had erased that this morning. "I'm not playing anything Blair. I leave that to dear Nathaniel." He spoke as his hands moved to close around her wrists, holding her firmly in place.

Blair's eyes widened slightly. She had no clue what Chuck was referencing. "Nate isn't playing a game. He's not like us Chuck, he doesn't manipulate people to get what he wants."

At first Chuck realized that he'd come close to doing exactly what he'd promised himself he wouldn't and telling Blair that Nate wasn't so innocent as she'd like to believe he was. But Blair's words were too perfect not to respond too. "You're right, he isn't like us Blair." He spoke emphasizing her name the same way she had emphasized his. "We're inevitable Waldorf. There's no one out there quite like us, you said it yourself."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Blair spoke reaching exasperation. "Why do you have to make this so hard?"

Chuck growled in response. "Why do you have to try to make it so easy?" His voice was practically a hiss. "You don't have to love him just because he was there. I know how you feel about me, I can feel it."

Blair stared at him long and hard, absorbing his words. She could feel his heart pounding under her hands and knew he was getting the same adrenaline rush she was from all of this. As she looked down at her wrists she realized for the first time that Chuck was now physically holding her in place. "Let go of me Chuck." She said, shaking her wrists slightly.

"No." Chuck breathed as he moved even closer. Chuck's mouth was inches from hers though he could still look into her eyes and see them widen.

"Don't do it." Blair whispered, her voice barely there as she tried to resist, tried to do what was right.

Chuck didn't stop as he moved her hands which had been between them, pinning them on either side of her head. "Not happening." He whispered against her lips.

Blair couldn't breathe, or at least couldn't breathe like one should be able to. And the smell of him was simply overwhelming. She squirmed slightly, her back pressed tightly against the stack of books behind her. She was thankful that this particular stack was along the back wall, hidden from view of anyone not explicitly looking for this section because not only was she in a compromising position, she was libel to knock over the shelf the way she was pressing against it. Finding room to move her head back she spoke rather loudly. "I could scream."

"I'm sure you will." Chuck replied suggestively before closing the remaining distance between their lips. He didn't even bother to start off slowly, he was violent from the start, not caring if they left bruises on one another. They were volatile, it was just part of who they were.

Immediately, Blair responded to his kiss, her mouth pulling him in. She'd known she was a goner the moment his lips had touched hers, there was no stopping them once they'd started. Her tongue pressed itself into Chuck's mouth, not bothering to ask permission.

Chuck broke the contact of their mouths, moving his kisses along her jaw and down her neck, to the spot he knew made her weak in the knees. As he kissed her, he could hear her gasp, something that only encouraged him. He moved between her thighs, kicking one foot further out to allow him even closer.

Blair unwittingly found herself grinding her hips against Chuck's manhood as she remained pinned against the stack, his mouth still moving around her neck. As he knocked her leg, she found herself lifting the leg from the ground, moving it up along his and tightening around his hip.

As he felt Blair's leg lock over his hip, he knew she wasn't going anywhere and released her hands to better experience her. One hand found its way into her hair, moving her mouth to his, the other traveled down to her leg hoisted over his hip. He moved his hand up her leg, gripping tightly as he helped support her weight. Groaning into her mouth as her hips rubbed against his own.

Blair was lost in oblivion, lost in Chuck as her hands moved up his chest, grasping at the fabric of his shirt as she tried to get her hands inside of it. She gasped as she felt Chuck pressing against her and wanted nothing more than to succumb to the all encompassing need she felt for him. Her hands found themselves snaking around his body, gripping his hair with one and clawing at his back with the other.

Chuck growled as she pulled him further in. There was simply no stopping them once they'd started but he couldn't care less, he only wanted her. Reaching into his back pocket he removed a condom which he struggled to open with one hand. Blair was reaching with one hand to help him when they heard the gasp.

Blair echoed the gasp, looking between Chuck and the girl standing before them for a split second before stumbling as Chuck moved away. Jenny Humphrey had interrupted them for the second time that day but this time she'd seen a lot more. And this time he was the one who had recovered first.

"Are you following us?" He spat, glaring at her with everything he had. Chuck wasn't stupid, he knew the consequences of getting caught for Blair and the last thing he wanted was to push her away by ruining her reputation. Helping rumors to start was one thing, he didn't mind if people were whispering about a possible relationship between the two of them but Jenny fucking Humphrey from Brooklyn getting a front row seat to their private show was not acceptable; it gave her power, too much power.

Jenny stood there frozen, mouth agape and eyes like a deer caught in headlights. She didn't know what to say. Before she'd thought that maybe, just maybe something fishy was going on but she'd never imagined that it was actually this. "I'm sorry." She stuttered quietly. "I wasn't spying, I just wanted to return this." She said, holding out Blair's headband that she'd left behind earlier.

Chuck continued glaring menacingly, hoping there was enough fear left in her from what had occurred at Kiss on the Lips that she wouldn't dare cross him. Blair on the other hand wasn't going to take any chances. Straightening her uniform she walked towards Jenny. "If you so much as breathe a word of any of this to anyone, I will destroy you to the point that there won't be anything left to send back to Brooklyn." She paused for a second, letting Jenny absorb her words. "I assure you Jenny, you don't want to test me on this because together Chuck and I will end you."

"I promise I won't tell anyone." Jenny whispered as she reached up to mimic locking her mouth and turning the key; not realizing until afterwards how childish she must have looked.

Blair narrowed her eyes once more before storming off around her.

Chuck's eyes followed Blair's retreating form only for a moment before he leveled them back on Jenny, stepping closer until he was clearly invading her personal space. When he spoke his voice was low, the threat clear. "Blair might think she's good at destruction but what she does is child's play compared to what I'll do to you if so much a whisper of this gets out. Sure she'll ruin your reputation, maybe get you kicked out of school, probably have you cowering in Brooklyn or if she's really pissed get you sent off to boarding school." Chuck paused for only a second before lowering his voice even further. "I'll ruin your life."

Jenny couldn't have spoken in that moment if her life depended on it. There was not a bone in her body that doubted the truth of Chuck's statement and that scared her so badly that she knew the chance of her ever telling another living soul about what she'd witnessed was equivalent to the chance that she would willingly jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. Chuck was about to walk away a satisfied look on his face when she found words coming out of her mouth unplanned. "I would think you'd want people to know. That way you'd actually get to have Blair instead of just sneaking around with her." Chuck froze, actually speechless as he shot Jenny a disbelieving stare. Jenny inhaled shakily, then continued. "I'm not stupid Chuck, I could see the way you were looking at her, you're in love with her."

Chuck stared at Jenny harder, trying to discern just how she'd caught on so quickly. She was perceptive for Brooklyn trash. The next words he said were so unexpected that he could hardly believe he was saying them. "That would hurt Blair and I don't hurt Blair." He spoke simply before shaking it off and walking away; after all, the last thing he needed to do was spill his inner most desires to the whinny little freshman.

Arriving at the front of the library where they'd been sitting, he was unsurprised to find that Blair had completely cleared her stuff out. Right now she'd probably be feeling overwhelmed. There were already so many emotions going on in her head, she was already confused and unsure and now she had to deal with the fact that a social climbing freshman had seen them. Because regardless of what they might have said to Jenny, if she thought about it long and hard, she had everything she needed to blackmail them to do anything she wanted. Gathering his things, Chuck set out to find Blair, she needed him.

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**A/N:** Hope you all enjoyed part 1.

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**xoxo  
kate**


	15. The Art of Losing Control: Part II

Part two - I'm surprised I got it up so soon since I'm in the middle of finals but here you go. Just a note, this section is a bit explicit. Enjoy :)

To my reviewers: **Tina, annablake, Krazy4Spike, LitPrincess2787, CarolinaGirl21, LovelyLydia, JissyLuv13, SouthernBelle88, GGfanficfan09 and Sw33tHeart21. **I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or the characters.

Rated: Bumping this chapter up to an **M** rating!

Thanks so much to **ggff-fan** for being my ever-awesome beta!

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**Chapter 15**  
**The Art of Losing Control Part II **

Blair had snatched up her books and was out of the library in less than thirty seconds. She'd held it together in front of Jenny but she could feel everything falling apart now. Her heart was pounding, adrenaline rushing through her but not the good kind of adrenaline. It was as though her entire body was betraying her as it became harder and harder to breathe. She was forcing back tears as she slipped into the nearest bathroom.

Sparing a glance at the toilet, Blair contemplated releasing her emotions there before forcing herself to look away. She couldn't, it wasn't safe to do that here, someone might see. So instead she faced the mirrors, gripping the sink tightly. What was she supposed to do now? She'd been kidding herself for weeks thinking that she was over Chuck because it was clearly not the case. He had this power over her that she couldn't even comprehend much less eliminate. All she'd wanted in the library and earlier in the empty classroom was to disappear into his embrace and she knew she never felt that way with Nate.

Maybe that was it, maybe it was the added danger of getting caught that had her unable to resist Chuck. After all, she'd never felt so anxious and excited as she did when she was walking on the dark side with him. There was a thrill to it that she simply couldn't resist. Perhaps all she needed to do to get Chuck out of her head was to prove to herself that she could have that with Nate to. Because Nate was the one she loved, she didn't feel that way about Chuck . . . she didn't.

She sighed at her appearance. Her make up could be fixed with a few touch ups from her bag but her hair was a loss for the day. So she dug in her bag to find an old hair band and pulled her hair back into a pony tail. It wasn't as coiffed as she liked but it would have to do.

Walking out of the bathroom, Blair was pleased to find that class had let out. She caught sight of Nate almost immediately and rushed towards him. She saw the smile brighten on his face at the sight of her but she didn't stop what she was doing. Reaching him she wrapped her arms around his neck, placing her hands tightly in his hair as she pressed her mouth to his. She kissed him with everything she had, not caring who might be watching. She needed this, she needed to prove to herself that this was what she wanted, what she needed. She needed to prove that the spark she had with Chuck was there with Nate too.

Nate was frozen in shock for a moment. Normally Blair was so against PDA that he didn't even try it, yet right now she was kissing him like they were locked in her bedroom. He kissed her back, placing his hands on her hips, but as soon as she seemed to break for air he pulled back, moving her hips away from his. "Whoa, what was that for?"

Blair leaned in placing her forehead against his. "Just kiss me Nate." She spoke, trying to lose herself in him, breathing in his scent as she attempted to soak him in.

Nate was about to protest when he saw Chuck appear in the background from the same direction Blair had come. The dark look in Chuck's eyes sent a fire in his veins and he obliged Blair's requests, bringing his lips to hers as he tried to meet her fire from earlier.

Chuck watched Blair as she threw herself at Nate. He knew what she was doing, even if Nate didn't. She was trying to clear him from her head; she was trying to show herself that she didn't need Chuck, that Nate would be enough. The jealousy in him flamed and he wanted nothing more than to stalk over and throw Nate to the ground. But he forced himself to stand still and simply observe. As Blair broke the kiss a second time, he saw exactly what he was looking for and smirked. Blair had failed. With one last look at the couple who were now entering into a conversation he walked away; it was only a matter of time before she came to him.

Blair pulled away from the kiss out of breath. As Nate began to open his eyes she did the best to keep the frown off her face. The kiss had made her feel something but it was nothing in comparison to what she'd felt with Chuck, nothing.

"Wow." Nate spoke, breathing hard as he stared into Blair's eyes. "That was just . . . wow."

Blair tried to smile, tried to placate him. Why was everything falling apart now when she'd finally put it all back together? Maybe she just didn't go far enough to make it feel dangerous, far enough to make the adrenaline pump. She plastered a smirk on her face. "You thought that was hot?" She asked, lifting an eyebrow. "Follow me." Immediately, she started pulling him back towards the library. She'd do whatever she could to match that passion she felt with Chuck, even if it meant recreating the moment with Nate.

Nate laughed as she tugged him forwards. "Where are we going Blair?"

"We are going to go to the stacks and I am going to show you just how hot I can be." Blair spoke turning around and running a hand down his chest, doing her best to be seductive.

Nate tried to stay serious but he couldn't help it as he burst out laughing. Blair had to be playing some kind of trick on him. This behavior was just so out of character. "Blair, we have History in ten minutes, you don't want to be late do you?"

Blair's eyes widened in surprise, shocked that he was turning her down and a little offended that he had down right laughed at her attempt at seduction. With Chuck she didn't even have to try to be sexy, it just happened, Nate on the other hand didn't seem to find her sexy at all. "You'd rather go to History than hook up with me?"

"You're talking about hooking up in a library Blair." Nate spoke gently, more than a little confused. Who was this girl and what had she done with Blair Waldorf. "That's just not us."

Blair rocked back on her heels, Nate's words sinking in. It was true, that wasn't them. They were boring, they were predictable, they were an old married couple at seventeen. Was this going to be the rest of her life? Cute kisses in the hallway and handholding? "You're right." She replied almost robotically. "That isn't us. Let's get to class."

All through History all Blair could think about was their relationship. Their boring, predictable relationship. Why had it taken her so long to see it, why had it taken her so long to realize that no matter how much she loved Nate, that passion that she'd learned to crave just wasn't there. Damn it Chuck had ruined her. Just then her phone vibrated in her hand. Looking down she sighed in frustration:

**give up already. u know its only a matter of time**

She'd had no idea how much she'd want that spark and that fire, she'd had no idea that she wasn't just going to crave it, she was going to need it. But she couldn't have it, she couldn't let herself taste it again because if she did she wouldn't be able to stop. Complete and total abstinence was the only way to go. She had to wean herself from Chuck. Even as she determined such, she knew it was easier said than done. She hadn't been trying to cheat on Nate in the first place, it had simply happened. But not again. She would make damn sure of it. Unless she . . . But no, she would never do that, she wouldn't do it to Chuck and she wouldn't do it to Nate. She just wouldn't, she had more control than that even if Chuck didn't think so.

* * *

Chuck smirked, leaning up against the side of his limo. He couldn't have coordinated the weather more perfectly as it was clearly about to rain. Watching Blair he saw Nate approach her, clearly apologizing for something. Chuck assumed it was the lax practice that had just been called out of nowhere. He'd had to pull a few more strings to have that done than he'd thought he would but it was worth it. He needed her alone.

He'd been waiting rather patiently since New Year's but he wasn't waiting anymore. He was done with silly text messages or simple innuendos that they were supposed to be together. That's why he'd been forcing the issue all day long. He'd spent weeks getting her ready, today she'd break. And after that there'd be no going back.

So he watched as she rolled her eyes at Nate and walked off. Looks like she wasn't getting a ride home in the town car or to whatever other afternoon plans she'd had with Nate. Chuck's smirk continued to widen as the first drops of water began to fall. Blair looked as though she was about to fall apart or at very least start throwing a fit. When her umbrella didn't work that was the icing on the cake. Ducking under the awning of the wall lining the school he could practically hear her sigh in frustration. Chuck laughed to himself, this couldn't have been easier, now he just had to execute, and there was nothing Chuck did better than a perfect execution – well, almost nothing.

Sauntering towards her, umbrella shielding him from the rain. "Can I offer the damsel in distress a ride in my carriage? I assure you it has the best of accommodations."

Blair placed a hand on her head, trying to fight back tears for what was probably the third time that day. "Can't you just leave me alone?" Nate had ditched her for lax practice he'd 'forgotten they had,' it was raining, her umbrella was broken, she'd tried calling Serena to no avail, and now the one person she needed to avoided was standing before her offering her the one thing she seemed to need the most.

Chuck softened his features. "Come on. I saw Nate leave for lax, you're not walking home in this, and I know how impossible it is to get a cab when it's raining this hard. It's just a car ride."

Blair sighed, for once Chuck looked genuinely concerned for her. She really shouldn't accept his offer but right now it was starting to look like her only option. "Fine but don't try anything." She instructed as she stepped under his umbrella.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Chuck spoke with a sarcastic smirk. It was true though, he wasn't going to try anything, it would all be her. Approaching the car he opened the door for her, reaching out a hand to help her in. As he did he felt something dangling from the inside of her sleeve.

Blair looked down in surprise, her heart pounding as Chuck shot her a questioning look. She tried to pull her hand away but Chuck's grip was already too tight and now they were getting wet because in Chuck's single minded determination he let the umbrella drop.

Chuck fingering the pin that had been sewn to her coat sleeve. Pulling her arm up Chuck flipped the sleeve, getting a closer look. He knew the look on his face must have been menacing as he did so because regardless of the fact that he'd given Blair his pin, he knew that she would never wear it in public; this must be Nate's and the thought was infuriating. As he looked closer, his heart stopped. For a moment it was as though the world was silent. Running his thumb over the word Bass he looked back at Blair, dropping her arm. "You wear it?" He asked, reaching up with a hand to brush his thumb along her cheek.

"I wear it." Blair whispered back. She had a vague sense that she was crying as she tasted salt in her mouth, not just rain. "Always." She added quietly.

Chuck felt his eyes close slightly. "Then why?" He started. He would have kept going but Blair seemed to know what he was saying and stopped him with words of her own.

Blair shrugged lightly knowing he was trying to ask why she was still with Nate. "I'm not sure I know anymore." It was a strange conversation as though half of it was silent. Both of their eyes were searching, asking questions that their mouths never would. Anyone could have seen it but no one would have known what they were asking of each other.

_I don't know why I'm with him._

_Then don't be_

_Can I trust you?_

_Always_

_I'm scared_

_So am I_

_What if we ruin everything?_

Done communicating silently Chuck brought his forehead to rest against hers whispering. "We're worth it Blair. I promise you, we're worth all of it."

This time it was Blair who closed the distance; she was giving in. How could this not be right, how could any of this be a lie?

As her lips met his, Chuck slid into the limo, yanking her with him and somehow managing to do so without stopping the kissing. Their wet clothes squeaked against the smooth leather as he pulled her into him. Barely managing to close the door Blair gave in completely her entire being was screaming for Chuck and she wasn't strong enough to hold back. She dug her nails into his back while his hands slid up the back of her neck, releasing the ponytail she'd made minutes ago. Running his hands through her unbound hair, he shifted his mouth down and kissed her neck.

"You are amazing." Even as Chuck pulled her into him he knew there was more going on, he knew he'd finally seen the part of Blair that she'd always kept hidden. Unwittingly, and quite unintentionally, Blair had opened her heart to him and he'd seen what she kept there. From his note to her he was able to surmise that at least some of her heart belonged to him now or she wouldn't be wearing his pin. But for Chuck, that was enough. So he didn't hesitate as she pushed his jacket off his shoulders.

Blair knew that Chuck meant what he was saying, his whole face glowed with his affection for her. Chuck's lips left a hot trail along her collar bone, as he peppered her neck with kisses, paying no mind as to leaving marks that Nate would see. Even as Blair thought Nate's name it didn't stop her. This was something new, something different. Chuck did things to her no one could. As she thought the words, Chuck kissed her in a place that made her entire body tremble. She arched upward, letting his lips press harder against her skin while his hands slipped under the bottom of her blouse, trailing upward along her stomach, just barely tracing the edge of her bra. A moan escaped her lips as she moved his mouth back to hers.

Chuck growled as Blair's moan vibrated against his mouth. She seemed to be removing his clothing at almost a furious rate and he was having trouble matching her. That's when he decided that he didn't want to. He wanted to savor this, cherish it and if he was wrong and after this he still lost her, he wanted to have this to remember, not some fevered fuck in the back of the limo. Slowly he reached up and touched her face, trailing his fingers along her chin and neck and down to the top of her silky shirt.

Blair breathed heavily at his touch, at the way it could be so gentle and small yet evoke such a strong passion within her. The touch practically sent her body into frustrated convulsions. Didn't he understand how much she needed him? As she tried to speed the process by undoing the buttons of her shirt, Chuck's hands stilled her own. His eyes seemed to instruct her to move slowly. So with trembling hands, she placed hers on his chest, running her fingers downward. Her movements were as light and deliberate as his, yet they clearly triggered the same powerful response.

He sighed happily as her hands slid under his shirt and up his stomach. Her fingers caught the edge of his shirt and pushed it up. He shifted so she could push it all the way off him and then leaned back over her, bare-chested. He carefully undid one button on her blouse. Just one. Then he again leaned down and gave her one of those hard, deep kisses. When he came up for air he continued on as though nothing had happened. He undid another button. This time he moved his mouth down to where he had exposed her chest, kissing her porcelain skin gently, allowing his lips to flutter over her soft skin.

Blair arched into him once more, swinging her leg upwards and hooking it around his waist. He chuckled in response to her frustration but he paid her no mind as he undid yet another button, kissing the skin between her breasts. Blair moaned reaching down to tug at his zipper but once more he paused, staying her hands. This time he actually shot her a smirk before returning to his business of removing her shirt. As he finally reached the last button and spread her shirt away, Blair sighed in satisfaction.

"You are beautiful. To me you will always be beautiful. So don't rush it Waldorf, we have all the time in the world." His words held his trademark snarky tone but his eyes conveyed a different message entirely. Feelings of both fondness and hunger spread over his features as his hands moved over every part of her.

Blair's heart raced and her breathing quickened but she didn't break eye contact. Chuck shifted, laying down on top of her, pressing their bodies together. His mouth sought hers out again and as their lips met and tongues made contact, she moaned. The way his fingers touched her body was as though he knew it better than she did. It was as though every inch of her belonged to him and he worshiped it. He was claiming her as his and she wasn't protesting.

Chuck began to realize that he would only be able to stay slow for a little while longer as she was creating an insatiable need within him as she worked her hips against his own. Withholding a groan of frustration, Chuck adeptly unsnapped her bra before moving his hands down her body, slowly though certainly until he reached under her skirt. He didn't bother with the skirt or the garters for now, only the La Perla panties that perfectly matched her bra. Hooking his fingers over the bands for the second time today, he tugged them down her thighs, kissing her inner thigh as he did. He sat up smiling, her panties were already soaked.

Blair knew exactly why Chuck was smiling and she didn't bother to correct him. Rather she pulled him tightly to her. "I need you, now." She hissed, unable to control herself any longer. He had been right. He had been right about everything. With him all the control that she managed to fix herself with in her daily life was gone. He was her destroyer but she didn't care. She couldn't think. It was as simple as that. Chuck was trailing kisses down her neck and there was this intense need and desire rushing through her body. She didn't just want Chuck, she needed him. She could feel her body getting impatient though.

Chuck was never one to argue with such a request so together they made quick work of the remaining barriers between them. He tried to pull back, he needed to reach into the compartment on the door but Blair tried to grip onto his hair and back to stop him. Chuck was amused that Blair wouldn't let him pull back. He let her win for a minute because it wasn't like he wasn't enjoying their intense make-out session but eventually he had to reach back and detach her arms from him. When he heard Blair make sounds of frustration, he couldn't help but smirk. "Hold your horses Blair, I'm just getting some protection."

As Chuck finished his task, he let his kisses trail down her jaw line to the special place on her neck where he knew she loved to be kissed. While kissing her, he felt her guiding him towards her and couldn't help but groan. Neither of them had needed any help getting aroused and now as he slid inside her he was quite thankful.

Blair gasped as he entered her, clutching him tightly to her as she adjusted to the feeling. It had been so long since she'd been with him, she'd forgotten the way he completely filled her. She moved with him as he pulsed in and out of her; pulling so far back that he almost withdrew completely before plunging back in. Her nails dug into his back, gripping him tightly as it was the only way she could release the pressure she was feeling. There was no chance she was comparing him to Nate as he completely surpassed anything Nate was capable of making her feel. She hadn't been lying when she'd told Nate that she hadn't compared him to Chuck the first time, that wasn't where her mind had been at the moment, but now she couldn't help but wonder how that was ever possible.

Chuck could feel their movements quickening as their limbs tangled together to the point that he didn't know where he ended and she began. He was holding her, touching her, tasting her everywhere he could; the pain from her scratches on his back only added to the intensity of the moment. He knew he was getting close to climaxing but as was his rule with Blair, he would always make sure that she either came with him or came first. To ensure this he slowed his movements and realigned himself until he was hitting her special spot, the one he knew only he had found. He watched as her eyes lit up as she discovered what he was doing. The satisfaction he felt as she clutched him and screamed his name was enough to push him over the edge as he buried himself within her.

Blair exhaled as Chuck collapsed on top of her. Her body felt completely satiated, everything was tingling with a deep appreciation for its existence. In the moment, Blair didn't think she could have commanded her limbs to move if she had tried. Chuck seemed to feel the same way as he barely managed to move his weight off of her and slide behind her on the leather so that he was holding her. In the numbness, Blair's mind finally began to clear and she had the time to think . . . too much time.

Her breathing became ragged as she realized just what she'd done. She'd cheated on Nate, not just with some passionate misguided kiss, she'd had sex with Nate's ex-bestfriend in the location of the loss of her virginity to said ex-bestfriend. There was no excuse for what she'd done either. She hadn't been drunk, she hadn't been confused, she'd known exactly what she was doing and she'd still done it. Her heart began to speed up once more as she began to comprehend the repercussions for what had just happened. And it wasn't like this changed anything. She'd still picked Nate for a reason. Nate had been the one who knew her, really knew her enough to come find her when she'd said not to. He'd been the one who reminded her of everything they meant to each other and he certainly didn't deserve to be treated like this. He deserved a real chance to be with her, not a Blair who was still obsessing over Chuck, but a Blair who was focused on him alone. Suddenly she was hyperventilating.

Chuck had been blissfully close to sleep when he felt Blair's body began to shake. As her breathing became short and gaspy his heart plummeted. He'd thought everything was right, he'd thought everything was going to be perfect now; clearly for Blair it still wasn't enough. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked softly, soothingly.

Blair breathed out as she began reaching for her clothes. "I'm sorry." She gasped, looking at Chuck with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry but this isn't fair to Nate and it isn't fair to you." She looked away stifling a sob. "Oh God what have I done."

"Blair, it's okay." Chuck spoke reaching out to steady her. He didn't know what exactly had spun her mood around so quickly. She'd been completely cognizant of what was going on, she hadn't just consented to sex, she'd begged him for it.

Blair shook her head furiously. "It's not okay! Don't you understand I don't do things like this? What I've just done to both of you is unforgivable. I used you to sate my desire and in doing so I cheated on my boyfriend. And it was all so easy." Gasping for air, Blair felt the tears fall even as she jerked on her clothes, thankful now that Chuck had been so slow and hadn't ripped anything.

Chuck leaned back, comprehension dawning on him. He'd thought he was so swift, luring her in like some kind of predator/prey thing. Come to find out, she wasn't the prey at all, he was. She'd used him to get her rocks off and now she felt guilty about it. Even as he realized what he done, he felt any anger at her actions melt away. He didn't care if she'd been using him, hell he wanted her to use him if that's what it took to be with her. "I don't care."

Blair looked at him, eyes wide. "What do you mean 'you don't care'? Didn't you hear me, I just used you for sex?"

Chuck just shook his head, reaching out a hand and wiping away her tears with his thumb. "When are you going to get it Waldorf? I just want to be with you, however that's achieved."

Blair melted as he brushed her hair back and continued to dry her tears. He was comforting her. After what she'd just done to him, practically tricking him into sleeping with her, _**he**_ was comforting _**her. **_At that realization, something in her snapped. "STOP IT! Stop being so nice to me." She shouted, jerking away.

Chuck jumped in surprise. He hadn't been expecting that reaction in the least. "I want to be nice to you. I was wrong at the Ball. I don't care if you stay with Nate as long as I get a piece of you." Chuck spoke, trying to articulate all that he was feeling.

Blair looked at him through her tears and feels something crack inside of her. What kind of person had she become? She shook her head frantically, turning and hitting the intercom telling Arthur to take her home. Turning back to look at Chuck she sighed exasperated with herself as well as the situation filling her tiny frame. "I won't be his girlfriend and your whore."

Chuck wanted to say more but Blair stopped him as she placed a hard kiss on his mouth. Tears and anger meeting frustration and confusion. When she broke away she took Chuck's hand placing something in it and closing her hand over hers hand. "Give your heart to someone who's willing to give you theirs. Give it to someone who's not going to use you like I did."

Chuck tried to stop her from leaving but Blair had slung open the car door and was running inside her building. Realizing he had no chance of catching her, Chuck opened his palm, looking down at the pin that she'd left behind.

* * *

Madison smirked as she took the photos from the blonde in front of her. "I appreciate the photo delivery but all I really needed were the digital copies."

Jenny blushed slightly. When Madison had said she wanted the photos pronto, Jenny had called in a favor with the boy at the photo counter at the CVS to get them developed, sometimes she was so oblivious. "Sorry." She spoke timidly, quickly retrieving her phone and texting Madison the originals.

Madison simply smiled. "Don't worry, it was a good day's work for you and I assure you when I take Blair down, you'll be heavily rewarded." Madison could see Jenny smiling innocently across from her and continued babbling on without any real commitment to her words. "You'll be the youngest Queen Constance has ever seen and with Nate on your arm no one will dare contest you." Her words seemed monotone to her own ears but since they were exactly what Jenny wanted to hear she assumed they wouldn't sound that way to her. It was almost comical. Of course she had no intention of giving Jenny any of what she'd promised her; in fact she didn't even plan on destroying Blair, it was just all part of her little game. That she had secured these photos meant that no one else would have them and that was what she was really after.

Jenny grinned broadly at her handiwork. She had photos of Chuck and Blair kissing against his limo this afternoon. Chuck had been careful to park it out of sight but Jenny had been following them all day, on Madison's orders of course, and spotted them when no one else had. God she couldn't wait until Madison took Blair down, after that it would only be a matter of time before she had everything she wanted. For the first time today she really looked at Madison and noticed some drastic changes. The hair that Jenny had been used to seeing as auburn was a chocolaty brown, her lips a bright ruby red, even her wardrobe was different, more conservative and she must have been wearing colored contacts because it seriously looked as though her eyes were brown. "What's with the new look?" Jenny asked completely innocent.

Madison's eyes narrowed. She was officially done with the annoying little Brooklynite and wanted her to go. She had better things to do than to coddle some social climbing freshman. "I wanted a change."

"But you look like . . ." Jenny started, about to point out that Madison was practically a dead ringer for Blair in her current garb. It was kind of freaky.

Madison's glare intensified. "I don't really care what you think. Now go, I have dinner plans and you are in the way."

Jenny sighed, Madison was always like this, nice one minute and bitch the next. So Jenny simply shrugged and stood to walk out. She would have left without another word if Madison hadn't spoken.

"And delete those pictures." Madison snapped. It simply wouldn't do for Jenny to run around with copies of Blair's infidelity. After all the last thing Madison wanted was Nate finding out and she wouldn't put it past Jenny to run off and tell him when things didn't work out as the little girl was expecting.

Jenny raised her brows surprised. "Why?"

Madison's eyes narrowed dramatically. "Don't question me just do it."

Jenny immediately withdrew her phone and deleted the photos. She had no desire to piss Madison off; now or any time in the future. "It's done."

"Good. Now go." Madison spat before looking down at the menu. Her next guest would arrive any moment and she needed to be ready. This was sure to be an interesting evening.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you hadn't forgotten about our dear friend Madison :) She's back to cause a little more trouble. I've posted photo links of her on my profile if you'd like to check them out. **

**Reviews are always appreciated!**

**xoxo  
kate**


	16. Forgotten War

**I'm going to do something I said I'd never do again and apologize because it is truly abhorrent how long I made you guys wait for an update. The good news is that I am off hiatus effective immediately and will complete this fanfic this summer, everything is already written :) **

**A couple things about this chapter:  
**- I included a chapter by chapter review first – If you feel you don't need it skip on ahead.  
- HK longue is a real place and I adore it – for brunch they have $15 bottomless mimosas 3. Joe is inspired by an actual waiter there (name changed) as is their favorite booth.  
- The song I used is Wait for You by Elliot Yamin and I highly recommend listening to it during that portion of the chapter.  
- During one conversation I reference a beach scene between Chuck and Blair. I'm referring to Chapter 9.

To my reviewers: **QueenBee10, annablake, Krazy4Spike, MrsCohen , D, CarolinaGirl21, SouthernBelle88, jjackieperez1, LitPrincess2787, Karen, Sw33tHeart21, GGfanficfan09, LovelyLydia, tvrox12, and Curious Blonde. **I write for me but I post for you guys so I hope you enjoy.

To my wonderful beta** ggff-fan **I don't know what I'd do without you!

* * *

**Chapter 1:** **Who Really Belongs With Whom?:** Cotillion – Blair is going to sleep with Nate to get back at Chuck for manipulating her and can't do it. Madison is Chuck's blonde date but it's clear they have been otherwise involved in the past. Madison has a thing for Chuck.

**Chapter 2: Truth, Lies, and Monaco**: Blair explains to Nate that she isn't going to just jump back into a relationship with him. Madison and Chuck met in Monaco last summer, when she died her hair red and let go of her inhibitions (like a female Chuck – calling herself Maddie) she has since moved to NYC. She's trying to get Nate and Blair back together so she can have Chuck. Chuck is going to invite Blair to Monaco anyway and Blair is going to go but he sees a gg blast that convinces him she slept with Nate so he calls her a slut and invites Nate instead. Blair and Nate try to correct gg that they didn't sleep together but gg isn't hearing it.

**Chapter 3: Phones, An Essential Yet Dangerous Item:** Blair's mom tells her she has to be with Nate. Chuck isn't answering Blair's calls or texts but Nate answers Chuck's phone and pretends to be him leading to a convo between Blair and Chuck where she tells him that Nate is the one she needs. Chuck tells Nate that Blair called to see where Nate's head was after the sex and Nate knows someone is lying. Madison dies her hair red and stages a run in with Blair at a gala where they become fast friends.

**Chapter 4: Dancing Coyotes:** B wins M's respect over a game of truth or dare that includes B dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly. M finds she actually likes B and invites her to join her in Monaco (something she'd been planning on doing anyway). N continues to bug C about what B said on the phone, knowing that either B lied to C or C is lying to him. M and B show up on the beach in Monaco. M agrees not to say anything about what she knows if C doesn't tell who she is.

**Chapter 5: Memories of Monaco's Past:** They all agree to go salsa dancing. We learn that M and C actually dated the previous summer. They first slept together and M left before C woke the next morning. For the first time she wanted to sleep with a boy again and seduced C only to leave him hanging one night under the pretense he take her out on a real date.

**Chapter 6: Confrontations and Revelations:** N confronts B about what she said to C on the phone and B covers saying that she didn't tell C that they didn't sleep together b/c it was almost the truth. B and C dance. B admits that she cares about him and was going to come w/ him to Monaco before he uninvited her. C tells her she hurt him and B says that he doesn't know anything about what happened after Cotillion. N learns that C and M used to sleep together from the bartender. C checks B's phone and sees that she wasn't lying. N confronts C about M and then about B realizing he was the guy B was seeing. M shows up.

**Chapter 7: We're All Scared:** M tells N that B and C were sleeping together. N attacks C. C confesses that he's in love with B. N and C find they can't be friends if they both love the same girl. C finds B on the beach and he confesses how much he cares. B explains why she didn't sleep with N. They hook-up in the rain until C spills that N knows. C tells B who M is, B tells C she needs time to think. M and N join forces.

**Chapter 8: What We Find When We Clear Our Head:** M encourages N to go after B. N tells B he forgives her for everything and still wants to be with her. M realizes B has real feelings for C. C goes to B and tells her how badly he wants her. B kisses C – ready to pick him – when N walks up and interrupts.

**Chapter 9: Choose Me:** B admits to N that she has feelings for C. N tells her she has to choose. B tells C not to follow her when she walks away b/c she doesn't know what she wants. B and M have a confrontation. M admits she liked being friends, B dumps yogurt on M's head. M declares war.

**Chapter 10: Bye, Bye, Monaco: **B calls C and N and tells them to meet her. She tells both to leave her alone, she's leaving Monaco and needs time to make her decision. The boys share a blunt, C admits that he's always had a thing for Blair, N admits he didn't appreciate her like he should have. They agree to let B make her decision. C tells N that B went to her father's house in France. M convinces N to go after B.

**Chapter 11: What We Owe Ourselves: **B realizes it's C she wants and thinks that he has found her but N shows up in France. N says he's the one who really knows B and convinces her that they owe themselves another chance. After N brings up several old memories B agrees and they sleep together. C finds a note left by N and M tries to seduce him and fails.

**Chapter 12: Who Really Knows You: **N and B talk about things including N's fears of not measuring up to C in bed and decide no parental involvement. Back home C shows up at B's apartment ready to tell her everything about N lying to her and can't b/c he doesn't want to ruin her happiness. B finds flowers from C and a note that says how much he cares.

**Chapter 13: What's In A Happy Ending: **B is content with N but can't stop thinking about C. At the Christmas Eve Gala just seeing him makes her have a panic attack. C sends N to the bathroom after her. B visits N's father w/ him in rehab. N gives her his St. Jude's pin. At the Waldorf Christmas party, N socializes w/ her parents but doesn't defend her when her mom criticizes her. C isn't there, B makes herself sick, B finds C's pin in her room with a note to keep it safe for him. At the New Year's Eve masquerade there is a feeling of magic everywhere. It comes out that N's mom encouraged him to give her the pin and B gets annoyed and walks away. Spots C in a covered corner, remembers everything with him, starts to sleep w/ him but he stops her b/c he can tell it isn't real for her. C tells her he's going to win her back.

**Chapter 14 and 15: The Art of Losing Control: **B's been out of town the past few weeks, comes home and gives N another chance. C meanwhile has been wearing her down. C and B rendezvous in an empty classroom and get interrupted by Jenny. Later in the library, C and B start going at it again in the stacks and once more J interrupts them. C threatens J who calls him out on being in love with B. B realizes it's the passion that she misses w/ C and tries to recreate it w/ N but it doesn't work. After school, C manipulates the situation to get B alone, but then he finds that she wears his pin. They have a conversation w/out words about their fears and C assures her they belong together. They have sex in the limo. B cries afterwards and claims that she was using C to get off. He says he doesn't care, that he'll share her if that means getting to have her. B gives his pin back and leaves. M is back and she's had J follow B and C around all day snapping pics. She has J give her the original photo and delete the rest. J thinks she's going to get N and Queen but M is just using her to make sure no one finds out about B/C.

* * *

**Chapter 16**  
**Forgotten War **

Blair couldn't control the tears that were streaming down her face. She'd been crying so hard, for so long that she hardly believed that she had tears left but there hadn't even been a break in the flow. She was so tired; tired of crying, tired of not being able to breathe, tired of feeling sad. She just wanted the pain to stop. Even her body was sore from being racked with sobs for so long. And her throat hurt from forcing out the contents of her stomach which was now completely empty; though it hadn't stopped her from retching at various points.

Something in her had broken this afternoon. Something had snapped. And no matter how much she wanted to she couldn't simply fix it. She needed help with this; it had gotten to be too much for one person to handle. This thought consoled her as she recognized that she really needed someone; she needed Serena.

For the first time in hours her tears began to slow and then cease. Her body stopped shaking and her breathing evened out. For the first time in hours she felt like she might be okay. Honestly, Blair wasn't even sure why she was crying. She knew that she'd done bad things, she knew that she'd hurt people she cared about, but in the end she didn't know why it had made her feel like this.

Picking up her phone she dialed her best friend's number, ready to come clean about everything that had been happening because she simply couldn't handle it anymore. After only a couple rings Serena answered.

"B! It's so good to hear from you." Serena responded excitedly and Blair knew from the sound of her voice that she really meant it.

Smiling to herself thinking that she'd finally done the right thing, finally made a good decision Blair replied. "You too S. I've missed you so much you wouldn't believe it."

Serena nodded hardly believing how little she'd seen of her best friend. She had been so absorbed with Dan the past few months, even convincing him to skip school and go with her to Lyon for a few weeks as a late Christmas present from Lily. "I'm back in the city." She spoke. "I actually got back three days ago but I was so jet lagged I couldn't handle school today or yesterday for that matter."

Blair simply smiled, there was that best friend she'd been missing so badly. Of course Blair had known she'd been back as Humphrey had returned to school only a day or so late but Serena was just Serena, she didn't really care about school. And Blair hadn't exactly sought her out, she hadn't wanted to admit that she was in trouble. Thinking about why she called Blair's heart sank. "I need to see you S, there's so much I need to tell you."

Serena hadn't been a great friend lately, particularly absentee the past couple of weeks and in truth knew very little what was going on in Blair's life - for all she knew Blair was still sleeping with Chuck. "How's the Basshole?" She asked assuming that was where Blair was heading with all of this.

Pursing her lips, Blair felt her chin start to tremble. "That's kind of what I need to talk to you about."

Stopping in her tracks Serena inhaled heavily. "God what's wrong Blair?" Concern filling her voice as she noted the distress in Blair's.

"Everything's awful Serena." She felt her breathing quicken as she tried to hold back tears that were threatening to fall once again. "Can I meet you somewhere?" She asked her voice soft, demure.

Serena exhaled, worried about her friend. Whatever that Basshole had done she'd kill him because this of course had to be his fault. "I'm about to meet a friend for dinner but you should come meet us. Then afterwards we'll go back to your place and have a girl's night."

"I don't know Serena, I don't feel like going out in public right now." Blair said as she checked her reflection in the mirror, she didn't look as bad as she thought she would but Blair Waldorf did not cry in public and who knew what would happen if she got talking right now.

Serena shook her head though Blair couldn't see her. "I won't take no for an answer B. I don't want you to be alone right now. Meet me at HK Lounge, I'll order your favorite and it'll be ready when you get here."

Blair sighed. "I do love their Crabcake's benedict. I'll be there in twenty."

"Great!" Serena exclaimed smiling broadly. "And you're going to adore my friend. Actually she reminds me a little of you."

Blair furrowed her brow slightly but couldn't seem to stop smiling. "I look forward to meeting her." As Blair hung up the phone she couldn't help but feel a surge of relief. Maybe this is exactly what she needed - girl time.

Right at twenty minutes later, Blair was exiting a cab in Hell's Kitchen, right in front of the HK Lounge. Inhaling deeply she smiled as she looked around. She loved this part of the city. From her current spot she could see the New Yorker, the Empire State Building, and the New York Public Library. This was her city and it empowered her.

Walking inside she looked around for her best friend's blonde hair, finding it unusual that she couldn't spot her. She would have begun wandering through the restaurant but Joe, a waiter she was well acquainted with walked over.

"Serena's seated over at the usual table." He spoke pointing back towards their favorite booth and handing her a mimosa.

Blair smiled and gave him her thanks before making her way towards their booth. She still didn't see Serena, only a brunette with chocolate curls. The girl at the table was facing the opposite direction and Blair couldn't quite identify who it was; even as she got closer the girl's hair was blocking Blair's view of her face. Finally, deciding it was no one she knew she approached the table and stuck out her hand. "Hi I'm Blair Waldorf, I don't think we've -"

But Blair trailed off as the girl looked up and met her eyes. With a sudden flip of her stomach, Blair thought she'd heave her still empty stomach all over the table because her eyes were locked with the now dark brown ones of Madison Albright. "What the fuck are you doing here?" She spat, withdrawing her hand.

Madison smiled sweetly. "I'm just meeting my dear friend Serena. When she'd said you'd be joining us I was so delighted. You see I'm new to the city and Serena has been so great, so willing to introduce me to her friends. By the way, my name is Claire St. James."

Blair felt bile rise up in her throat and had to resist ripping the girl's hair out. The longer she stood there the more disgusted she became. It wasn't just the hair and the eyes, "Claire" had donned ruby red lipstick, a headband, and an outfit that could have been straight out of her own closet - not to mention that the name Claire strangely rhymed with Blair. "Stay away from Serena, stay out of my life." Blair said, venom dripping from her words.

Madison's eye's flashed. "What Blair, you don't want to share? But I thought we were so close." She knew she was messing with Blair's psyche and she loved it. After that incident Jenny had witnessed today she knew she had to step up her game, make Blair more unsure of herself.

An incredible rage began to fill Blair as she stared at what was practically a reflection of herself. "What the hell is wrong with you that you can't get your own life. Do you have multiple personality disorder or are you just such a train wreck that you have to change your looks and name once a week to keep your shit together?"

Narrowing her eyes Madison observed the girl before her. There was a fire in Blair that she hadn't seen during their time in Monaco, it was as though the boys had taken the bitch out of Blair but from the looks of it the Bitch was back. "Feisty today, aren't we?"

Blair shook her head, a smirk appearing on her lips. She knew Madison's game now and it was only a matter of time before she crushed her, she just needed a few choice words. "Poor little Maddie; so obsessed with me and having what I have that she has to make herself look like me. Too bad it's still not going to work. You're never going to be me Maddie, you're never going to have my life, and you're definitely never going to have Chuck."

Blair watched Madison as she spoke, watched as the girl before her started to grow in anger until she was seething. Blair's smirk widened. "You're pathetic and you're not worth my time."

At Blair's last phrase, something in Madison snapped. "I manipulated you easily enough."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Yep, you sure had me tricked honey. I actually believed we were friends." Blair spoke patronizingly. "But that didn't last long and I assure you it won't happen again."

Scoffing Madison smirked but it wasn't the Chuck Bass/Blair Waldorf smirk. It was an ugly twisting to her face, containing so much anger that Blair had to know something bad was about to come. "Oh sweetheart that's not what I'm talking about."

Blair felt the shot of panic rush through her as she heard Madison's words but she refused to overreact. "I'm not falling for another one of your tricks." Blair spoke her face a mask.

Shaking her head, the ugly look still on her face Madison relished this reveal. "You already fell for it, you fell so hard you landed flat on your face."

"What are you talking about?" Blair asked, feeling her breath catch in her throat.

Laughing darkly Madison tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Really it was so simple, all I had to do was whisper a few words into Nate's ear and he was ready to betray his best friend." Looking at Blair's face which had turned into a mess of confusion Maddie smiled sweetly.

"Oh hun, are you confused? I'm so sorry I'll be more clear." She drew a deep breath and began to explain slowly, as if Blair were a small child, "I convinced Nate to break a deal he made with Chuck to stay in Monaco and let you make up your mind. And it worked too perfectly as Chuck had confided in Nate exactly where you'd gone. Then all it took was a little coaching on the part of yours truly for what Nate needed to say to convince you that he knew you better than anyone."

Watching Blair's face fall slack in horror Madison continued on; the girl would pay for the words she'd uttered earlier. "And you fell for it, hook line and sinker. Letting the boy who actually knew you get away and choosing the boy who knows no more about you now than he did when he slept with your best friend over a year ago. Yes Blair, I watched as you threw away something real for something that never will be." As she finished Madison realized she'd gone too far. She'd gotten so caught up in telling Blair Waldorf how she'd played her that she'd ruined her own plan.

Blair couldn't comprehend the ramifications this had yet, her mind was spinning and her heart was clenching but right now she looked at Madison with single minded determination. "You broke the number one rule of plotting - never reveal your plan before you have what you want."

Blair felt her gut doing flips as she brought herself up to full height, wrapping her fingers tightly at the base of the water glass in front of her she felt waves of anger crash down around her. "And you've known all along. You knew how I felt about Chuck, didn't you? And you helped it happen. What's sad is I really did think we were friends and even after you tricked me the first time I still wanted the friendship. I trusted you."

"That's your mistake." Madison replied spitefully, though her eyes communicated a different message entirely because for the first time Madison could remember, she felt guilty for something. She hadn't actually wanted to hurt Blair, but the girl had been collateral damage. Even telling herself that, Madison felt an irritating nudge in her gut that said that wasn't the only reason - that said that she was genuinely upset at the fact that she'd hurt Blair.

Blair simply shook her head, a smirk appearing on her features and a fire lighting her eyes. "That's where you're wrong Maddie; the mistake was all yours. In Monaco you told me I'd started a war, well I'm about to finish it." With her words Blair flipped the water glass she'd wrapped her fingers around, drenching Madison with its contents.

"BLAIR! What are you doing?" Serena shouted as she returned from the restroom just in time to watch her best friend pour a glass of water over her new friend Claire's head.

Blair continued staring down Madison as she addressed Serena. "She's not who she says she is, are you Kuh-laire?" Blair spat. "Or did the eerie similarities to me not tip you off."

Madison simply shrugged shooting Blair what might be considered a smile, the jig was up. "Don't worry, she's dumped a lot worse than water on my head."

Blair found herself simply shaking her head. "I'll deal with you later." Moving back from the table she barely glanced at Serena. "I'll explain later but right now I have to go."

Walking out of the restaurant she didn't even glance backwards to see what might occur between Madison and Serena. Her adrenaline was pumping and her heart racing at the speed of light. She had to get to Chuck, now that she knew what actually happened she had to see him. As her phone beeped, Blair looked downwards, sometimes gossip girl had perfect timing.

**Just when I thought M was out of the picture she pops up with a new name, a new identity, and our old friend S - so much for normalcy on the UES. B showed her who our crazy bitch was by subbing water for the usual yogurt shower and heading out of HK Lounge faster than you can say victory. Wonder where she's headed? One things for sure if she heads home she has a visitor waiting in the form of a very impatient C. Winds of change are picking up I guess we'll just have to wait and see where the pieces fall. Until then. **

**xoxo  
****gossip girl**

* * *

Chuck sat in her foyer with his head in his hands. He was scared. He wanted her, he knew that. He wanted her like he'd never wanted anything. And he might have said it to Nate in Monaco but now he knew that he was in love with her. So in love with her that all he wanted was her happiness. He was scared because that happiness might not include him.

He'd thought he could let her go before, thought he could do what was best for her but she'd been floundering, he had watched her and known she wasn't happy. She came to him at the Masquerade, not the other way around. But what if he'd been wrong? What if she could be happy with Nate and he'd messed it up for her again.

No. His head couldn't talk his heart out of what it knew. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, he wasn't wrong. She'd tried to prove to herself that she could be happy with Nate and failed - he'd watched her try. But if that was true, why had she been so upset today? After they'd had sex in the car she'd been inconsolable and he didn't know how that was possible if they were supposed to be together. He was supposed to make her happy, not miserable; miserable was Nate's job.

Inhaling deeply Chuck allowed his mind to really think. He after all, knew more about Blair than anyone didn't he? Some days he thought he knew her better than she knew herself. If this was true then he should be able to understand her feelings. He should know what was wrong with her. Exhaling slowly, he began to let her actions for the past few weeks roll through his mind.

After the break up with Nate, they'd been together and they'd been happy. He'd manipulated her at Cotillion which had sent her running back to Nate to punish him. She hadn't been able to sleep with him, it had felt wrong. But he'd sent her a nasty text message. When she'd come to Monaco he'd learned she hadn't slept with Nate and both he and Nate had proceeded to play tug of war with her until she couldn't take it anymore and left giving both of them instructions not to follow. Nate had broken his word and gone after her, winning her over. But coming back Chuck had wormed his way back inside her head before rejecting her at the masked ball only to pursue her again. Now she'd slept with him again while dating Nate. And this was just what he knew, that didn't even count any pressure she was facing from her mother or her friends.

As he finished thinking about all she'd been through just the past few months he knew why she'd broken down. How could she not with all of that pressure? She'd had her heart jerked around, how did she know who to trust? Or if she could even trust herself? With everything that she had to worry about on a daily basis with her mom's constant nagging and controlling the minions at school; the last thing she needed to add to it was drama with him and Nate. Sighing Chuck pressed his thumbs to his closed eyelids. He wouldn't do this to her, not anymore.

Standing up Chuck was filled with a new resolve. He wouldn't do this to her anymore - he wouldn't ruin her by making her choose. Though clearly fate had other plans because as soon as he approached the elevator the doors opened in front of him revealing none other than Blair Waldorf.

Taking in the panicked look on her face Chuck held up his hands in surrender. "Don't worry I'm leaving." He spoke stepping into the elevator doorway. "I get it. You're confused and you have a lot of pressure on you right now. I don't want to cause you any pain."

Blair looked at him, feeling a wave of compassion wash through her at the sincerity in his voice, flooding her senses and overriding her confusion. Taking two steps toward him she bit her lower lip. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, her voice open and vulnerable.

Chuck shook his head slightly, taking a step back into her apartment. He could read her eyes, he could see that she was telling him not to go. "What are you talking about?"

Exhaling Blair reached out a hand, intending to place it on his chest but she withdrew it before she actually touched him. Right now if she touched him she wasn't sure what effect it would have and at that moment she needed to talk to him without the sexual stuff. "You and Nate agreed not to come after me and Nate did it anyway."

Chuck's eyebrows rose in shock. "How did you -"

Blair shook her head. "Madison told me. She also told me that Nate thought I was in New York, that you were the one who told him I'd gone to my father's house."

Chuck simply stood there in shock. It was all he could do. There wasn't an adequate response.

Walking into her foyer, knowing Chuck would follow, she came to a stop before the staircase. Continuing facing away from him she felt her hands shake as she tried to cope with all of the new information she had learned. "Why didn't you tell me?" She repeated the question, almost accusingly but there was no venom.

Exhaling Chuck took another step towards her. "I was going to. I came here the day you and Nate returned from France with every intention of telling you. But you were so happy that I couldn't do it. I couldn't ruin that for you."

At Chuck's words Blair bit back a sob as she crossed her arms. "Why didn't you come to France for me?" She asked staring pointedly at the vase next to the stairs.

Reaching out Chuck hesitated briefly before placing a hand on Blair's arm to turn her around. The pained expression on her face nearly broke his heart. "Because you told me not to."

"Since when do you ever do what I tell you to?" Blair bit back as she jerked her arm away. Finding that she was angrier at Chuck than she'd thought. Why didn't he just know better? Why had he let this happen? "I was so cocky, going on and on about how Nate was the one who really knew me and you didn't say anything."

Chuck shook his head. "Blair." He spoke his voice soft, compassionate. "I wanted to prove to you that you could trust me. I wanted you to know that I would give you the space you needed to make your decision - that I trusted that you would choose me, that what we had was enough."

Blair brought a hand to her face, wiping it across, catching one stray tear. "I've ruined everything." She spoke, her voice finally cracking.

"Nothing we can't fix." Chuck spoke as he took another step towards her, concerned.

"You don't get it Chuck!" She snapped as she moved away from him. "I wanted you to come and sweep me off my feet. I wanted it to be you when I came down the stairs, I wanted you."

Tilting his head he looked at her appraisingly. "You're not saying . . ."

Biting her bottom lip until it bruised Blair spoke. "I was going to choose you."

Running a hand over his head Chuck took a staggered step backwards as his hear soared. She had picked him. When the cards were down he was the one that she'd wanted. "Then why didn't you just tell Nate to leave."

Tears threatening to fall once more Blair squeezed her eyes together. "I did, at first, then he convinced me that he was the only one who really knew me, that we had to give our relationship one more chance." Breathing hard Blair clenched her fists together. "I don't know how to fix this. Everything's such a mess."

"You were going to choose me?" Chuck repeated, still trying to comprehend her earlier words. He'd never thought that what Nate had done had really changed things - he hadn't let himself think it. That it did, meant everything. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asked wonder filling his voice.

Blair shrugged. "What was there to say? I'd made my choice. I didn't see any point in making you think I was going to change my mind."

"So what does this mean?" Chuck spoke, beginning to feel emotional. Hope had been building as they spoke but now it felt weird, felt like something was off.

Pursing her lips Blair looked at him with sad eyes. "I don't know Chuck."

_**I've never felt nothing in the world like this before  
Now I'm missing you and I'm wishing  
You would come back through my door**_

"What are you going to do?" He asked, feeling a brief flash of panic that she still seemed upset rather than excited. This made everything simple.

"I don't know." Blair spoke more forcefully this time.

Taking a step back towards Blair he placed his hand on the side of her face. "But now that we know it means that we can finally be together. You don't have to keep up pretenses with Nate anymore."

She felt herself lean into his hand almost unconsciously. "I don't know that this changes anything."

_**Why did you have to go  
You could have let me know  
So now I'm all alone**_

"You can't honestly be planning on going back to him after everything you've found out." Chuck said disbelievingly as he allowed his hand to fall away.

Blair looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

Nostrils flaring Chuck snarled. "You are, aren't you. you're planning on going back to him."

Forcing herself to meet his gaze, Blair nodded slowly. "Yes."

_**Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance  
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand  
And all my tears they  
Keep runnin' down my face  
Why did you turn away**_

"I can't believe this." Chuck spat. "No actually I can."

Shaking her head, Blair moved toward him. "Chuck don't be like this. Don't make this harder for me than it already is."

Shrugging Chuck laughed darkly. "Harder for you?" He spoke eyebrows lifted. "Heaven forbid this be hard for you. You aren't the one who keeps getting their heart stomped on by a girl in Manolos."

Beginning to feel defensive Blair narrowed her eyes. "Don't act like you are the only one who's been hurt Chuck."

_**So why does your pride make you run and hide  
Are you that afraid of me  
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside  
This is not how you want it to be**_

"Oh how emotionally draining it must be to have two guys competing for your affections." Chuck spat sarcastically.

Crossing her arms Blair took a step in. "You don't think this has been hard on me? It's been a fucking emotional rollercoaster the past few weeks. I've been dragged back and forth between the two of you. First one of you screws me over then the other one."

"Don't go there." Chuck snapped. "I've done everything right. I kept my promise to you. I tried to make you happy. I didn't tell you what Nate did because I didn't want to ruin your happiness." As Chuck spoke his voice got louder. "I sent him running after you at the Christmas Eve Gala when you didn't come out of the bathroom and at the New Year's Eve Masquerade I didn't let you make the mistake of sleeping with me."

_**So baby I will wait for you  
Cause I don't know what else I can do  
Don't tell me I ran out of time  
If it takes the rest of my life**_

"YOU REJECTED ME AT THE MASQUERADE!" Blair shouted, her voice rising to match his.

Scoffing Chuck stepped towards her. "You just wanted to use me for one night before running back to precious Nathaniel. Don't act like that's something I did."

Shaking her head, Blair sighed. "You just don't get it, you never get it. I'm not supposed to be with you."

"How do you know?" He asked, his tone still harsh but with a hint of pleading to it.

_**Baby I will wait for you  
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true  
I really need you in my life  
No matter what I have to do  
I'll wait for you**_

Eyes locking with his, Blair didn't know what to do, what to say. Everything in her head was screaming at her that Nate was the right choice, that this thing with Chuck was wrong for her. It was so loud she couldn't listen to anything else. "Everything I believe in, everything I know says so."

"Then believe in me." Chuck spoke, this time his voice was imploring her to see what he was trying to say, to see how he felt.

"It's not that simple." Blair replied, ignoring the tightening in her chest as she did so.

Nodding Chuck brought himself closer to her. "It could be. No one else matters Blair. It's just you and me."

_**Been a long time since you called me  
(How could you forget about me)  
You gotta be feeling crazy**_

"It will never work." Blair spoke, forcing herself to continue ignoring the feeling in her chest which was now being matched by a similar one in her gut.

"How do you know if you won't try?" Chuck asked, his heart laid bare for her.

Sighing Blair looked down. "I just do. No one would accept it."

"You tell yourself you were going to choose me, but you never would have done it." Chuck spat, feeling anger hit him again full force. Why was she so unwilling to put herself out there? Why did it always have to be him that went first?

Blair could hardly believe the things he was saying; didn't he know her at all? "Don't you think there's a reason for that? Clearly I can't trust you."

_**How can you walk away  
Everything stays the same  
I just can't do it baby**_

Voice low Chuck retaliated in much the same manner. "Maybe it's you who can't be trusted. I proved that I was in this by doing as you asked and not following you yet you rewarded Nathaniel's manipulation instead. I'm in this Blair, you're the one who isn't."

"I guess I thought you knew me well enough to know to follow me." Blair responded, hardly believing her own anger.

Shaking his head, Chuck was once more overwhelmed by disbelief. "I can't read your mind Blair. I can't tell when you mean it and when you don't; I thought I could but then that day on the beach you told me I was wrong."

"You weren't wrong." Blair spoke softly. Surprised at her own words, Blair couldn't believe what she'd said, how three words could be so revealing.

Confused, Chuck tried to meet her eyes. "Then why did you tell me I was?"

_**What will it take to make you come back  
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain't like that**_

Exasperated Blair lifted one shoulder and released it. "I don't know. I was just so confused, I still am."

"You don't have to be." Chuck spoke, compassion coloring his voice as well as his facial expression.

"I don't know Chuck, there's just so much. I feel so much all the time. I'm still so confused, so scared that I'm making the wrong choices." As Blair spoke, she found herself opening up.

"There's no reason to be scared; just follow your heart." Chuck spoke ignoring the cheesiness of his own words.

Closing her eyes Blair tried to find the right words. "I don't think I know what that means. I feel like it's telling me a thousand different things."

_**Why can't you look at me  
You're still in love with me  
Don't leave me crying**_

"Just try Blair." Chuck pleaded as he reached for her. "That's all I'm asking is that you try."

"I am trying." Blair responded, jerking away from his touch. "You're pushing too hard Chuck."

Exhaling Chuck moved forward. "Or maybe I'm not pushing hard enough. Maybe you don't know how to listen to your heart because you haven't really had to before." Taking another step towards her, Chuck trapped her against the staircase. "What's your heart saying right now?"

Blair could feel her heart pounding in her chest at his proximity. Her entire body felt as though electricity was running through it as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. Kissing him filled her body with all too familiar fire and she felt herself melting into him until it felt like they were only one person.

_**Baby why can't we just, just start over again  
Get it back to the way it was  
If you give me a chance  
I can love you right  
But you're telling me it won't be enough**_

As he broke for air, she didn't move away. "Out of control." She whispered. "That's what I feel. I feel like you make me go out of control. It's not you I can't trust, it's me. I care about you Chuck, I know that I do but I can't trust myself not to fall too hard. I can't trust that I won't lose myself in you."

Chuck could barely believe her words. It was exactly the feeling he'd thought she had but he hadn't wanted to put words in her mouth by saying so. "You can't have everything if you don't risk something first." He spoke his voice low, guttural.

"I'd be risking everything Chuck. My position at school, my mother's approval, my heart, and worst of all I could lose everything I am, everything I know about myself. I don't know who I am with you, I don't recognize myself and it's terrifying." Blair spoke, her voice trembling.

_**So baby I will wait for you  
Cause I don't know what else I can do  
Don't tell me I ran out of time  
If it takes the rest of my life**_

Taking her hand in his, Chuck ran his thumb across her palm. "You don't even see how much you've changed me. At first I didn't know who I was with you - who was Chuck Bass if not the biggest playboy in Manhattan? But now, now I don't know who I am without you."

Blair felt as though the air had fled her lungs at his words. She hadn't expected them and it only served to confuse her more. Looking away, unable to meet his eyes, she shook her head. "I'm not ready Chuck, I'm sorry but I'm not ready to risk that."

"So you're just going to go back to him, after everything." Chuck spoke, anger rushing through his veins. He'd never felt so betrayed. He hated the jealous, angry rage that was filling him but he couldn't stop it.

Blair sighed. "Nate's trying, he really is Chuck and I love him. I can't just peace out of this relationship because he made a mistake."

_**Baby I will wait for you  
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true  
I really need you in my life  
No matter what I have to do  
I'll wait for you**_

"A mistake?" Chuck asked, disbelief filling his voice. "He didn't just make a mistake Blair, he purposefully kept us apart. He lied to you, lied to me; he manipulated you into getting back together with him.

"He loves me Chuck." Blair spoke her voice pleading. "He wouldn't have done it if he didn't. And while you care about me, you don't love me."

Chuck's eyes warmed, his breath quickened and he couldn't quite meet her eyes after she spoke. There was a burning in his gut that made it difficult to even move much less comprehend what he was feeling.

Surprise hit Blair like a brick as she observed Chuck. His hands were shaking and his eyes averting. He was being consumed by something, something he wasn't sure he could admit. "You don't do you?" She asked disbelievingly.

_**So why does your pride make you run and hide  
Are you that afraid of me  
But I know it's a lie  
What you're keeping inside  
That is not how you want it to be**_

Swallowing tightly Chuck met her eyes for the first time in minutes. "Don't go back to him." He begged, something he'd never done for a girl before.

Eyes widening, Blair's breath quickened. "Why? Give me a reason and I'm Chuck Bass doesn't count."

"Because you don't want to." Chuck spoke imploringly.

Blair shook her head. "Not good enough." She'd seen something in his eyes, she'd seen the one thing that could calm her, the one thing that could make her comfortable enough to let go.

_**Baby I will wait for you  
Baby I will wait for you  
If it's the last thing I do  
**__**Baby I will wait for you**_

"Because I don't want you to." Chuck replied. He'd give her anything and everything he could, so long as she didn't leave, so long as she didn't go back to Nate.

Blair kept shaking her head. "It's not enough." Blair spoke, emotion seeping into her voice. What didn't he get, she couldn't just give herself to him with no insurance.

Chuck's eyes warmed further, almost stinging as he lowered his voice. Afraid of exactly what she was asking, scared for the first time of what the consequences would be if he said what she wanted and still lost her. "What else is there?" He asked, hoping, praying she'd save him from saying it or better yet she'd admit it first because once she'd admitted it then he'd know it was safe.

"The true reason I should stay right where I am and not go back to Nate." She spoke as she nodded her head. This was all she needed, this was all either of them needed. "Three words, eight letters. Say it and I'm yours."

_**If you think I'm fine it just ain't true  
I really need you in my life  
No matter what I have to do  
I'll wait for you**_

His heart shooting into his throat, Chuck struggled to speak. "I . . ." He started. He knew he felt it, he'd acknowledged it in Monaco when he told Nate, he'd acknowledged it today before she'd arrived, why couldn't he just say it to her, the one person who mattered. Ready to try again, he made his mouth form words. "I . . ."

Leaning in, Blair could hear it in his voice. He was going to say it. Chuck would tell her he loved her and then there'd be no contest. Chuck would be it. When he hesitated, she had faith that he'd still say it. It was hard for him she knew that. He'd never said it to a girl before, she was asking a lot. When he hesitated a second time her heart plummeted. "Thank you." She said with a gasp, wrenching her hand away and flying to the elevator. Slamming on the button, relief flooded her as the doors opened and she slid inside, leaving Chuck behind in her apartment.

Chuck's entire body shook as he watched her run away. He'd wanted to say it. He'd tried. He didn't know what stopped him. Left with the feeling that this time he'd been the one that ruined everything, not Nate, not Blair, just him. He could have had her, should have had her and he'd choked.

_**I'll be waiting...**_

* * *

I suspect most of you recognize the end scene, I changed it just a little. More soon

Reviews are much appreciated and might help me get that next chapter up faster …

xoxo-kate


	17. Decisions Laced With Doubts

**As promised another chapter in pretty good timing. Also, for those of you who read my other fanfics, I've started writing on What We Don't Remember and can assure you it will be updating soon as well. Lastly, I agree that Blair is being an idiot but she does that sometimes, this we know. **

To my reviewers: **Lalai, Bridj25, QueenBee10, CarolinaGirl21, Lori2279, SouthernBelle88, LitPrincess2787, LovelyLydia, GGfanficfan09, and tvrox12.** Thanks for hanging on and still reading six months later! You guys rock.

Thanks to my wonderful beta** ggff-fan**! Who manages to beta my chapters even during her finals.

* * *

**Chapter 17  
Decisions Laced With Doubts**

Walking out of her own apartment Blair had no idea where she was heading. She felt as though her entire world was falling down around her. Turning the corner in front of her apartment she ran into the one person she least wanted to see. "Stalk me much?" She spat at Madison as she moved to walk around her.

Madison reached out a hand quickly and grabbed Blair's elbow. "Blair wait, I just want to talk to you for a second." She didn't know what she was doing. After she'd toweled off from Blair's little shower Madison had found herself heading straight for Blair's apartment with one goal in mind.

Rolling her eyes Blair stopped moving and fixed her gaze on Madison. "Funny, you are the last person I want to talk to."

Pursing her lips Madison nodded. "I guess I deserved that." Blair lifted her eyebrows strategically and Madison sighed. "Okay fine I definitely deserved that. Now will you just listen to me for a minute?"

"Fine." Blair said nonchalantly with a lift of her shoulder as she jerked her elbow away. "Say whatever it is you want to say so I can go about my business in peace."

Holding back an eyeroll of her own at Blair's attitude, Madison opened her mouth ready to say something she couldn't remember having said before. "I just wanted to say that I think I'm sorry for what I did to you."

"You think?" Blair scoffed. "Now is that all? I have a lot of things I need to take care of." Blair spoke snottily though she could really only think of one thing she needed to do.

Locking her jaw, Madison took a step towards Blair, surprised when the other girl took a staggering step back. "You're not scared of me are you?" She asked. Normally that statement would have come out as one of ridicule but today, with Blair, it was one of surprise and not the good kind.

Blair shrugged. "I don't know Maddie. After all I don't really know you at all with your multiple personalities. For all I know you're psychotic and you're going to have me killed and steal my life." Blair said dramatically.

Lifting her eyebrows, Madison tried to ignore the hurt she felt at Blair's words. She liked Blair, liked being her friend, liked hanging out with her and she hated the animosity Blair felt for her, more than anything she could remember hating in a long time. "This look was just to mess with you I swear."

Sighing Blair crossed her arms. "You mean it wasn't to get Chuck?" Blair knew Chuck well, and knowing Chuck meant that she knew he was one for look-a-likes in a situation like this. That's what made the fact that she looked quite a bit like his mother, always seem very Freudian.

Smirking Madison felt an almost overwhelming desire to confide everything to Blair. Everything about why she changed her looks so much, about her family, about her mother, and of course about Chuck but she knew she couldn't do that. Blair didn't trust her anymore and likely never would again. "That's not what this is about. Yes I want Chuck, I have for a very long time but this look isn't about him."

"Please, Madison. Why don't you tell it to someone who might believe you. Stop meddling in my life so that I can actually have one." Blair said, ignoring the fact that she sounded so overly emotional .

Tilting her head slightly, Madison looked Blair up and down, observing subtle changes in her appearance in the short time she'd known her. Something was different, something had changed - that's when she realized it, the edge was gone. The fire that had made Madison actually want to be her friend in the first place was nothing more than smoldering embers; which had to be why Madison said what she did next. "The Blair Waldorf I know would have made me."

Narrowing her eyes Blair looked at Madison strangely. "What are you talking about Sinclair?"

Emboldened by a hint of insecurity in Blair's voice, Madison forged on. "I'm talking about the fact that you are only a shell of the girl I met back in December and as badass as you were then, I've heard stories of a much stronger you. I'm saying that the real Blair Waldorf would have made me stop messing with her long ago instead of wasting her time whining about it."

Blair inhaled sharply as though she'd been punched in the gut - which was exactly what Madison's words felt like. Blair immediately thought to her words to Chuck only a few minutes before: _I could lose everything I am, everything I know about myself. I don't know who I am with you, I don't recognize myself and it's terrifying._ Forcing these thoughts from her mind, she faked a smirk. "Don't act like you know me Madison because you never got close."

With those words Blair stepped around Madison, ignoring any further proclamations as she walked quickly away, stilettos clicking against the sidewalk and curls bouncing behind. She knew exactly where she was heading and she wasn't hesitating one moment more, luckily for her Nate's was close by.

It wasn't more than ten minutes later when Blair found herself ringing the old fashioned door bell at Nate's brownstone. It wasn't a surprise that the wait was no longer than twenty seconds, it was a surprise that it was Nate who answered rather than his mother - Nate usually stayed in his room when he was at home.

"Blair. Come in." Nate spoke, unsurprised. He'd been on edge all afternoon. He'd seen the Gossip Girl blast first but Serena had called him only a few minutes after. Serena was quite confused about Blair's confrontation with a new friend of hers and why Gossip Girl was calling her M. Nate had filled in bits in places but at the same time he'd realized that this could only mean one thing, Blair knew.

Furrowing her eyebrows, Blair walked inside. "I'm here because we need to talk."

Nate followed her aimlessly. "Is this about the argument you had with Maddie earlier?" Nate hazarded as he continued following her into the living room.

"You know about that?" Blair asked, stopping in her tracks and spinning to face him. Observing his expression she exhaled in understanding. "Of course, Serena would call you."

The corners of Nate's eyes crinkled as he crossed his arms. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, not failing to notice the hint of annoyance in her voice.

Taking a step forward Blair spoke with a frown clear on her features. "It means that it shouldn't begin to surprise me that you two still run to each other constantly."

"She's my friend Blair, nothing more." Nate spat defensively. "Not that I can say the same for you and Chuck and don't think I don't know that you just came from seeing him."

Blair practically hissed in response to Nate's comment. "Forgive me if I thought I needed to have a conversation with your former best friend who you stabbed in the back before manipulating me into getting back together with you."

Nate's jaw almost fell open in shock. He knew that she must have some idea what had happened. He had expected her to probably know that he'd broken his deal with Chuck and gone after her, or maybe that he had used Chuck's information to win her back on the platform that he knew her better than anyone; but he didn't expect her to know both and he definitely didn't expect her to word it so harshly.

He stood silent for a minute as did Blair who was clearly waiting on a response from him. Finally, Nate spoke with a sigh. "I didn't do it to hurt you. I was trying to prevent that."

"You were trying to prevent me getting hurt by lying to me?" Blair asked with narrowed eyes. "That doesn't make any more sense than any other plan you've ever had Nate."

Exhaling heavily Nate walked toward Blair, shaken from the words they'd exchanged. He didn't know why he'd been so defensive when she'd shown up - it wasn't like she was wrong to be angry. For the first time, Nate realized that this might cause him to lose her. "I thought that Chuck didn't really care about you. At the very least I knew he didn't love you like I love you." Nate spoke softly.

At Nate's words Blair was once more drawn back to her earlier conversation with Chuck, remembering that she'd said the same exact thing and that Chuck himself had been unable to contradict her with actual words.

Nate took another step towards her. "I let my heart run away from my head. I just wanted to protect you from him; I know how he treats girls and I didn't want that to happen to you."

Shaking her head slowly Blair spoke with a sigh. "Chuck's different with me; he cares."

Nate nodded. "I know that now. And I know that he thinks he knows you better than me and in some ways I guess he does; but I know you too Blair and in France I guess I just wanted you to see that."

Once more Blair found herself nodding because it hadn't just been the fact that Nate had found her that had won her over. Sure that had been the first step but following that, Nate had reminded her of all of their good times, reminded her of why they were so great together. "I hate that you lied to me Nate, I hate it. At the time I almost felt guilted into choosing you."

Nate looked away, unable to hide the pain on his face at her words. He loved her but right now it didn't feel like she felt the same.

"But I did choose you." Blair spoke softly as she took his hand.

Nate saw his opening, a tiny sliver of hope; but that was all he needed. "Go away with me, we'll go to the Vanderbilt cabin, just like you wanted to. It would be just the two of us all weekend long, we could talk, work things out."

Blair couldn't help but feel her heart lift at Nate's enthusiasm. He was right, they did need to talk and maybe just the two of them getting away from the city was just what they needed to get things back on track. Slowly a small smile crept across her features. "Okay, I'll give it a shot." Blair spoke, her smile now radiating.

"You will?" Nate asked, his voice a hopeful child's on Christmas Eve.

Blair nodded still smiling. "One more chance Archibald so you better not screw it up." She said with a smirk.

Nate couldn't help the smile that flooded his features. "You won't regret this Blair, I promise."

Nodding Blair allowed him to envelop her in a tight hug. She tucked her head into the crook of his shoulder and breathed in his familiar scent; hoping against all hope that that would be enough to quell the anxiety she was feeling rushing through her body at her decision to stay with Nate. When she pulled away and the anxiety was still there all she wanted to do was be sick but instead she plastered on a smile and followed Nate upstairs to help him pack.

**Gossip Girl here. Apparently my earlier statement was wrong as the change I had predicted was put on hold indefinitely as everything seems to have stayed exactly how it was. S is still practically MIA, M is still on the outside, C is still heartbroken, and B and N were seen rushing off for a weekend romantic getaway. Sources say the couple looked happy, but I think the smile on B's face was a little too forced. Guess we'll have to wait and see. **

**xoxo  
Gossip Girl**

Chuck's hand shook so hard the scotch in his tumbler sloshed out onto the bar as he read Gossip Girl's latest text. Downing the remaining liquid he spun, throwing the glass against the far wall, causing it to shatter. Patrons of the bar screamed and several ran as Chuck proceeded to demolish everything in sight.

He didn't hesitate as he sent entire bottles flying with a swing of his arm. Relishing the way they shattered and the liquid flowed freely. But he didn't stop with the glass, he destroyed every table and bar stool in sight, snapping their legs in two and slinging them across the room. With one last throw he shattered the mirror behind the bar, cracking it into a thousand pieces as he let out a guttural roar.

Even the bartender had gone running before Chuck let go of his emotions and slid to the ground amongst the destruction. He felt as though a piece of his soul had been ripped from inside his chest and there was nothing else he could do to fix it. She'd gone back to him. The woman he loved had gone back to his best friend all because he was too weak to tell her how he really felt.

He wasn't ashamed of the tears that slid from his eyes, only of the fact that this was all his doing; he could have stopped her, she'd only asked for one thing and he had choked. Grabbing hold of the one bottle of scotch he'd saved Chuck took a swig straight from the bottle. It was a good thing his father owned the bar at the Palace or he'd likely be looking at yet another arrest and that was the last thing he needed right now.

Looking around Chuck assessed the damage. He'd have hell to pay when his father returned from his latest business trip but he didn't really care. Right now he couldn't care about anything. He was completely numb.

It was in this state that Madison found Chuck in almost an hour later. He sat limply on the ground surrounded by broken glass with a half empty bottle of scotch resting in his hand.

Chuck was alerted to her presence by the crunch of glass beneath her heels before he heard her voice.

"You sure know how to clear a place out." Madison spoke, her tone a failed attempt at what was once her normal attitude. Too much had happened between all of them, Chuck, Blair, Nate, and her to be the same cold bitch she once was.

When Chuck replied with merely taking a swig of his bottle and staring vacantly ahead, Madison spoke again. "I saw the blast and I'm sorry."

Chuck lolled his head to the side before looking up at her. When he spoke it wasn't to answer her question but to make a point of his own. "You told Blair the truth about what happened in Monaco. Why?"

Sighing Madison took a few hesitant steps forward before using a shoe to clear herself a place to sit next to Chuck. "At first I said something because I wanted to one up her. In that moment I was just so angry that she thought she was so much better than me but thinking back I'm not sure that's why I did it at all. Contrary to popular belief I don't hate Blair and to be quite honest what I did to her crossed a line."

"Seems to have worked out in your favor." Chuck spoke gesturing around wildly. "Blair isn't anywhere to be seen."

Gently, Madison reached over and took Chuck's hand in hers. "I wasn't trying to hurt you. Nothing I did was to hurt you. All I wanted was for you to realize that I'm the one you're supposed to be with. Because God help me, I'm in love with you."

Chuck's head snapped towards her, taking in her appearance for the first time. His stomach flipping as through his blurred gaze she could almost pass for Blair. "Say it again." He said, his voice raw.

"I love you." Madison spoke, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes because she knew he didn't love her back.

Watching those words come from her mouth, even though it wasn't really Blair was in that moment enough. The next thing Chuck knew he was pressing his lips tightly against Madison's hungrily begging for more.

Madison kissed him back, passionately, with reckless abandon. She knew exactly what Chuck was doing and in that moment she didn't care.

Breaking away slightly Chuck spoke in a husky voice. "You know that she's the one I want."

Swallowing tightly, Madison met his gaze directly. "Then imagine I'm her. Tonight I can be whoever you want me to be."

Nodding, Chuck stood unsteadily, pulling Madison to her feet. Walking towards the elevator he allowed her to lead as he could barely stand. Stumbling inside the shaft he pulled her to him once more, capturing her lips with his as he pressed her against the wall.

Reaching the eighteenth floor they made their way down the hall to Chuck's room kissing all the way. It wasn't until she was removing his jacket that something fell out of his suit pocket startling him. Chuck saw what it was and immediately leaned down to grab it. Once it was in his hand he sat heavily on his bed and held it gingerly, almost afraid that his touch would shatter it like it did everything else.

"What's that?" Madison asked as she pulled her dress over her head. Leaning over him in her lingerie to get a better view of the item.

Chuck remained still, looking at the small object in silence for a few more minutes before he looked back at Madison. When he did, he felt a wrenching in his stomach. "You should go." He spoke quietly.

Confused Madison tilted her head. "But I thought . . ."

Chuck squeezed his eyes shut as he continued to finger the pin Blair had given back to him earlier that afternoon. "You're not Blair. You can play dress up and you can act the part but you're not her and I don't want anyone else."

Watching Madison run away in what appeared to be embarrassed haste all Chuck could think about was the fact that he was ruined forever because no other girl could ever be Blair Waldorf. There was only one and he'd fucked that up for good.

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**Reviews** are greatly appreciated.

**xoxo - kate**


	18. Finding Blair Waldorf

**I wrote this chapter with the song Call Your Girlfriend by Robin playing in the background. I didn't actually use the lyrics because they don't fit exactly and I thought these scenes stood pretty well on their own. But I highly recommend the song. Enjoy!**

To my reviewers: **Sw33theart21, Krazy4Spike, Lori2279, Stella296, CarolinaGirl21, wrighthangal, tvrox12, LovelyLydia, SouthernBelle88, annablake, and GGfanficfan09. **You guys are amazing as per usual, thanks for your continued interest. And to those of you who've recently put me on story or author alert (or favorite), thanks to you guys as well – It's great to know people are reading.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

To my fabulous beta **ggff-fan**, I couldn't do it without you!

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**Chapter 18  
****Finding Blair Waldorf**

Nate glanced over at Blair sheepishly as he drove down the road. Neither had said very much over the past hour of driving, it had been mostly awkward looks, followed by more awkward conversation, concluding with extremely awkward pauses. "So uh I just wanted to say that I'm really glad we're doing this."

"Me too." Blair responded a little too quickly, drawing her attention back to Nate and away from the window. Her smile was tight as she stretched her lips across her teeth. Never in her life had she been so uncomfortable in Nate's presence. Even the day at the sushi restaurant hadn't been this bad but they'd been different people back then.

Nate nodded stiffly. "I'm so sorry about everything. Thanks for giving me another chance."

"You don't have to keep apologizing Nate; you've done it almost 100 times since we left." When Blair spoke she was distinctly aware by looking into the vanity mirror that her eyes weren't matching her mouth but she suppressed that thought - she'd made her choice hadn't she?

"I know." Nate spoke as he looked away. "I just know that I really screwed up."

Blair nodded distractedly. "Yeah you did."

Nate looked back at the road but continued talking. "I just didn't want to lose you . . ."

Blair knew that Nate was talking but she couldn't stop her mind from wandering as she looked out the window. The trees blurred together as they drove past them, they were well out of the city now and away from all the pressure, shouldn't she be feeling better now rather than worse?

She'd done the right thing. She'd picked the boy she was supposed to be with, the one people expected her to be with; well except for Dorota apparently. And she was standing by him because that's what good girlfriends do. But she'd been a good girlfriend the first time around and look where that had led.

Nate was still talking, his words no more than a hum in the background, as Blair began to think back on the events of the past few days. Try as she might she couldn't seem to avoid thinking about one conversation and it wasn't the one she'd expected to be caught up on. With the decision she just made, it would make sense for her to keep replaying her conversations with Chuck or Nate but all she could think about where words that Madison had said.

_I'm talking about the fact that you are only a shell of the girl I met back in December and as badass as you were then, I've heard stories of a much stronger you. I'm saying that the real Blair Waldorf would have made me stop messing with her long ago instead of wasting her time whining about it._

Madison had claimed that she wasn't Blair Waldorf anymore and she couldn't help but think that maybe Madison was right. Blair Waldorf was the cool calculating Queen B of the Upper East Side, best friend of It Girl Serena Van der Woodsen, girlfriend of Golden Boy Nate Archibald, and fellow schemer of UES Playboy Chuck Bass. She ruled with an iron fist and no one told her what to do or who she was. Blair Waldorf would have never let herself be manipulated by some outsider, she wouldn't have been so weak as to let herself disappear, and she would never have been so wishy-washy over a decision like this.

She'd told Chuck that her biggest fear was losing herself in him but she didn't even know who she was anymore. The Blair Waldorf she was afraid of losing was already gone and if what Madison had said was true she'd been gone for a long time. Her relationship with Nate was a sham, Serena was never around, and she'd lost her partner in crime by losing her virginity to him in the back of a moving vehicle. She'd been ignoring her minions at school and had let her life be dictated by someone else. She wasn't the cool calculating bitch anymore, nor was she the fiery passionate girl she'd been with Chuck, she was a weak pathetic excuse for herself.

Over the past few years everything that had happened had chipped away at who Blair Waldorf was until there was nothing left. Her parent's divorce, her father leaving to be with Roman, Nate sleeping with Serena, Serena leaving her, her eating disorder relapse, and the ups and downs of her relationship with Chuck had all combined to shed her of the girl she used to be.

Inhaling deeply Blair struggled not to laugh. Losing herself wasn't Chuck's fault or even Nate or Serena's. She'd lost herself because she'd let herself forget who she was. She was Blair freaking Waldorf and she was not weak. But Blair Waldorf had made a huge mistake.

For a moment Nate stopped talking. He'd seen the smile on Blair's face and was confused. "Why are you smiling?" He asked curiously.

Blair looked over at Nate and couldn't stop the slight laugh that escaped, carrying with it a few tears. "Stop the car Nate."

"What?" Nate asked even more confused. Blair looked like she was having some kind of mental breakdown. "I'm not stopping the car in the middle of the road."

Blair nodded, smiling sadly. "Yeah you are. You're turning around and heading back to the city." Blair had messed up and God help her she was going to do everything she could to fix it.

Nate furrowed his brows. "What's wrong Blair? I know things are weird but that's why we're doing this, to work things out."

"I slept with Chuck." Blair spoke directly, cutting straight to what needed to be said.

Nate slowed the car but continued driving, looking at her with furrowed brows. "I know." He said slowly.

Blair shook her head. "No, you don't. I had sex with Chuck today."

Nate inhaled sharply but kept calm as he pulled the car to the side of the road. "I forgive you. It's understandable, you were upset after finding out what I'd done. We can move past it."

"Before." Blair spoke, her voice sure and steady as Nate's eyes went from confused to clear in moments. "Chuck and I slept together in the back of his limo _before_ Madison told me the truth."

Nate's hand not on the steering wheel immediately went to his face where it swept his bangs back until his fingers locked into his hair. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest and surprise shook him because his heart wasn't pounding in anger it was pounding in fear. "You cheated on me with Chuck." He spoke, voice slow and rational as though he were trying to understand.

When he spoke again his words were a little more natural, a little more sure. "You cheated on me with Chuck before you knew I had done something wrong."

Blair nodded. "I did. And what's worse, I'm not sorry." She heard Nate gasp and had to continue. "I'm sorry for hurting you but I don't regret it. When I did it I thought I was using him, I thought I was getting something from him that I didn't think I was getting from you but I was fooling myself Nate. I wasn't strong enough to make the choice I should have made." As she spoke Blair fully realized what being Blair Waldorf really meant in realizing that she was more Blair Waldorf with Chuck than she was at any other time.

Blair Waldorf was the girl who didn't care what anyone else thought because she didn't have to. Her minions fell in line because she was confident in who she was, confident that she was better. Blair Waldorf was the girl who danced on the stage at Victrola, the girl who lost her virginity in a limo, and the girl who wasn't sorry about any of it. Blair Waldorf didn't need anyone to be herself not Nate, not Serena, not the girls at school, not even her mother; the only person she needed was Chuck.

Nate found himself nodding even as his gut clenched. "You were scared and I was safe."

Squeezing her eyes together Blair's heart broke at the look in Nate's eyes. She really wasn't trying to hurt him but it seemed to be inevitable. "I was weak, I know that but I should have trusted myself."

Nate sighed loudly as began to drive back the other direction towards the city. "If it weren't for Chuck would you still be doing this?"

Blair laughed slightly. "I know this isn't going to make sense right now but if it weren't for Chuck we wouldn't be together right now."

Nate cocked his head but Blair simply shook hers before continuing. "You hated the person I had become and part of that might have been your fault but you didn't remember how much you loved me until Chuck brought the real me back."

Nate just shook his head, not sure what he thought of Blair's words. His heart was pounding and his vision seemed to be going in and out. "You're right I don't understand."

Nodding Blair looked back out the window. "We're always going to be friends Nate, I'll always be there for you but this thing between us has been over for a long time now."

The ride back to the city was surprisingly less awkward than the drive away had been all things considered. It was simply quiet as though they were both out of things to say but that wasn't necessarily true. Reluctantly Nate had agreed to drop Blair off at the Palace because he didn't want her walking there so late at night but he was planning on making one last ditch effort for her heart.

As he came to a stop Nate looked over at Blair, his gaze smoldering. "If I begged you not to do this would it change anything?"

Blair looked at Nate sympathetically because honestly she knew that as hard as this was for her it must be torture for him. "Nate…" She pleaded empathetically.

"Because I really don't want you to do this." Nate finished taking her hand in his. "I want you Blair. I want you so much regardless of what happened with you and Chuck but I can't make you stay."

Once more Blair found herself closing her eyes tightly. "Goodbye Nate." She spoke quietly before breaking away and exiting his car.

Blair's heart broke to do that to Nate, to leave him there but another part of her heart was racing in excited anticipation as she rushed forward to Chuck. Though she was rushing so fast that she stumbled straight into Madison. A fire was immediately fanned within Blair as she realized just who she'd run into and where they were coming from.

Madison looked up and saw Blair causing her to freeze in her tracks. "I thought that you left with Nate." Her voice carried only a hint of the shock she really felt at this new development. She'd spent the last three hours sitting outside Chuck's room crying because the one person she'd ever loved had never actually loved her back.

Narrowing her eyes Blair quickly took in Madison's appearance disheveled hair and makeup as well as clothing. For heaven's sakes the girl was carrying her shoes as she ran from the Palace. If it weren't for the tears smearing her mascara Blair might have massacred Madison for presumably sleeping with Chuck but clearly that wasn't how things had ended so Blair chose to ignore that fact as well as Madison's statement.

Shaking her head Blair frowned. "I've been far too easy on you haven't I." She stated rhetorically watching as Madison's eyes widened.

But Blair wasn't done yet. "Blair Waldorf doesn't let anyone mess with her and get away with it. I guess that's one thing I should be thanking you for because your words are what made me realize that I'd almost forgotten just who Blair Waldorf was." Pausing for a moment her patronizing tone becoming one of fury. "I assure you, you'll come to regret that. You are going to wish I were still that weak pathetic excuse for myself because the bitch is back."

Madison was shocked as Blair was the perfect picture of calm control, but she could see the fire rushing beneath her skin. It sent chills down her spine at the mere idea of the young woman before her. Doing the only thing she could Madison allowed herself to say what she really felt. "You won, I lost. He only wants you. He's only ever wanted you." Madison said before turning from Blair and walking away.

Blair lifted her eyebrows in surprise at Madison's words. She wasn't entirely sure what she would have said if Madison had stayed around to listen. What was there to say to that? Shaking her head at the interaction shocked by how emboldened she felt by it, Blair practically marched through the lobby and straight into the nearest elevator pressing the close door button not caring that there were others waiting.

Her heart was racing as she found herself running down the hall to Chuck's suite. Pounding on the door almost frantically as though she couldn't wait a moment longer. It was the same rush she'd felt running down the stairs of her Father's home in France when she thought that it was Chuck who'd come to find her.

Chuck almost sauntered to the door. He was surprised at his current level of sobriety considering his earlier state but he couldn't help but feel that it was partially due to the half hour he'd spend with his head in the bathroom toilet following Madison's departure as well as the copious amounts of water that had followed; each of which were very un-ChuckBass-like things.

He honestly had no idea who was at the door at this point the most likely candidates were Madison back to plead her case or Serena with a new family crisis. The person who was actually on the other side of the door was the biggest shock of his entire day and that was saying something considering what had happened. "Blair, what are you doing here?" Chuck asked his voice low and raw.

Blair's eyes lit up as she saw him. Immediately she rushed forward, throwing herself into his arms, burrowing her face in his chest.

Chuck froze in shock, one hand on the door and the other on the frame as Blair tightened her hold. Gradually he allowed his hands to fall to his sides but he didn't return Blair's embrace. "Shouldn't you be with Nate?" He finally asked, curiosity getting the better of him as he resisted her overwhelming scent.

Blair pulled back only slightly and looked directly at Chuck. "I broke up with Nate."

Chuck masked the thousands of emotions rushing through his system and carried on with an even tone. "I don't see what that has to do with me."

Blair looked at Chuck in awe. "Don't you get it Chuck. I'm making my choice, I'm choosing you."

Extracting himself from Blair's hold Chuck took a step backwards. "You already made your choice Blair and news flash, it wasn't me. You don't get a redo."

"What are you saying?" Blair asked as apprehension filled her to the core.

Chuck shook his head slightly. "I'm saying that maybe I don't choose you."

Blair shook her head surprised to find that she was suddenly holding back tears. She hadn't just given up everything with Nate for nothing, she hadn't. "Don't shut me out Chuck, I'll fight for you if I have to. I'll fight for you like you fought for me but I don't want to waste anymore time."

Crossing his arms Chuck frowned. "This isn't a game to me Blair. Your fun running back and forth between me and Nate is all done. You made your choice and I think you need to deal with that."

Inhaling sharply Blair felt her gut clinch in guilt because it was true; she had been running between Chuck and Nate like a child who couldn't make up her mind for the past several months. "I did that, it wasn't fair to you, and I'm sorry." Though as she spoke she reminded herself of why she was here. She was Blair Waldorf and Blair Waldorf got what she wanted. "But you don't mean that, I know you don't."

Chuck continued to observe her with hard features. He hadn't been lying, he couldn't keep doing this. He wasn't strong enough to go through all of it again. "What do you not understand Blair, it's too late for us. Our conversation earlier today proved that if nothing else. You have destroyed me in every way possible and I'd be an idiot to do it again. Now get out of here before I call security."

Blair locked her jaw obstinately. "I'm not leaving, not until you give us another chance."

"We're all out of chances." Chuck roared wanting to shake her. "You and I are over. There's nothing there anymore and there never will be again. Now if you could just stay out of my life that would be great."

Shocked Blair felt a lone tear slip from her eyes. "Oh." She spoke her voice soft. "Okay well, I guess I'll go." Slowly she began to back away suddenly unsure of everything she thought she knew. All of the ideas about who Blair Waldorf was that she'd built up in her head were crashing down around her and it was all she could do to hold herself together to leave.

Watching Blair turn, something inside of Chuck snapped and all of his resolve crumbled. He was so sure so certain he couldn't do it again but the fear of losing her was greater than the fear of being hurt and he grabbed her elbow, pulled her to him and pressed his lips hungrily against hers.

Blair sighed into his mouth as she grasped onto his chest, allowing him to drag her inside the suite before slamming her back against the doorway. She could taste him, scotch and cigars and felt at home for the first time she could remember. They furiously ripped each other's clothes to shreds as they stumbled towards the bed. Biting lightly on her lip, Chuck continued to tug her onto the bed.

Blair made quick work of his shirt, unafraid of ripping of the buttons, there was a burning desire to have her bare skin touching his, her skin needed contact with his at every point. It was only once they were both completely naked and he was getting ready to enter her that she paused, staring at him unblinkingly. "I thought you were serious about us being over."

Chuck froze for a moment, every limb of his body steady and strong. Looking down at her he saw all he ever wanted reflected in her eyes. "So did I."

"But. . ." Blair prodded softly.

Chuck smirked almost sadly. "I think you could do all kinds of bad things to me and I would still want you. I don't think that I could ever stop wanting you. You're like air Waldorf, I need you to exist."

Blair's eyes didn't break contact with his and she didn't ask him to repeat the words she'd just heard him say. She knew it wasn't exactly an 'I love you' and she knew that those three words might still not come for a while but she knew he felt them and that was everything.

Resting his forehead against hers Chuck exhaled slightly. "I thought you were scared of losing yourself in me."

Blair smiled a secret special smile she only ever gave Chuck - it was the real smile that she hid from the rest of the world and it shone from her eyes. "I'm more myself with you than I am any other time. You are the one that makes me Blair Waldorf."

At that Chuck closed the distance between their mouths and brought them together for what seemed like the first time all over again. As he did he was filled with an all consuming joy and promised himself that he'd never let her go, never again.

**Spotted: N losing his princess as our Queen B returned to her Palace, the Palace Hotel that is. M seen fleeing said Palace at the same time B entered. No sign of C or S so there's no way to say for sure where B was headed but I have my guess. I'll be keeping close tabs on our Queen until I figure out what she's doing being so mysterious.**

**you know you love me**

**xoxo  
****Gossip Girl**

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Reviews are always appreciated!

**xoxo - kate**


	19. Shouldn't There Be Rules For This?

**Quick Note Before Reading**: I had enabled Anonymous reviews again because I wanted to give it another shot allowing reviewers who didn't have an account to post in hopes that there wouldn't be any issues. However, I want to make one thing clear, reviews are not message boards, they are a conversation between the reader and the author. In the future, please leave other members of the site out of your reviews no matter your feelings about them. Even in cases where the review is extremely rude or even hurtful to me this behavior is out of line, however the other member mentioned in this case was not out of line, is one of my most loyal readers. What she says to me in her reviews is between us and not for others to judge. I'd like to think that reviews are a safe space for readers to be honest with me rather than use the opportunity to put down each other. I'm sure this situation will never occur again as everyone on this site has the capacity to be mature and respectful of one another.

Now for the fun stuff! Thank you to those of you who did review respectfully: **annablake**, **tinamarie333**, **Rf**, **Lori2279**, **wrighthangal**, **LovelyLydia**, **GGfanficfan09**, **SouthernBelle88**, **tvrox12**, **CarolinaGirl21**, **bridj26**, **QueenBee10**, **youdontjustgiveup**, and **AquarianAir**I of course do appreciate it and hope that rather than discourage you from reviewing my message will simply encourage you to be truthful with me in reviews and see them as a place that you and I can talk because that's how I see them.

**Rating**: This chapter is **M**, which I think should be enjoyable for all my Chair fans, some of whom have been asking for this for quite a while.

HUGE thanks to my beta **ggff-fan**, without her I'd probably go crazy trying to edit my own work.

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**Chapter 19  
****Shouldn't There Be Rules For This?**

Blair smiled as her eyes opened to the early morning light streaming through the windows. She smiled because upon waking she'd realized that she and Chuck Bass were spooning. She couldn't help but smile at the simple fact that with her Chuck Bass spooned.

Pressing her back tightly into his chest, she leaned her head backwards and placed a kiss right at the corner of his mouth. "Good morning." She whispered as she watched his eyes flicker open. She smiled when the first thing he did was inhale and tighten his hold on her.

"Good morning." Chuck whispered in response, his voice a low rumble. He was acutely aware of the fact that this was a first, even for them. Yes they'd slept together plenty of times, even fallen asleep together once or twice only to wake up and do it all over again, but never had either of them spent the night post-sex.

Turning over in his arms Blair kissed Chuck again, first lightly, then with a bit more passion. She could feel his hardness pressing against her thigh and realized that in effect all boys were the same. She may have never woken up in the morning with Chuck before but the one thing she'd learned during her relationship with Nate was that with morning came a certain level of excitement. Reaching down with one hand Blair stroked Chuck lightly, knowing that that was all he would need.

Chuck's eyes opened wide as Blair touched him expertly. Smirking he reached up and brushed a curl off her face. "You don't have to do that you know."

"I want to." Blair spoke softly before lowering herself under the covers and bringing her mouth to him.

Once more Chuck's eyes went wide as he realized what her intentions were. "Oh God Blair." He moaned as her lips touched him. He thought that she was going to give him a hand job but this was ecstasy. She'd always been eager and while he knew she'd gone there with Nate before they'd ever gotten together, she hadn't enjoyed it. He'd coached her and soon she relished the power it gave her. Gripping the sheets he didn't even try to hold back, he gave in to her almost immediately.

It wasn't more than five minutes later when Blair reemerged, this time with raised eyebrows. "Where's your stamina today Bass?" She asked with a smirk on her face.

Chuck's nostrils flared slightly. "It's the morning, I can't help it."

Blair laughed as she raked her teeth along his jaw. "Sure you can't."

Lifting his eyebrows in challenge, Chuck flipped Blair over pinning her to the bed. "What was that…seven minutes?"

Blair's eyes widened. "Chuck . . .don't"

Chuck smirked devilishly. "Let's call it six." With that he glanced at the clock before lifting his eyebrows suggestively and diving under the covers.

"Chuck. . ." Blair started scoldingly as she watched his head disappear beneath the covers. "Chuck . . ." She continued this time pleadingly as his mouth got to work, his hands spreading her legs. "CHUCK!" She screamed the third time as his tongue hit her most sensitive spot teasingly. Within four minutes she was screaming and clutching the headboard.

As Chuck resurfaced licking his lips Blair simply lay back exhausted. "You win, you win, don't torture me anymore."

Laying down beside her, Chuck wrapped a relaxed arm over her stomach. "Torture huh?"

Blair rolled her head to the side where she locked her eyes with his. But instead of talking she just smiled.

They sat there like that for several minutes just looking at each other, taking each other in without saying anything. Reaching out slowly Chuck traced her jaw and ran fingers through her luscious chocolate curls. "So how do we do this?" He spoke finally, his words almost hesitant.

"What do you mean?" Blair asked almost dreamily as she rolled on her side to fully face him.

Mirroring Blair's movements, Chuck rolled to face her, both of them supporting their own head with one hand and touching each other with the other one. Never looking away Chuck readied himself to be vulnerable to her in every way. "I've never done this before Blair and I'm not quite sure what the rules are."

Blair couldn't help but give him a slightly confused smile. "There aren't really rules for dating Chuck. If there were it would be a lot simpler than it is. We just have to wing it."

Chuck bit his lip, forcing himself to push through the fear he had of opening up too much and losing her. "What are your rules then? Or if not rules, expectations?"

Sighing Blair inched towards him slightly. "I don't expect you to be anyone other than who you are. You were a better boyfriend in the four weeks we were sleeping together than Nate was the 10 years he and I dated. The only difference is that we aren't going to be sneaking around this time."

"I'm glad we won't be sneaking around." Chuck spoke his voice a low rumble.

Blair lifted her eyebrows slightly in question. "Really? I was under the impression that that was your favorite part."

Chuck scoffed. "Not the sex?" He returned with raised eyebrows of his own. Blair conceded with a shrug but then Chuck shook his head. "You were my favorite part. I want everyone to know who you belong to."

From anyone else Chuck's last statement would have seemed chauvinistic but Blair loved his possessiveness of her. It was Chuck's way of showing how much he cared about her and she adored it. Yes it might get annoying if it turned into unreasonable jealousy but for now she was basking in it. "So do I." Blair replied. "Speaking of we should think about how we want to go public, something small like walking out of your apartment and letting Gossip Girl report it, though I'm not entirely sure how reliable Gossip Girl is anymore or…" She mused.

"Wait what are you talking about?" Chuck interrupted.

Blair's eyebrows shot into her hairline and she couldn't hide the flicker of hurt that rushed across her features. "I thought you just said you wanted to go public?"

Chuck furrowed his brow and shook his head a little. "I do, that's not what I meant. I was referring to you saying that Gossip Girl was unreliable. When did that happen?"

Blair inhaled understanding washing over her. "That's right you don't know. Gossip Girl plays by different rules now than she used to. I freaked out after her post about me and Nate the night of Cotillion . . ."

"You did?" Chuck asked, interrupting once more, unable to hide the joy he felt at this revelation.

Blair softened. "Of course I did. I was hooking up at Nate to get back at you and when I realized I couldn't do it I didn't want you thinking that I had but apparently that wasn't what Gossip Girl wanted." Chuck motioned for her to continue so she did. "Nate and I sent a picture from the town car to Gossip Girl to prove that we weren't in that hotel room."

"And. . ." Chuck asked leadingly because he certainly hadn't seen this picture on Gossip Girl.

Sighing Blair shrugged. "And Gossip Girl refused to retract her statement. She said it was more fun this way."

Chuck pulled back in surprise. "That's not like her."

Blair shook her head. "I know, all I can think is that Gossip Girl has been compromised and I think Madison has something to do with it."

"Why would you say that?" Chuck asked, for once having trouble keeping up with Blair's mind. Sure Madison had it out for Blair recently but Gossip Girl was untouchable wasn't she?

Blair pursed her lips briefly before continuing. "Something she said in Monaco. Either Madison has something on Gossip Girl, she knows Gossip Girl, or heaven help us she is Gossip Girl."

Chuck tilted his head shocked once more. "She couldn't be . . . Could she?" Uncertainty laced his voice.

"I really really hope not. She might have conceded defeat last night but that doesn't mean I trust the bitch." Blair said with a look of disdain.

Chuck was yet again surprised and a little confused. "You saw Madison last night?" Blair nodded and he continued. "Yet you still came up here?"

Grinning almost sadly Blair placed a hand on Chuck's face. "I knew you hadn't slept with her and the fact that she was still crying pretty much told me anything else I needed to know. Even if you had I still would have been here pounding down your door. I picked you Chuck and I was willing to fight until my dying breath to get you."

"I haven't slept with anyone since the first time I slept with you." Chuck spoke, continuing to lay everything on the table for Blair. This was all so new and fragile, he didn't want to jeopardize it, he wanted to share everything with her.

Blair smiled and wished that she could say the same but she couldn't. Instead, she fell silent again.

Chuck remained silent as well, still taking her in. When he spoke it wasn't because the silence was uncomfortable, it was only because he'd thought of a plan for publicizing their relationship. "I think I have an idea for going public, one that only minimally involves Gossip Girl."

"I'm listening . . ." Blair spoke with a smirk as she leaned in and pressed a kiss to Chuck's neck before trailing kisses up to his jaw. Chuck had always been her scheming partner but now the scheming served to turn her on; their lack of clothing didn't help.

Chuck tilted his head back as Blair further engaged in foreplay. It was something he'd learned a long time ago, plotting got her hot. "First, you'll need to go shopping with Serena this afternoon."

Blair pulled back immediately. "I have every intention of spending the entire weekend in this bed or the shower or the couch or the dinning room table…really the whole suite, but who's counting?"

Chuck smirked and placed a kiss of his own against her mouth as he ran his hands along her curves. "As much as I would enjoy that, you need to be seen with Serena out and as much as I hate to say it you need to be with her anytime she goes out this weekend."

"Because Gossip Girl already posted that I'm not with Nate" Blair said understandingly. "So if we want this to be a surprise . . ."

"People have to think you were here to see Serena." Chuck finished with a nod. "They need to think you spent the whole weekend with her."

Blair smiled deviously as she rubbed her body up and down his. They were getting out of control, plotting got them both in the mood faster than talking about how she was going to get into Yale and that was saying something. "You have something big planned don't you?" She said between gasps as Chuck prepared to enter her.

"You could say that." Chuck responded with a smirk as he finished putting on a condom and plunged into her depths.

* * *

Serena shook her head as she observed Chuck and Blair from where she was sitting in Chuck's limo. She'd been a gay guy's beard before but this was her first time being a beard for a couple and she couldn't help but be glad it was about to be over. The plan so far had gone off seamlessly but that wasn't unusual when it came to plots from Chuck and Blair.

Chuck's limo had pulled up in front of the Palace just as she and Blair had exited the Palace to head to school this morning so of course he'd offered to give them a ride. And they'd timed things perfectly. They would arrive at school just as the first bell rang, meaning every student would be making their way to the entrance at that precise moment.

The most disturbing thing for Serena was that she was more nervous about all of this than Blair and Chuck who were sitting perfectly at ease. Chuck had his arm around the back of the seat and Blair was leaned up against him, touching everywhere from toe to the top of her head. And each time Chuck moved she shifted with him, it was uncanny how attuned to one another they seemed to be.

Serena was actually glad to finally get there, the super couple was creeping her out and not just because they were Chuck and Blair but because of their strange closeness. Sighing Serena looked at the pair. "You ready?"

Blair and Chuck smirked simultaneously but it was Blair who spoke. "It's showtime."

Serena smiled before opening the door to the limo and stepping out. She followed her part of the plan and ran a hand through her long blonde locks before shaking them out, acting as though she was unaware of the effect she was having on every male in the near vicinity. Then she spotted the largest group of people she knew and immediately called out to them, bringing the attention of not just that group but the majority of the courtyard on her. "Kati, Iz!" She exclaimed with a wave as she took a few steps away from the limo, just as planned.

The moment Serena moved out of the way, Blair swung to the side, careful to keep her legs tightly together as the entire population of Constance and St. Jude's was potentially watching this. Her perfect red pumps slid out of the limo as she extended her hand to Chuck who'd exited during Serena's little show.

Chuck immediately pulled her to her feet and in front of both their schools he pulled her to him and kissed her with every ounce of passion he had. They hadn't practiced ahead of time, at least not formally, but they had discussed potential influences for the kiss and in the end Chuck had gone with The Notebook with a hint of Gone With the Wind and just a dash of Breakfast at Tiffany's.

At first there was complete silence, nothing could be heard except for the sound of Chuck and Blair's intense make out session. Though as Chuck pressed Blair against the car, the sounds of boys cheering them on could be heard throughout the courtyard, while the girls videoed or photographed the scene in silence. By this point the kiss had been going on for several minutes and the students who weren't present when it had started now were.

This was the part of the plan in which Chuck melted the Ice Queen but as unbelievable as it was for most of the school to witness as their Queen never lost control in public like this, especially not in so outrageous a manor, the next phase of the plan seemed to be outside the realm of possibility altogether.

Breaking away from the kiss, Chuck lowered Blair to the ground and smiled. He noticed her flush face and could see that she was becoming nervous about the reaction that people would have to what she'd just done. But Chuck simply lifted his eyebrows and smiled as she handed over her books. Tucking them under his left arm he placed his right palm in Blair's and squeezed lightly as they faced the crowds and made their way towards the school.

Shocked whispers broke out everywhere as they realized that this wasn't just a sex-capade show to make Nate jealous or something. Chuck Bass was not only carrying Blair Waldorf's books but he was holding her hand, willingly. He might have melted the Ice Princess but Blair Waldorf had done the impossible and tamed the biggest Playboy in all of Manhattan.

Walking towards school, crowds parted around them and Blair smiled triumphantly at Chuck who smirked in return. As they reached the top of the stairs where they were to split to go to their separate classes, Chuck turned towards her and gave her one last kiss, this one much more tame compared to the last. Pulling back he smiled just for her. "Now that's what I call making an entrance."

* * *

Blair smiled as she walked towards lunch. She and Chuck had agreed ahead of time that they'd each attend to their own business for the first half and he'd join her on the Steps for the second. Things had gone even better than she'd expected so far. The general reception was shock from most people. They'd heard rumors on gossip girl that she and Chuck might have had a fling but it had been nothing more than that and no one had bought it; but today had proven everyone wrong.

People had been congratulating her throughout the morning on taming the only boy who couldn't be tamed and she was sure that Chuck had been receiving similar praise about conquering the unconquerable girl. Truly the plan had worked perfectly and neither of them were left looking as though they had been the one to cave. Even gossip girl had been miraculously agreeable as the photo she posted of Chuck and Blair kissing wasn't from the first kiss but from the second; the sweet kiss at the top of the stairs.

Her minions had seemed excited enough except for Hazel of course who'd suffered from mild delusions that she had conquered Chuck herself after their night together a year or so ago but even Hazel put on a brave face. She had however noticed a distinct lack of Jenny Humphrey today; the freshman usually followed her everywhere but so far she'd only seen her at the very beginning of the day. Walking towards the steps she did notice the freshman in her usual spot at the bottom but she was wearing a strange, almost strained look on her face.

Blair was so busy thinking about Little J's weird behavior that she almost didn't see Madison 'Sinclair' Albright sitting on the bottom Met step looking directly at her. Exhaling in frustration, Blair crossed her arms. "What is it now Madison?" Even as she spoke she noticed some differences in Madison's appearance, she looked like the girl that Blair had met back in December, not the pristine blonde or the fake brunette. Her auburn hair shone in the winter sun which reflected off her ice blue gaze. Blair couldn't help but smile - Madison didn't need the green contacts, this look worked perfectly for her.

Madison noted Blair's smile, realizing that it wasn't one of her warning smiles and felt a boost of confidence as she spoke. "I'm here because I want us to be friends."

Blair's eyebrows lifted in surprise; that had been the last thing she had expected Madison to say. "Are you joking?" Blair asked, her tone slow and questioning, with a hint of disbelief.

Madison shook her head, her long auburn locks catching in the wind. "No, I'm completely serious. I know there's been a lot that's happened and I did things that I'm not entirely proud of doing but my goal was never to hurt you; well…maybe at the very beginning it was but that changed when I got to know you."

Blair scoffed but Madison kept talking. "No I'm being serious Blair. You weren't what I expected you to be at all. I thought that Chuck was obsessed with a pristine virgin society princess who would never get her hands dirty but I knew within an hour of meeting you that I was completely wrong. You're the only real friend I've ever had."

"Wonder why?" Blair said with an eye roll, which received a glare from Madison. Blair huffed slightly. "Go on, I'm still listening aren't I?"

Madison withheld a smile as she continued talking. "The thing is I liked hanging out with you and I'm sorry you got hurt I really am but I was in love with Chuck and it's taken me a long time to realize that he never loved me back."

Sighing, Blair took a step closer, aware that mentally she was letting down her walls which was something quite frightening when she realized who she was dealing with; but she couldn't deny that she'd enjoyed being friends with Madison too. She was different than Serena - Serena was a crazy party girl sure but she didn't have a real mean streak and would often chastise Blair for her judgmental or cruel behavior, Madison wasn't like that. "You're on probation." Blair spoke as though passing judgment.

Madison smirked. "I've missed you Waldorf."

Blair rolled her eyes but smiled as she did so. "You too Sinclair. Now go, I have duties to attend to."

Madison glanced behind Blair briefly before turning back to her 'friend'. "I think as your new friend I have an obligation to tell you that Jenny is not well intentioned."

Blair lifted one eyebrow, glancing at Jenny from her peripheral so subtly that only Chuck or Madison would have caught it. "Do tell." She spoke, surprisingly eager as Madison was likely about to confirm the suspicions Blair had been feeling in regards to Jenny all morning.

"She's trying to dethrone you. I spotted it almost immediately at Cotillion but I didn't know for sure until last week when I enlisted her help." Blair lifted her eyebrows further but Madison continued. "I was actually heading her off. I had her following you around to make sure that if there was something to be seen she was the one to see it. Her job was to photograph it as well as make sure that she stopped anything going on before anyone else noticed. I had her convinced that I was just waiting for the perfect moment to unleash the information so that she could snatch Nate and be Queen herself when I was really using her to make sure that no one caught you and Chuck. The last thing I wanted at that point was for you to go public and ruin your relationship with Nate."

Blair nodded as Madison finished. So that's why Little J had been following her everywhere last Friday, everything was starting to click into place. "Duly noted." Blair spoke curtly, shooting Madison a gaze that said they'd talk more later. "Thanks for the intel." She turned to head up the stairs before flipping back to speak over her shoulder. "By the way we're having a study date at Café Montego on Thursday, I believe we both have a paper to write on Hamlet."

Madison nodded with a smile. "Thursday works."

Blair returned the smile. "See you then." Before turning and ascending her way up the stairs.

* * *

Serena was almost hesitant as she knocked on Nate's door; his mom had let her in. She knew that she needed to talk to him if only because she was the only one left who could. He'd probably like it if Blair would but she couldn't without getting his hopes up again and Chuck might have been his best friend but Nate had just lost his girlfriend to Chuck so that wasn't happening either, which meant that she was the only one left. But she'd been out of the loop for so long that she was having a difficult time catching up.

Nate was unsurprised when he opened the door to find Serena on the other side. "I wondered how long it would take before you showed up." He spoke as he gestured her inside.

Serena smiled slightly as she walked into Nate's room - really 'rooms' was a more appropriate term as he had a sitting room as well as a bedroom and kitchen to himself. "Sorry it took so long."

Nate just nodded. "How's Dan?"

"Dan's good." Serena spoke curtly before taking a seat on Nate's couch.

"Good." Nate replied with similar intonation as he sat down across from her.

Sighing Serena looked closely at her friend. "So how are you doing?"

Nate shrugged, clasping his hands together in front of him as his elbows came to rest on his knees. "Fine. As well as can be expected anyway." He spoke as he looked to the side.

"Nate . . ." Serena started drawing his eyes back to hers. "You don't have to put up some kind of front with me. What's going on with you?"

Nate smiled sadly with a shrug. "My best friend stole my girlfriend there's not much else to say."

Serena exhaled. "We both know it wasn't quite so cut and dry."

"Doesn't change anything." Nate snapped. "They get each other and I get no one."

Serena reached out and took his hand in hers. "You still have me."

"And you have Dan." Nate replied, withdrawing his hand from hers. He was surprised at the anger he felt bubbling to the surface. It wasn't Serena he was mad at but her close proximity made her an easy target.

Serena shook her head. "Things don't have to be like this Nate, whatever it is that you're going through, you don't have to do it alone."

Nate looked at her with hard furious eyes. "Don't I Serena? You have them and you have Dan and they have each other and you're not really here. Sure you're here now this second but then you'll be somewhere else. You don't care what I'm dealing with and neither do they."

Serena inhaled sharply alarmed by Nate's outburst. The way he was talking was almost nonsensical. She knew there was something more, knew he was angry about more than the Chuck and Blair mess; that had been going on for a while. Whatever this pain was that he was feeling was raw and new. "I can't help you if you won't let me." Serena cried emphatically.

Nate shook his head. "Just go Serena."

Serena shook her head. "Nate, just tell me . . ."

"I said go!" Nate shouted, gesturing towards the door.

As stubborn as Serena was, she knew she wasn't getting anywhere with Nate. For whatever reason, he didn't want to talk to her but she did have at least one idea of who he might talk to. So she left, but not without a plan in mind.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it! And as always, I'd love it if you'd** review**.

xoxo - kate


	20. I'm Here For You

I'm very excited to announce the end of my hiatus. It's taken me a month to get settled in New York but now I have lots of new material ready to go! Hope you enjoy.

To my reviewers: **bridj26, LovelyLydia, D, Lalai, babysayitisntso, CarolinaGirl21, GGfanficfan09, tvrox12, SouthernBelle88, youdontjustgiveup, and Lori2279. **Thank you all for being patient with me this summer, I really appreciate it.

A huge thanks to my beta ggff-fan who managed to do soooo many chapters so quickly for me!

* * *

**Chapter 20  
I'm Here For You**

Chuck frowned at Serena as she stood in front of him. "You are joking right?"

"No I'm not joking Chuck. Nate's your best friend and he needs you." Serena said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Chuck scoffed. "After the stunt Nate pulled in Monaco, he is not my best friend anymore."

Serena shook her head. "You got the girl Chuck-"

Chuck flipped around to face her, eyes blazing. "And he and I had a deal. We would be friends, let Blair make her choice and the one she didn't chose would be okay. But he went behind my back and manipulated Blair into choosing him!" Chuck roared.

"Do you even realize the pain gone through in the past month and a half? Having to watch him touch her, watch her fall apart emotionally because her mother tore her self-esteem to shreds over the holidays because you know that's when it's worst, I wasn't even able to stand up for her and he threw it in my face." Chuck finished.

Serena took a step towards Chuck. "But you have Blair, does the rest really matter when you ended up with her?"

Facing Serena head on Chuck looked as though he was finally beginning to listen to what Serena had to say and in truth he was. He had Blair, nothing else really mattered. "Why do you want me to talk to him? I hardly think I'm the best person for this situation, seeing as how it has everything to do with me. Can't you just take care of it?"

Serena shook her head. "I tried but Nate's not talking to me. And whatever's going on with Nate isn't just about you and Blair. He's far too angry for it to just be that. There's more going on. As much as I wish I could fix this for him, he needs his best friend back."

"Maybe he needs a new best friend." Chuck said though he knew he was beginning to cave. "Why not Humphrey? I'm sure he's in the market for a friend since as far as I'm aware you and his cabbage patch doll are his only ones."

Serena glared at Chuck. "Making Dan jokes isn't going to get me to drop this anytime soon."

Chuck sighed. "Then what will?"

Serena simply smiled as she spotted the cracks in Chuck's resolve. "You talking to Nate."

Exhaling Chuck ran a hand over his head and Serena could see that he was about to give in. All he needed was a little push. "All I'm asking is that you talk to him. You know Nate better than just anyone other than Blair, I came to you first but if you refuse to talk to him I'll go to Blair and I know I can guilt her into it. Is that what you want to happen?"

Chuck's eyes widened with alarm because he knew Serena was serious. If he didn't agree to talk to Nate she'd get Blair to do it instead and he didn't want Nate anywhere near Blair right now. As secure as he felt with her, he didn't trust Nate not to try something, not yet at least. "Fine, I'll do it. My afternoon was free anyway."

Serena smiled broadly. "Speaking of, where is my best friend?"

At this Chuck raised his eyebrows and sighed. "With Madison. On a study date." His words were strangely pronounced, filled with his displeasure at the situation.

Serena's mouth formed a straight line. "Is that safe? I mean I know Madison bowed out or whatever but should they really be spending time together."

Chuck's jaw locked as his nostrils flared. "It was our first real argument. This is me 'trusting' Blair."

Serena exhaled, she knew her best friend pretty well and she knew that she had probably strong armed Chuck into this one. "She didn't take no for an answer did she?"

Chuck scoffed. "That would have required her asking permission. No, the conversation went something like this. . ." Chuck said before recounting his earlier conversation with Blair to Serena.

_"Where are you going?" Chuck asked as he realized that Blair was getting dressed. "It's only four, your mom won't expect you home for several hours."_

_Blair turned her head over her shoulder as she finished rolling on her tights. "I have a study date with Madison." _

_Chuck's eyes widened in alarm. "You what?" _

_"You heard me." Blair responded before standing and sliding on her skirt. _

_Chuck shook his head. "No, you are not going anywhere with her. Madison is . . ."  
_

_Blair just shook her head as she continued to clothe herself. "Unh-uh Chuck, you asked if there were rules, this is one of them. You don't get to command me to do anything."  
_

_Chuck furrowed his brow and propped himself up on one elbow. "What do I get to do then?"  
_

_Blair smiled as she buttoned up her blouse. "You get to tell me your opinion, I'll take it into consideration, then I'll make a decision. This goes both for requested and unrequested advice. Now if it's a major decision, one that affects both of us your opinion will get a little more weight." _

_Chuck groaned. "Which means in this case, you're going to do it whether I think it's a good idea or not."_

_"Basically." Blair said as she pulled on her blazer. Her tone softened, "You've got to trust that I can take care of myself." _

Serena couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my God, she's got you whipped."

"She does not." Chuck snapped crossly.

Serena smirked. "Oh yes she does. I never thought I'd see the day when Chuck Bass didn't get his way."

Chuck's eyes narrowed slightly before he shrugged in what could only be considered acceptance. "Only for her." He spoke lowly.

Serena just smiled. "You're in love with her."

Chuck nodded. "I am."

Serena inhaled deeply before exhaling. "Never thought I'd hear you say that."

Chuck smirked, a strange mix of sadness and pride. "I get that a lot."

"Does she know?" Serena asked, finding herself surprised that she hadn't heard anything about this from Blair yet.

Chuck nodded but his face took on a dark shade. "She knows."

Serena narrowed her eyes discerningly. "But you haven't told her yet."

This time Chuck shook his head. "No, I haven't told her yet."

"Chuck. . ." Serena started, her voice portraying her worry.

Chuck nodded. "I know Serena. I know I've got to find a way to tell her."

Sighing Serena placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm not saying you're there yet; you aren't anywhere close actually but one day she'll need to hear it and when she does if you can't say it you'll lose her."

When Chuck's eyes met Serena's again they weren't quite what she expected. They betrayed him in that moment, showing how truly scared he was. Of what she didn't know for sure but she could guess. Saying those three words made him more vulnerable to Blair than he'd ever been to anyone and he had to balance that vulnerability out with the chance that he could lose her.

Surprising even herself, Serena pulled Chuck into a hug. That wasn't something they normally did but she found herself assured that it was the right thing to do when he hugged her back.

* * *

Blair could hardly believe how much fun she was having simply studying with Madison. They were more alike than she'd realized even before Monaco. Maddie was a little more devious maybe; her intentions weren't always good and she was innately selfish but it was surprising to learn that she had become fiercely loyal and protective of those she considered friends. So maybe it wasn't so surprising that Blair found her fun to hang around with.

Looking up from her paper she tapped her pencil to get Madison's attention. "So I was wondering, what should I call you now? I know you like Madison with the blonde hair blue eyes, Maddie with the auburn hair green eyes, and you had that little Claire phase…but what now?"

Madison titled her head slightly. "You know what, I actually like it when you call me Sinclair."

"Really?" Blair questioned surprised. "Is that even part of your name."

Madison nodded. "Yeah, it's my middle name. Madison Sinclair Albright."

Blair smiled. "Sinclair it is then." She paused for a minute before looking back at Madison. "What are you thinking of going by?"

Madison shrugged. "Probably just whatever people call me. If they want to call me Madison that's fine, it's probably what I'll introduce myself as from now on but Maddie is fine too."

Blair nodded and got back to work on her essay. Conversation had been like that for most of the afternoon, well that and occasional questions on thematic references.

After another twenty minutes or so it was Madison who had a question for Blair. "I've been wondering something for almost a week but I wasn't sure how you'd react to me asking."

Blair smirked, no one could deny that the girl read her pretty well; she knew to ask before going for the tricky questions. "Go ahead and ask."

Madison didn't hesitate a moment longer before asking what she'd been dying to for so long. "What made you choose Nate after Cotillion? Nate could have probably won an award for worst boyfriend ever, Chuck was the obvious choice and you still chose Nate."

Blair chuckled slightly. "Chuck was the obvious choice to you; to everyone else it was Nate. I was expected to be with Nate - he was part of 'the plan.' My whole life up until this point has been building up towards an Archibald-Waldorf wedding; hell, someone's probably already planned it. I'm sure it's supposed to be at the Vanderbilt Manor, Serena would be my maid of honor, but the other bridesmaids would be the other Vanderbilt brides, Maureen, Jackie, and Schulyer. Chuck would have been the best man with Tripp, Andrew, and James Vanderbilt as the groomsmen. You don't even want to know the number of wedding ceremonies we've practiced over the years - it's something ridiculous. I've worn the engagement ring, I've seen sketches of what the dress would look like, and I've been to every family reunion the Vanderbilts have had in the past 10 years. I've probably already been drawn onto the family tree, the timer on our impending engagement has dropped dangerously close to zero in the past year or so; I always assumed the proposal would come at or following prom with the wedding the summer after our sophomore year of college. This has been going on since we were children - maybe earlier for all I know. There's never been a choice, never been another way. Even when Nate cheated there wasn't a way out for me; not until Chuck threw a grenade into everything I knew. "

Blair could see the shocked look on Madison's face and almost laughed. "Chin up Sinclair, your jaw is about to hit the table." She actually did laugh as Madison made a conscious effort to close her mouth which had indeed fallen open. "Though if I guessed the thing that made me pick Nate after Cotillion - before Monaco - was something my mother said. She wasn't, and still isn't Chuck's biggest fan, she likes old money, and she likes the plan. And I couldn't bear the thought of ruining the one thing she liked about me."

"What do you mean?" Madison asked, confused and a little worried.

Blair smiled sadly. "I've never been good enough for my mother. She's always wished I were a little more like Serena; sunnier, prettier, more charismatic, and skinner…especially skinnier."

Madison shook her head and wrinkled her nose. "Why would you of all people want to be more like Serena? You're so much prettier than she is." Madison could tell that Blair disagreed but didn't stop to let her voice her opinion. "Yeah she's got the whole Malibu Barbie look going for her but it's such an obvious materialistic kind of pretty. There's no mystery, no darkness, no hint at something more than what she is; you have that. You're one of those classic timeless beauties like Grace Kelly, Vivienne Leigh, or Audrey Hepburn. She's a Marilyn and you're a Jackie. And for the record you are much thinner."

This time it was Blair who was surprised. That she knew of no one had ever seen her like that other than Chuck. "Thank you for saying that."

Madison shook her head; she could tell that though Blair had heard her and appreciated what she said she wasn't really hearing her. "You really don't see yourself very clearly do you?"

Blair shrugged lightly. "I see reality, not some fantasy I wish was there."

Madison wanted to say more but knew that now wasn't the time. She'd gotten enough history out of Blair Waldorf for the moment. She now had a firm grasp on the saga that was Blair and Nate, which explained a lot, all things considered. And now she knew the root of why Blair had resisted Chuck, she had self-esteem issues to rival the most insecure thirteen year old alive yet they were completely unfounded. No, Madison knew when to stop pushing and that was the line.

Blair stayed silent for the next several minutes as she hadn't wanted to delve any deeper into the current topic of conversation. It wasn't until she had finished the rough draft of her essay and the café was about to close that she worked up the nerve to ask the question that she had been thinking about for some time. "So since you asked me a personal question, do I get one of my own?" She asked as she slid her laptop into her tote bag.

Madison smiled, considering the question as she paused her own packing. "I suppose that's only fair." She nodded.

"And you'll answer honestly?" Blair asked her voice nothing short of implicative.

Madison smirked wondering what exactly it was that Blair was getting at; in truth it made her a little bit nervous. "To the best of my ability."

Blair nodded. "I'm holding you to that one." She inhaled deeply once before continuing with her question. "So what exactly is your connection to Gossip Girl?"

Madison inhaled sharply, groaning with her exhale. "You would ask the one question I'm not sure I can answer. How'd you even know?"

This time Blair's smirk was one of self-satisfaction because in truth she hadn't known. "I didn't know for sure but you just confirmed my suspicions. But the whole Cotillion thing played out too much in your favor on Gossip Girl and she's never posted false information before that I know of; you definitely have some kind of influence. I think it's pretty safe to assume that you aren't actually Gossip Girl, though I hadn't ruled out the possibility that she's a close friend or that you're blackmailing her."

Madison laughed loudly. "You think I'm blackmailing Gossip Girl? I can go ahead and eliminate that one for you too. And while I do occasionally report for her - a couple of the posts from Monaco were all me, as was the one at Cotillion - I'm not actually Gossip Girl."

"But you know her." Blair completed.

Madison nodded but her face was strained. "I really can't say anything more but yes I have a connection to Gossip Girl."

Blair nodded, accepting Madison's statement for what it was. She now had confirmation of something she'd suspected for a long time and it was quite an interesting result; but she, like Madison, knew when not to push for more. "Thank you for being honest with me."

"Anytime." Madison responded with a smile as she slung her bag over her shoulder and this time Madison was finally unsurprised to discover that she actually meant it. For the first time Madison had accepted that she and Blair were really going to be friends. "Still want to go out on Saturday night?"

Blair nodded. "Definitely, I was thinking Angels and Kings in the East Village would be a good place to start. Serena will probably come if that's alright, Chuck's still a little uneasy about this friendship of ours and I'd like to give him a little less to worry about."

Madison returned a curt nod. "Serena's more than welcome but none of those minions; I don't do fake girls."

Blair again nodded. "Yeah, they aren't exactly fun to have around either. Kati and Iz aren't bad, in fact, you might even like them -something we can test out later - but God, the rest of them drive me crazy."

"Why do you deal with them then? They aren't even in your league." Madison asked as they both walked out of the café towards the corner to grab a cab.

Blair scoffed. "It's the curse of being Queen." Slipping into the first cab while Madison headed to the second that had pulled over she shouted back towards Madison. "I'll see you on Saturday Sinclair." Taking a seat in her cab and letting the cabbie know her address, Blair leaned back and pulled out her phone seeing she had a few missed messages from Chuck. "Actually make that the Palace Hotel." She called to the cabbie as she hit number one on her speed dial. Apparently the Basshole, formally known as her boyfriend had missed her - she couldn't help but smile at that extremely unusual but joyous thought.

* * *

Chuck sighed as he walked into his suite at the Palace. He went immediately to the bar where he poured himself a tumbler of scotch. That conversation with Nate had not gone well and right now all he wanted was to see Blair. But she hadn't answered any of his calls or messages leading him to assume that she was still studying with Madison.

His mind just kept going back to his conversation with Nate, finding that it couldn't quite let go. And every time he thought about it, he felt sicker and sicker.

_"What are you doing here Chuck?" Nate practically spat as he observed Chuck Bass - his ex-best friend standing in the doorway to his bedroom. _

_Chuck held back a snarky comment and instead went for the truth. "Serena said you needed someone to talk to." _

_Nate rolled his eyes. "I should have known better than to think she'd give up that easily. Well Serena doesn't know what she's talking about."  
_

_For the first time in several days, Chuck got a good look at Nate and couldn't help but think that maybe Serena was right. Nate was never immaculately dressed like Chuck but he did always have an air of togetherness, one that was completely absent at that moment. It was as though there was a rushing river just beneath the surface that had Nate balancing on a precarious edge. "Dude, whatever it is you can talk to me, I'm still your friend regardless of all that other shit." _

_Nate narrowed his eyes. "That other shit? You stole my girlfriend Chuck."_

_Chuck scoffed. "No, you threw her away." _

_Nate shook his head. "I was referring to the fact that you seduced her out from under me last week. I know you slept with her before she and I broke up." _

_Chuck simply flared his nostrils. "You never really got her back Nate and I'm sorry that you got hurt in this but I'm not sorry for what I did." _

_"Of course not, you ended up with the girl." Nate spat sarcastically._

_Chuck crossed his arms. "Nathaniel, can you honestly say there's anything you would have done differently? I'm not standing here lambasting you for manipulating both me and Blair in Monaco so I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same." _

_This time it was Nate's nostrils that flared. "And I repeat, that's because you got the girl." _

_Exhaling Chuck shook his head. "Can't we just put it in the past man? We were too good of friends to let a girl come between us." _

_"What I said in Monaco still stands Chuck, we can't be friends with you pursuing Blair." Nate said darkly. _

_Chuck shrugged. "Fine then, just let me help you with whatever's going on Nathaniel." _

_Nate slung the arm that wasn't on the door frame wide. "What is it that you and Serena don't get? I don't want or need your help. You and I are not friends and my problems are none of your business." _

_"Damn it Nathaniel, I can see that you are in a downward spiral. I've known you long enough to know that. Don't hit rock bottom before you ask for help because trust me I know from experience that the further you fall the farther you have to climb." Chuck said, making himself more vulnerable to Nate than perhaps he ever had. _

_Nate just shook his head. "You think you're so damn smart don't you Chuck? You think you know everything about everyone. Well you don't know me." After a pause during which Nate reached to grip the door frame. "This isn't over, any of it. I'm not giving up on Blair and you may think you have her now; you may think she's picked you. But I changed her mind once, I can do it again. Nothing you can do for her can top our history or the fact that her family is always going to pick me." He could see Chuck's fist clench in front of him but Nate wasn't done just yet, he had one more blow to land. "And my name is not Nathaniel, it's Nate." _

_With that last statement Nate slammed the door in Chuck's face, locking it behind him. _

Chuck exhaled in exhaustion as he downed the remainder of his drink. The conversation with Nate still had him all out of sorts. He didn't care what Nate had said, he was still worried about his friend. He could see through the walls that Nate was failing to build around him - there was something more, something bigger that Nate wasn't letting out - and it was eating him up inside.

Chuck's attention snapped to the door of his suite as it came open on its own, which could only mean one thing this late at night - Blair was here. She was after all the only other person with a key. Smiling he walked towards her immediately. "I'm so glad you're here." He spoke, voice low.

"Is everything okay?" She asked with furrowed eyebrows.

Chuck pulled back and simply looked at her. "It is now."

Silently Chuck took her hand and led her to the bedroom where he proceeded to put on a pair of pajamas in front of a confused Blair. "Can you stay with me?" He asked quietly. Blair just nodded and he threw her one of his T-shirts before climbing into bed.

Turning away from where she was changing Chuck let his mind wander. He'd almost forgotten how much Nate meant to him and today's conversation was wreaking havoc on his mind. Nate was his only real guy friend and losing him was like losing a brother. The idea of it was making him sick.

He felt it more than he heard Blair climb into bed with him and wrap her arm around his waist. "Whatever it is, I'm here for you." She spoke quietly.

Chuck took her hand in his and pressed it to his lips. "I know." He replied quietly. "I know."

* * *

Reviews are of course appreciated! xoxo - kate


	21. Ex Attraction?

**Sorry it's a little later than planned, my cousin's wedding was last weekend which delayed me a bit then I got really sick. But here it is, the second to last chapter! **

**Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews: **Lori2279, Stella296, CarolinaGirl21, Krazy4Spike, AquarianAir, LovelyLydia, SouthernBelle88, GGfanficfan09, LitPrincess2787, annablake, and bridj26. **I really appreciate it guys. **

As always, thanks to my beta**, ggff-fan!**

* * *

**Chapter 21  
Ex-Attraction?**

**Gossip Girl here and have I got a nasty little scoop for you. B was spotted leaving N's house and as you can see from the video they were quite a bit more than friendly with a goodbye hug and a nice long kiss. Sources say she was inside for quite a while. Hmm B, what are you doing spending so much time with your ex - I wonder how your current beau feels about this? Sorry to break the news C, it seems your new girlfriend is quite the little cheater, but you already knew that didn't you. **

**you know you love me**

**xoxo  
Gossip Girl**

* * *

_**Earlier that day**_

"Chuck we've been over this, you can't just tell me what to do. And more than that you can't just hire people to follow me around." Blair spoke, her voice hushed but firm.

Chuck took her elbows in his. "I'm sorry but I wasn't taking the chance that you'd get hurt."

Blair inhaled sharply. "I went out with my friends, I wasn't exactly in danger. It sounds more like you were worried that I'd do something you wouldn't approve of."

Chuck shook his head. "I trust you, Blair."

"That's not what it feels like." Blair spoke her voice not much more than a hiss.

Chuck's nostrils flared as he rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "I trust you, I just don't trust Madison or even Serena for that matter."

Blair narrowed her eyes, her tone skeptical. "Serena, really? You don't trust Serena."

Chuck shook his head slightly. "Not when it comes to looking out for you. If Madison tried to pull something what good would Serena be?"

"God Chuck, she's not Georgina. I trust her, I like her, she's my friend. You have to deal with that." Blair said shaking her head.

Chuck grasped her shoulders tightly. "This is me dealing with that. Did Andrew or Jason say anything to you? No. Did you even notice they were there until yesterday? No. You would never have known if that little incident hadn't occurred. So what's the problem?"

Blair clenched her teeth together. "The problem is that it's not normal. Do you know how paranoid that makes me to feel like you're always there, always watching? As for that little incident, they accosted a guy who offered to buy me a drink."

Chuck shrugged slightly. "That guy had no business talking to you. I'll put you on my Black Card account; all your drinks will be on me."

Blair shook her head. "This isn't normal, guys don't hire people to follow their girlfriends around and I don't care if you are Chuck Bass, it's still not okay."

Chuck's jaw locked at her insinuations but more so at the way she attacked him when he was just trying to protect her. "It shouldn't be an issue for me to know what you're doing , unless you aren't behaving . . ." Chuck said leadingly.

"Are you implying that I'm 'misbehaving'?" Blair asked, anger rushing through her.

Chuck shook his head. "No, only that if you aren't then this shouldn't be a big deal. It's just for your protection, that's all."

Blair shook her head furiously. "Chuck you can't take away my freedom because if you do, this relationship becomes nothing more than a prison."

Chuck sighed heavily, doing his best to stifle the fact that he disagreed. Compromise, with each as headstrong as the other, there had to be a compromise. "What if they don't tell me anything? What if they just stand by and take care of it if there's a problem?"

"You don't get it Chuck. I need my privacy. And who's to say that you just tell me that they aren't reporting my actions to you but check in on me anyway? How do I know that you aren't going to call every thirty minutes and ask them what I'm doing?" Blair snapped, finding she was becoming quite emotional.

Chuck threw his arms to the side doing his best to convey that he was listening to her. "Fine I'll put a stop to the hourly updates."

Blair groaned, she had thought she was exaggerating but apparently not.

"It's the other side of the coin Blair, you just have to trust that I'm not going to have them reporting to me and I'll trust that I don't have a reason to ask them to." Chuck said as though it were the most normal conversation in the world.

Blair shook her head. "You are not my father, you are my boyfriend, please just stop this. I'm not in danger, you don't have to look out for me."

Chuck shook his head as well. "You are in danger if you insist on hanging around dangerous people. If you are spending time with Madison then I'm going to have people keeping an eye on you."

Blair was barely holding herself together as she bit back a scream. "No Chuck, just no. It's an invasion of my privacy and it's wrong. I'm not a pretty little bird you can put in a cage, I'm not a possession, and if this continues I'm not even your girlfriend." She said as the first tear slipped out of her eyes.

Chuck couldn't control the anger he felt that she didn't understand that when it came to her wellbeing he was willing to risk a little bit of anger on her part. He refused to compromise any further; this wasn't something up for discussion. This situation had to be left alone at least for now until they both cooled down. "We'll talk about it tonight at dinner." He said before turning and stomping away.

* * *

Nate waited. He waited a full two weeks before doing anything. He waited for the honeymoon period to pass because he knew that eventually it would. You couldn't have a couple so stubborn as Chuck and Blair without a few arguments. Both Blair and Chuck were seriously flawed - Chuck more so than Blair but there was no denying that she wasn't perfect - he needed their flaws to be exposed to one another at least a little before he made his move.

He'd waited until he'd witnessed their first public fight, when Blair would be most vulnerable. It wasn't something major, just a slight altercation with hushed tones and pleading voices that ended with an angry Chuck stomping off and a sad Blair wiping away tears.

At first he wasn't sure that it was the break he was looking for but then he'd heard Serena and Blair talking at lunch. Chuck was struggling with some of the more delicate intricacies of a relationship; particularly a relationship with Blair. He didn't seem to get that he couldn't have security detail on her any time he couldn't be there. The thought caused Nate to laugh. Blair was one of the most fiercely independent women he knew and Chuck was trying to put her in a cage.

He waited until after school to do it, Chuck had already left and Blair was going home with Serena. Everything was set up, everything was ready. Smiling he withdrew his phone and dialed an all too familiar number.

Blair was waiting for Serena to finish making out with Dan when her phone rang. She expected it to be Chuck calling to apologize or maybe Madison wanting to hang out and was surprised to see Nate's number. So surprised that she answered without really thinking - after all this was the first time he'd called her since their break up so it must be important. "Hello?" She spoke, almost a question.

Nate smiled, step one was complete, she'd answered the phone. "Hey Blair."

Blair furrowed her brow, something was off in Nate's voice, something wasn't quite right. "What's going on?" She asked concerned.

Nate smiled sadly even though he knew that she couldn't actually see it. "It's just . . . I don't mean to bother you or anything . . . But I was wondering if we could maybe talk." He said, including just the right amount of self-depreciating pauses throughout his words.

Blair sighed slightly. "Nate, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Things are still so fresh."

Nate nodded, lowering his voice. "Yeah I know. I just really need someone right now. And I just remembered that time we promised that we'd be there for each other, be friends, no matter what. So I called you, I feel like you're the only one who'd understand."

Blair didn't know what to do. She knew from Serena that Nate was going through something that he wasn't talking to anyone about and if she could help maybe she owed him that much. After everything that they had meant to one another she couldn't let him circle the drain while she stood by and watched. "Okay, I'll come over." She spoke.

"Thank you." Nate responded, relief flooding his voice. "You don't know how much I appreciate it."

Blair sighed, Chuck probably wasn't going to like this but she knew she had to do something to help Nate, she knew she did. "I'll be there in twenty." She said before hanging up her phone noticing that her battery was low. Shit, she needed a phone that held a better charge.

Turning towards Serena and Dan who were still engaging in flirtatious banter ten feet away she called out. "Serena, I've got something I have to take care of, I'll catch up with you later." Serena nodded uninterestedly and Blair sighed, maybe Chuck had a bit of a point about Serena's usefulness. With that thought she turned and headed towards Nate's house.

* * *

Chuck was stepping out of his limo when he saw her not ten feet in front of him, walking in the opposite direction of the Palace. "Madison!" He called out, trying to wave her over.

Madison turned quickly at the sound of her name, surprised to see that it was Chuck calling and even more surprised by the jump she felt in her heart. Damn it she cursed herself, she wasn't supposed to feel that anymore, it wasn't right for her to want her friend's boyfriend like she wanted Chuck. She'd convinced herself that the desire had faded but apparently she wasn't quite there yet. "Hi Chuck." She spoke, almost stiffly.

Chuck stopped in front of her, crossing his arms over his chest. "You and Blair have been spending a lot of time together lately - what's your angle?" He asked.

Madison shrugged slightly before smiling curiously. "Contrary to what you seem to think with that little security detail of yours I don't have an angle. I just like being friends with Blair, I've never had friends before."

"You've never had friends because you are a crazy bitch and I don't want you around my girlfriend." Chuck snapped, still feeling the anger from his and Blair's earlier argument. And Madison had no business getting involved.

Madison almost laughed. "And you think that you know Blair well?" She asked with raised eyebrows. "If you actually knew her, you'd realize that trying to control her, trying to determine who she can and can't see, or forcing her to have a security detail that reports to you isn't the way to go. Blair's incredibly independent which means that none of this is going to fly with her and she's stubborn which means you're not going to be able to change her mind. If you push her on this, you'll lose her."

Chuck wanted to snap back, he wanted to retaliate and yell that she was wrong, that Blair wouldn't leave him over something so small but then he remembered Blair's earlier words. She would leave him over this because to her it wasn't small.

Madison could see that Chuck was thinking about what she was saying and knew there was more she could do to help. "Chuck I'm not going to hurt Blair, I'd actually say that I'm almost as protective of her as you are; God only knows what kind of mess Serena could get her into. When it comes to Blair, you don't have to worry about me being a problem."

Chuck narrowed his eyes but felt himself relaxing if somewhat reluctantly. He was still grumbling but he found himself uncrossing his arms and extending a hand. "I think we might just have an understanding Sinclair."

Madison smiled and took his hand in hers giving it one firm shake. "I think we might." As she let go of Chuck's hand and began to walk away she realized what Chuck had called her and flipped back around. "Chuck!" She called out as he had started towards the hotel.

Chuck turned and cocked his head slightly so she spoke. "You just called me Sinclair, why?"

Chuck smirked. "It's what Blair calls you."

Madison smiled in return, unable to hide the fact that she was happy. It was strange she'd always thought that it would be Chuck that would one day make her feel like that, she just didn't realize it would be because for the first time in her life she actually had friends. And regardless of how she might feel about Chuck she wasn't going to risk that friendship for him ever again.

* * *

It didn't actually take twenty minutes to walk to Nate's from school but Blair knew she wanted to walk slowly and collect herself as she went. This was a big deal whether she wanted it to be or not. This interaction with Nate could determine whether or not they were going to be able to be friends after this was over.

Inhaling deeply she knocked, anxious for what was about to occur. This time she wasn't surprised that it was Nate who answered the door, after all he was expecting her. "Hey." She spoke softly.

"You came." Nate replied, smiling brightly.

Blair nodded almost laughing as she followed him inside. "I said I would."

Nate couldn't stop smiling even though it was almost counterproductive to his plan. His plan didn't really involve happy smiles. "And Blair Waldorf always keeps her word."

Blair looked at Nate curiously. His behavior was off but she couldn't quite place the cause. Maybe it was part of everything else that was going on with him. "So you wanted to talk?" She asked, cutting to the chase.

Nate looked at her as he took a seat on the same couch where he and Serena had sat a few weeks before. As Blair joined him he decided that the only thing to do was to tell her the truth because that was where his strength lay. "There's stuff going on in my life right now and I've felt like I had no one to talk to. I didn't want to bother you but at the same time I'm getting to the point where I have to talk to someone and you're the only one."

Blair's eyebrows furrowed. She didn't know what was going on with him. What could he possibly be unable to tell Serena? Chuck she understood with everything that had happened surrounding her but she would have thought Serena would be the better choice over her all things considered.

Nate could practically see Blair's thoughts in her moment so he hedged his bets that he was right and brought it up before she did. "Normally I would have gone to you immediately but things aren't like they used to be with us. I can't exactly talk to Chuck either with how we left it and then Serena is all sunshine and rainbows and thinks that everything is always going to be okay; but sometimes it isn't true. That's why it has to be you." He spoke quietly.

Blair nodded, finally starting to understand. She still had everyone in her life, the only person she'd lost was Nate but Nate had lost everyone other than Serena and even she had to admit that Serena wasn't the best at dealing with problems (though it seemed that the rest of them were experts with dealing with hers). "I'm always here for you Nate, always. Tell me what's going on." She spoke placing a hand on his knee.

Nate put his hand over hers and smiled sadly. "You know about all of the stuff with my Dad." He stated to which Blair nodded. "Well it's worse than we thought. It looks like he's going to end up in jail, for a very long time."

Blair's eyes widened as her stomach clenched. Of course this would mess with Nate, it was his father. It was hard enough for her that her father was in France but prison was an entirely different story. "Oh Nate." She spoke, turning her hand over and squeezing his in her own.

Nate shook his head. "That's not even the end of it." Blair's eyes widened and he continued with the part he knew would hit her the hardest. "My grandfather is going to cut us off if Mom doesn't get a divorce and she's already working on filing."

Blair's breath caught in her throat. "Nate I am so sorry."

"I don't know what to do." He said as he looked at his hands, one of which was holding tightly to hers. "My dad did things he shouldn't have - he's guilty Blair. But this divorce is going to ruin him and honestly I don't know how to keep it from ruining me."

Squeezing his hand tightly Blair tried to think of how she could comfort him but she knew from experience that there was really not much she could say. "It won't ruin you. Sometimes it might feel like it will and sometimes you'll feel all alone. But you are not in this by yourself and it does get better. Trust me, at the point of my parents' divorce the only person I could talk to was Chuck and let's face it at that point he wasn't great with feelings."

Nate's head snapped up. "You could have talked to me!" He exclaimed strangely offended.

Blair practically scoffed. "Not to make light of this Nate but you had your head so far into Serena-ville at that point that I was barely a blip on your radar. And Serena herself had disappeared to Connecticut, leaving me with Chuck. So trust me I know how you feel."

"God Blair I'm so sorry." Nate said as he ran a hand through his hair. "I never realized what kind of pain you were in. I was basically the worst boyfriend ever wasn't I?"

Blair laughed slightly surprised at the turn that their conversation had taken. "You weren't always that bad. There was a time before Serena Fever consumed you that you were actually quite a good boyfriend. You were the perfect gentleman and so attentive until about six months before the Shepard Wedding."

Nate nodded, knowing exactly the time she was talking about. Blair had been away for the summer on a tour of Europe with her parents, Chuck was with his father on a business trip in Hong Kong, and Serena and Nate had been left to their own devices in the Hamptons. "I'm sorry. I really am." He said remembering what Blair had said about blaming herself about thinking she wasn't good enough. "None of it was your fault."

"It's in the past." She said with a slight shrug. "And what matters is that we're all okay." She saw a strange expression on Nate's face and moved closer, placing a hand on the side of his face. "I promise you Nate, you aren't in this alone and you are going to be okay. Nothing's ever going to be the same and it's going to be hard and ugly and some days you'll just want to scream but it's going to be okay. And one day, maybe sooner than you think you'll find the girl you are really meant to be with."

Nate felt a tightness in his throat that told him tears were just below the surface. At the same time he felt a twisting wrenching of his gut. Blair was here for him in a way no one had been able to be here for him and what was he doing? He was tricking her, manipulating her all over again. "You should go home." He said quietly.

Blair smiled briefly. "I don't mind staying."

Nate furrowed his brows and pursed his lips, letting go of her hand for the first time. "I mean it Blair you should go." He spoke as he stood; maybe if he got her out of there soon enough it wouldn't be too late. His plan wouldn't work if there was no picture and if Blair could get out of there before everything was in place then there wouldn't be a picture.

Blair stood, thrown by abrupt Nate's change in attitude. "What's going on?"

Nate took her hand and tugged it towards the stairs leading her down and into the main entry area, going so far as to open the door before he paid attention to her repeated questioning. "Just trust me Blair you have to get out of here."

She still didn't know what was going on but she did as Nate asked, stepping outside of his house. Turning and looking back at him she could see that he was nervous and was instantly concerned. "It's going to work out Nate. You are going to be okay."

Nate nodded, her words soothing him even as he tried to get her out of there before something happened. "Thank you Blair, for everything."

And that's when everything went down the drain as Blair reached up and pulled him into a hug; holding him for far too long for it to be just friends. Of course she was just comforting him but that's not what it would look like on film.

"Anytime Archibald." She said with a smile and one last hug, noticing the strange look on Nate's face and chalking it up to him trying to hide his emotions. "I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Nate nodded. "Yeah, see ya." He spoke softly, looking around to see if he'd failed or succeeded in ruining his own plan; when he saw her with the camera he blanked and immediately withdrew his phone.

Dialing her number he waited impatiently for her to answer as he watched Blair disappear down the street. He watched as his accomplice finally answered her phone. "Delete it." He snapped automatically.

She laughed. "You have to be kidding me, this is complete gold. I almost couldn't believe you managed to pull it off, though she wasn't there very long was she - I just managed to get here."

"I said delete it." Nate repeated, filling his voice with as much menace as he could muster, which was surprisingly quite a bit for someone who was supposed to be such a nice guy.

She scrunched up her nose. "I don't think so Nate. Just wait until you see the video it's from just the right angle, the second time she hugged you looks like she was kissing you, it's perfection."

Nate's fist clenched at his side. "I swear if you don't delete it I'll . . . I'll"

"You'll what Nate? You're not Chuck, you can't destroy me."

Nate practically growled into the phone. "For the last time, delete it."

He could see her smirk from where she stood leaning against someone else's stoop. He watched as she snapped her phone shut and shook her head mouthing 'No Way.' He wanted to stop her, wanted to run over there and smash her phone but there wasn't time, she'd already sent the video to Gossip Girl.

"Shit." Nate muttered under his breath. What the hell had he done and how the hell was he going to fix it? It wasn't ten seconds later that his phone beeped in streaming video.

**Gossip Girl here and have I got a nasty little scoop for you. B was spotted leaving N's house and as you can see from the video they were quite a bit more than friendly with a goodbye hug and a nice long kiss. Sources say she was inside for quite a while. Hmm B what are you doing spending so much time with your ex - I wonder how your current beau feels about this? Sorry to break the news C, it seems your new girlfriend is quite the little cheater, but you already knew that didn't you. **

**you know you love me**

**xoxo  
Gossip Girl  
**

Chuck felt his entire body convulse as he watched the video. It felt as though someone had grabbed his heart and ripped it from his chest - not just someone, Blair. He reached for the bottle of scotch on the bar, glad to find it had been replenished after his bender two weeks before.

He knew that Nate wanted her, he'd heard it from Nate's own mouth. But he'd thought their relationship was secure, he thought they could withstand Nate's pathetic attempts at winning her back. Nate couldn't match their fire and passion, Blair had picked. She had left Nate and chosen him, this didn't make any sense. The fight this morning had been bad but it hadn't been bad enough to send her back to Nate so quickly.

Unless it had merely been a passing phase for Blair. She was the only girl he'd ever loved but she was never really going to choose him, it was always going to be Nate. It didn't matter that he knew her better, that he loved her better, that he wanted her more, he wasn't part of her perfect future, he wasn't part of the plan.

He was so stupid to think she'd actually given up on her fairytale with Nate, so stupid to think she'd really chosen him. He was nothing more than a blip on her radar, the story she'd one day tell about the big mistake she made almost giving up on her perfect life. He could hear her laughing now as he relayed the story of their relationship to her society girlfriends at her baby shower.

Chuck just couldn't believe that he had fallen for it again. Blair had just needed a few more weeks to get her rocks off before running back to perfect Nate. His entire body felt as though the weight of this realization was crashing down on him. She would never be his; she would never love him like he loved her.

Raging he slung his arm into the tumbler set sitting on the bar; laughing darkly as it seemed that in his time with Blair he'd broken more glass than he'd broken in the rest of his life combined. He'd become someone different for her; he'd allowed her to change him. He'd let her make him think of himself differently.

He'd never wanted anything like he'd wanted Blair. Never protected something or held it close. He'd never given up anything for anyone like he given up things for her. But no more. He was done, the charade was over and Chuck Bass was back.

* * *

Okay everyone, take a deep breath and remember there's one more chapter to go for things to get fixed. I'm not leaving Chuck and Blair like this I promise.

**On that note Reviews are very much appreciated! If we get to 20 reviews before next Monday I'll post another chapter.  
**

xoxo - kate


	22. What I Can Do

**This wasn't supposed to be posted for another couple of days but a bit of begging from one of my readers changed my mind. This is it the final chapter. I brought the title through a bit as I'd always intended to – It's a bit of a game to notice but I tried to make them clearer. Seriously thank all of you for sticking it out this long. I appreciate it!**

**To my reviewers: **Stella296, Lori2279, LitPrincess2787, annablake, CarolinaGirl21, Krazy4Spike, Butterflies In My Stomach, AquarianAir, GGfanficfan09, LovelyLydia, youdontjustgiveup, Del, SoutherBelle88, and Sw33tHeart21. **Sorry I didn't get around to responding to each of your reviews. I've been busy this week but I just wanted you to know that I've really appreciated every single one throughout this entire fanfic. You guys are so fantastic and make writing more fun!**

To my Beta **ggff-fan. **Without you this fanfic never would have happened so a huge thank you goes to you as well!

* * *

**Chapter 22  
What I Can Do**

Blair was relaxing on her bed wondering why Chuck hadn't called to confirm dinner plans. She knew that the fight had been their worst to date but he was the one who'd said they'd talk at dinner. Right now, after her conversation with Nate she couldn't help but feel grateful that she had Chuck, with what Nate was going through it made everything else seem silly.

It was as she wondered for probably the tenth time why Chuck hadn't called that she remembered that her phone had died earlier that afternoon. She sighed in relief as she withdrew it from her purse switiching it on as she plugged it into her charger. Her heart stopped as Gossip Girl's video streamed.

She had to resist throwing her phone against the wall when she saw the blast. She was immediately consumed by a desperate need to get to Chuck and explain what had happened. She hadn't even told him she was going to see Nate because she'd still been mad about their earlier argument. Rushing from her room she practically ran down the stairs and to the elevator, she had so many places to look and so little time - the longer she waited to find him the worse the damage was going to be.

It was almost half an hour later when she was standing in his suite at the Palace, feeling sicker by the minute. He wasn't there and it was clear that he had been and he hadn't been happy. There was what appeared to be a shattered set of tumblers littering the floor.

As she stood there observing the apartment she'd begun to think of as their place, she ran a finger over the pin attached to her sweater. He'd only given it back to her yesterday and already she'd broken the promise it carried - she hadn't protected his heart.

Shutting the door she walked down the hallway unsure of where she was headed until she was walking up the stairs. Within minutes she was knocking on the door to Serena's apartment, relieved when she answered.

Blair sighed tears pricking the backs of her eyes. "Have you seen Chuck? I need to find him."

Serena's eyebrows rose as she took in Blair's frantic appearance. "What's going on B? Why were you at Nate's and what are you doing here?"

Blair tilted her head back as though she were trying to hold back the tears. "Nate called me and said he needed to talk and I couldn't say no S. He's going through so much and as I was leaving I hugged him."

"That's not what the video looked like." Serena said as she gestured for Blair to come in.

Blair practically shouted as she shook her head. "I know that's not what it looked like S but that's what it was. Chuck broke a bunch of glass in his apartment and I'm scared as to where he might have gone."

Serena shook her head a little. "I haven't heard from him, maybe he just needs some time."

Exhaling exasperated. "You don't understand Serena, the longer he goes without knowing the truth the worse this is going to get. I don't know what he might do."

"I'm sorry B, I'll let you know if I hear from him." Serena said but Blair barely seemed to hear her as she had already started walking away.

Blair knew where she had to go next. There was only one person who might be able to help her find Chuck, one person who might understand. And that person was living at the Waldorf-Astoria for the time being. It wasn't that long of a walk but a cab would be faster and with time being the major factor here, a cab was more than reasonable.

It was as she was riding in the cab that Blair realized yet another person who might have seen Chuck this afternoon. Snapping open her phone she was relieved that it charged quickly and wasn't completely dead after only being plugged in for the ten minutes she'd let it charge. Texting Nate, her fingers seemed to fly across the keyboard.

**hav u seen chuck?**

As she waited Blair decided that after this she would try calling Chuck. Even though that was less than ideal and he might not answer she could leave a message, for that matter she could text him too. He may not pick up is she rang but he couldn't avoid reading a message. Then when she found him she'd make him listen. As her phone buzzed she looked down to see Nate's response, not sure what she was looking for.

**surprisingly no. i'm sorry this happened**

Blair almost didn't respond, Nate wasn't her concern right now but she needed to make sure of one thing.

**text me if u do. **

With that she began to call Chuck, something she would continue to do all the way to Madison's hotel room and as she predicted she would have no success.

* * *

"What were you thinking?" Madison snapped into her phone. Her hands were shaking with anger as she clutched the phone more tightly by the second. She'd been trying this number for the past three hours and this was the first time she'd gotten an answer

_"I was thinking that this would help you out."_

Madison sighed in frustration. "By what? Posting trash?"

_"So I'm wrong in thinking that you're still in love with Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf was the only one standing in your way?" _

Madison felt like she was going to vomit. This was all her fault, Gossip Girl had posted that video because of her. "Yes you're wrong. Blair is my friend."

The voice on the other line scoffed. _"Your friend? What happened to the Madison I know? The Madison that I was prepping to take over for me when I graduated."_

"That girl doesn't exist anymore. I'd never want to be you, I'd never want to be responsible for ruining people's lives. You and I both know that Nate and Blair aren't kissing in that video but because you insinuated they were that's what everyone's going to think. Now stay out of my business" Madison spat coldly, knowing that she was walking a dangerous line. No matter how mad she might be, pissing off Gossip Girl could make things ten times worse.

_"Don't you get it Maddie, you're part of my business now. Now that you're involved in all of the UES scandal, you're vulnerable." _

Madison's next words were practically hissed into the phone. "Don't you dare threaten me cousin."

_"Wouldn't dream of it." _

Madison gritted her teeth at the realization that her cousin had hung up on her. She was about to call her back or maybe even pay her a visit when she heard knocking on her door. Her first thought was that it might be Blair looking for help finding Chuck but a sick feeling in her gut told her otherwise.

"Chuck what are you doing here?" She asked, her voice tired and more than a little frustrated after her conversation with her cousin. This was the last place Chuck needed to be at that moment because right now she was vulnerable and he was vulnerable and anything that might happen would be very wrong.

Chuck swallowed, his throat raw from the scotch he'd practically inhaled after reading the Gossip Girl blast. "I'm here because you're the only one who understands me."

Madison shook her head. "That's not true and you know it. Blair understands you." She said taking a step backwards into her room.

Chuck matched her step, not bothering to shut the door as he advanced. "Blair's a cheater. You're the one that really cares."

"You're drunk Chuck." Madison said, placing a hand on his chest to halt his progress. Amazed at how drunk he really was. She'd never seen him like this, not once. "You don't want me, you never have. It's always been Blair."

At this point Chuck had drawn himself so close that he was pressing her against the back of the sofa. "I wanted you once, I could want you again." This time he didn't wait for anymore words before grabbing behind her head and slamming Madison's mouth into his. All he wanted was to forget how much Blair didn't want him and with Madison he could do that.

At first Madison was too stunned to struggle. She knew he was drunk but this was unexpected. Then her hormones began to fire up as he touched her in just the right ways and for a moment she even kissed him back before she remembered why kissing Chuck was bad; why she couldn't be doing this.

Pressing both of her hands against his chest she pushed him backwards. As she did she revealed the one person she wanted least to see in that moment standing in the doorway arms crossed across her chest.

"Blair, this isn't what it looks like." Madison started immediately.

Chuck's head snapped around to see Blair standing there and all he wanted to do was smirk after all, this was perfect payback wasn't it. But what he wanted to do and what he seemed able to do were two totally different things as his face seemed to fall.

Blair rolled her eyes. "It's a wonder I'm even surprised. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." She added with a shrug.

Chuck's eyes narrowed. "Like it's anything different from what you just did."

Blair didn't hesitate to snap right back. "You really never learn Chuck do you or does this not feel familiar? It's Cotillion all over again only this time you're actually supposed to trust me because we are actually together. Once more you've gone off something on Gossip Girl instead of just asking me about it."

Chuck's nostrils flared wide at her accusations - she'd say anything to take the blame off herself. "Right because you don't usually go running back to Nate the second things get hard."

Blair just shook her head unable to say anything more. Either he believed her or he didn't and clearly Chuck had made his choice. Though when she looked away from Chuck and her eyes found Madison she was filled with a rush of anger she hadn't quite been expecting and she didn't quite know how to deal with it so she let it out in the only way she knew.

"And you really are a manipulative psycho bitch." Blair shouted directly at Madison. "God I can't believe I fell for it all over again. I actually let you in, told you things that I hadn't told anyone. I thought we were friends."

Madison shook her head imploringly. "We are Blair, just let me explain."

Blair shook her head as well but it was in dismissal. "No I think I've heard quite enough lies from your mouth to last me a lifetime, I don't particularly care to hear more. I'm sure this all played out just perfectly for you. It's fine, you win, I'm done." And with those words Blair walked straight out of the hotel room and didn't look back.

As soon as Blair walked away Madison felt, rather than saw, Chuck collapse next to her. Turning to face him she spoke only a few very serious words. "We'll fix it. Whatever it takes, we'll fix it."

Looking up at Madison, Chuck's eyes were pleading because in that moment when Blair had walked away he'd seen all the hurt in the world on her face and realized that what she said hadn't been wrong - once again he'd acted without even asking for her side. "I can't lose her Madison. I'm in love with her."

With those words Madison smiled a determination she hadn't felt in a long time filling her. "In that case, I think I know just the thing."

* * *

Blair was sitting at Gilt, the bar at the Palace Hotel, when she saw Nate walk in through the mirror behind the bar. She knew this wasn't exactly the best place to hide but maybe, just maybe she wanted to be found. She didn't say a word as Nate took a seat next to her; all she did was take another sip of her drink.

Nate motioned for the bartender. "I'll take a Jack and Coke and give her another of whatever she's drinking."

It wasn't until after the bartender brought her the next Martini that Blair acknowledged Nate. "I just can't help screwing things up can I?"

Nate shook his head. "I'm so sorry this happened." He spoke with a low voice, uncharacteristic of himself.

Blair shrugged as she took another long drag of her drink. "For what? It's not like you did this. It's my own fault for not telling Chuck I was going to see you."

"No it's not." Nate replied quietly. "It's my fault."

Blair rolled her eyes, still not really looking at Nate, rather at his reflection. "You can't blame yourself for my stupidity Nate, I chose to be at your house today and I chose not to tell Chuck, which means I have to deal with the fallout. The only other person maybe at fault would be Madison but yet again, that has nothing to do with you."

Nate shook his head. "Madison didn't have anything to do with it Blair. I did this. I invited you over and had Jenny staked out ready to take your photo as you left."

Blair's eyebrows went up as she laughed darkly. "So Nate Archibald finally has a plan that works out."

Nate ran a hand over his head. "I tried to stop it I did. I realized what I'd done and tried to get you to leave before she got there; then you hugged me on the steps. Afterwards I called her and tried to get her to delete it but she wouldn't."

"It all sure worked out well for Madison then." Sighing Blair simply took another sip of her drink. "Maybe it's better this way. Better that I know now rather than later that Chuck's never going to trust me and Madison will never be my friend." But even as she said it, one thought predominated all the others in her mind, it seemed to repeat itself over and over._**I can't **__lose him._

Nate furrowed his brow as he spun on his stool to face Blair head on. "I'm still not getting what Madison has to do with this."

Blair was clinical as she opened her phone to the most recent gossip girl blast and passed it to Nate.

Nate's eyes shot open as he took in the photo of what appeared to be Chuck and Madison locked in a steamy kiss. "I'm sorry you found out like this." He spoke as he slid the phone back to Blair.

Blair smirked darkly. "Don't be, because I didn't. I took the photo, I sent it to Gossip Girl."

"You walked in on them." Nate finished, surprised at the pain he felt for Blair.

Nodding Blair twisted the ruby ring she wore around her finger like she always did when she was emotional - whatever that emotion might be; today it was pain. "I wanted a permanent reminder of why not to go back to him and I figured my own public humiliation was the only way to leave a scar."

Nate shook his head sadly. Partially because of the pain that Blair must be feeling to put herself through that and partially because he'd finally realized himself that she never felt that kind of pain for him. "It really was always supposed to be Chuck wasn't it." He spoke, his voice still low.

"I think so." Blair replied honestly as she looked Nate directly in the eye.

As she spoke he realized the real damage he'd done over the past few months, he just couldn't let her go, he had to have her back. He spoke his next words with conviction. "**You can't** give up on him."

Blair shrugged her shoulders slightly, tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes. "I don't think that's up to me."

Remembering something she'd meant to do earlier this afternoon, Blair reached into her purse and withdrew the small pin she still had. "Look, I've been meaning to give this back to you for a while and I think now is probably the right time." She spoke, holding out her hand.

Nate looked down at his pin resting in her palm and shook his head. "You don't have to give it back."

Blair nodded, an almost wistful expression on her face. "Yes I do."

Nate nodded as well. "So I guess we saw things through after all didn't we?"

"I'm always going to be your friend Nate." Blair spoke placing her hand on his briefly as she passed him the pin. "But I think that's all now."

Once more Nate found himself nodding as he got up to leave remembering Blair's words from the car ride they took the day she broke up with him; she'd figured things out so much sooner than he had. "It was never about Chuck being the right guy, or even about me being the wrong one, we just weren't right together anymore."

Smiling sadly, Blair exhaled. "My thoughts precisely Archibald."

As Nate began to walk out of the bar he almost laughed at the pair walking in. One of two things was about to happen: either they were heading upstairs to Chuck's suite which would be idiotic since they'd clearly had Madison's to themselves or they were looking for Blair.

Walking into the bar at the Palace Chuck spotted her immediately and Nate only afterwards. Sure he'd deal with Nate first but that wasn't his objective, Blair was. _**He can't**__ lose her, not now not after everything. _

Meeting them halfway to the door Nate looked between the two of them warily. There was still a damn good chance that Chuck might hit him. "So . . . What are you guys doing here?"

"We're here to see Blair." Madison said, her voice quieter than usual. "Well really Chuck is here to see Blair, I was just helping him look for her."

Chuck crossed his arms and noticed with surprise that Nate jumped at his movement. "I'm not going to hit you Nate." He spoke, his voice low.

Nate shrugged as though he were trying to brush it off but couldn't hold the façade. "All things considered I wouldn't be surprised."

Chuck smirked. "I know you didn't kiss her and that's what matters."

Nate nodded. "Take care of our girl okay?"

Chuck nodded. "You have my word Nate."

After speaking Chuck began to walk towards Blair but Nate called out to him. "And seriously man, call me Nathaniel."

Nate's words earned a smile from both boys. While they may not be back yet to where they once were, they both knew that one day it would happen. Madison reached over and wrapped her arm through Nate's. "Come on Mr. Archibald."

Nate nodded smiling. "Yeah I think Romeo and Juliet over there need some time to talk." He spoke as he allowed Madison to lead him out. "You think they're going to be okay." It was more a statement than a question.

Madison nodded, "Yeah, she worked too hard to get him to let one of your plans keep her from it."

As Nate nodded laughing, Madison looked up at him flirtatiously, noticing for the first time that his blue green eyes were flecked with gold. "You know what? I might just let you buy me a drink."

Surprising even himself, Nate's smile brightened. "I think I'm okay with that."

"You think?" Madison asked eyebrows raised.

Nate laughed and reached forwards, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. "Yeah I do."

As Nate brushed a piece of hair off her face all she could think was that she could do this. She felt a glimmer of something that she hadn't felt in so long, the something that she'd always said she couldn't, no she wouldn't let herself feel. And just like that, the girl who caused everyone to say "don't bother **she won't** fall for you she only cares about herself" felt a serious rush of emotions for one Nate Archibald.

Chuck watched Nate and Madison leave the bar with a shake of his head; who knew what those two were about to get into. But for now that was not his business. His only concern right now was Blair and he was acutely aware that he had a lot of apologizing to do.

Blair stayed quiet as Chuck took the seat Nate had recently vacated. She watched through the mirror as he signaled the bartender to get her another drink but she waved him off. "I'm good." She didn't need to be any drunker tonight and if she had many more she'd be sloppy. "So you found me." She spoke when Chuck remained silent.

"You didn't make it very difficult." He replied, facing Blair directly.

Blair shrugged and turned her head to look at him without rotating her body. "It's not like I could hide from you if you were trying to find me so I figured I might as well make things easy."

Chuck smirked at the truth of her words; he would follow her anywhere he had to. "I'm sorry."

Blair shook her head. "That's not enough and you know it."

Chuck nodded. "Don't let me ruin this Blair. I should have trusted you."

"Yes you should have." Blair spoke plainly, unimpressed. He'd arrived with Madison and with the miracle she'd managed coaching Nate on how to get her back, this display of Chuck's was thoroughly underwhelming.

Chuck shrugged. "I'm an idiot; I know I'm an idiot." Blair was already looking away again when Chuck caught her chin. "But I'm an idiot who's in love with you."

Blair's mouth fell open and for a minute she couldn't say anything, couldn't do anything but look at him. Her heart flew to her throat preventing any words from coming out as her eyes gazed directly into his, searching them for the truth.

Chuck smiled slightly, his heart beating loudly in his chest as he held her gaze. "And I can't promise you perfection, I can't promise that we won't fight, and I can't promise that we won't make mistakes. But what I can do is promise is that you're perfect for me, that I'll fight every day to keep you, and that when we make mistakes we will have the best damn make up sex in the world. I love you Blair and I know that that doesn't make up for what I've done and I understand if you need more ti-"

Chuck didn't get to finish his sentence as Blair had grabbed onto his lapels and pulled his mouth against hers with surprising strength. As she did she felt a passion surge through her like summer lightning and she could sense the answering passion in him. She kissed him deeply and without thought of what had happened that day or what would happen because regardless of what he had just said about love not making up for things, love made everything simple.

Chuck pulled her closer, deepening the kiss, feeling the wildfire attraction he always felt for her rush through his veins. Every nerve ending in his body was electrified with the passion he was feeling for her as her tongue slipped into his mouth. His hands were everywhere all at once, in her hair, along her body. He pulled her so close he lifted her onto his lap.

Blair pulled back slightly barely noticing the stares from the rest of the bars patrons. "Chuck, Chuck." She whispered between breathes to bring his attention to her face and slow his kisses. She placed her hands on either side of his face, bringing his eyes to connect with hers. "I love you too."

Blair wasn't ready for the response she received. She expected him to kiss her, to rip her clothes off in public, maybe even run away with fear. What she did not expect was the look of elation in his eyes which were sparkling with what looked to be tears. At his reaction Blair felt tears spring to her own eyes because to them they weren't just words, they were so much more. Chuck had never loved someone before her and while Nate would always be her first love, Blair knew that Chuck was the one.

Chuck couldn't control his happiness as they sat there, her still on his lap with her eyes boring into his. He could feel tears burning at the edge of his vision and though they didn't fall he knew she saw them too. She knew how important she was to him, she knew how important those words were; even more so after he'd been the first to say them. After a few minutes he spoke, bending his head down into her neck, the relief evident in his voice. "You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that."

Blair shifted upwards, knowing what she was doing as she moved her body against his. But even through the passion induced haze she connected with his eyes again. "Yes, I do." She spoke as a feeling of complete relief washed through her again. Relief that she hadn't given up everything for a man incapable of loving her back because damn it she was lost in her love for him. Yes she knew exactly what he was feeling.

Chuck brought his lips to the corner of her mouth and said softly. "Upstairs. Now."

Blair nodded and it wasn't five minutes later that they had resumed their activities in a much more private setting. "Watch the glass." She murmured into his lips as she herself stepped backwards over the broken glasses littering the ground.

Chuck smirked against her mouth that he'd known that as they began to furiously unclothe one another. Reaching the bed their lips finally met once more and Blair felt the summer lightning from before flicker all through her body, charging it, making her heart pound and her breath catch.

As Chuck tossed Blair onto the bed, climbing on top of her and running his hand up her thigh he paused for just one more minute because there was something important, something he'd forgotten to mention. "Madison had nothing to do with the blast."

Blair's eyebrows rose as she lay beneath Chuck in nothing but her La Perla's. "You're thinking of Madison at a time like this."

Chuck's brow furrowed as he half glared at her. "I'm serious. I just don't want you taking this all out on her."

Blair smiled slightly continuing to rub herself against him even in the midst of their conversation. "I know she didn't do it."

Chuck nodded and continued. "It's true she's actually the one who made me see reason . . ." He started before he realized what Blair had said. "Wait you knew?"

Blair smirked and rolled her eyes as she divested his shirt of its buttons. "Yes, Nate informed me that it was Jenny Humphrey who took the video, as for her helping you see the truth I suspected as much when you walked into the bar together."

Chuck's nostril's flared. "Little Jenny Humphrey? Didn't think she had it in her." He said with disgust.

Blair shook her head. "Neither did I until recently. It appears she might be a worthy adversary."

Chuck smirked. "One we'll crush when the time is right."

Blair returned his smirk as she ran a hand lightly down his chest to finger his belt. "Yes, we will."

Chuck felt himself begin to lose control of his restrained passion once more but he had one more point he wanted to mention with Blair before things became too heated and he forgot. "As for adversary's, it appears that Nate might be Madison's next conquest."

Blair smiled lightly. "I don't know about that."

Chuck snorted reaching forwards with one hand to graze her face. "You should have seen her at the bar, she's definitely targeted him."

Blair's smile turned into a knowing smirk as Chuck traced the line of her jaw. "Oh I know, I'm just thinking that our darling Madison might finally be ready for an actually relationship."

At first Chuck's eyebrows rose surprised but the more the thought about it, the more he thought Blair had a point. "Touché." He said throatily.

Blair smiled once more as she lifted her head slightly, bringing her lips closer to his own. "Now enough about everyone else I want to talk about us, or rather not talk."

Chuck smirked as he brought his lips to hers one more time starting gently before allowing it to escalate rapidly to something much less gentle. Pulling back one last time before he lost himself in passion Chuck spoke his voice a low rumble. "Not to violate your no talking rule but I can't stop thinking it so I wanted to say it one more time. I love you Blair Waldorf."

"And I love you Chuck Bass." Blair smiled as she kissed him deeply before pulling back only slightly. "And for the record you can say it as often as you like."

Hungrily grabbing her lips with his own Chuck made little work of the rest of Blair's lingerie and she of his pants all the while whispering 'I love you's." When they had finished and Blair was laying against his chest asleep, her soft curls running through his fingers, Chuck couldn't help but sigh contentedly because for the first time in his life he felt as though everything was just how it should be and he was happy.

**Gossip Girl here for one last post of the night. It appears that the day is done and all wrongs have been righted as our Dark Prince swept our Queen B off her feet once more. But while this fairy tale comes to a close one more might be beginning as a Princess in training, M, appears to have snagged our former King N. So as the UES falls asleep, I warn one Little J that while Brooklyn may be outside Royalty's realm it is not outside of their reach, may your dreams be merry because I believe your reality is about to become a nightmare; that is if C, B, M and N have anything to say about it. Sweet dreams and happy plotting. **

**you know you love me**

**xoxo  
Gossip Girl **

* * *

**So there it is. Completed! Let me know how you felt about it and if you want an epilogue. I haven't written one yet and I do like this ending as it is but if there's actual interest in an epilogue I'm sure I could think of something. Either way, it's been a great run – I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. **

**Reviews are appreciated, adored, and loved!**

**xoxo - kate**


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